Stardust Memories 1980. .

1
00:04:59,247 --> 00:05:03,375
Well, I thought it was
terrible. Absolutely terrible.

2
00:05:03,459 --> 00:05:05,368
- I don't recall seeing anything this bad.
- Youre not kidding.

3
00:05:05,461 --> 00:05:07,252
This man is sick. I mean, what is this thing?

4
00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:08,962
I thought this was supposed to be a comedy.

5
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:11,004
That was the most horrifying
thing I've ever seen!

6
00:05:11,091 --> 00:05:13,214
- Seagulls. Dead cars.
- Just horrible. This is a disgrace.

7
00:05:13,301 --> 00:05:14,760
- He has no balance left.
- I just don't get it.

8
00:05:14,844 --> 00:05:17,761
- Listen, I think the guys losing his mind.
- Somebody, please cut that projector.

9
00:05:17,847 --> 00:05:19,839
- Something wrong with him.
- He's out of balance.

10
00:05:21,767 --> 00:05:23,178
He's not funny anymore.

11
00:05:23,268 --> 00:05:25,261
$12 million for that garbage? What self
- indulgence!

12
00:05:25,354 --> 00:05:27,595
- Okay, let's not panic.
- I think the man's lost his mind.

13
00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:30,855
We can take the film away from him,
we can reshoot it, we can recut it.

14
00:05:30,942 --> 00:05:32,270
Maybe we can salvage something.

15
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,526
He's pretentious. His
filming style is too fancy.

16
00:05:35,613 --> 00:05:38,483
His insights are shallow and morbid.

17
00:05:38,574 --> 00:05:40,068
I've seen it all before.

18
00:05:40,158 --> 00:05:44,108
They try to document their private
suffering and fob it off as art.

19
00:05:44,204 --> 00:05:45,995
What does he have to suffer about?

20
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,574
Doesn't the man know he's
got the greatest gift

21
00:05:47,665 --> 00:05:49,492
that anyone can have, the gift of laughter?

22
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,630
No, I don't think I'm gonna make it.

23
00:05:56,715 --> 00:06:00,083
Were sitting here in what looks like
a truck route or something, you know.

24
00:06:00,176 --> 00:06:03,093
I don't know what the hell's
going on. Hold on one second.

25
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:04,839
George, that guys parked, you know?

26
00:06:04,930 --> 00:06:07,172
You can just drive around
him. You don't have to...

27
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:09,009
You know, it's crazy. The town is jammed.

28
00:06:09,101 --> 00:06:12,765
I don't know. Is the Pope in town,
or some other show-business figure?

29
00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:15,269
Oh, my God. Do you know what I forgot?

30
00:06:15,356 --> 00:06:19,436
<i>I forgot to cancel your lunch with
the editor of Newsweek. My fault.</i>

31
00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:23,773
And, you know, you were supposed to tell
me about the public television thing.

32
00:06:23,864 --> 00:06:25,192
You know, I remembered that.

33
00:06:25,282 --> 00:06:28,152
And you were supposed to send the
limousine to the airport for my parents.

34
00:06:28,284 --> 00:06:29,447
I know, sweetheart.

35
00:06:29,536 --> 00:06:33,236
It's just that the cast came off my
finger, so I was at the doctor yesterday.

36
00:06:33,331 --> 00:06:36,331
Look, that one's my fault. Listen,
I made a couple of changes.

37
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:38,456
You have the analyst at 2:00 instead of 3:00,

38
00:06:38,544 --> 00:06:40,619
I moved your tennis lesson up an hour,

39
00:06:40,712 --> 00:06:42,539
the chiropodist is at 4:00,

40
00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:46,462
and we moved the hair treatment to Friday.

41
00:06:46,551 --> 00:06:51,129
I'm sorry, Wednesday. No, Thursday.
Thursday at 2:00 is the hair treatment.

42
00:06:51,388 --> 00:06:53,961
Can I please get your signature
on this oil shelter thing?

43
00:06:54,057 --> 00:06:56,180
- Oil? You told me cattle.
- The cattle died.

44
00:06:56,268 --> 00:06:58,059
- Did Isobel call?
- Has anybody given any thought

45
00:06:58,144 --> 00:06:59,935
<i>to Time magazine? Cause I
said Id get back to them.</i>

46
00:07:00,021 --> 00:07:02,060
Your cousin called. He
needs to borrow more money.

47
00:07:02,148 --> 00:07:03,262
Jeez!

48
00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:06,026
<i>Don't bug him about the Time cover.
He can do it after the weekend.</i>

49
00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:10,107
I don't want to go away this weekend.
Who needs a festival of my old films?

50
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,525
- Sign here, please.
- It's ridiculous.

51
00:07:11,615 --> 00:07:12,943
And don't worry about that income tax thing.

52
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,906
I'll be with you when you go
to see the Treasury agents.

53
00:07:14,993 --> 00:07:17,364
Treasury agents? Since
when is it that serious?

54
00:07:17,453 --> 00:07:19,576
Look, Sandy, this is two lousy days.

55
00:07:19,663 --> 00:07:22,664
You drive up there, they honor
you, they show your films,

56
00:07:22,749 --> 00:07:25,916
they ask you a couple of stupid
questions, and you go home.

57
00:07:26,002 --> 00:07:27,413
I don't wanna be honored. It's a hype!

58
00:07:27,504 --> 00:07:29,994
Don't be ungrateful. She's
an important film critic.

59
00:07:30,089 --> 00:07:32,710
You promised. They sold a lot
of tickets. You can't back out.

60
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,089
You might enjoy it. The nice clean sea air.

61
00:07:35,177 --> 00:07:37,086
Sandy, we've gotta talk about the new picture.

62
00:07:37,179 --> 00:07:38,210
What do you want me to say?

63
00:07:38,305 --> 00:07:40,013
I don't wanna make funny movies anymore.

64
00:07:40,098 --> 00:07:41,676
They can't force me to.

65
00:07:41,766 --> 00:07:43,308
You know, I don't feel funny.

66
00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:46,512
I look around the world and
all I see is human suffering.

67
00:07:46,604 --> 00:07:49,142
Human suffering doesn't
sell tickets in Kansas City.

68
00:07:49,231 --> 00:07:50,690
They want laughs in Kansas City.

69
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,482
They've been working in
the wheat fields all day.

70
00:07:52,568 --> 00:07:55,853
Hey, fellas, I'm getting a headache.
Can I please get some privacy?

71
00:07:55,946 --> 00:07:59,112
Your problem is, you never
got over Nat Bernstein's death.

72
00:07:59,198 --> 00:08:00,657
Of course I never got over...

73
00:08:00,742 --> 00:08:03,695
The guy was 30 years old,
never sick a day in his life,

74
00:08:03,786 --> 00:08:07,451
and then suddenly, out of left
field, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

75
00:08:07,539 --> 00:08:08,914
It was horrible.

76
00:08:08,999 --> 00:08:12,617
He was laying there in the hospital,
his body degenerated like Lou Gehrig.

77
00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,169
You could use this
weekend at the seashore.

78
00:08:14,254 --> 00:08:15,796
You know something? You should take a month.

79
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:16,959
I don't... My mother used to...

80
00:08:17,048 --> 00:08:18,921
When I was a kid, my mother
took me to the seashore.

81
00:08:19,008 --> 00:08:21,415
Little old decaying hotels
and awnings, you know.

82
00:08:21,510 --> 00:08:22,541
These are Valium.

83
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,423
Great, just what I... Another
show business tranquilizer.

84
00:08:25,514 --> 00:08:29,677
<i>Hey, did anybody read on the front page
of the Times that matter is decaying?</i>

85
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:33,350
Am I the only one that saw that? The
universe is gradually breaking down.

86
00:08:33,437 --> 00:08:35,643
There's not gonna be anything left.

87
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:38,019
I'm not talking about my
stupid little films here.

88
00:08:38,108 --> 00:08:41,441
Eventually there's not gonna be
any Beethoven or Shakespeare or...

89
00:08:41,528 --> 00:08:43,604
Yeah, yeah. Go to the seashore.
Have a nice weekend.

90
00:08:43,696 --> 00:08:45,072
Great.

91
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:17,639
What are you thinking
about when you look out there?

92
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:21,346
Just, you know, all those people and...

93
00:09:23,065 --> 00:09:26,516
You know, how unhappy most of them are and...

94
00:09:26,693 --> 00:09:31,105
Those terrible things they do
to each other and, you know...

95
00:09:32,114 --> 00:09:35,150
Everything's over so quickly

96
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:41,196
and you don't have any idea of
was it worth it or not, you know.

97
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,120
Is there any way I can cheer you up?

98
00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:49,830
No, there's... What do you have in mind?

99
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,213
- You smell nice.
- Yeah?

100
00:09:52,299 --> 00:09:54,671
That aftershave, it just made
my whole childhood come back

101
00:09:54,759 --> 00:09:56,835
with a sudden Proustian rush.

102
00:09:56,928 --> 00:09:59,419
That's cause I'm wearing
Proustian Rush by Chanel.

103
00:09:59,514 --> 00:10:02,004
It's reduced, so I got a vat of it.

104
00:10:02,475 --> 00:10:05,179
Listen, why don't I just
run down and get some food,

105
00:10:05,269 --> 00:10:07,890
and we'll stay in tonight and Ill cook?

106
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,514
Well, the last time you cooked,
the kitchen looked like Hiroshima.

107
00:10:11,608 --> 00:10:13,565
Yeah, we had a good time.

108
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:19,897
<i>I could do my mother's recipe for
Filet de boeuf fourr Prigourdine.</i>

109
00:10:20,657 --> 00:10:23,231
I could do sweet potato rum casserole.

110
00:10:23,327 --> 00:10:25,034
Yeah? No beverage?

111
00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:35,289
I think they've been putting
something wonderful in your lithium.

112
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:37,537
I've stopped taking the lithium.

113
00:10:37,631 --> 00:10:40,300
Oh, Jesus, you're kidding!

114
00:10:40,383 --> 00:10:42,091
Dorrie, that's not a good idea.

115
00:10:42,177 --> 00:10:44,963
You know, you can't just
go on and off it like that.

116
00:10:45,054 --> 00:10:46,465
I don't think it does much good.

117
00:10:46,555 --> 00:10:49,177
You're wrong, cause I notice a difference.

118
00:10:49,266 --> 00:10:50,594
You know, you can't...

119
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,427
It's a pain to keep getting my blood checked.

120
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:55,140
- I'm sure it is.
- I feel heavy, and...

121
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:56,973
But, you know, it's better for you.

122
00:10:57,065 --> 00:11:00,398
You know, it's not a good
thing to just go... Really.

123
00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:09,698
You are the best kisser.

124
00:11:10,952 --> 00:11:13,158
That was my major in college.

125
00:11:20,377 --> 00:11:23,046
Mr. Bates! Mr. Bates, come here at once!

126
00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:26,000
- Please, Mr. Bates, the stoves on fire!
- What's the matter with you?

127
00:11:26,091 --> 00:11:28,581
- Put it out! Put it out!
- Will you stop being so hysterical?

128
00:11:28,676 --> 00:11:30,752
Every night it's a fire.

129
00:11:30,845 --> 00:11:32,469
You don't know how to work the stove yet?

130
00:11:32,555 --> 00:11:33,930
- I worked it perfectly.
- For God's sake.

131
00:11:34,014 --> 00:11:36,054
You do nothing but start fires here.

132
00:11:36,141 --> 00:11:37,683
- I did just what you...
- Here. Be careful.

133
00:11:39,102 --> 00:11:40,976
Jesus. It's a simple stove!

134
00:11:41,062 --> 00:11:43,019
And every night you set
the apartment on fire!

135
00:11:44,565 --> 00:11:47,649
- Maybe its defective.
- All right, relax. And no rabbit.

136
00:11:47,735 --> 00:11:49,526
How many times have I told you? No rabbit.

137
00:11:49,611 --> 00:11:51,687
I thought you only meant just that one time.

138
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:54,983
No. Never. Never! I never
want rabbit. I don't eat rodent.

139
00:11:55,075 --> 00:11:56,652
- I understand now.
- You understand that?

140
00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:58,118
It's fur bearing. Never rabbit.

141
00:11:58,202 --> 00:12:00,954
You never want rabbit. Now that's clear.

142
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:19,340
Everybody is just ecstatic
that you're here this weekend.

143
00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:21,007
The turnout is tremendous.

144
00:12:21,098 --> 00:12:24,051
And, you know, these film culture
weekends are just absolutely fantastic.

145
00:12:24,142 --> 00:12:25,802
They are getting so popular.

146
00:12:25,894 --> 00:12:28,135
Do you know you're gonna love
our screening facilities?

147
00:12:28,229 --> 00:12:31,230
When I had my Orson Welles weekend
here, you know what he told me?

148
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:35,775
He said that I had the best sound
and projection system he'd ever seen,

149
00:12:35,861 --> 00:12:38,186
bar none. Believe it or
not, he did. That's what he...

150
00:12:38,655 --> 00:12:41,905
This is Mr. Payson, our chairman,
and Mrs. Payson. They adore you.

151
00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:44,363
We love your work. My wife
has seen all your films.

152
00:12:44,452 --> 00:12:46,990
I especially like your early, funny ones.

153
00:12:47,079 --> 00:12:49,996
Dick Lobel. I'm with the
museum film department.

154
00:12:50,082 --> 00:12:52,489
We have a collection of
more than 20,000 prints.

155
00:12:52,584 --> 00:12:54,826
This is my friend Libby.
She thinks you're a genius.

156
00:12:54,919 --> 00:12:58,454
Libby just did a definitive
cinematic study of Gummo Marx.

157
00:12:58,548 --> 00:13:02,212
Interestingly, he's the one Marx
brother that never made any movies.

158
00:13:02,301 --> 00:13:04,175
Hello. A pleasure to have you here.

159
00:13:07,889 --> 00:13:10,462
You're the best. Your work's fantastic.

160
00:13:10,558 --> 00:13:12,218
Here. Read this.

161
00:13:13,895 --> 00:13:16,350
- I think you're absolutely magnificent.
- Youre really intense.

162
00:13:16,439 --> 00:13:17,683
We love you!

163
00:13:36,873 --> 00:13:38,202
Hello, Isobel?

164
00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:40,533
Isobel, I'm up here. Jeez, I'm going crazy.

165
00:13:40,627 --> 00:13:43,960
Do you think you can get
up here? Well, I miss you.

166
00:13:45,006 --> 00:13:47,710
In English. Speak to me in English.

167
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,050
Your English is perfect. Don't worry.

168
00:13:51,970 --> 00:13:54,259
What's the matter? You sound...

169
00:13:55,807 --> 00:13:58,891
You want me to call you
back? Can you not talk?

170
00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:01,467
All right, I'll call you back.

171
00:14:02,730 --> 00:14:04,354
<i>Three little words</i>

172
00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:10,144
<i>Oh, what I'd give for that wonderful phrase</i>

173
00:14:10,695 --> 00:14:14,479
<i>To hear those three little words</i>

174
00:14:15,366 --> 00:14:20,608
<i>That's all Id live for the rest of my days</i>

175
00:14:20,704 --> 00:14:27,453
<i>And what I feel in my
heart they tell sincerely</i>

176
00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:32,786
<i>No other words can tell it half so clearly</i>

177
00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:37,258
<i>Three little words Eight little letters</i>

178
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:43,547
<i>Which simply mean I love you</i>

179
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,557
What were you trying to say in this picture?

180
00:14:48,645 --> 00:14:50,270
I was just trying to be funny.

181
00:14:53,108 --> 00:14:55,396
Do you find it very hard to direct yourself?

182
00:14:56,152 --> 00:14:58,191
Hard? No. No, I just have
to resist the temptation

183
00:14:58,279 --> 00:15:00,900
to give myself too many extreme close-ups.

184
00:15:02,866 --> 00:15:05,073
Have you studied filmmaking in school?

185
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:08,659
No, no, I didn't study anything
in school. They studied me.

186
00:15:08,747 --> 00:15:11,119
I understand you studied
philosophy at school.

187
00:15:11,207 --> 00:15:13,615
No, that's not true. I did take...

188
00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:18,252
I took one course in existential
philosophy at New York University.

189
00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:23,842
And on the final, they gave me 10 questions.

190
00:15:23,927 --> 00:15:26,500
And I couldn't answer a
single one of them, you know.

191
00:15:26,596 --> 00:15:28,968
I left them all blank. I got 100.

192
00:15:33,727 --> 00:15:35,969
Oh, you are marvelous.
You are a genius and...

193
00:15:36,063 --> 00:15:37,936
Good questions. Didn't you think so?

194
00:15:38,023 --> 00:15:40,145
You handled them beautifully. You're a genius.

195
00:15:40,233 --> 00:15:42,937
One of the most intelligent
films I've seen in many years.

196
00:15:43,027 --> 00:15:45,103
- Can I get a photo, Mr. Bates?
- There he is.

197
00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:49,323
Hi! I just think you're great, and I
just wanted to give you this record.

198
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:53,026
I'm with the Tuberculosis Association.

199
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:56,073
- Were doing a benefit...
- There you are. There you are.

200
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,990
Mr. Bates! Mr. Bates, may I
have your autograph, please?

201
00:15:58,082 --> 00:15:59,660
If I could just have 10 minutes of your time,

202
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,209
I'd like to ask you a couple of questions.

