1
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,160
It began as a singularity,
2
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:35,200
the entire universe compressed
into a space the size of a proton.
3
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:38,240
Then the Big Bang...
4
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:41,520
blew it apart.
5
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:48,600
Matter, converted from energy,
swirled and compressed itself into stars
6
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,640
Red Giants...
7
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,640
and tiny white dwarfs.
8
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,240
Stars congealed into galaxies.
9
00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:02,200
Massive nebulae
and timeless spiral clusters,
10
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:08,040
spinning faster and faster
into the endless void.
11
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:13,000
Black holes arose, swallowing matter.
12
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:17,400
Constellations filled the night sky.
13
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,400
Libra...
14
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,640
Stifficus.
15
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,840
Planets took form.
16
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,840
Moons arose...
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00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:40,520
Atoms formed molecules,
then molecules formed life
18
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,560
throughout the universe...
19
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,840
Alien creatures, hideous in form.
20
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,240
The earth took form.
21
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,240
Then God appeared.
22
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,880
And Gods voice was heard.
23
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,960
Shut up you stupid monkey...
24
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:15,800
And then a single celled organism
25
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:22,600
evolved into the highest form
of intellect known to God...
26
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,880
MAN.
27
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:34,240
It was one of those days you
never forget. I'd arrested Osmond Bin Laden
28
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:38,240
at a Lakers-Knicks game. Now I was back
in D. C. on the QT making my way asap
29
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:42,240
to the HQ when I heard the APB:
-All available units to big joes,
30
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,240
hostage situation, armed terrorists.
31
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,240
The police needed my negotiating skills,
perfected by years of volunteer service
32
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:53,720
with the pet rescue division. Coaxing cats
out of trees and gerbils out of holes,
33
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,720
made you smart about a lot of things.
34
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,800
This is the Washington police force.
There is no way out.
35
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:05,200
You have five minutes to give
yourselves up, and counting.
36
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,240
You're surrounded!
Throw down your arms! Now!
37
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,720
Come out! We've got ya!
-Yeah? And we've got burgers
38
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:21,720
and hostages and fries...
-I'm ordering you to give yourselves up!
39
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,720
And I'm ordering one car and one plane.
40
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,200
One plain what?
-One plain plane. With pilot.
41
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:32,960
I want those hostages! Now!
-One hostage coming up!
42
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,200
Those hostages were my new gerbils.
They needed marshal Dick Dix to free them.
43
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,040
Shit!
44
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:53,040
Dix! This is police business!
You have no jurisdiction here!
45
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,040
Now get lost!
46
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,320
Alright!
47
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,560
Well...
48
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:24,360
Let's play a little game of
Simon says, good...
49
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:28,800
Simon says: Get your hands on your
head and line up in front of me here...
50
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,120
hurry it up!
51
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,800
Let's go.
52
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,800
What are you? A bunch of fanatics?
You hate this county, you're mad
53
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:44,240
just because we don't play soccer here?
-But Mr. Simon, we are the hostages.
54
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,240
Who do you think you're talking to?
A dummy? These hard-working immigrants
55
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:52,240
are the backbone of this country!
They put the damn on the hover,
56
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:56,240
they put the railroad ties
over the great divine
57
00:04:56,240 --> 00:05:01,360
and they did it with a smile buddy.
They weren't mad at anybody.
58
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:05,520
No. Don't lower yourselves to their level.
I'll take care of this.
59
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,560
I'll seek to it that they get a fair trial
and then we'll strung them up.
60
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,640
Fire the tear gas!
61
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:34,640
I'm gonna kill him! Dix!
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00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,680
Dix!
63
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,840
Let's get one thing clear.
This situation was not created by the police
64
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,960
but it was created by people
who are getting in the way of the police.
65
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:51,240
The police aren't there to create disorder.
The police are here to protect disorder.
66
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,640
You come back here!
67
00:05:56,280 --> 00:06:00,720
There's nothing better
than a job delicately handled,
68
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:06,480
but now it was a time to meet
the big boss Secretary Osgood.
69
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:10,840
I loved my job.
Every day was different.
70
00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:16,400
Every assignment was different. Everything
about the department was different.
71
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:24,200
Enough, enough, stop, stop.
-This is not respectful for the deceased.
72
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:39,280
To the untrained eye, this looked like
the normal bullpit of any old precinct.
73
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:43,320
But hidden deep within the bowels of this
house grave matters of state were at play.
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00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:53,040
Dix, come on in. Good to see you, my boy.
-Good to see you Mr. Secretary.
75
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:57,080
This is Cassandra Menage, Executive Officer
on Vegan. -How do you do?