203
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:02,538
- Sure.
- Thank you very much.

204
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,913
I'm doing this piece on the shallow
indifference of wealthy celebrities.

205
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:09,706
And I'd like to include you. I'd
like to include you in my piece.

206
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:11,259
I'm starving.

207
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,014
Sandy, there's a phone call for you.

208
00:16:23,104 --> 00:16:24,385
Let me show you where the phone is.

209
00:16:24,481 --> 00:16:25,725
I'm Dr. Paul Pearlman.

210
00:16:25,815 --> 00:16:28,484
I did a paper on you and your
films at a psychiatric convention.

211
00:16:28,568 --> 00:16:29,766
Oh, really?

212
00:16:29,860 --> 00:16:31,983
It was very well received,
You'll be happy to know.

213
00:16:32,071 --> 00:16:35,570
- I'm glad to hear that.
- For my own records, tell me,

214
00:16:35,657 --> 00:16:37,815
have you ever had intercourse
with any type of animal?

215
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:40,482
- With an animal? No, I never... Hello?
- Dr. Pearlman, please!

216
00:16:40,578 --> 00:16:42,321
- Yeah?
- Very good.

217
00:16:42,413 --> 00:16:46,031
- Thank you very much.
- Keep up the good work, and good luck.

218
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:48,532
- No, I don't think that's fair.
- Mr. Bates, can I have a picture of you?

219
00:16:48,627 --> 00:16:51,200
Over here, Mr. Bates. Thank you so
much. One picture. One more picture.

220
00:16:51,296 --> 00:16:52,874
No, I don't want him to touch the film.

221
00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:54,957
Tell him to come up here
tomorrow and we'll talk about it.

222
00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:56,923
They can't recut my film.

223
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,966
My name is Claire Schaeffer.

224
00:16:59,053 --> 00:17:03,513
I do work with the blind, and we
have a celebrity auction this month.

225
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:05,591
If you could donate something,
like an ashtray or...

226
00:17:05,684 --> 00:17:07,142
Sure. It would be no problem at all.

227
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:10,927
Somebody told me you wear a truss.
An old truss would just be wonderful.

228
00:17:11,022 --> 00:17:13,939
- No, I don't wear a truss.
- Thank you very much.

229
00:17:14,025 --> 00:17:16,100
We went to Israel, and they love you there.

230
00:17:16,193 --> 00:17:17,936
They're just crazy about you!

231
00:17:19,613 --> 00:17:21,273
- I'm Jack Abel.
- Hi, how are you?

232
00:17:21,364 --> 00:17:23,108
I teach screenwriting at Columbia.

233
00:17:23,199 --> 00:17:25,358
This is... It's unbelievable!

234
00:17:25,451 --> 00:17:28,701
If I could get you to come and lecture
to my students, you'd make me a hero.

235
00:17:28,788 --> 00:17:30,198
I'm not the type that lectures.

236
00:17:30,289 --> 00:17:31,997
For your enjoyment, with
my genuine affection.

237
00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:33,161
Thank you very much.

238
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,159
I really appreciate it.
It's exactly what I need.

239
00:17:35,252 --> 00:17:37,244
People are always telling
me how much we look alike.

240
00:17:37,337 --> 00:17:38,535
I can see that.

241
00:17:38,630 --> 00:17:41,085
If you could take my name,
maybe next time you do a...

242
00:17:41,174 --> 00:17:44,293
- This is a real madhouse!
- I have a suggestive item of food.

243
00:17:45,094 --> 00:17:47,964
Daisy and I were gonna go grab a beer.

244
00:17:48,055 --> 00:17:50,593
- If you'd like to come with us, we'd love it.
- Oh, God, I would love it.

245
00:17:50,682 --> 00:17:51,797
- Would you?
- Yeah.

246
00:17:51,892 --> 00:17:53,434
There's a little roadside place...

247
00:17:53,518 --> 00:17:55,475
This is unbelievable. I
don't know what's going on.

248
00:17:55,562 --> 00:17:57,470
Can I talk to you about an
idea for a film I have...

249
00:17:57,563 --> 00:17:59,603
- This is not the place. Really.
- Do you have a moment, please?

250
00:17:59,690 --> 00:18:03,818
It's a comedy based on that whole Guyana mass
- suicide thing.

251
00:18:03,902 --> 00:18:06,393
Sandy, this is what I did
in vaudeville years ago.

252
00:18:06,488 --> 00:18:07,982
I did this in vaudeville.

253
00:18:08,073 --> 00:18:10,563
<i>Give me the
spotlight, give me the stage,</i>

254
00:18:10,658 --> 00:18:12,318
<i>and leave the rest to me</i>

255
00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:17,367
<i>Give me a hat and cane, an
old refrain, a sweet melody</i>

256
00:18:17,456 --> 00:18:25,000
<i>And so I dream of old Brazil</i>

257
00:18:25,296 --> 00:18:28,747
<i>Where hearts were entertaining June</i>

258
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:32,257
<i>We stood beneath an amber moon</i>

259
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,917
<i>And softly murmured someday soon </i>

260
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:38,845
<i>We kissed and clung together</i>

261
00:18:38,933 --> 00:18:42,717
<i>Then tomorrow was another day</i>

262
00:18:42,812 --> 00:18:45,349
Comedy is hostility.

263
00:18:46,315 --> 00:18:47,726
It's rage.

264
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:50,771
I don't have to give you that clichd speech.

265
00:18:50,861 --> 00:18:54,110
What is it that the comedian says
when his jokes are going well?

266
00:18:54,197 --> 00:18:58,194
II murdered that audience. I killed
them. They screamed. I broke them up.

267
00:18:58,284 --> 00:19:00,111
So what are you saying?

268
00:19:00,202 --> 00:19:02,195
You're saying that someone like myself,

269
00:19:02,287 --> 00:19:05,738
or Laurel and Hardy, or Bob Hope are furious?

270
00:19:05,832 --> 00:19:10,043
Furious, or latent homosexual.
It's hidden behind the jokes.

271
00:19:10,128 --> 00:19:11,954
- I can't speak for those guys, but...
- Jack!

272
00:19:12,046 --> 00:19:13,920
Can't we? Were only theorizing.

273
00:19:14,006 --> 00:19:15,833
What do you do, Daisy?
Are you a teacher, too?

274
00:19:15,925 --> 00:19:18,878
- No. No, I don't...
- She's a brilliant violinist.

275
00:19:18,969 --> 00:19:21,175
- Really? Is that so?
- That's an exaggeration.

276
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:22,840
- Really?
- She's with the philharmonic.

277
00:19:22,931 --> 00:19:25,053
- Okay, that's very impressive.
- Yeah, well, I sit way in the back,

278
00:19:25,141 --> 00:19:26,719
you know, like one of those...

279
00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:28,469
- Get you some Camels?
- Yeah, thanks.

280
00:19:28,561 --> 00:19:29,841
Excuse me.

281
00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:34,230
So can I ask you a question?

282
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,400
Is it my imagination,

283
00:19:36,484 --> 00:19:40,696
or have you been kind of
looking at me all night?

284
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,697
I mean, tell me if I'm wrong. I dont know.

285
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:44,897
Does it bother you?

286
00:19:44,992 --> 00:19:47,743
No, no, no, I mean, I was
just wondering, you know...

287
00:19:47,828 --> 00:19:52,074
I've never seen such a sexy classical
violinist before. I mean it.

288
00:19:52,165 --> 00:19:54,703
Usually they're escaped Hungarians.

289
00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,036
No, I'm from Winnetka, Illinois.

290
00:19:57,128 --> 00:19:58,670
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

291
00:19:58,754 --> 00:20:02,123
It's funny, cause you remind me of somebody.

292
00:20:02,216 --> 00:20:03,923
It's the strangest thing.

293
00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,297
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

294
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,263
It's not that you look like her or anything.

295
00:20:11,349 --> 00:20:14,552
It's just that there's some
kind of odd sense that I have...

296
00:20:14,643 --> 00:20:15,924
Really?

297
00:20:18,772 --> 00:20:24,228
<i>MAN.: And now, the Brooklyn Boys Club
is happy to present The Amazing Sandy.</i>

298
00:20:42,126 --> 00:20:43,537
Incredible.

299
00:20:58,224 --> 00:21:01,758
The boys a natural. I've
never seen anything like it.

300
00:21:01,852 --> 00:21:03,512
A born magician.

301
00:21:03,604 --> 00:21:04,766
Well, he should be.

302
00:21:04,855 --> 00:21:07,262
He sits in his room alone
and practices for hours.

303
00:21:07,357 --> 00:21:09,314
Are you sure he's
not doing something else?

304
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,776
Oh, he does that, too.

305
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,185
I found these pictures hidden in his drawer.

306
00:21:14,822 --> 00:21:18,487
It causes him great guilt. I
don't know if I can ever cure him.

307
00:21:18,575 --> 00:21:21,327
I've been treating him for years already.

308
00:21:31,712 --> 00:21:34,167
Thanks for a nice time.

309
00:21:34,256 --> 00:21:35,666
I'll see you guys.

310
00:21:35,757 --> 00:21:38,164
See you around. Good night.

311
00:21:38,259 --> 00:21:40,584
Hey, Sandy. Sandy.

312
00:21:40,678 --> 00:21:44,889
I hate to hassle you or anything, but
I just... I got to tell you, I love you.

313
00:21:44,974 --> 00:21:46,717
- I mean, I love your work.
- Thank you.

314
00:21:46,809 --> 00:21:50,509
I'm an actor. Right now I'm working
as a busboy, but really, I am an actor.

315
00:21:50,604 --> 00:21:51,884
Anyway, I don't wanna bug you or anything,

316
00:21:51,980 --> 00:21:53,853
I just wanted to give you
a picture for your file.

317
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:56,347
You should mail this to my office, you know.

318
00:21:56,442 --> 00:21:57,770
Here's a composite I have of myself.

319
00:21:57,860 --> 00:21:59,402
Yeah, well, you should send
this stuff all to my office.

320
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:00,518
And a rsum.

321
00:22:00,612 --> 00:22:03,779
Yeah. I'm gonna go to sleep
now, you know, so if you just...

322
00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:05,692
Just a second. I can give you...

323
00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:08,453
Well, here's some reviews, some of the
things the critics have said about me.

324
00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:12,236
<i>- That's from The Jersey Journal.
- That's great. How about...</i>

325
00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,371
<i>Here's a picture of me as
Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.</i>

326
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,367
- I did that in high school.
- Did you? Did you?

327
00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,369
Let's see. Here's a rsum.

328
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:20,620
That's where I did Ensign Pulver.
I worked in regional theater.

329
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,920
<i>Ensign Pulver in Mister Roberts, there.</i>

330
00:22:34,935 --> 00:22:37,260
Hey, I'm crazy about you.

331
00:22:39,063 --> 00:22:41,435
- You don't even know who I am.
- Yeah, but you...

332
00:22:41,524 --> 00:22:43,896
I've just been looking at you all morning.

333
00:22:43,984 --> 00:22:47,816
I got to tell you, you're incredibly
beautiful, whoever you are.

334
00:22:47,904 --> 00:22:51,238
Yeah, it's true. I am. I guess I'm
a little on the beautiful side.

335
00:22:51,324 --> 00:22:53,530
Yeah, and you're real interesting.

336
00:22:53,618 --> 00:22:55,076
I mean, I've been watching you all morning,

337
00:22:55,161 --> 00:22:57,865
you're just sitting off
by yourself and reading.

338
00:22:57,955 --> 00:23:00,825
You got a real strange quality.

339
00:23:01,291 --> 00:23:03,165
Go on, keep going. You're getting through.

340
00:23:03,251 --> 00:23:07,664
- Yeah. How long you been acting?
- I guess I'm always acting.

341
00:23:07,755 --> 00:23:09,214
Yeah?

342
00:23:09,299 --> 00:23:12,501
- Can I sit next to you?
- Sure. Be my guest.

343
00:23:12,593 --> 00:23:14,632
Yeah? So tell me about yourself. Who are you?

344
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,756
Give me a lot of personal
information immediately cause...

345
00:23:17,848 --> 00:23:18,879
Don't hold anything back.

346
00:23:18,974 --> 00:23:20,717
I mean, are you married?
Are you living with somebody?

347
00:23:20,809 --> 00:23:22,801
I'm just... I'm fascinating,
but I'm trouble.

348
00:23:22,894 --> 00:23:23,925
- Trouble?
- Yeah.

349
00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:26,855
Yeah? You said the right thing.

350
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:29,726
So, are you free for dinner or
what? What are your plans later?

351
00:23:29,817 --> 00:23:33,351
Don't feel obligated to say yes
because I'm the director of the film.

352
00:23:33,445 --> 00:23:35,354
This is just... I mean,
this is a big coup for me.

353
00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:38,613
I'm a nobody with a one-line
part, and I managed to impress you

354
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:40,988
just by sitting around
speed-reading Schopenhauer.

355
00:23:41,077 --> 00:23:42,275
Yeah. Do you understand any of that stuff?

356
00:23:42,370 --> 00:23:43,780
No. But I can fake my way
through most situations.

357
00:23:43,871 --> 00:23:44,950
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

358
00:23:45,039 --> 00:23:47,078
Well, I got to tell you,
I'm fatally attracted to you,

359
00:23:47,165 --> 00:23:49,656
so don't blow it, because, you know...

360
00:23:49,751 --> 00:23:53,748
Well, I'll do my best, and
it hasn't failed me yet.

361
00:24:25,658 --> 00:24:28,030
Your spaghetti could
have used another 20 minutes.

362
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,574
You said al dente. I was giving
you my best shot here. Well, you...

363
00:24:30,662 --> 00:24:32,322
Al dente? That was so crispy.

364
00:24:32,414 --> 00:24:33,956
Come on. You don't want
a limp noodle, did you?

365
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,827
You know, you want my spaghetti
with nice Czechoslovakian sauce,

366
00:24:36,918 --> 00:24:37,949
that's my specialty.

367
00:24:38,044 --> 00:24:39,159
And I suppose it's different.

368
00:24:39,253 --> 00:24:41,127
Yeah. It's a congealed, disgusting spaghetti.

369
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:43,835
- Where did you learn so much about wine?
- My father's an expert.

370
00:24:43,924 --> 00:24:47,459
Her father! This is incredible.
What is this guy not an expert in?

371
00:24:47,552 --> 00:24:52,843
He's a tennis player and an antique
connoisseur and a wine expert,

372
00:24:52,932 --> 00:24:56,716
and he's probably gorgeous, right, with
graying temples and the aquiline profile.

373
00:24:56,811 --> 00:24:58,139
- A great-looking
man. - Yeah.

374
00:24:58,229 --> 00:24:59,806
Whenever Mother was away in her sanitarium,

375
00:24:59,897 --> 00:25:01,439
the ladies, they flocked around him.

376
00:25:01,523 --> 00:25:04,014
Yeah, and what about you? Tell me.
Did you have a little crush on him?

377
00:25:04,109 --> 00:25:05,603
You can admit this to me, if you like.

378
00:25:05,694 --> 00:25:08,445
- Sure. We had a little flirt.
- A little, small flirt?

379
00:25:08,529 --> 00:25:12,740
Mother away getting shock treatment
and the only beautiful daughter home.

380
00:25:12,825 --> 00:25:14,864
Long, lingering breakfasts with Dad?

381
00:25:14,952 --> 00:25:17,028
- Is this getting nauseating?
- Yeah. No competition for my mother

382
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:18,614
because she was very beautiful.

383
00:25:18,705 --> 00:25:20,579
- Your mother?
- That's nice. Yeah.

384
00:25:20,665 --> 00:25:24,532
- Your back is really knotted up.
- I know. It's very tense.

385
00:25:24,627 --> 00:25:26,086
Jesus. What was your mother diagnosed as?

386
00:25:26,170 --> 00:25:27,415
Was she schizophrenic or...

387
00:25:27,505 --> 00:25:29,580
She was schizophrenic, she
was depressive, she was...

388
00:25:29,673 --> 00:25:32,840
I see, the full complement of the nasties.

389
00:25:32,926 --> 00:25:35,927
It's funny, cause in my family nobody
ever committed suicide, nobody...

390
00:25:36,012 --> 00:25:38,847
This was just not a middle-class
alternative, you know?

391
00:25:38,931 --> 00:25:41,090
My mother was too busy
running the boiled chicken

392
00:25:41,183 --> 00:25:43,092
through the deflavorizing machine

393
00:25:43,185 --> 00:25:45,854
to think about shooting herself or anything.

394
00:25:45,938 --> 00:25:49,306
God. So did you always want to be an actress?

395
00:25:49,399 --> 00:25:51,972
No. I'm not really an actress.

396
00:25:52,068 --> 00:25:54,357
You're good, Dorrie. You have a...

397
00:25:54,445 --> 00:25:56,568
You do. You have a real
interesting quality on the screen.

398
00:25:56,655 --> 00:25:58,980
- You know you're just saying that.
- No, youre wrong. You have...

399
00:25:59,074 --> 00:26:01,482
It's not so. You have a real charming quality.

400
00:26:01,577 --> 00:26:03,071
You got a real... You're a natural.

401
00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:04,821
I'm a natural. I'm a
natural at everything I do,

402
00:26:04,913 --> 00:26:06,989
and then I wind up not
being able to do anything.

403
00:26:07,081 --> 00:26:10,995
No, you're wrong. You've got real,
genuine charisma on the screen.

404
00:26:11,085 --> 00:26:13,077
It's true. Youre sexy.

405
00:26:13,170 --> 00:26:15,209
You've got no confidence, of course,

406
00:26:15,297 --> 00:26:17,870
but you got a real charming
quality on the screen.

407
00:26:17,966 --> 00:26:20,457
- What was that? What was that?
- A pigeon.

408
00:26:20,552 --> 00:26:23,125
- Hey, that's pretty. A pigeon.
- No. It's not pretty at all.

409
00:26:23,221 --> 00:26:24,798
- They're wonderful.
- They're rats with wings.

410
00:26:24,889 --> 00:26:26,134
No, it's probably a good omen.

411
00:26:26,223 --> 00:26:28,216
- It'll bring us good luck.
- No, get it out of here.

412
00:26:28,309 --> 00:26:29,933
It's probably one of those killer pigeons.

413
00:26:30,018 --> 00:26:33,553
No. Get something for it to eat. We
can coax it down. What are you doing?

414
00:26:34,814 --> 00:26:35,845
Wait. Wait.

415
00:26:35,940 --> 00:26:38,811
You see, it's got a swastika under its wing.

416
00:26:42,530 --> 00:26:43,644
Stop that.

417
00:26:43,739 --> 00:26:46,408
I just wanna guide it out of the apartment.

418
00:26:46,491 --> 00:26:49,825
Jeez! I don't want a winged thing in my house.

419
00:26:49,911 --> 00:26:51,453
We can keep it.

420
00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:06,466
Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

421
00:27:06,551 --> 00:27:08,175
- I'm in the wrong room.
- No, no, no, no, youre right.

422
00:27:08,261 --> 00:27:09,719
This is your room. Isn't this fun?

423
00:27:09,804 --> 00:27:12,473
I tipped the porter so I could meet you.

424
00:27:12,556 --> 00:27:16,684
Oh, Jesus, you're kidding. Youre
telling me they let you in here?

425
00:27:16,768 --> 00:27:19,639
- Well, I know, you get this all the time.
- No, I don't.

426
00:27:19,729 --> 00:27:22,398
But, you know, I have a psychic,
and I asked her about you,

427
00:27:22,482 --> 00:27:24,640
and she told me that we were
destined to make it together.

428
00:27:24,734 --> 00:27:27,355
Hey, look, whoever you are,
please, I'm tired. Go away.

429
00:27:27,444 --> 00:27:29,353
I won't stay over.

430
00:27:29,446 --> 00:27:31,355
I mean, I just know you're a Sagittarius,

431
00:27:31,448 --> 00:27:36,524
and Sagittarians get along really
well with Pisces, cause I'm a Pisces.

432
00:27:36,619 --> 00:27:39,288
- And I just think that...
- Will you get out of the bed, please?

433
00:27:39,372 --> 00:27:42,871
Well, wait, here. And I drove all the
way from Bridgeport to make it with you.

434
00:27:42,958 --> 00:27:46,706
Yeah? What is this, the
traditional brownies with hash?

435
00:27:46,795 --> 00:27:48,170
- Is this what you're giving me?
- No. No.

436
00:27:48,255 --> 00:27:51,089
Here's the hash on the side because
I didn't know how much you took.

437
00:27:51,174 --> 00:27:52,716
How much I took? What
is it, hollandaise sauce?

438
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,963
What do you mean, how much I took?

439
00:27:54,051 --> 00:27:55,332
- I mean, you could...
- You got in a car

440
00:27:55,428 --> 00:27:57,301
and you drove a long distance

441
00:27:57,388 --> 00:27:59,261
to go through mechanical sex with a stranger?

442
00:27:59,348 --> 00:28:01,257
- Is this what you do?
- My husband drove me.

443
00:28:01,350 --> 00:28:03,556
- We have a van.
- Your husband? You're kidding.

444
00:28:03,643 --> 00:28:05,636
Is your husband here?

445
00:28:05,728 --> 00:28:09,097
You know, he would be so honored
if I could tell him that we made it.

446
00:28:09,190 --> 00:28:11,147
He's a great fan of yours.

447
00:28:11,233 --> 00:28:13,060
- He's got all your albums.
- I'm sure.

448
00:28:13,152 --> 00:28:15,228
He sees every movie. He
talks about you all the time.

449
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,570
- You're one of his heroes.
- Yeah. He's not insanely jealous?

450
00:28:18,657 --> 00:28:20,400
No. We never have any problems with that.

451
00:28:20,492 --> 00:28:22,982
And exactly where is your husband right now?

452
00:28:23,077 --> 00:28:25,366
Well, he's sleeping in the van downstairs.

453
00:28:25,454 --> 00:28:27,494
Hey, look, I don't feel that well. I'm tired.

454
00:28:27,581 --> 00:28:30,154
I don't wanna go through an
empty experience. I've had...

455
00:28:30,250 --> 00:28:33,535
Listen, empty sex is
better than no sex, right?

456
00:28:33,628 --> 00:28:35,751
Come on, don't be so angry.

457
00:28:42,928 --> 00:28:45,549
<i>ANNOUNCER: We interrupt this program
to bring you a special bulletin.</i>

458
00:28:45,639 --> 00:28:48,343
<i>Sydney Finklestein's hostility has escaped.</i>

459
00:28:48,433 --> 00:28:50,425
<i>Finklestein, a short man with glasses,</i>

460
00:28:50,518 --> 00:28:54,136
<i>told police that he has been fighting
to hold his anger in for years,</i>

461
00:28:54,230 --> 00:28:57,230
<i>and is very embarrassed that
it broke loose while he napped.</i>

462
00:28:57,316 --> 00:29:01,562
<i>Police are combing the countryside
and warn all citizens to stay indoors.</i>

463
00:29:01,653 --> 00:29:05,437
Oh, my God, look. That's my
schoolteacher, Miss Reilly.

464
00:29:05,532 --> 00:29:06,563
And... Oh, Jeez.

465
00:29:06,658 --> 00:29:09,991
Look, that's my ex-wife
and her alimony lawyer,

466
00:29:10,077 --> 00:29:11,619
and my brother Alvin.

467
00:29:11,704 --> 00:29:14,870
He was the one that they taught to speak up.

468
00:29:14,957 --> 00:29:17,708
He'd always come downstairs and recite.

469
00:29:17,792 --> 00:29:20,117
Look. That's my mother.

470
00:29:25,591 --> 00:29:30,502
Please. We don't wanna hurt
you. We wanna reason with you.

471
00:29:30,595 --> 00:29:34,046
I'm a psychoanalyst. This is my pipe.

472
00:29:34,140 --> 00:29:36,216
I want to help you.

473
00:29:38,811 --> 00:29:41,977
Your films are always
psychological, never political.

474
00:29:42,064 --> 00:29:44,436
- Where do you stand politically?
- What can I say to that?

475
00:29:44,525 --> 00:29:48,985
I'm for total, honest democracy, you know.

476
00:29:49,070 --> 00:29:51,478
And I also believe the
American system can work.

477
00:29:56,827 --> 00:30:00,326
WOMAN: A lot of people have
accused you of being narcissistic.

478
00:30:03,917 --> 00:30:07,083
I know, people think I'm egotistical
and narcissistic, but it's not true.

479
00:30:07,170 --> 00:30:11,796
I... As a matter of fact, if I did identify
with a Greek mythological character,

480
00:30:11,882 --> 00:30:13,341
it would not be Narcissus.

481
00:30:13,425 --> 00:30:15,501
- Who would it be?
- Zeus.

482
00:30:19,681 --> 00:30:22,350
- Mr. Bates, I'm with the Cancer Society.
- Right.

483
00:30:22,433 --> 00:30:25,303
And it would mean so much to so many
people if you could appear at our benefit...

484
00:30:25,394 --> 00:30:26,425
I would be glad to.

485
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,474
Just call me when I get back
into town. I do it all the time.

486
00:30:29,565 --> 00:30:31,308
- Did you know, Sandy...
- Really.

487
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:32,680
Did you know that, as we speak,

488
00:30:32,776 --> 00:30:36,191
Russian scientists are being
forcibly detained in insane asylums?

489
00:30:36,279 --> 00:30:38,188
Yeah, well, I'm on a committee
for that. You know what I mean?

490
00:30:38,281 --> 00:30:39,691
So I've signed petitions and all that stuff.

491
00:30:39,782 --> 00:30:41,905
You know what? Would you sign
this autograph for my wife?

492
00:30:41,992 --> 00:30:44,863
- Oh, yeah. Sure.
- Sandy Brockman from Flatbush Avenue.

493
00:30:44,953 --> 00:30:46,328
- To Hilda.
- Jerry Abraham.

494
00:30:46,413 --> 00:30:48,820
- We went to school together, right?
- I know. I remember you. I remember.

495
00:30:48,915 --> 00:30:50,457
You dressed as Superman, you tried to fly.

496
00:30:50,542 --> 00:30:52,368
- Yeah, I remember.
- I know you're busy. When can we talk?

497
00:30:52,460 --> 00:30:54,333
- I'll be here all weekend.
- Okay, take care.

498
00:30:54,420 --> 00:30:56,329
- What is this?
- Don't read it now. Wait until later.

499
00:30:56,422 --> 00:30:58,912
- What is this thing?
- My son wrote it. It's perfect for you.

500
00:30:59,007 --> 00:31:01,249
It's a spoof on jockeys.

501
00:31:01,343 --> 00:31:03,419
- On jockeys?
- Yes, a spoof on jockeys. Little jockeys.

502
00:31:03,511 --> 00:31:05,219
- Little tiny jockeys? That sounds great.
- Yeah.

503
00:31:05,305 --> 00:31:07,546
Call. Call, okay?

504
00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:12,388
Sandy. Can I have your autograph?

505
00:31:12,478 --> 00:31:14,719
Oh, sure. There you go.

506
00:31:15,230 --> 00:31:19,559
- I was a cesarean.
- Oh. That's great.

507
00:31:55,516 --> 00:31:58,303
Isobel. My God, what are you doing here?

508
00:31:58,393 --> 00:32:02,011
- But you called me. You were lonely.
- I know. But what a surprise.

509
00:32:02,105 --> 00:32:03,848
What a treat.

510
00:32:03,940 --> 00:32:05,767
Oh, Jesus.

511
00:32:05,858 --> 00:32:06,937
Sandy?

512
00:32:07,026 --> 00:32:09,943
- Sandy? Hi. I really loved your last film.
- Oh, thank you.

513
00:32:11,155 --> 00:32:12,530
In English. Speak to me in English.

514
00:32:12,614 --> 00:32:16,030
I had a very erotic dream
about you last night.

515
00:32:16,118 --> 00:32:19,949
You know, I hope you brought your little
tiny white cotton socks that I like,

516
00:32:20,038 --> 00:32:23,157
- you know, because...
- Listen, I left my husband.

517
00:32:26,085 --> 00:32:27,330
Really?

518
00:32:28,295 --> 00:32:32,292
He knew I was having an affair
and I did not want to lie to him.

519
00:32:34,801 --> 00:32:36,627
I'm stunned.

520
00:32:36,719 --> 00:32:42,140
- That makes you nervous, no?
- No, no, no. I'm not nervous.

521
00:32:42,224 --> 00:32:45,972
I'm just so... I just... I
know we talked about it...

522
00:32:46,061 --> 00:32:47,970
Sandy, I knitted this sweater for you myself.

523
00:32:48,063 --> 00:32:49,806
- Thanks very much. Thank you.
- You know, you don't have...

524
00:32:49,898 --> 00:32:52,305
- I just didn't think it would happen.
- You dont have to worry about it.

525
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,688
- No, I'm not worried about it.
- I'm just going to take care of myself.

526
00:32:54,777 --> 00:32:56,437
You know, what has that got
to... What does that mean?

527
00:32:56,528 --> 00:32:58,900
- We've seen all your films.
- They suck.

528
00:32:58,989 --> 00:33:01,147
- They're terrific.
- Because I know your face.

529
00:33:01,241 --> 00:33:02,984
I know you are going to be sick.

530
00:33:03,076 --> 00:33:05,531
I'm not going to be sick.
I'm just so stunned.

531
00:33:05,620 --> 00:33:08,324
I cant... You know, we
discussed it and I... And I...

532
00:33:08,414 --> 00:33:11,533
I think I'm going to stay in
a hotel and find an apartment.

533
00:33:11,625 --> 00:33:13,250
Honey, you're not staying in a hotel.

534
00:33:13,335 --> 00:33:15,790
The whole point was that you would
leave your husband and stay with me,

535
00:33:15,879 --> 00:33:18,630
that we would live together
or marry, but be together.

536
00:33:18,715 --> 00:33:21,040
- Can I have your autograph?
- That's the point of it.

537
00:33:21,134 --> 00:33:22,414
You're not gonna stay at a hotel.

538
00:33:22,510 --> 00:33:24,467
- No, I...
- That's ridiculous.

539
00:33:24,553 --> 00:33:27,091
No, I think it would be
okay if it is like that.

540
00:33:27,181 --> 00:33:29,718
We could marry, but there is no pressure.

541
00:33:29,808 --> 00:33:33,177
I don't feel pressure. I...

542
00:33:33,269 --> 00:33:38,014
It's funny. I had salmon for breakfast,
you know, and I feel nauseous a little bit.

543
00:33:38,107 --> 00:33:40,265
- You know, they never serve it fresh.
- You know something.

544
00:33:40,359 --> 00:33:45,317
I just brought up a wonderful
bottle of wine and my white socks.

545
00:33:45,405 --> 00:33:46,864
You know, the ones you like.

546
00:33:46,948 --> 00:33:50,696
Isobel. Gee, I feel like such a fool.

547
00:33:50,785 --> 00:33:53,358
Excuse me, Mr. Bates,
could I have your autograph?

548
00:33:53,454 --> 00:33:57,154
I've seen all of your films.
Youre a master of despair.

549
00:33:57,249 --> 00:33:59,325
- Such a touch of Kafka.
- You know, I feel so...

550
00:33:59,418 --> 00:34:01,042
- I feel sick.
- Can you give me 15 minutes?

551
00:34:01,127 --> 00:34:03,416
I will have a bath, and
you will come to the room.

552
00:34:03,505 --> 00:34:07,716
- What about the children?
- They are okay. They will come tomorrow.

553
00:34:17,058 --> 00:34:18,089
Hi.

554
00:34:19,352 --> 00:34:21,973
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

555
00:34:22,063 --> 00:34:24,684
I just came in to be alone for
a minute, to think, you know.

556
00:34:24,773 --> 00:34:27,229
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I... That's exactly what I was doing.

557
00:34:27,317 --> 00:34:28,811
- I was just sitting around thinking...
- Yeah?

558
00:34:28,902 --> 00:34:31,393
...you know, trying to get away.
- What are you thinking about?

559
00:34:31,488 --> 00:34:36,694
Me? Well, I was thinking
about, should I change my movie?

560
00:34:36,784 --> 00:34:41,196
Should I change my life? You know,
all kinds of, you know, serious...

561
00:34:41,288 --> 00:34:43,494
- Yeah?
- Yeah. What a surprise.

562
00:34:43,582 --> 00:34:45,823
You know, I had a dream about you last night.

563
00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:46,996
- Did you?
- Yeah.

564
00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:49,706
- What did you dream?
- I can't tell you.

565
00:34:49,796 --> 00:34:52,630
- No, come on.
- No. It was really embarrassing.

566
00:34:52,715 --> 00:34:54,624
- Really? Was it one of those?
- Yeah, really. It was.

567
00:34:54,717 --> 00:34:55,748
God, that's terrible.

568
00:34:55,843 --> 00:34:57,503
Maybe if I get to know
you better, I'll tell you.

569
00:34:57,594 --> 00:34:58,969
- Yeah?
- But I can't now.

570
00:34:59,054 --> 00:35:00,963
- Hi. Can I have your autograph?
- You're kidding.

571
00:35:01,056 --> 00:35:02,929
- What do you guys do?
- Me, too.

572
00:35:03,016 --> 00:35:07,143
- Follow me around?
- We think you're so sexy.

573
00:35:07,228 --> 00:35:09,897
I'm sexy? They think I'm sexy.

574
00:35:11,356 --> 00:35:14,310
- Come on, Dorrie.
- Don't lie to me. Youre attracted to her.

575
00:35:14,401 --> 00:35:17,022
I'm not attracted to her.
What are you talking about?

576
00:35:17,112 --> 00:35:19,946
Staring at her all through
dinner. Giving each other looks.

577
00:35:20,031 --> 00:35:22,154
- Stop it. She's 14 years old.
- Dont you think I see it?

578
00:35:22,241 --> 00:35:24,779
She's not even 14,
she's 13-and-a-half.

579
00:35:24,868 --> 00:35:27,324
I don't care. I used to play those
games with my father, so I know.

580
00:35:27,412 --> 00:35:29,120
- I've been through all that.
- What kind of games?

581
00:35:29,206 --> 00:35:30,997
You think I'm flirting with your kid cousin?

582
00:35:31,082 --> 00:35:33,834
- You can't take your eyes off her!
- She was sitting opposite me.