76
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:03,640
She is in charge of Human and Alien affairs.
-Some kind of dating service?
77
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:08,200
She oversees our sensitive Alien operations!
-Well there's nothing sensitive about them.
78
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:12,800
All you need is to tighten up the borders.
-Dix, I'm talking about alien Aliens.
79
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,840
Alien, aliens.
You mean like from outer space?
80
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:20,880
Yes, Vegan is a lunar base,
just like Area 51, but shielded
81
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:24,920
from Earth by a reflective bubble,
and there are plenty of Aliens there.
82
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,960
Cassandra files classified reports
to the various international governments.
83
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,040
This latest one she delivered it in person.
If what she says is true,
84
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:37,080
the future of the planet is at stake.
-Now that could be serious.
85
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:41,120
I know it smells funny, but the President
of the United States has been kidnapped
86
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,160
and is being held captive on Vegan.
The man in the White House is a clone.
87
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:49,200
Just a minute, it says here the man
in the White House is a clown.
88
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,200
Clone.
89
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:56,560
Clone. That's what it says here.
-Yeah, I know. That's my report...
90
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,600
This isn't a joke, Dix.
-I know that Sir, but I saw the President
91
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,640
on television the other night.
-That wasn't the President.
92
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:09,440
She's right. We're all set for
Memory Recapture. Have a seat Marshal.
93
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:13,520
Cassandra, your brainwaves
will be transmitted to the screen,
94
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,560
so we'll be able to see
exactly what you saw and heard.
95
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,640
When you're ready,
I want you to tell us what happened.
96
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,680
Close your eyes,
relax and let your unconscious take over.
97
00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:29,720
Let your mind go blank.
98
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,600
Dix.
99
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,200
Dix!
100
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,200
You need to watch the screen.
101
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,120
I'd gone to the Vegan mines to investigate
a grievance by one of the miners...
102
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:51,160
After a lot of turns and twists,
I realized I was completely lost.
103
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,200
My way was blocked by a cave-in.
Then I noticed light coming through
104
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:59,240
a crack in the wall.
I moved forward and found myself in a room
105
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:03,280
overlooking some kind of operating theatre.
106
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:07,320
A man was talking in an alien dialect,
so I switched the Auto-Trans to English
107
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:11,360
to see if I could recognize his voice,
108
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:15,400
but I couldn't.
-I will get that sillicon for you
109
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,440
if you will make me
leader of the new world.
110
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:23,480
By using DNA building blocks
I will create clones
111
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:28,120
of existing world leaders
who will follow our orders.
112
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,160
Activate the cloning machine,
113
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,520
and now for our latest clone creation.
114
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,520
A world leader admired by all.
115
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,960
And there he was, Groucho Marx.
But what happen next
116
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:54,000
was more frightening still.
-In Washington, the man in power,
117
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:58,040
the President, is a clone... our clone.
Now, let me...
118
00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:03,840
introduce you to his predecessor,
the real President of the United States!
119
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,160
Now we got cloning control,
we will take your earth
120
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:13,520
and all it's silicon too,
then its hasta la vista.
121
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:18,040
Bastards!
122
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:22,080
And that's when I ran, as fast as I could.
-They took the President,
123
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:26,120
took his DNA and put an impostor
in the White House. Kidnapping,
124
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:30,200
robbery, and fraud. Breaking the law.
-Dix, I want you to go to Vegan
125
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:34,240
to make a routine inspection.
I'll arrange the clearances.
126
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:38,720
If the President is there,
find him and bring him back.
127
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,760
The implications here are very grave.
Any mistakes, even fumbles,
128
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,840
will be denied at this end.
You're acting on your own.
129
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,240
And when you both meet again on Vegan,
you've never seen each other before.
130
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:55,720
I've forgotten already.
-It'll take me longer than that...
131
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,760
Oh... that's so nice.
-Oh, thank you,
132
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:03,600
I always had a good memory, even as a boy.
-Well, Marshal.
133
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,920
Miss...
-Menage.
134
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:22,120
If you don't stop pulling your thing,
you're going to go blind, Richard!
135
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,240
But I like pulling on it, Mum!
136
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:31,960
Your son is rapidly loosing his sight.
And we don't know why, Ms. Dix.
137
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:36,040
Mum, meet my new girl friend.
138
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,720
Richard, you have to wear your glasses.
139
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:45,640
I have the outer most faith in you,
Marshal Dix, have a good flight.
140
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:51,680
Thank you Mr. Secretary,
but I think this must be broken.
141
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:56,720
I didn't have a lot of time.