583
00:35:33,918 --> 00:35:37,002
- You smile at her!
- I smile at her. I'm a friendly person.

584
00:35:37,088 --> 00:35:39,127
What do you want? She's a kid! This is stupid!

585
00:35:39,215 --> 00:35:41,421
- I don't wanna have this conversation.
- Dont tell me it's stupid!

586
00:35:41,508 --> 00:35:44,711
I used to do that with my father, across
the table, all those private jokes. I know.

587
00:35:44,803 --> 00:35:47,341
Do what? What private jokes?
We were talking about movies.

588
00:35:47,430 --> 00:35:50,347
She likes funny movies,
so we were discussing it.

589
00:35:50,433 --> 00:35:52,840
What? Hey, what's the matter with you?

590
00:35:52,935 --> 00:35:56,553
Dorrie, what's the matter
with you? Youre nuts.

591
00:35:56,647 --> 00:36:00,098
You know how ridiculous this
sounds? What are you saying?

592
00:36:00,192 --> 00:36:03,276
That I'm flirting with your kid cousin?

593
00:36:03,361 --> 00:36:06,730
I mean, doesn't that sound... That's absurd.

594
00:36:06,822 --> 00:36:08,316
Come on.

595
00:36:12,077 --> 00:36:14,069
- Oh, my God!
- I was in the neighborhood.

596
00:36:14,162 --> 00:36:16,036
- I had to say hello.
- Why didn't you call me?

597
00:36:16,122 --> 00:36:18,494
- I'm appearing right near here...
- What a surprise? Come on in.

598
00:36:18,583 --> 00:36:20,374
- This is Isobel, this is my sister.
- Hello, Isobel.

599
00:36:20,460 --> 00:36:21,740
- Hi.
- Oh, my God! Sam's gonna die.

600
00:36:21,836 --> 00:36:22,915
Come on in.

601
00:36:23,003 --> 00:36:25,245
Girls! My brother! Do you believe this?

602
00:36:25,339 --> 00:36:27,794
- What are you shouting for?
- This is my brother Sam. We're relaxed.

603
00:36:27,883 --> 00:36:29,674
- Were all relaxed, Sandy.
- Did I come at a bad time?

604
00:36:29,759 --> 00:36:32,843
No, you didn't come at a bad time. We're
all doing yoga. Were all relaxed.

605
00:36:32,929 --> 00:36:34,968
Come on. You know everybody.
I know you know Irene.

606
00:36:35,056 --> 00:36:37,926
- Oh, yeah. What happened, Irene?
- It's so ironic. Look at her face.

607
00:36:38,017 --> 00:36:41,717
We moved here to get away from the
crime and garbage, and look at this face.

608
00:36:41,812 --> 00:36:44,385
Someone broke into her house last
week, they robbed her, they raped her...

609
00:36:44,481 --> 00:36:46,058
- In the suburbs?
- I wish that...

610
00:36:46,149 --> 00:36:48,854
Isobel, they raped her over and over again.

611
00:36:48,943 --> 00:36:50,271
- They tied her to the bed.
- It was horrible.

612
00:36:50,361 --> 00:36:51,476
- Do you believe it?
- With my scarf.

613
00:36:51,570 --> 00:36:52,946
- Really?
- I didn't even resist.

614
00:36:53,030 --> 00:36:55,485
I'm sure you didn't resist.
Knowing you, Irene, you...

615
00:36:55,574 --> 00:36:58,575
Come on in. How about a
drink? Isobel? Coffee? Tea?

616
00:36:58,660 --> 00:37:01,067
- Sandy, you gotta go see Sam.
- Are you all right?

617
00:37:01,162 --> 00:37:05,076
- He's in the bedroom and he's meditating.
- I will. Ill see Sam. I will.

618
00:37:05,166 --> 00:37:08,250
- Hi. Would you please?
- Don't bother him.

619
00:37:08,335 --> 00:37:10,577
- To Kevin and Mendel.
- Kevin and Mendel?

620
00:37:10,671 --> 00:37:12,248
- What are they, children?
- They're my children.

621
00:37:15,634 --> 00:37:19,631
I had two heart attacks
before I got the bicycle.

622
00:37:19,721 --> 00:37:22,390
- And since then?
- I also had two.

623
00:37:26,477 --> 00:37:29,146
This is us when we used to go
to the seashore every summer.

624
00:37:29,229 --> 00:37:30,771
- This is Sandy?
- That's Sandy.

625
00:37:30,855 --> 00:37:32,812
- And you. Where are you?
- That's me, the baby.

626
00:37:32,899 --> 00:37:35,187
- Nice baby.
- Yeah. My father stayed in the city.

627
00:37:35,276 --> 00:37:37,518
I think he fooled around. There he is.

628
00:37:37,611 --> 00:37:38,856
- And your mother?
- That's my mother.

629
00:37:38,946 --> 00:37:42,030
They were always fighting,
always screaming at each other.

630
00:37:42,115 --> 00:37:45,033
Once the police had to come. Here's
Sandy in the Hebrew school play.

631
00:37:45,118 --> 00:37:47,276
Oh, my God, I haven't
seen this picture in ages.

632
00:37:47,370 --> 00:37:49,409
- He's so cute.
- Yeah, glasses, skinny.

633
00:37:49,497 --> 00:37:51,822
- Look how skinny he was. Always skinny.
- Oh, yeah.

634
00:37:51,916 --> 00:37:54,204
<i>Remember how you got
into that fight? It was awful.</i>

635
00:37:54,293 --> 00:37:57,792
<i>Yeah, well, I always resented
Abraham being so willing to kill his son.</i>

636
00:37:57,879 --> 00:37:59,255
<i>- Yeah.
- I'm still bothered by it.</i>

637
00:37:59,339 --> 00:38:02,624
<i>I think it was jealousy.
You wanted the part of God.</i>

638
00:38:05,469 --> 00:38:08,043
- Oh, she's a lovely girl.
- I know. She's wonderful.

639
00:38:08,139 --> 00:38:11,258
- Are you gonna get married?
- I guess. You know, I suppose.

640
00:38:11,350 --> 00:38:13,425
What do you mean, you guess? Yes or no?

641
00:38:13,518 --> 00:38:16,768
I mean, you know, that looks like
the direction were heading in.

642
00:38:16,855 --> 00:38:19,808
- Are you in love with each other?
- Yeah, I suppose so.

643
00:38:19,899 --> 00:38:23,232
You know, I don't know what to
say because it's a package deal.

644
00:38:23,319 --> 00:38:27,102
I get a wife. I get a French wife
and I get two kids, overnight.

645
00:38:27,197 --> 00:38:28,656
- Yeah?
- The question is do I want that?

646
00:38:28,740 --> 00:38:30,816
I like the idea she's
French. That I find romantic.

647
00:38:30,909 --> 00:38:33,281
But do I want to have two kids
suddenly? And, well, you know...

648
00:38:33,369 --> 00:38:36,240
- Oh, kids are nice, Sandy.
- I know, but you have to...

649
00:38:36,330 --> 00:38:38,453
Of course, I never hear
from my two older ones.

650
00:38:38,541 --> 00:38:41,245
- Oh, Sandy, it's such a terrible...
- You still haven't heard anything at all?

651
00:38:41,335 --> 00:38:43,410
They're 13 and 14. They hitchhiked to Texas.

652
00:38:43,503 --> 00:38:45,626
- I know. I know.
- I had the police.

653
00:38:45,714 --> 00:38:47,872
- I don't know their whereabouts.
- So they can't find any trace?

654
00:38:47,966 --> 00:38:50,919
The youngest one is selling stolen
cameras. I'm worried. I'm worried.

655
00:38:51,010 --> 00:38:52,255
- Take it easy.
- Yeah, take it...

656
00:38:52,344 --> 00:38:54,004
Well, Sam doesn't wanna know about it.

657
00:38:54,096 --> 00:38:57,844
You know, he keeps having heart
attacks. He never gets off the bike.

658
00:38:57,933 --> 00:39:02,511
- Do you hear from our parents at all?
- Yeah. You know, they sit in Miami.

659
00:39:02,604 --> 00:39:05,011
- Dads gonna be 80.
- That's amazing. Amazing.

660
00:39:05,106 --> 00:39:08,190
Good shape. Moms blind in
one eye, deaf in one ear.

661
00:39:08,275 --> 00:39:11,359
I hope the same side of the head, right?
Because that's important. So she's even.

662
00:39:11,445 --> 00:39:13,521
- Don't make jokes.
- She should be even at that age.

663
00:39:13,613 --> 00:39:14,728
I miss you. I never...

664
00:39:16,032 --> 00:39:18,190
Sam! That's enough with that bell!

665
00:39:18,284 --> 00:39:20,490
I bought him a bell for Christmas
and I never hear the end of it.

666
00:39:20,578 --> 00:39:22,155
So I send money
to Miami all the time,

667
00:39:22,246 --> 00:39:23,870
but I don't know what else
I can do for our parents.

668
00:39:23,956 --> 00:39:26,873
You're good like that. Youre
good like that. You keep up.

669
00:39:27,709 --> 00:39:29,915
You know, I like your sister. She's very nice.

670
00:39:30,003 --> 00:39:31,461
She's a little screwed up.

671
00:39:31,546 --> 00:39:34,381
- She's very funny.
- She is.

672
00:39:34,465 --> 00:39:37,715
When you told her that you
had been a leftist, you know,

673
00:39:37,801 --> 00:39:41,881
and that you had been in jail,
her mouth was hanging open.

674
00:39:41,972 --> 00:39:43,964
She's intensely middle-class, you know.

675
00:39:44,057 --> 00:39:47,176
I find that extremely
difficult to swallow, even now.

676
00:39:47,268 --> 00:39:51,218
But I told you, things were very
different in this time, in 68.

677
00:39:51,313 --> 00:39:52,642
I know they were different,

678
00:39:52,731 --> 00:39:56,182
but I can't see you standing on the
streets throwing rocks and bottles.

679
00:39:56,276 --> 00:39:59,727
I don't have that image of you.
Youre too sweet to ever think of...

680
00:39:59,821 --> 00:40:01,612
I had to... Because we had to.

681
00:40:02,824 --> 00:40:05,990
It was the only way to change the
spirit of relationships between people.

682
00:40:06,077 --> 00:40:09,243
George, you're going too
slow. They're gonna get you.

683
00:40:09,329 --> 00:40:11,286
I know, but, you know,
it's just such an odd thing.

684
00:40:11,373 --> 00:40:15,370
I can never picture you just
hanging in there with the workers,

685
00:40:15,460 --> 00:40:16,788
you know, and storming the...

686
00:40:16,878 --> 00:40:18,288
The workers were not with us.

687
00:40:18,379 --> 00:40:22,957
They were fighting for their own
salaries and own conditions of life.

688
00:40:23,050 --> 00:40:25,292
- Yes. And so what were you...
- And we were fighting

689
00:40:25,385 --> 00:40:29,003
for the spirit of the things and for...

690
00:40:29,097 --> 00:40:30,639
Maybe we were romantic, you know.

691
00:40:30,723 --> 00:40:33,048
- They thought we were romantic and...
- Yes.

692
00:40:33,142 --> 00:40:35,811
I remember, when I was in jail,
I thought it was so romantic.

693
00:40:35,895 --> 00:40:37,603
- Oh, terrific.
- I was so excited.

694
00:40:37,688 --> 00:40:41,021
You met a lot of interesting men in jail?

695
00:40:41,108 --> 00:40:43,859
You know, men and women
are separated in jail.

696
00:40:43,944 --> 00:40:46,980
I find it very, very difficult
to have a commitment like that.

697
00:40:47,071 --> 00:40:51,116
I feel to survive in life, you wanna
stay loose, you wanna keep flexible.

698
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,276
What the hell is going on
out there? What are they...

699
00:40:55,037 --> 00:40:58,370
- Hey, what's going on?
- Mr. Bates. How are you?

700
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:01,706
- I've always enjoyed your films.
- Thanks very much. What's he done?

701
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:04,283
- Well, I've got a warrant for his arrest.
- Youre kidding!

702
00:41:04,378 --> 00:41:06,371
- For what?
- I'm sorry. Out of Pennsylvania.

703
00:41:06,464 --> 00:41:09,797
- It's for mail fraud.
- Mail fraud? My chauffeur?

704
00:41:09,883 --> 00:41:11,840
Listen, do you have a license?

705
00:41:11,927 --> 00:41:14,382
- Can you drive this car?
- I can drive it if I have to.

706
00:41:14,471 --> 00:41:16,510
- Are you gonna take him down?
- I have to. I'm sorry.

707
00:41:16,598 --> 00:41:19,682
- Are you sure you got the right guy?
- Yes, I do.

708
00:41:19,767 --> 00:41:22,174
By the way, Mr. Bates, the
next time you do a film,

709
00:41:22,269 --> 00:41:24,178
how about doing one about a police sergeant?

710
00:41:24,271 --> 00:41:25,434
- Jesus.
- What happened?

711
00:41:25,522 --> 00:41:27,230
- I got a great story to tell you, okay?
- What happened?

712
00:41:27,315 --> 00:41:30,814
He's booking my driver for mail
fraud, if you can believe that.

713
00:41:31,361 --> 00:41:34,361
Really? You're kidding.
Oh, that doesn't make sense.

714
00:41:34,447 --> 00:41:37,020
I checked every reference. They're impeccable.

715
00:41:37,116 --> 00:41:40,947
How can they be impeccable? I
had six chauffeurs in two years.

716
00:41:41,036 --> 00:41:44,286
You get me drunks, guys
who can't understand English.

717
00:41:44,372 --> 00:41:46,412
One guy ran over an old
lady with me in the car,

718
00:41:46,499 --> 00:41:48,657
and now this guys wanted for mail fraud.

719
00:41:48,751 --> 00:41:50,578
Would you sign my left breast?

720
00:41:50,669 --> 00:41:53,207
By the way, Dr. Melnikoff called.

721
00:41:53,297 --> 00:41:55,870
He said you should stop
using that shampoo solution

722
00:41:55,966 --> 00:41:57,875
he gave you to rub in your hair.

723
00:41:57,968 --> 00:42:00,719
He says they just found
out it causes skin cancer.

724
00:42:00,803 --> 00:42:04,338
He's had me on it for nine months.
Now he tells me it causes skin cancer?

725
00:42:04,432 --> 00:42:08,892
Ed Rich. I'm with the New
York City Landmarks Committee.

726
00:42:08,977 --> 00:42:12,476
- Were having a fundraiser next month.
- Ill be glad to come.

727
00:42:12,564 --> 00:42:15,351
- Just, you call me when I get to town.
- It's a wonderful cause,

728
00:42:15,441 --> 00:42:17,350
- to preserve old buildings.
- I'm sure. I'm sure.

729
00:42:17,443 --> 00:42:20,148
Just call me when I get back to
town. I'll be happy to make it. Really.

730
00:42:20,237 --> 00:42:24,365
- Oh. Oh. Okay. Fine. Thank you.
- And cheer up.

731
00:42:35,459 --> 00:42:36,953
What is that?

732
00:42:37,503 --> 00:42:40,871
What the hell is that? That's the
silliest thing I've ever seen.

733
00:42:40,964 --> 00:42:42,423
What is that?

734
00:42:43,633 --> 00:42:45,626
Those people that are
marching in the background.

735
00:42:45,718 --> 00:42:52,254
Those are all the people from the
train that wind up in the garbage dump.

736
00:42:52,349 --> 00:42:54,757
What the hell are they doing here?

737
00:42:59,355 --> 00:43:01,977
They wind up in Jazz Heaven.
It's commercial. It's upbeat.

738
00:43:02,066 --> 00:43:04,438
They wind up in Jazz Heaven.
It's upbeat. It's commercial.

739
00:43:04,527 --> 00:43:07,064
- It's stupid.
- I thought you'd like it, Sandy.

740
00:43:07,154 --> 00:43:08,613
You love jazz.

741
00:43:08,697 --> 00:43:11,614
Who is this guy anyhow to
rewrite the end of my movie?

742
00:43:11,700 --> 00:43:14,191
And since when are all these guys involved?

743
00:43:14,285 --> 00:43:16,574
- What the hell is going on?
- These are the new heads of the studio.

744
00:43:16,663 --> 00:43:19,747
What do you mean? Every six months
I meet a new group of studio heads.

745
00:43:19,832 --> 00:43:21,706
It's very disconcerting to me, too,

746
00:43:21,792 --> 00:43:24,709
but, you know, the mortality rate
in this business is unbelievable.

747
00:43:24,795 --> 00:43:27,795
I'll say. It's like the Black Plague. Jesus.

748
00:43:27,881 --> 00:43:29,920
I think you're wonderful.
Can I have your autograph?

749
00:43:30,008 --> 00:43:32,463
I don't want anybody going to Jazz Heaven.

750
00:43:32,552 --> 00:43:34,627
That's a nitwit idea.

751
00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:37,590
You know, the whole point of the
movie is that nobody is saved.

752
00:43:37,681 --> 00:43:41,299
Sandy, this is an Easter film. We
don't need a movie by an atheist.

753
00:43:41,393 --> 00:43:44,596
To you I'm an atheist. To God
I'm the loyal opposition.

754
00:43:44,687 --> 00:43:45,802
Jesus.

755
00:43:45,897 --> 00:43:48,138
You know, I'm your biggest
fan. I think youre terrific.

756
00:43:48,232 --> 00:43:49,263
Thank you.

757
00:43:49,358 --> 00:43:51,730
- His public adores him.
- Yeah, today they adore you,

758
00:43:51,819 --> 00:43:54,025
- and tomorrow its one of these.
- MAN: He's paranoid.

759
00:43:54,112 --> 00:43:55,904
I think
you're being a little paranoid.

760
00:43:55,989 --> 00:43:58,824
No, you know what I'm
being? I'm being realistic.

761
00:43:58,908 --> 00:44:00,486
You know, and that's why
you dont like the movie.

762
00:44:00,577 --> 00:44:02,201
It's not a matter of what I like.

763
00:44:02,286 --> 00:44:05,322
Listen, I've been on this side of
the business for four years now.

764
00:44:05,414 --> 00:44:08,249
Too much reality is not what the people want.

765
00:44:08,333 --> 00:44:11,251
Jazz Heaven. That is the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.

766
00:44:11,336 --> 00:44:13,827
You can't control life. It
doesn't wind up perfectly.

767
00:44:13,922 --> 00:44:17,290
Only art you can control.
Art and masturbation.

768
00:44:17,383 --> 00:44:20,170
Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.

769
00:44:25,682 --> 00:44:27,721
- I feel very tired.
- Yeah?

770
00:44:27,809 --> 00:44:30,810
Isobel, I want you to come and live with me.

771
00:44:30,895 --> 00:44:34,346
- Can we not talk about it tonight?
- No, I wanna talk about it.

772
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,978
I've been thinking about
it all day. You know, it...

773
00:44:37,067 --> 00:44:39,475
I was just very, very
surprised before, that's all.

774
00:44:39,570 --> 00:44:43,614
But, you know, when I think it over,
it's a very, very important thing to me.

775
00:44:43,698 --> 00:44:46,734
- You know, you don't have to say that.
- I know I dont have to say it.

776
00:44:46,826 --> 00:44:48,071
But, you know, I feel that way.

777
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,031
I have very, very complicated
feelings towards you.

778
00:44:51,121 --> 00:44:56,281
You know, I like to be with you and I
don't want to screw up this relationship.

779
00:44:56,376 --> 00:44:58,867
You know that I love you,
I trust you, you know.

780
00:44:58,962 --> 00:45:03,125
You're one of the few people
that I really have fun with.

781
00:45:03,216 --> 00:45:08,554
Gee, if it wasn't for you this past year,
Id have been absolutely, you know...

782
00:45:10,138 --> 00:45:11,253
Isobel, what are you doing?

783
00:45:11,348 --> 00:45:15,641
I'm pouring my heart out here and
youre behaving like a crazy person.

784
00:45:15,727 --> 00:45:19,391
Isobel, will you stop that for a minute?

785
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,686
Yes, but I'm just doing my exercise.

786
00:45:21,774 --> 00:45:24,229
Yes. But this is important, what I'm saying.

787
00:45:24,318 --> 00:45:26,275
- Can you...
- Yes, but my exercise, too.

788
00:45:26,361 --> 00:45:28,400
- Yes. I know, but...
- I need it for my muscle.

789
00:45:28,488 --> 00:45:31,109
- You look like you're having a fit.
- No, I'm not.

790
00:45:31,199 --> 00:45:35,030
Isobel. Isobel, I'm serious.
I want you to move in with me.

791
00:45:35,119 --> 00:45:37,360
I'm serious.

792
00:45:37,454 --> 00:45:39,910
I think that you should live with me

793
00:45:39,998 --> 00:45:43,414
and I think we would have
a lot of fun together.

794
00:45:43,501 --> 00:45:47,415
- I'm not sure about anything, you know?
- What do you mean?

795
00:45:47,505 --> 00:45:51,419
I'm just thinking of it. It's
such a big decision for me, too.

796
00:45:51,508 --> 00:45:53,086
I know it's a big decision for you, too.

797
00:45:53,177 --> 00:45:57,672
It wasn't so easy to leave my husband,
and now to think of the children...

798
00:45:57,764 --> 00:45:59,507
It's good that you left your husband, though.

799
00:45:59,599 --> 00:46:02,386
- I think it's a good thing.
- Yes, I'm sure of it, too.

800
00:46:02,476 --> 00:46:03,591
And I think it would be...

801
00:46:03,686 --> 00:46:06,093
But I'm not sure about the rest, you know.

802
00:46:06,188 --> 00:46:07,931
It frighten me, too.

803
00:46:11,359 --> 00:46:14,111
I think we have to think about it.

804
00:46:14,195 --> 00:46:16,768
I see. So now that I feel
that you should live with me,

805
00:46:16,864 --> 00:46:19,070
now you, all of a sudden,
you feel differently, right?

806
00:46:19,158 --> 00:46:21,613
But it is not so clear.

807
00:46:21,702 --> 00:46:25,616
But don't you see? To me,
you may be the perfect woman.

808
00:46:31,878 --> 00:46:35,922
You're mad. Youre a respected,
well-known, established New York doctor.

809
00:46:36,006 --> 00:46:37,963
How could you get involved
in something like this?

810
00:46:38,050 --> 00:46:39,841
But, you know, I've never
been able to fall in love.

811
00:46:39,926 --> 00:46:42,002
I've never been able to
find the perfect woman.

812
00:46:42,095 --> 00:46:44,383
There's always something
wrong. And then I met Doris.

813
00:46:44,472 --> 00:46:46,630
A wonderful woman, great personality.

814
00:46:46,724 --> 00:46:50,556
But, for some reason, I'm just not turned
on sexually by her. Dont ask me why.

815
00:46:50,644 --> 00:46:54,476
And then I met Rita. An
animal. Nasty, mean, trouble.

816
00:46:54,564 --> 00:46:56,142
And I love going to bed with her.

817
00:46:56,233 --> 00:46:59,317
Though afterward I always wished
that I was back with Doris.

818
00:46:59,402 --> 00:47:03,565
Then I thought to myself, if only I
could put Doris's brain in Rita's body.

819
00:47:03,656 --> 00:47:04,936
Wouldn't that be wonderful?

820
00:47:05,032 --> 00:47:07,487
And I thought, why not?
What the hell? I'm a surgeon.

821
00:47:07,576 --> 00:47:10,197
Surgeon? Where'd you study
medicine, in Transylvania?

822
00:47:10,287 --> 00:47:13,869
So I performed the operation
and everything went perfectly.

823
00:47:13,957 --> 00:47:18,452
I switched their personalities and I took
all the badness and put it over there,

824
00:47:18,544 --> 00:47:21,829
and I made Rita into a warm,
wonderful, charming, sexy, sweet,

825
00:47:21,922 --> 00:47:23,582
giving, mature woman.

826
00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,915
And then I fell in love with Doris.

827
00:47:27,677 --> 00:47:30,512
Do you really feel there's
such a thing as a perfect mate?

828
00:47:30,596 --> 00:47:35,057
I mean, don't you think the basis of any
mature relationship is really compromise?

829
00:47:35,142 --> 00:47:37,977
I think any relationship is not based on

830
00:47:38,061 --> 00:47:40,682
either compromise or maturity
or perfection or any of that.

831
00:47:40,772 --> 00:47:43,310
It's really based on luck. You
know, that's the key thing.

832
00:47:43,399 --> 00:47:46,400
People don't like to acknowledge that
because it means a loss of control,

833
00:47:46,486 --> 00:47:48,561
but you really have to be lucky.

834
00:47:48,654 --> 00:47:50,563
I have a question for Mr. Roberts.

835
00:47:50,656 --> 00:47:53,360
Was the scene between you and
Sandy Bates at the wax museum

836
00:47:53,450 --> 00:47:57,530
<i>a homage to Vincent Prices
horror movie the House of Wax?</i>

837
00:47:57,620 --> 00:48:01,155
An homage? Not exactly. We
just stole the idea outright.

838
00:48:17,346 --> 00:48:20,466
You set things up so you
can play a little golf,

839
00:48:20,557 --> 00:48:23,807
you get a little poon, you
smoke some good grass...

840
00:48:23,894 --> 00:48:26,052
- Yeah, keep going. ... and
that's what life's about.

841
00:48:26,146 --> 00:48:29,396
- It's shallow. It's shallow.
- Shallow?

842
00:48:29,482 --> 00:48:31,521
Did you see the shallow girl that I'm with?

843
00:48:31,609 --> 00:48:33,269
- No, I haven't.
- Playboy centerfold.

844
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:37,061
- Perfect. You met her in a hot tub, right?
- She's a lovely girl. She's very healthy.

845
00:48:37,156 --> 00:48:40,654
- Into massage, right?
- She won't eat meat, sweets,

846
00:48:40,742 --> 00:48:42,781
- just amphetamines.
- Yeah. Exactly.

847
00:48:42,869 --> 00:48:46,072
You don't make such good picks. A lot
of your picks left a lot to be desired.

848
00:48:46,164 --> 00:48:48,785
Like what? Like what? Like
Dorrie? Dorrie was fabulous.

849
00:48:48,874 --> 00:48:50,368
- Dorrie was a loony.
- Dorrie was great.

850
00:48:50,459 --> 00:48:53,662
- She was bright, she was quick...
- She was bright, there's no question.

851
00:48:53,754 --> 00:48:55,711
Yeah. She had a perfect personality.

852
00:48:55,797 --> 00:48:58,833
She was completely
self-conscious out of bed,

853
00:48:58,925 --> 00:49:01,083
and when you got her in bed she
was completely unselfconscious.

854
00:49:01,177 --> 00:49:02,505
I mean, it's a perfect balance.

855
00:49:02,595 --> 00:49:05,132
Yeah. Yeah, she could be
very fine and funny and bright

856
00:49:05,222 --> 00:49:06,965
and wonderful two days a month.

857
00:49:07,057 --> 00:49:10,805
- The other 28, she was lost.
- But what a two days, let me tell you.

858
00:49:10,894 --> 00:49:13,764
When she was on, she was
a 10. She was dynamite.

859
00:49:15,314 --> 00:49:17,437
<i>TONY: Do you remember when we
went to that place with the pipes?</i>

860
00:49:17,525 --> 00:49:19,980
<i>- That was her photography period.
- That was hilarious.</i>

861
00:49:20,069 --> 00:49:21,313
<i>I remember you bought her a camera.</i>

862
00:49:21,403 --> 00:49:24,238
<i>Well, she kept hinting. That's
all she hinted was for a camera.</i>

863
00:49:24,322 --> 00:49:25,603
<i>And graphics. That's all she talked about.</i>

864
00:49:25,699 --> 00:49:28,154
<i>- Yeah, she was obsessed.
- Well, you like to pose for pictures.</i>

865
00:49:28,243 --> 00:49:30,733
<i>Oh, you were in all your hammy glory.</i>

866
00:49:30,828 --> 00:49:34,161
<i>I wanted to go hear jazz, and you
guys wanted to go home and rehearse.</i>

867
00:49:34,248 --> 00:49:37,747
<i>We had to rehearse. Were artists.
We had work to do that night.</i>

868
00:49:37,834 --> 00:49:39,328
<i>I can imagine.</i>

869
00:49:46,008 --> 00:49:49,342
Hey, Sandy. Jerry Abraham.
Remember me? We grew up together.

870
00:49:49,428 --> 00:49:51,255
Of course. You asked me this the other day.

871
00:49:51,346 --> 00:49:53,255
Of course, I remember you.
Why should I forget you?

872
00:49:53,348 --> 00:49:56,183
Well, you know, people grow up, they
become big hotshots, they forget.

873
00:49:56,267 --> 00:49:58,936
- We played stickball together, right?
- Yeah. We went to Hebrew school, too.

874
00:49:59,020 --> 00:50:00,395
Yeah. So what are you
doing? What are you up to?

875
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,353
You know what I do now? I drive a cab.

876
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:04,765
Well, you look good. There's
nothing wrong with that.

877
00:50:04,858 --> 00:50:07,017
Yeah, but look at me compared to you.

878
00:50:07,110 --> 00:50:09,648
- I mean, all those beautiful broads.
- Jesus.

879
00:50:09,738 --> 00:50:11,529
- You know, that's great.
- What do you want me to say?

880
00:50:11,614 --> 00:50:14,188
I was the kid in the neighborhood
that told the jokes, right?

881
00:50:14,283 --> 00:50:19,028
So we live in a society that puts
a big value on jokes, you know?

882
00:50:19,121 --> 00:50:20,532
Think of it this way.

883
00:50:20,622 --> 00:50:24,454
If I had been an Apache Indian, those
guys didn't need comedians at all, right?

884
00:50:24,543 --> 00:50:25,705
- So?
- So I'd be out of work.

885
00:50:25,794 --> 00:50:26,873
Oh, come on.

886
00:50:26,961 --> 00:50:30,330
That doesn't help me feel better, you know.

887
00:50:30,423 --> 00:50:32,415
I don't know what to say.
I got such a headache.

888
00:50:32,508 --> 00:50:34,465
You know, its luck. It's
all luck. I was lucky.

889
00:50:34,551 --> 00:50:36,129
I'm the first to admit I was a lucky bum.

890
00:50:36,220 --> 00:50:40,133
If I was not born in Brooklyn, if
I had been born in Poland or Berlin,

891
00:50:40,223 --> 00:50:42,180
- Id be a lampshade today, right?
- Right.

892
00:50:42,267 --> 00:50:44,010
It could happen just like that.

893
00:50:44,102 --> 00:50:46,853
So, you know, be thankful
that you're not Nat Bernstein.

894
00:50:46,937 --> 00:50:49,179
- Nat Bernstein?
- Yeah, wasted away.

895
00:50:49,273 --> 00:50:50,897
Incurable disease.

896
00:50:50,983 --> 00:50:53,900
- It was absolutely terrible.
- Oh, wow.

897
00:51:23,637 --> 00:51:26,044
Well, yes, of course, Harvey.

898
00:51:26,139 --> 00:51:28,843
No, I understand that. Of course.

899
00:51:28,933 --> 00:51:32,882
The point is its immoral for
them to touch the end of my film.

900
00:51:33,270 --> 00:51:36,354
Jesus. Well, I don't know what to say.

901
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:38,516
So then we'll sue them.

902
00:51:38,608 --> 00:51:43,733
Can you call me back later this
afternoon at the hotel and find out?

903
00:51:43,821 --> 00:51:47,521
Well, yes, I'll be... Later this afternoon.

904
00:51:47,616 --> 00:51:49,822
Okay, okay.

905
00:51:50,411 --> 00:51:53,162
No, the thing is,
I'm kind of crazy right now.

906
00:51:53,246 --> 00:51:56,994
I guess I just don't seem to
be able to sleep, you know?

907
00:51:57,083 --> 00:51:59,490
I have to do some practicing on the violin

908
00:51:59,585 --> 00:52:03,583
cause I got to go back to the
philharmonic in a couple of weeks.

909
00:52:03,672 --> 00:52:06,080
But, you know...

910
00:52:06,175 --> 00:52:11,334
Last night I had a migraine,
and so I took some Darvon,

911
00:52:11,429 --> 00:52:16,850
and that made me so nervous that I
took 40 milligrams of Valium, you know.

912
00:52:16,934 --> 00:52:20,978
And then I still couldn't
sleep. I was up all night.

913
00:52:21,063 --> 00:52:22,972
Yeah, well...

914
00:52:23,857 --> 00:52:27,308
Well, I got a message on my
service that Sarah called.

915
00:52:27,902 --> 00:52:30,475
Yeah, I know. I haven't talked
to her in about a year, you know.

916
00:52:30,571 --> 00:52:34,865
And I got upset. I started eating.

917
00:52:34,950 --> 00:52:37,239
I ate a pound of cookies last night.

918
00:52:37,327 --> 00:52:40,197
Yeah, I'm really fat. Really fat.

919
00:52:40,288 --> 00:52:44,332
Jack was so sweet about it.

920
00:52:44,417 --> 00:52:47,536
No, he doesn't know about
my relationship with her.

921
00:52:47,628 --> 00:52:52,669
I mean, he knows that we lived together
in Israel but he doesn't know the...

922
00:52:52,758 --> 00:52:55,544
He was so affectionate last night in bed.

923
00:52:55,635 --> 00:52:57,343
You know, he wanted...

924
00:52:57,428 --> 00:52:59,670
I told him I had herpes.

925
00:53:00,848 --> 00:53:04,430
Yeah. No, take the call. I'll hold on.

926
00:53:04,518 --> 00:53:06,641
No, I'll hold on a second.

927
00:53:08,021 --> 00:53:10,512
I don't like the idea of
your kids riding on the train alone.

928
00:53:10,607 --> 00:53:13,524
- They will be okay, I'm sure.
- Who knows what goes on in those things.

929
00:53:13,609 --> 00:53:15,103
You know, there's a lot
of weird people out there.

930
00:53:15,194 --> 00:53:19,191
A lot of perverts and crazies. They're
liable to get molested or robbed.

931
00:53:19,281 --> 00:53:21,854
Not my children. Maybe the other way around.

932
00:53:21,950 --> 00:53:24,951
If I knew exactly when they're coming,
my chauffeur could have picked them up.

933
00:53:25,036 --> 00:53:26,863
He could have broken
out of jail and got them.

934
00:53:26,955 --> 00:53:28,781
- Are you Sandy Bates?
- No.