I had to catch a plane to cape Kennedy,
142
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:02,080
then the shuttle to Vegan
and avoid any pressing delays.
143
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:26,280
The department was gonna to have to dive
in at the deep end,
144
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:30,520
because I was headed for the moon to maybe
save the President of the United States.
145
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:31,360
This should help beam me up.
I've got to get back to my ship.
146
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:35,360
Scotty, Bones, Mr. Spock,
where the hell are you?
147
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:48,800
Secretary Osgood was right when he told
me there were plenty of aliens on Vegan.
148
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:53,360
But he had forgotten
to tell me how butt ugly they were.
149
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,360
They were ugly from any direction.
150
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:05,200
The rules: Smuggling or assisting any Alien
back to Earth means immediate imprisonment.
151
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,040
Open your bag, please.
-Yo, is that Marshal Dix? It's ok.
152
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:12,200
He's police. Lieutenant Shitzu,
Vegan Security. Misswick. -Miss who?
153
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:16,320
Misswick. M. S. W. I. C.
Mother-Sucker-who's-in-charge.
154
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,240
Is this your bag?
155
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,760
I'm writing a book...
-Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix...
156
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,880
That's right isn't it?
Dix... as in more-than-one-dick?
157
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:31,320
Good to be someplace where your feet
will do what you tell them to do...
158
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,640
Attention! Sensors detected
an alien hiding in a human life-form.
159
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,080
Move down!
160
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:48,280
What's going on?
-That fool's a conversion.
161
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,320
Do you need holy water for that?
-When these brothers first came here,
162
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,320
we didn't know about their plan to use
conversions to take over the Earth.
163
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:00,400
Lucky for us, all our asses were saved,
due to the sounds of our modern life:
164
00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:04,440
Arcade, TV, rap, hip-hop.
All that irritatin' shit.
165
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,560
High-pitch sound
makes these suckers explode.
166
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,680
Close the lid, babboom!
167
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,560
Good. Fangullo.
168
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:29,480
Mi scusi, mi dispiace.
I am capitain Valentino Di Pasquale.
169
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:33,560
I don't speak Alien.
-He ain't kickin' no jive-ass Alien lingo!
170
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,560
He jes' tryin' to show some love!
-What?
171
00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,640
Mi dipacia, diabola. He try to speak-a
inna piccolo Ebonico. -Pickle what?
172
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,680
No disrespect, y'all up in this ice cream
and you don't even know the flavour!
173
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,080
You think he don't understand plain Inglish?
174
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,080
Please, my father was from Brooklolino...
-Yo man, did years in Vegas babe,
175
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:56,640
who can take the sun, yea.
Right back babe, yea.
176
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:01,000
That guy is right, Marshal,
this way, this way. Andiamo!
177
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:24,400
Our operation and research director,
Dr Pratt, will show you around.
178
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,400
The base commander couldn't be hear,
cuz' he's out playing golf.
179
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,920
Everything is alright!
180
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:34,560
Good, that means that nothing works.
-But he did ask me to escort you
181
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,560
to a reception here tonight.
182
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,760
Yeah, one stronzo alien less.
183
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,800
Dr Pratt?
184
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,520
Dr Pratt!
185
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,560
Yes, Lieutenant?
-Oh, you scared me again, you got me.
186
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,720
You keep on getting me each time,
I tell you. This is Marshal Dix.
187
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:07,440
Ah, yes, right on time.
I'll never understand these inspections.
188
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:11,240
What are we looking for this time?
-Routine...
189
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:16,200
Perhaps you may be interested
in my piиce de resistance.
190
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:20,280
Piece of what?
-A scale replica of the entire complex.
191
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:25,240
Here's the entrance to the mines...
the administration complex...
192
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:30,440
the spaceport... all the details...
Now... We are... here.
193
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:35,280
No, no, no, don't touch.
Its very delicate.
194
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:40,320
Doctor, the next time you're on Earth,
I'll show you
195
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:47,280
the Piper Club model I made.
-I'd certainly look forward to that.
196
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,320
Here's the report, Doctor Pratt.
-Thank you, gentlemen, my assistant,
197
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,280
Yetta Pussel.
-Gentlemen...
198
00:20:55,320 --> 00:21:00,320
I took the liberty of requesting a copy
of the last routine inspection.
199
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:04,400
Now, all our research is carried out here.
200
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:09,440
Our study of silicon, for example.
Abundant on Earth, non-existent
201
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:14,480
on many other planets. For most Aliens
it's life supporting, like food to us.
202
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:20,280
Hence our ongoing conflict with them
and our tight security here.