935
00:53:28,873 --> 00:53:30,830
- The kids'll probably be starved.
- Yes, you are.

936
00:53:30,916 --> 00:53:31,996
No, no, no.

937
00:53:32,084 --> 00:53:34,871
My mother buys meat in the same
butcher shop your mother does.

938
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:36,753
- Oh, great.
- Can I have your autograph?

939
00:53:36,838 --> 00:53:38,001
Oh, jeez!

940
00:53:38,089 --> 00:53:40,165
Could you just write, To Phyllis Weinstein,

941
00:53:40,258 --> 00:53:42,167
you unfaithful, lying bitch??

942
00:53:46,889 --> 00:53:48,300
Okay, okay.

943
00:53:48,807 --> 00:53:51,132
We can sit by the window. It'll be nice.

944
00:53:53,562 --> 00:53:56,598
Okay. We'll sit by the
window and have a nice time.

945
00:53:56,689 --> 00:54:00,521
Don't attract attention. Don't
attract too much attention.

946
00:54:00,609 --> 00:54:02,566
Okay, okay.

947
00:54:03,237 --> 00:54:05,906
Uncle Sandy... Can I put you down first?

948
00:54:05,989 --> 00:54:09,109
Heavy kid! Jeez, she's really heavy.

949
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,359
Uncle Sandy...

950
00:54:14,747 --> 00:54:16,324
Okay, okay.

951
00:54:18,125 --> 00:54:20,414
We don't want to attract too much attention.

952
00:54:23,713 --> 00:54:25,255
Blonde kids.

953
00:54:56,451 --> 00:54:58,277
- Thank you.
- Happy birthday, boy.

954
00:54:58,369 --> 00:55:00,408
You didn't have to do that.

955
00:55:00,871 --> 00:55:01,986
Wow.

956
00:55:05,042 --> 00:55:07,959
- What are you thinking about?
- I'm knocked out by this.

957
00:55:08,044 --> 00:55:10,333
You know, you really didn't have to do this.

958
00:55:10,421 --> 00:55:11,999
- I never forget a birthday.
- This is so great.

959
00:55:12,090 --> 00:55:14,545
But how did you know its
exactly what I wanted?

960
00:55:14,634 --> 00:55:15,665
You always wanted to learn.

961
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:18,001
<i>Yeah. I wanted... Will this
play the Mozart Flute Concerto?</i>

962
00:55:18,095 --> 00:55:19,174
You have to do that.

963
00:55:19,263 --> 00:55:21,172
Oh, I have to do it? You mean it doesn't...

964
00:55:21,264 --> 00:55:24,051
Oh, Dorrie, this is a big day for me here.

965
00:55:25,393 --> 00:55:27,966
<i>The Way of Zen. What are
you trying to tell me?</i>

966
00:55:28,062 --> 00:55:31,098
That I'm not at peace, right? I
think I need more than a Zen book.

967
00:55:31,190 --> 00:55:36,266
I need either a good rabbi analyst
or interplanetary genius to...

968
00:55:36,361 --> 00:55:37,689
What is that?

969
00:55:37,779 --> 00:55:40,151
Oh, Dorrie, what...

970
00:55:40,823 --> 00:55:45,818
Unbelievable. How did you get that?
I thought the museum was gonna buy it.

971
00:55:45,911 --> 00:55:48,663
- Yeah, well, I knew you loved it.
- This must have cost you a fortune.

972
00:55:48,747 --> 00:55:51,368
How could you do that? It's so extravagant.

973
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,242
That's... Gee, I...

974
00:55:54,586 --> 00:55:57,456
You got nothing else for
me? I mean, just three?

975
00:55:57,547 --> 00:56:00,583
When I was a kid, the thing that
I always wanted was an elephant.

976
00:56:00,674 --> 00:56:03,212
You know, and I could never
convince my mother to get one for me.

977
00:56:03,302 --> 00:56:06,801
- I would have got you an elephant.
- Yeah, but where were you?

978
00:56:07,055 --> 00:56:09,546
- Hey, look who it is.
- Hey, hi.

979
00:56:09,641 --> 00:56:11,633
- Hi, you guys.
- Hi, Sandy.

980
00:56:11,726 --> 00:56:15,225
- Hey, there's the kids.
- This is Isobel. And this is Daisy and Jack.

981
00:56:15,312 --> 00:56:19,061
We were just at the train
station. Her kids just came in.

982
00:56:19,149 --> 00:56:21,142
- Great-looking kids. -
Yeah. They're wonderful.

983
00:56:21,234 --> 00:56:23,807
Were gonna get them some ice cream.

984
00:56:23,903 --> 00:56:26,145
What have you guys been doing?

985
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:28,564
- We were walking around town.
- Yeah, it's dead, isn't it?

986
00:56:28,658 --> 00:56:30,317
<i>Did you know The Bicycle
Thief is playing in town?</i>

987
00:56:30,409 --> 00:56:33,114
- Really? That would be a great...
- I've never seen it.

988
00:56:33,203 --> 00:56:36,572
<i>- You've never seen The Bicycle Thief?
- It's a movie I've seen five times.</i>

989
00:56:36,665 --> 00:56:38,704
<i>Oh, we should see it. Do you
wanna see The Bicycle Thief?</i>

990
00:56:38,792 --> 00:56:40,451
No, no thanks. I have
to get the children home.

991
00:56:40,543 --> 00:56:41,741
Oh, but she's never seen it.

992
00:56:41,836 --> 00:56:44,078
<i>Why don't you guys go see The Bicycle Thief?</i>

993
00:56:44,171 --> 00:56:46,080
I'll go home and read my Agatha Christie.

994
00:56:46,173 --> 00:56:48,130
I would love to see it. I've
seen it, but I would love to.

995
00:56:48,217 --> 00:56:50,505
I can take you back in the
car if you don't wanna go.

996
00:57:08,193 --> 00:57:10,351
It's a great film. I mean, it's great.

997
00:57:10,445 --> 00:57:12,402
But, you know... But you
got to look at it in context.

998
00:57:12,488 --> 00:57:15,275
- I mean it's about survival in postwar Italy.
- I was looking at it in context.

999
00:57:15,366 --> 00:57:17,654
Right. But you can't divorce
it from its social roots.

1000
00:57:17,743 --> 00:57:19,984
But it's much deeper than a social problem.

1001
00:57:20,078 --> 00:57:22,569
I mean, you know, there's so
many wonderful ambiguities in it.

1002
00:57:22,664 --> 00:57:25,415
- It's much more profound.
- Yeah, but the conflict is clear. Right?

1003
00:57:25,500 --> 00:57:27,955
He's got to have the bicycle
or he's gonna starve to death.

1004
00:57:28,044 --> 00:57:31,128
Yes. Of course. But forget about
a social problem for a minute.

1005
00:57:31,213 --> 00:57:33,170
- Yeah.
- I mean, you know, obviously...

1006
00:57:33,257 --> 00:57:34,336
What is this place?

1007
00:57:34,424 --> 00:57:37,129
Obviously if you don't have
enough to eat or something,

1008
00:57:37,219 --> 00:57:38,713
that becomes a major problem.

1009
00:57:38,803 --> 00:57:40,381
I mean, the issues become very clear-cut.

1010
00:57:40,471 --> 00:57:43,970
But what happens if you're living in
a more, you know, affluent society

1011
00:57:44,058 --> 00:57:46,181
and you're lucky enough to
not have to worry about that?

1012
00:57:46,268 --> 00:57:47,810
- Let's say youre surviving.
- Yeah. All right.

1013
00:57:47,895 --> 00:57:51,180
So then your problems become
how can I fall in love,

1014
00:57:51,273 --> 00:57:53,680
or why can't I fall in love, more accurately,

1015
00:57:53,775 --> 00:57:56,479
and why do I age and die,

1016
00:57:56,569 --> 00:57:58,811
and what meaning can my life possibly have?

1017
00:57:58,904 --> 00:58:02,071
You know, the issues
become very complex for you.

1018
00:58:02,157 --> 00:58:04,066
You know, for a guy who
makes a lot of funny movies,

1019
00:58:04,159 --> 00:58:06,152
you're kind of a depressive, you know.

1020
00:58:06,244 --> 00:58:07,904
I'm not a depressive.

1021
00:58:07,996 --> 00:58:09,620
- I have a good time. I have laughs. Yeah.
- Yeah?

1022
00:58:09,706 --> 00:58:11,164
- Do you?
- Why? Do you not think so?

1023
00:58:11,249 --> 00:58:14,415
Oh, I don't know. Like what do
you do, for example, for laughs?

1024
00:58:14,502 --> 00:58:18,451
What do I do? The usual, you know.
Read, walk, communicate, all that stuff.

1025
00:58:18,547 --> 00:58:22,165
Get undressed and perform the
Heimlich maneuver on a loved one.

1026
00:58:23,426 --> 00:58:25,549
You know, I was having a
good time this afternoon.

1027
00:58:25,637 --> 00:58:27,878
Why, has this been dreary
for you? Have I been boring?

1028
00:58:27,972 --> 00:58:29,134
- No. No.
- Tell me the truth.

1029
00:58:29,223 --> 00:58:30,931
No, I've been having a
really good time. Really.

1030
00:58:32,142 --> 00:58:33,340
Sandy?

1031
00:58:38,648 --> 00:58:41,851
Charlotte. Charlotte Ames.

1032
00:58:41,943 --> 00:58:43,223
Your mother.

1033
00:58:44,195 --> 00:58:47,480
How you doing? I just knew
that was you back there.

1034
00:58:49,283 --> 00:58:52,485
- You don't recognize me, right?
- Sure I do.

1035
00:58:52,577 --> 00:58:55,198
It's okay. I had some face work done.

1036
00:58:57,540 --> 00:58:59,579
You look astounding.

1037
00:58:59,667 --> 00:59:00,746
Would you believe it?

1038
00:59:00,834 --> 00:59:03,290
Would you believe I played
your mother in a movie?

1039
00:59:03,378 --> 00:59:05,916
- I'm amazed.
- Thank you.

1040
00:59:06,006 --> 00:59:08,045
What a funny coincidence.

1041
00:59:08,133 --> 00:59:11,133
I had my face done. I had my
breasts done. I had my ass done.

1042
00:59:11,219 --> 00:59:13,709
I got some procaine and silicone,
some nipping and tucking.

1043
00:59:13,804 --> 00:59:16,260
That's more work than they
do on the West Side Highway.

1044
00:59:16,348 --> 00:59:18,424
- Well...
- But why? I don't understand you.

1045
00:59:18,517 --> 00:59:21,471
You were always a wonderful-looking...

1046
00:59:21,561 --> 00:59:25,226
You know. I'm an actress.
You got to keep young.

1047
00:59:25,315 --> 00:59:28,268
- Otherwise the public loses interest.
- You always looked great to me.

1048
00:59:28,359 --> 00:59:30,435
- Let me tell you.
- Wow. That's sweet.

1049
00:59:30,528 --> 00:59:32,935
Listen, tell me, what the
hell are you doing up here?

1050
00:59:33,030 --> 00:59:35,865
I was just driving through.
We were at the movies.

1051
00:59:35,949 --> 00:59:38,440
I'm still stunned to see you, I must say.

1052
00:59:38,535 --> 00:59:43,279
You got to tell me whatever happened
to what's-her-name? That actress. Dorrie.

1053
00:59:43,372 --> 00:59:45,448
Dorrie? Dorrie's okay.

1054
00:59:45,541 --> 00:59:49,834
Dorrie's living in Hawaii, and
she's married, and she's fine.

1055
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,624
- I liked her. She was special.
- She was great.

1056
00:59:52,714 --> 00:59:54,623
I mean, I really dug her.

1057
00:59:56,634 --> 00:59:58,673
I can't play this. I don't
have that kind of flair.

1058
00:59:58,761 --> 01:00:01,465
Will you stop it? You're fine.
You just refuse to trust yourself.

1059
01:00:01,555 --> 01:00:03,298
I'm no good. I dont know what you see in me.

1060
01:00:03,390 --> 01:00:06,141
Will you relax? You're a bundle
of nerves. Youre great.

1061
01:00:06,226 --> 01:00:08,598
I should be playing Cynthia's
role, she should be playing mine.

1062
01:00:08,686 --> 01:00:10,643
She's much funnier and a lot more beautiful.

1063
01:00:10,730 --> 01:00:12,438
She's fine, but youre great, too.

1064
01:00:12,523 --> 01:00:14,599
The crew laughs at her. They
can't take their eyes off her.

1065
01:00:14,692 --> 01:00:17,609
- Oh, stop it. What are you taking?
- My diet pill.

1066
01:00:17,694 --> 01:00:19,936
- That's speed.
- I dont wanna be fat.

1067
01:00:20,030 --> 01:00:22,521
Fat? How can you be fat? There's no chance...

1068
01:00:22,615 --> 01:00:25,153
I am. I'm overweight. You just
refuse to see my bad points.

1069
01:00:25,243 --> 01:00:27,116
You're killing yourself with those diets.

1070
01:00:27,203 --> 01:00:30,322
First it's no pills, then it's
all pills, then it was no steak,

1071
01:00:30,414 --> 01:00:33,830
and then it was six steaks a
day and 12 glasses of water.

1072
01:00:33,917 --> 01:00:35,708
- I'm tired of feeling gross.
- Youre not gross.

1073
01:00:35,794 --> 01:00:38,581
Obviously you're gonna kill
your appetite if you take speed,

1074
01:00:38,671 --> 01:00:39,786
but then you can't sleep nights.

1075
01:00:39,881 --> 01:00:41,375
You got to take those
terrible sleeping pills.

1076
01:00:41,466 --> 01:00:43,173
And you mix that garbage
with your antidepressants...

1077
01:00:43,259 --> 01:00:45,381
- The doctor said it was fine.
- You never asked the doctor.

1078
01:00:45,469 --> 01:00:49,003
Stop telling me. Is she
fat? Is she fat? Talk to her.

1079
01:00:49,097 --> 01:00:52,181
- Talk to her. I can't believe...
- Listen, Dorrie. Listen to me.

1080
01:00:52,267 --> 01:00:55,351
You are such a sweet, young and beautiful...

1081
01:00:55,436 --> 01:00:56,811
Anything you do looks right.

1082
01:00:56,896 --> 01:00:59,351
Honestly, you're at the age where
you can't do anything wrong.

1083
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:00,554
Hey, come on.

1084
01:01:00,649 --> 01:01:02,357
If you had scar tissue,
it would be beautiful.

1085
01:01:02,442 --> 01:01:04,020
She refuses to believe anything.

1086
01:01:04,111 --> 01:01:06,436
Listen, I'm the one with crow's
feet on her crow's feet, huh?

1087
01:01:06,529 --> 01:01:09,696
You're wonderful.
The picture's almost over.

1088
01:01:09,782 --> 01:01:11,739
Why don't we go away for a
while? We could drop out.

1089
01:01:11,826 --> 01:01:13,652
We can have a kid or something.
Would you like to do that?

1090
01:01:13,744 --> 01:01:14,823
You know I'd like that.

1091
01:01:14,912 --> 01:01:17,403
All right. So, of course, wed
have to fool around a little bit,

1092
01:01:17,498 --> 01:01:20,071
but, you know, you could swing
that if you put your mind to it.

1093
01:01:20,167 --> 01:01:23,950
Oh, shit! Now my skin hurts. That's
a sure sign I'm getting depressed.

1094
01:01:26,797 --> 01:01:29,798
So do I really remind
you of an old girlfriend?

1095
01:01:29,884 --> 01:01:32,670
That's not bad for a little
violinist from Winnetka, you know.

1096
01:01:32,761 --> 01:01:35,168
Yeah, I got to give you
my one classical music joke

1097
01:01:35,263 --> 01:01:39,213
which I put in every single
picture, and I invariably cut it out.

1098
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:42,267
I don't know much about classical music.

1099
01:01:42,353 --> 01:01:44,061
For years, I thought the Goldberg Variations

1100
01:01:44,146 --> 01:01:46,684
were something Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg
tried on their wedding night.

1101
01:01:46,774 --> 01:01:48,766
Yeah. You see why it goes
out of the picture, right?

1102
01:01:48,859 --> 01:01:50,483
- Great gag.
- Yeah.

1103
01:01:50,569 --> 01:01:52,775
So, how do I remind you of Dorrie?

1104
01:01:52,862 --> 01:01:54,025
- How?
- Yeah.

1105
01:01:54,113 --> 01:01:59,273
Well, you guys are both, you know,
sort of seductive and attractive.

1106
01:01:59,368 --> 01:02:02,653
Stop me if this gets nauseating.
And, you know, beautiful.

1107
01:02:02,746 --> 01:02:05,284
And there's a... Not a tragic
sense, I wouldnt say,

1108
01:02:05,373 --> 01:02:08,160
but there's kind of, you know, a lost feeling.

1109
01:02:08,293 --> 01:02:09,787
- Really?
- Little bit. Yeah.

1110
01:02:09,877 --> 01:02:13,791
Yeah. A sort of... I don't know
you well enough to say that,

1111
01:02:13,881 --> 01:02:17,499
but, you know, I would guess
it's just kind of a lost quality.

1112
01:02:17,593 --> 01:02:18,755
Yeah?

1113
01:02:18,969 --> 01:02:20,000
Yeah.

1114
01:02:20,095 --> 01:02:23,795
- Oh, Jesus.
- What's the matter? What's going on?

1115
01:02:23,890 --> 01:02:26,974
Yeah. The goddamn chauffeur
never takes care of the car.

1116
01:02:27,059 --> 01:02:30,594
Hang on. Oh, brother! I got to... Yeah.

1117
01:02:30,688 --> 01:02:34,436
Oh, Jesus. Really annoying.

1118
01:02:40,154 --> 01:02:41,981
- No, I know. No.
- This is absurd.

1119
01:02:42,073 --> 01:02:45,157
You know, it's starting to get dark,
there's no people, there's no...

1120
01:02:45,242 --> 01:02:46,522
There's, you know...

1121
01:02:46,618 --> 01:02:49,952
Yeah, well, I'm sure we're
gonna find something very soon.

1122
01:02:50,038 --> 01:02:51,829
- I don't know.
- There's got to be something around here.

1123
01:02:51,915 --> 01:02:54,619
They're gonna find us wandering
in the woods six months from now,

1124
01:02:54,709 --> 01:02:56,582
living on locusts and wild honey.

1125
01:02:57,837 --> 01:02:59,165
What the hell is that?

1126
01:03:03,633 --> 01:03:08,176
In the Earths trinity there are three
signs, the Taurus, the Virgo, the Capricorn.

1127
01:03:08,263 --> 01:03:11,347
The Taurean's are determined,
the Virgos analytical,

1128
01:03:11,432 --> 01:03:13,223
and the Capricornean's persevering.

1129
01:03:13,309 --> 01:03:15,135
Were not discussing
astrology. This is science.

1130
01:03:15,227 --> 01:03:16,970
Oh, come on! Science has failed.

1131
01:03:17,062 --> 01:03:18,177
How can you say its failed?

1132
01:03:18,271 --> 01:03:20,478
Yes, you're just saying that because
it hasn't solved every problem.

1133
01:03:20,565 --> 01:03:22,225
- Yeah, look at penicillin.
- And look at space satellites.

1134
01:03:22,317 --> 01:03:24,309
Open-heart surgery, heart transplants.

1135
01:03:24,402 --> 01:03:27,936
My husband's alive, six months now,
using a different person's heart.

1136
01:03:28,030 --> 01:03:30,272
It's a Japanese heart, but he seems happy.

1137
01:03:30,366 --> 01:03:31,776
Can we get back to the subject of UFOs?

1138
01:03:31,867 --> 01:03:34,025
I mean, that's what this
party's for, anyway, isn't it?

1139
01:03:34,119 --> 01:03:37,653
- Is it true that you're a UFO freak?
- No, no, no. Our car broke down.

1140
01:03:37,747 --> 01:03:39,870
- I really admire your work, sir.
- Well, thanks very much.

1141
01:03:39,957 --> 01:03:41,701
- You have such a degenerate mind.
- Oh, thank you.

1142
01:03:41,792 --> 01:03:44,710
Listen, they're in all different sizes
and they're in all different shapes.

1143
01:03:44,795 --> 01:03:46,669
- You mean you actually see them?
- Every night.

1144
01:03:46,755 --> 01:03:48,000
Is this your girlfriend?

1145
01:03:48,090 --> 01:03:50,248
- She's just a friend.
- Are you both into Martians?

1146
01:03:50,342 --> 01:03:53,342
I know you don't like to do
this, but can I kiss you?

1147
01:03:53,428 --> 01:03:56,097
Hey, you know, you should make
a film about flying saucers.

1148
01:03:56,180 --> 01:03:58,635
Yeah, you only make films about
people with personality disorders.

1149
01:03:58,724 --> 01:03:59,803
- Sandy.
- Yeah.

1150
01:03:59,892 --> 01:04:02,561
I can prove that if there's life
anywhere else in the universe,

1151
01:04:02,644 --> 01:04:04,055
they will have a Marxist economy.

1152
01:04:04,146 --> 01:04:05,640
- Mr. Bates? Excuse me.
- Yes. Yes.

1153
01:04:05,730 --> 01:04:07,853
I'm an occult nutritionist. I was wondering...

1154
01:04:07,941 --> 01:04:11,107
Mr. Bates? Excuse me. What have
you got against intellectuals?

1155
01:04:11,193 --> 01:04:14,562
- Intellectuals? Nothing. Why?
- Mr. Bates, I've seen all your films.

1156
01:04:14,655 --> 01:04:17,110
- You really feel threatened by them.
- Threatened? You're kidding.

1157
01:04:17,199 --> 01:04:19,986
I've always said they're like the
Mafia. They only kill their own.

1158
01:04:20,076 --> 01:04:22,781
That's exactly the attitude
I was talking about.

1159
01:04:22,870 --> 01:04:25,278
You believe in magic. I know,
I've read all your interviews.

1160
01:04:25,373 --> 01:04:29,536
No, no, I do... I used to do magic
tricks when I was a kid, but no more.

1161
01:04:29,626 --> 01:04:32,034
So what are you guys here for?
To see flying saucers land?

1162
01:04:32,129 --> 01:04:33,160
Is that gonna happen tonight?

1163
01:04:33,255 --> 01:04:35,876
When they arrive, its gonna be the
dawn of a whole new civilization.

1164
01:04:35,965 --> 01:04:38,717
Space creatures conspiring
with the Soviet government

1165
01:04:38,801 --> 01:04:42,300
already control our thoughts by
sending out electrical currents

1166
01:04:42,388 --> 01:04:45,756
from the top of the Empire State
Building, and I'm the only one that knows.

1167
01:04:45,849 --> 01:04:47,806
If you're alienated, can
you still have children?

1168
01:04:47,893 --> 01:04:49,932
Sure. Alienation only affects the mind.

1169
01:04:50,020 --> 01:04:52,937
It has nothing to do with
the rest of your body.

1170
01:04:53,022 --> 01:04:57,066
Sandy! Sandy, you know, this is
exactly like one of your satires.

1171
01:04:57,151 --> 01:04:59,309
It's like were all characters in some film

1172
01:04:59,403 --> 01:05:01,609
being watched in Gods private screening room.

1173
01:05:03,532 --> 01:05:05,987
- So, I thought I saw a UFO once.
- Really?

1174
01:05:06,076 --> 01:05:09,160
Yeah. But I had taken a lot of
mescaline at the time, so I don't know.

1175
01:05:09,245 --> 01:05:10,360
Well, that will do it to you.

1176
01:05:10,454 --> 01:05:12,945
Yeah, I was down in Mexico. I
was with my English professor.

1177
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:14,831
We were having an affair, he was married.

1178
01:05:14,917 --> 01:05:17,205
- It was a really terrible situation.
- You thought you saw a UFO?

1179
01:05:17,294 --> 01:05:19,002
Yeah, we both... We really thought we did.

1180
01:05:19,087 --> 01:05:21,957
Well, that's a delusion.

1181
01:05:22,048 --> 01:05:25,167
I didn't know you did magic tricks.

1182
01:05:25,259 --> 01:05:28,260
Yeah, when I was a kid. I
always practiced to be popular.

1183
01:05:28,345 --> 01:05:29,424
So, I used to...

1184
01:05:29,513 --> 01:05:31,636
- I'm getting drunk.
- So can you show me one?

1185
01:05:31,723 --> 01:05:33,680
- You wanna see one?
- Sure.

1186
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:01,238
Our sons a genius.

1187
01:06:01,333 --> 01:06:02,875
He doesn't take after you,
that's for damn sure.

1188
01:06:02,959 --> 01:06:04,786
Well, he surely doesn't take
after your side of the family.

1189
01:06:04,878 --> 01:06:06,420
- Go to hell!
- Shut up!

1190
01:06:06,504 --> 01:06:09,125
If he's such a genius, how come
he can't make funny movies?

1191
01:06:09,215 --> 01:06:12,584
Sandy, we'll sue them if they
touch one frame of your film.

1192
01:06:12,676 --> 01:06:14,170
I promise you, you won't win.

1193
01:06:14,261 --> 01:06:16,218
By the way, Sandy, we got killed by the IRS.

1194
01:06:16,305 --> 01:06:17,964
They started looking at the back taxes.

1195
01:06:18,056 --> 01:06:19,336
Sandy, you're my brother.

1196
01:06:19,432 --> 01:06:21,591
You got to help me change my life. I'm a mess.

1197
01:06:21,684 --> 01:06:24,768
And Sandy, don't forget lunch with the
editors of those high school newspapers.

1198
01:06:24,854 --> 01:06:27,605
And what about the Cancer
Foundation, and the leukemia victims,

1199
01:06:27,690 --> 01:06:29,433
and the political prisoners
all over the world?

1200
01:06:29,525 --> 01:06:33,569
What about the Jews, the
persecution in Europe, in Russia...

1201
01:06:33,653 --> 01:06:37,152
All those silly magic tricks you do
couldn't help your friend Nat Bernstein.

1202
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:39,909
And what about Dorrie? You
know what that was like.

1203
01:06:39,992 --> 01:06:42,068
Do you remember the last time you saw her?

1204
01:06:47,416 --> 01:06:52,077
There's a doctor here that thinks
I'm beautiful and interesting.

1205
01:06:53,796 --> 01:06:57,331
There's a doctor here that thinks
I'm beautiful and interesting.

1206
01:06:59,927 --> 01:07:01,800
Are you seeing anyone?

1207
01:07:05,181 --> 01:07:06,675
You look thin.

1208
01:07:08,351 --> 01:07:11,138
There's a doctor here that's crazy about me.

1209
01:07:12,021 --> 01:07:15,270
Are you seeing any... There's... People's ...

1210
01:07:16,441 --> 01:07:17,935
...be too close.

1211
01:07:18,026 --> 01:07:21,395
I used to swim a lot. I cant
feel anything. Yeah, me too.

1212
01:07:21,487 --> 01:07:24,690
I can't concentrate. There's no
point. Too much. Some fresh air.

1213
01:07:24,782 --> 01:07:26,276
I feel better.

1214
01:07:34,999 --> 01:07:37,669
You were always searching
for the perfect woman.

1215
01:07:37,752 --> 01:07:40,325
You wound up falling in love with me.

1216
01:07:41,047 --> 01:07:43,003
I can't be alone.

1217
01:07:45,801 --> 01:07:47,793
But I can't be too close.

1218
01:07:49,346 --> 01:07:53,639
It's not you, I just can't feel anything.

1219
01:07:56,268 --> 01:07:58,344
Are you going with anyone?

1220
01:08:00,189 --> 01:08:02,097
Are you seeing anyone?

1221
01:08:03,775 --> 01:08:05,933
Are you in love with anyone?

1222
01:08:14,618 --> 01:08:16,160
How do I look?

1223
01:08:31,425 --> 01:08:34,758
Wait a minute. Don't go.
I've got some questions.

1224
01:08:34,844 --> 01:08:37,086
<i>We can't breathe your air.</i>

1225
01:08:37,180 --> 01:08:40,097
Yeah, at the rate we're going,
were not gonna be able to, either.

1226
01:08:40,182 --> 01:08:43,633
You guys got to tell me, why is
there so much human suffering?

1227
01:08:43,727 --> 01:08:45,766
<i>This is unanswerable.</i>

1228
01:08:45,854 --> 01:08:49,554
<i>- Is there a God?
- These are the wrong questions.</i>

1229
01:08:49,649 --> 01:08:53,231
Look, here's my point. If nothing
lasts, why am I bothering to make films,

1230
01:08:53,319 --> 01:08:55,110
or do anything, for that matter?

1231
01:08:55,196 --> 01:08:59,323
<i>We enjoy your films. Particularly
the early, funny ones.</i>

1232
01:08:59,408 --> 01:09:01,899
But the human condition is so discouraging.

1233
01:09:01,993 --> 01:09:04,614
<i>- There are some nice moments, too.
- Yeah, with Dorrie.</i>

1234
01:09:04,704 --> 01:09:08,155
<i>- That's right. And Isobel. Be honest.
- You prefer Isobel?</i>

1235
01:09:08,249 --> 01:09:10,953
<i>There's no comparison. She's a mature woman.</i>

1236
01:09:11,043 --> 01:09:13,201
Mature woman? What are you, my rabbi?

1237
01:09:13,295 --> 01:09:17,755
<i>Hey, look, I'm a super
- intelligent being. By Earth standards, I have an IQ of 1600,</i>

1238
01:09:17,841 --> 01:09:19,798
<i>and I can't even understand what you expected</i>

1239
01:09:19,884 --> 01:09:21,462
<i>from that relationship with Dorrie.</i>

1240
01:09:21,552 --> 01:09:23,379
<i>- I loved her.
- Yeah, I know.</i>

1241
01:09:23,471 --> 01:09:26,092
<i>And two days a month she was the
most exciting woman in the world.</i>

1242
01:09:26,182 --> 01:09:28,672
<i>But the rest of the time
she was a basket case.</i>

1243
01:09:28,767 --> 01:09:31,602
<i>On the other hand, Isobel is
someone that you can count on.</i>

1244
01:09:31,686 --> 01:09:34,604
But shouldn't I stop making movies
and do something that counts,

1245
01:09:34,689 --> 01:09:38,271
like helping blind people, or
becoming a missionary or something?

1246
01:09:38,359 --> 01:09:40,268
<i>Let me tell you, you're
not the missionary type.</i>

1247
01:09:40,361 --> 01:09:41,440
<i>You'd never last.</i>

1248
01:09:41,529 --> 01:09:44,529
<i>And incidentally, you're also
not Superman. Youre a comedian.</i>

1249
01:09:44,615 --> 01:09:48,197
<i>You wanna do mankind a real
service? Tell funnier jokes.</i>

1250
01:09:48,285 --> 01:09:50,954
Yeah, but I've got to find meaning.

1251
01:11:09,690 --> 01:11:11,979
Wouldn't you know it, that
there would be hot air balloons?

1252
01:11:12,067 --> 01:11:15,270
- You didn't really expect saucers, did you?
- I did, yeah. I was hoping...

1253
01:11:15,362 --> 01:11:19,229
I had some very, very profound
questions that I wanted to ask.

1254
01:11:21,743 --> 01:11:24,992
You know, you look
incredibly beautiful to me.

1255
01:11:25,079 --> 01:11:26,324
Well, thanks.

1256
01:11:27,498 --> 01:11:29,289
We should go back to the
hotel, don't you think?

1257
01:11:29,374 --> 01:11:31,248
- No, I don't want to.
- Come on.

1258
01:11:31,334 --> 01:11:32,828
- We've been away for hours.
- No, no.

1259
01:11:32,919 --> 01:11:35,374
- They're gonna be worried about us.
- I never wanna go back to the hotel.

1260
01:11:35,463 --> 01:11:36,494
Never. I wanna...

1261
01:11:36,589 --> 01:11:38,213
What I wanna do is run away with you.

1262
01:11:38,299 --> 01:11:40,422
I'm serious. I wanna get in the
car and just give up everything.

1263
01:11:40,509 --> 01:11:42,003
- You're just a little drunk.
- No, no, no.

1264
01:11:42,094 --> 01:11:44,798
I just wanna give up everything,
and just... We'll move in together.

1265
01:11:44,888 --> 01:11:46,299
I would be no fun to live with.

1266
01:11:46,389 --> 01:11:49,094
You would be nothing but fun. You'd be great.

1267
01:11:49,184 --> 01:11:52,967
I would be very bad trouble,
believe me. You don't know me.

1268
01:11:53,062 --> 01:11:56,431
- Why? What are your problems?
- I just... Men.

1269
01:11:56,523 --> 01:11:59,394
- I have terrible trouble with men.
- Why? Why?

1270
01:11:59,484 --> 01:12:02,770
It's just that whenever a
man gets close I get crazy.

1271
01:12:02,862 --> 01:12:05,270
- Well, you go with Jack.
- That's something else.

1272
01:12:05,365 --> 01:12:07,274
He's very sweet, and he really cares about me.

1273
01:12:07,366 --> 01:12:10,035
And its solid, you know. I need that.

1274
01:12:11,078 --> 01:12:12,905
As soon as I saw you in the lobby,

1275
01:12:12,996 --> 01:12:15,285
I thought that you would
be absolutely fun for me.

1276
01:12:15,373 --> 01:12:17,081
You have an incredible sixth sense

1277
01:12:17,167 --> 01:12:19,492
to pick me out of the whole crowd of people.

1278
01:12:19,586 --> 01:12:24,212
- I'm nothing but trouble.
- Nothing but... I can handle it.

1279
01:12:25,799 --> 01:12:28,634
There they are! What is going on here, Sandy?

1280
01:12:28,719 --> 01:12:30,462
- You know, we sent the police?
- This is disgraceful.

1281
01:12:30,554 --> 01:12:32,131
I thought something terrible had happened.

1282
01:12:32,222 --> 01:12:35,472
- No. The car broke down.
- Out here carousing. I don't believe this.

1283
01:12:35,558 --> 01:12:38,309
What does everybody want
from me? Leave me alone.

1284
01:12:38,394 --> 01:12:40,967
I don't wanna go back.
I'm tired of everything.

1285
01:12:41,063 --> 01:12:45,606
I'm tired of my lawyer and my
accountant, and I can't help anybody.