203
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:24,320
Works real good on the old Johnson.
-Johnson... President Johnson?
204
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:28,920
There are no Presidents on Vegan.
I'm afraid we're being battered
205
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,920
by a mistaken sense of humor.
-Alright, my main man Marshal Dix.
206
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,920
Okay?
-Dr Uschi Kьnstler,
207
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,880
Senior Base Science Officer.
-Doctor?
208
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,920
Yes. Of psychology,
parapsychology and solar proctology...
209
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:48,040
I also supervise genetic replication...
210
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,360
Clones.
-Are those clones?
211
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,880
No just plain old-fashioned rabbits.
But we've made major advances with sheep.
212
00:21:55,960 --> 00:22:00,040
Molly for instance, was created only
yesterday, the exact age and likeness
213
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:04,080
of Dolly, her mother-in-law.
-Can you do that with human beings?
214
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:08,120
No, that is not allowed.
-It's strictly against international policy.
215
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,160
I should hope so.
It's against my policy, too.
216
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:17,200
I was in the Marines.
-Careful, that's the rapid-cloning switch.
217
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:21,240
You tamper with that,
and we'd be overrun
218
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:25,280
with all kinds of animals.
-The officer of Human Alien Affairs,
219
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,080
Miss Menage, will show you your quarters.
-I'm headed in that direction.
220
00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:33,240
Maybe, the Marshal and I
can go down together and meet her.
221
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:56,080
I just met him. Yes, from what I can see,
he'll be absolutely fine...
222
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:31,080
Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix...
-I'm glad to be here.
223
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:40,440
Oh, the very person we wanted to see.
This is Marshal Dix.
224
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,800
Oh!
225
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:49,200
He is...
226
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,600
he is... here...
227
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,480
on a routine inspection.
228
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,520
Yes, I can see that...
229
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,880
Menage. Cassandra Menage.
230
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:06,240
The Marshal...
231
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,240
needs to be accommodated.
Marshal, you can...
232
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,240
let me down now.
233
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,000
Perhaps you can take care of his needs.
234
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:28,880
Does he have any needs left
to be taken care of?
235
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:34,200
Well, it was nice meeting you Marshal Dix.
-Thank you, me too.
236
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,120
Marshal, if you please.
I had checked into the room
237
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,760
I'd be sharing with Capitaine Di Pasquale.
Unpacked my stuff
238
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,800
and then sent Cassandra off to the library
to look for plans that might lead us
239
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:52,360
to the location of the cloning lab.
And now on with the dead crime-motive sketch
240
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:56,440
to the alien I had seen
on Osgood's recapture screen.
241
00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,920
I was ready for a little lunar socializing
and snooping. Hey! What are you doing?
242
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:06,240
I'm your escort, I'm keeping tabs on you.
-Take your hand out of my pocket.
243
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:11,280
Keep tabs on somebody else.
-Hey champagne.
244
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:25,720
Apparently, some of these aliens
learned English by monitoring movies
245
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,760
on our tv transmission satellites.
They all sounded like Hollywood actors.
246
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:34,320
Even here everyone wants to be a star.
-I saw the Alien that was in the caves.
247
00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:37,480
Yes, me too...
248
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,400
Two?
-Yea?
249
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:46,440
Ah, Marshal Dix, there you are.
-How do you do?
250
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:51,560
Commander Sir Cecil Humphrey Wickernuts.
My wife, Oona Hottenlocker-Wickernuts.
251
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,640
So you're from Washington.
I hope you'll put in a good word for us.
252
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,680
What's that?
-I found it on the floor.
253
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,800
Ah, it's Grop...
no, no, no it's Prong, yes... no...
254
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,680
You know what they say.
They all look alike.
255
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:13,240
We're throwing a party
tomorrow at the club. Do join us.
256
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:18,240
Miss Menage here will be singing, too.
-What a voice she has! True nightingale...
257
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,760
Thank you.
-Miss Menage,
258
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:26,920
enchantй. Excuse us, won't you.
There's something I'd like you to look at.
259
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:32,560
Excuse me.
-Of course.
260
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,000
So, Marshal Dix,
you gonna be my new roomate?
261
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:46,040
Molto bene, you see this is a good way
262
00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:50,840
to know where your food has been first.
263
00:26:56,280 --> 00:27:00,480
Excuse me.
-Please.
264
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:05,560
I thought you'd like to hear how your
Alien Courtesy Center's coming along.
265
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,600
It was your idea, you may remember.
Perhaps you'd like to come
266
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:13,640
and see my renderings.
-I'd be happy to...