1286
01:12:45,692 --> 01:12:47,898
I can't help the Cancer Society,

1287
01:12:47,986 --> 01:12:51,401
and I can't help the blind
people and the kidney victims.

1288
01:12:51,489 --> 01:12:54,276
I can't help my sister, and I
dont wanna get married, Isobel.

1289
01:12:54,366 --> 01:12:58,660
It's the last thing I need now is
a family and a commitment and a...

1290
01:12:58,745 --> 01:12:59,860
- Isobel!
- Sandy?

1291
01:12:59,955 --> 01:13:02,528
- Isobel.
- You know you're my hero.

1292
01:13:20,932 --> 01:13:23,553
Oh, my God!
He's dead!

1293
01:13:26,353 --> 01:13:28,678
It's a shame. Poor fool, he's dead,

1294
01:13:28,772 --> 01:13:31,263
and he never really found
out the meaning of life.

1295
01:13:36,571 --> 01:13:40,235
I treated him. He was a complicated patient.

1296
01:13:41,617 --> 01:13:46,278
He saw reality too clearly.
Faulty denial mechanism.

1297
01:13:46,371 --> 01:13:51,079
Failed to block out the
terrible truths of existence.

1298
01:13:51,167 --> 01:13:57,287
In the end, his inability to push away
the awful facts of being in the world

1299
01:13:57,381 --> 01:13:59,669
rendered his life meaningless.

1300
01:13:59,758 --> 01:14:02,712
Or as one great Hollywood producer said,

1301
01:14:02,802 --> 01:14:05,886
Too much reality is not
what the people want.

1302
01:14:06,764 --> 01:14:12,434
Sandy Bates suffered a depression
common to many artists in middle age.

1303
01:14:13,145 --> 01:14:16,809
In my latest paper for
the psychoanalytic journal,

1304
01:14:16,898 --> 01:14:20,682
I have named it Ozymandias Melancholia.

1305
01:14:21,944 --> 01:14:24,731
Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

1306
01:14:26,615 --> 01:14:30,659
Well, Sandy Bates works
will live on after him.

1307
01:14:30,744 --> 01:14:34,112
Yeah, but what good is it if I cant
pinch any women or hear any music?

1308
01:14:34,205 --> 01:14:38,072
And, now, in this classic scene from his
Academy Award winning motion picture...

1309
01:14:38,167 --> 01:14:40,492
I would trade that Oscar
for one more second of life.

1310
01:14:40,586 --> 01:14:45,294
...he deals with the subject of
immortality, a subject that plagued him.

1311
01:14:45,382 --> 01:14:47,458
In this film, he played the part of God.

1312
01:14:47,550 --> 01:14:49,543
This was not easy, folks, because, you know,

1313
01:14:49,636 --> 01:14:52,470
I didn't know what the hell I was doing,
and I dont have a good voice for God.

1314
01:14:52,555 --> 01:14:54,796
He received an Academy Award nomination

1315
01:14:54,890 --> 01:14:57,179
for his convincing portrayal of God,

1316
01:14:57,267 --> 01:15:00,054
although they had to
use another actors voice.

1317
01:15:00,145 --> 01:15:04,059
And though this plaque
is not an Academy Award,

1318
01:15:04,148 --> 01:15:06,983
and its presentation is posthumous,

1319
01:15:07,068 --> 01:15:11,397
I want to present it to that great
comedian, the late Sandy Bates.

1320
01:15:11,488 --> 01:15:13,066
Here you go, Sandy.

1321
01:15:13,156 --> 01:15:14,900
Thank you very much.

1322
01:15:15,825 --> 01:15:16,940
Thank you. Thank you so much.

1323
01:15:17,035 --> 01:15:19,739
I'm very honored to get
this, you can imagine. I...

1324
01:15:19,829 --> 01:15:24,656
You know, some time ago I had a love
affair that ended sort of unhappily,

1325
01:15:24,750 --> 01:15:29,246
and just a little while back,
just before I died, in fact,

1326
01:15:29,337 --> 01:15:30,879
I was on the operating table,

1327
01:15:30,964 --> 01:15:35,672
and I was searching to try and find
something to hang on to, you know.

1328
01:15:35,760 --> 01:15:37,420
Cause when youre dying,

1329
01:15:37,511 --> 01:15:39,967
your life suddenly really
does become very authentic.

1330
01:15:40,055 --> 01:15:43,175
And I was reaching for something
to give my life meaning,

1331
01:15:43,266 --> 01:15:45,722
and a memory flashed through my mind.

1332
01:15:51,899 --> 01:15:55,564
<i>It was one of those great
spring days, a Sunday,</i>

1333
01:15:55,652 --> 01:15:58,902
<i>and you knew summer would be coming soon.</i>

1334
01:15:58,989 --> 01:16:02,607
<i>And I remember that morning Dorrie
and I had gone for a walk in the park.</i>

1335
01:16:02,700 --> 01:16:06,069
<i>We came back to the apartment. We
were just sort of sitting around.</i>

1336
01:16:06,162 --> 01:16:10,408
<i>And I put on a record of Louis Armstrong,
which was music that I grew up loving.</i>

1337
01:16:10,499 --> 01:16:14,745
<i>It was very, very pretty,
and I happened to glance over,</i>

1338
01:16:14,836 --> 01:16:17,706
<i>and I saw Dorrie sitting there.</i>

1339
01:16:17,797 --> 01:16:21,082
<i>And I remember thinking to
myself how terrific she was</i>

1340
01:16:21,175 --> 01:16:22,966
<i>and how much I loved her.</i>

1341
01:16:23,052 --> 01:16:25,424
<i>And I don't know. I guess it was
the combination of everything,</i>

1342
01:16:25,512 --> 01:16:32,428
<i>the sound of that music, and the breeze,
and how beautiful Dorrie looked to me.</i>

1343
01:16:32,519 --> 01:16:36,350
<i>And for one brief moment, everything
just seemed to come together perfectly,</i>

1344
01:16:36,439 --> 01:16:38,396
and I felt happy.

1345
01:16:38,482 --> 01:16:41,399
<i>Almost indestructible, in a way.</i>

1346
01:16:41,485 --> 01:16:44,818
<i>And its funny, that simple
little moment of contact</i>

1347
01:16:44,905 --> 01:16:48,984
<i>moved me in a very, very profound way.</i>

1348
01:16:49,409 --> 01:16:53,869
<i>Sometimes, I wonder why
I spend the lonely night</i>

1349
01:16:54,455 --> 01:16:57,704
<i>Oh baby, oh I know</i>

1350
01:16:57,791 --> 01:17:02,002
Dreaming of a song melody in my memory

1351
01:17:02,086 --> 01:17:04,957
<i>And I am once again with you</i>

1352
01:17:05,047 --> 01:17:08,463
<i>When our love was new, oh baby</i>

1353
01:17:08,551 --> 01:17:12,299
<i>Each kiss an inspiration</i>

1354
01:17:12,387 --> 01:17:17,132
<i>That was long ago, now my consolation</i>

1355
01:17:17,225 --> 01:17:20,060
<i>Is in the stardust of a song</i>

1356
01:17:20,144 --> 01:17:23,061
<i>Beside a garden wall</i>

1357
01:17:23,147 --> 01:17:26,480
<i>When stars are bright you were in my arms</i>

1358
01:17:28,527 --> 01:17:32,144
<i>The nightingale tells his fairy tale</i>

1359
01:17:32,238 --> 01:17:35,607
<i>Of paradise where roses grow</i>

1360
01:17:35,700 --> 01:17:38,487
Though I dream in vain, oh baby

1361
01:17:38,577 --> 01:17:42,989
In my heart it will remain

1362
01:17:43,081 --> 01:17:45,489
My stardust melody

1363
01:17:45,583 --> 01:17:48,869
<i>The memory of loves refrain</i>

1364
01:17:48,961 --> 01:17:51,962
<i>The memory of loves refrain</i>

1365
01:17:53,716 --> 01:17:55,625
Cop-out artist!

1366
01:17:55,717 --> 01:17:58,125
That was so beautiful.

1367
01:17:58,220 --> 01:18:01,884
Why do all comedians turn
out to be sentimental bores?

1368
01:18:03,016 --> 01:18:04,593
He's all right. He just fainted.

1369
01:18:04,684 --> 01:18:06,510
- I'm sure it's just nervous tension.
- Dorrie.

1370
01:18:06,602 --> 01:18:10,849
He had some hallucination about
being shot with a. 32 pistol by a fan.

1371
01:18:10,939 --> 01:18:12,220
Dorrie.

1372
01:18:14,776 --> 01:18:17,267
Isobel. Isobel!

1373
01:18:18,112 --> 01:18:20,188
- Come here. I wanna talk to you.
- I don't want to talk to you.

1374
01:18:20,281 --> 01:18:21,312
Isobel, don't be silly...

1375
01:18:21,407 --> 01:18:23,198
I came to invite you to
my brothers restaurant.

1376
01:18:23,325 --> 01:18:25,318
My brother Ozzy's got a terrific restaurant.

1377
01:18:25,410 --> 01:18:27,617
- Armenian food. My mothers the cook.
- I dont eat Armenian food.

1378
01:18:27,704 --> 01:18:28,783
Mr. Bates?

1379
01:18:28,872 --> 01:18:30,911
We need a picture of you, you
know, maybe sitting at a table.

1380
01:18:30,999 --> 01:18:32,825
- No, no, no.
- It'd really be terrific.

1381
01:18:32,917 --> 01:18:35,953
- What's the matter?
- The Rolls-Royce.

1382
01:18:36,045 --> 01:18:38,666
Yeah, it's mine. This is mine.
I already went through that.

1383
01:18:38,756 --> 01:18:42,670
- Well, we found a. 32 caliber pistol.
- Yeah, that's mine, too. I carry a pistol.

1384
01:18:42,759 --> 01:18:48,133
I have a thing about Nazis. It's
a little paranoid weakness I have.

1385
01:18:48,222 --> 01:18:49,800
You have a permit, I'm sure.

1386
01:18:49,891 --> 01:18:51,800
I don't need a permit. I never
shoot the gun or anything.

1387
01:18:51,892 --> 01:18:54,383
But, you know, I've had
family that's had problems,

1388
01:18:54,478 --> 01:18:56,055
and that kind of thing, so I keep it.

1389
01:18:56,146 --> 01:18:59,147
- I'm sorry, but...
- It's strictly a Nazi...

1390
01:18:59,232 --> 01:19:02,102
I'm sorry, but well have to have you
come down and answer a few questions.

1391
01:19:02,193 --> 01:19:04,601
That won't be necessary. Really.

1392
01:19:04,695 --> 01:19:07,815
You can make an exception
in my case. I'm a celebrity.

1393
01:19:30,260 --> 01:19:32,964
Listen, I want you to come and live with me.

1394
01:19:33,054 --> 01:19:34,334
No, thank you.

1395
01:19:34,430 --> 01:19:38,510
- Really. I don't want... Dont be ridiculous.
- You make me feel ridiculous.

1396
01:19:38,600 --> 01:19:40,509
I've been under stress
lately. You know what I mean?

1397
01:19:40,602 --> 01:19:43,556
The broken romance and the death of a friend.

1398
01:19:43,647 --> 01:19:48,023
- Go find Dorrie. She's much better for you.
- No, no. Dorrie. That's over, believe me.

1399
01:19:48,943 --> 01:19:50,900
I don't want to hear you.

1400
01:19:53,364 --> 01:19:56,530
I love you. I mean, I've
really thought everything over.

1401
01:20:11,046 --> 01:20:13,916
I'm telling you, this has been a
very, very interesting weekend for me.

1402
01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:16,961
A lot of very strange
thoughts went through my mind.

1403
01:20:17,051 --> 01:20:18,878
And I feel very differently
about a lot of things.

1404
01:20:18,970 --> 01:20:20,677
- I am not your type.
- Yes. No.

1405
01:20:20,763 --> 01:20:23,218
You like those dark women
with all their problems.

1406
01:20:23,307 --> 01:20:24,552
Those dark women? No.

1407
01:20:24,641 --> 01:20:27,310
- They give you a hard time and you like.
- And you think I like that? Right?

1408
01:20:27,394 --> 01:20:28,508
No, you're wrong.

1409
01:20:28,603 --> 01:20:32,268
I'm telling you, I was thinking about
a lot of unusual things on the weekend

1410
01:20:32,357 --> 01:20:34,894
and I feel much... I feel
lighter. Do you know what I mean?

1411
01:20:34,984 --> 01:20:39,361
And I had a very, very remarkable idea

1412
01:20:39,446 --> 01:20:41,569
for a new ending for my movie, you know?

1413
01:20:41,657 --> 01:20:45,239
Were on a train, and there are
many sad people on it, you know.

1414
01:20:45,326 --> 01:20:47,283
And I have no idea where its heading.

1415
01:20:47,370 --> 01:20:50,287
It could be anywhere. It could
be the same junkyard. And...

1416
01:20:50,373 --> 01:20:53,077
But it's not as terrible as
I originally thought it was

1417
01:20:53,167 --> 01:20:55,836
because, you know, we like each other,

1418
01:20:55,919 --> 01:20:58,955
and, you know, we have some laughs,
and there's a lot of closeness.

1419
01:20:59,047 --> 01:21:00,375
And the whole thing is a lot easier to take.

1420
01:21:00,465 --> 01:21:01,579
I don't like it.

1421
01:21:01,674 --> 01:21:03,049
- You don't like it?
- It's too sentimental.

1422
01:21:03,134 --> 01:21:05,007
So? But so what? It's the good sentimental.

1423
01:21:05,094 --> 01:21:07,845
That's what you... You know,
it's ... And youre...

1424
01:21:07,930 --> 01:21:12,556
There's this character that's based on
you that's very warm and very giving,

1425
01:21:12,642 --> 01:21:17,103
and you're absolutely nuts over
me, youre just crazy about me.

1426
01:21:17,188 --> 01:21:19,097
You just think I'm the most
wonderful thing in the world.

1427
01:21:19,190 --> 01:21:20,814
And you're in love with me, and youre...

1428
01:21:20,900 --> 01:21:23,225
And despite the fact that I
do a lot of foolish things,

1429
01:21:23,319 --> 01:21:27,695
cause you realize that down
deep, I'm not evil or anything,

1430
01:21:27,781 --> 01:21:31,031
you know, just sort of floundering
around, just ridiculous, maybe.

1431
01:21:31,117 --> 01:21:34,486
- You know, just searching, okay?
- I don't think it's realistic.

1432
01:21:34,579 --> 01:21:37,912
Now? This is... Now you're
gonna bring up realism, after...

1433
01:21:37,998 --> 01:21:40,370
This is a hell of a time to...

1434
01:21:40,459 --> 01:21:43,329
I know one thing, that a huge, big, wet kiss

1435
01:21:43,420 --> 01:21:46,089
would go a long way to selling this idea.

1436
01:21:46,798 --> 01:21:48,624
I'm very serious.

1437
01:21:48,716 --> 01:21:53,342
I think this is a big, big finish, you know?

1438
01:22:24,957 --> 01:22:27,957
- It just killed me. Did you feel that?
- I think it was great.

1439
01:22:28,043 --> 01:22:32,870
I just can't believe the stuff
he gets into. It's so deep.

1440
01:22:32,964 --> 01:22:37,175
All that stuff about life and how
everybody should love each other.

1441
01:22:37,259 --> 01:22:40,213
I mean, you know, he's telling
us heavy, original things here.

1442
01:22:40,304 --> 01:22:42,343
He's very heavy. He's always been heavy.

1443
01:22:42,430 --> 01:22:44,921
What did you think the
significance of the Rolls-Royce was?

1444
01:22:45,016 --> 01:22:49,476
- I think that's... It represents his car.
- Really?

1445
01:22:49,562 --> 01:22:52,681
- I'm fat. I look...
- Fat? Come on, youre not fat.

1446
01:22:52,773 --> 01:22:56,901
I am. I mean, it's just so ridiculous.
I'm gonna have to go on another diet.

1447
01:22:56,985 --> 01:22:59,558
And I tried to play the role sympathetically,

1448
01:22:59,654 --> 01:23:01,896
but the role was just too thin.

1449
01:23:01,989 --> 01:23:04,278
He said to me, Wear this
mustache. Itll be funny.

1450
01:23:04,367 --> 01:23:06,074
So I listened to him.

1451
01:23:06,160 --> 01:23:10,287
- You looked so beautiful.
- Thank you. But you can hear me?

1452
01:23:10,372 --> 01:23:13,041
- Can you hear my English?
- Your English was fine.

1453
01:23:13,124 --> 01:23:16,327
No, it was fine. Did you find...
By the way, I wanna ask you.

1454
01:23:16,419 --> 01:23:19,918
Did you find when you did, like,
kissing scenes with him, did you not...

1455
01:23:20,005 --> 01:23:22,128
Did he open his mouth with you
and wiggle his tongue around?

1456
01:23:22,216 --> 01:23:23,330
Yes, he did.

1457
01:23:23,425 --> 01:23:26,177
- And he never lets you go.
- It's the most irritating thing, right?

1458
01:23:26,261 --> 01:23:27,589
It's funny.

1459
01:23:28,221 --> 01:23:32,515
It's amazing, Rash. From
this he makes a living?

1460
01:23:32,600 --> 01:23:36,929
I like a melodrama, a
musical comedy with a plot.

 
 
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