267
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,680
All erections on Vegan are
rubber stamped by me, you know.
268
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,000
That must keep you busy...
269
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:33,560
Hey there, you ever done it monkey style.
270
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:37,280
Too bad, could have been a hairy ride.
271
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:42,080
Oh my God, my dress!
272
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,160
Do like, the music?
273
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:55,840
I love the sound of the flute.
274
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,640
Doctor Pratt, is this is yours...
275
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:11,360
Where did you get that?
-Fell on the floor.
276
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:17,080
Thank you...
277
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,240
Come this way.
278
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,800
Let's sit here shall we.
Miss Menage...
279
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,040
Waiter.
280
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,800
Excuse me.
281
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:48,560
I don't think these false
eyelashes become you.
282
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,680
Bon appetit.
-Merci.
283
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:01,280
Excuse me, Doctor Pratt, Captain Pasquale
is going to take me back to the apartment
284
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,320
in a few minutes, you can reach me there,
if you need me. Good night.
285
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,240
Good night, Dix.
286
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,320
Excuse me.
-Yeah.
287
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:38,160
Thanks. I thought I'd never get rid of him.
-Leave now, before he gets back.
288
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,200
Okay, I'll go. Thanks.
289
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:48,040
Miss Menage has gone back to her apartment.
She's got a headache.
290
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:54,680
Really, well, that's too bad.
-Oh, yes, real bad.
291
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:07,280
It is important in life to have two boxes.
One for food, and only one for fun.
292
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:13,200
As you can see, I am not only
a master of the buffet, I am a master...
293
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:17,680
of disguise. All kinds: look.
294
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,400
What?
-Oh, the final touch.
295
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:45,520
Now you don't gonna to believe your eyes.
Look my special magic maker.
296
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:53,240
You like it.
-Ah, very good. -I know.
297
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:57,280
Oh, sorry. Let me un-zip your face.
298
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:02,320
Oh, the telephone.
299
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:06,480
-Yes. -I'm at Pratt's. It's all clear.
-I got over there
300
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,520
faster than a speeding bullet,
if you know what I mean.
301
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:15,560
If any plans existed that could lead us to
the human cloning lab and the president,
302
00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:18,640
I was sure this is were they would be.
303
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,680
My job was to get in get the plans
304
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:26,320
and get out as quickly
and as quietly as possible.
305
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:08,200
Cassandra, I'm in.
-Roger.
306
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,720
It's all clear down here.
307
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,840
Oh...
308
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:32,480
I saw lights flashing in your office.
And somebody was dancing the can-can.
309
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,480
Right. Let's have a look, shall we?
310
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:39,560
It's Pratt.
-I'm coming. I'm on my way.
311
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,640
What kind of man
would do something like that?
312
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,840
I know exactly what kind, Doctor Kьnstler.
313
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:30,160
And I promise you,
he going to pay dearly for this...
314
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,160
very dearly.
315
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,680
Who is it?
-This is Dr Pratt.
316
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,760
I want a few words with you, Marshal.
-Yes.
317
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:11,160
I don't have all day, Dix.
Just open the door, will you?
318
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,800
I'll be a moment, Doctor Pratt.
319
00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:20,440
Open the door!
-Just putting on my trousers,
320
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,200
just putting on my trousers.
321
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:28,360
Ah, just cleaning yourself up,
are you Marshal?
322
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:33,480
You are shaving, aren't you?
-Yes, I shave my whole face.
323
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:37,520
My wiskars grow pretty fast. I start
very early when have important function
324
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:42,560
to attend to, like the one this evening.
Come in, come in.
325
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:47,360
Oh, good to see you.
-Let go of my hand Dix!
326
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,440
What are you doing? You fool, let go of me.
What are you doing to me?
327
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:57,200
Look at me. What are you doing.
Dix you imbicile, stop it!
328
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,280
There is something I want you to know...
I know who you are
329
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:07,400
and I know why you're here...
But you will never going to find him!
330
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:40,080
The man behind the whole thing is
Dr Griffen Pratt. He has told me
331
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:44,160
he got the President prisoner,
even challenged me to go find him.
332
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:48,160
He's as guilty as jam lips
kissing a fruit tart. -Pratt.
333
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:52,320
We have to be very careful.
-Yea.
334
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:57,280
I'm going to change now.
See you later.
335
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,800
I think I'll skip this one.
336
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:13,760
You and Shitzu, keep an eye on Dr Pratt.
-Ok.
337
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:24,640
Please, Marshal Dix wants us to keep
an eye on Dr Pratt. Capito! Micione.
338
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:28,080
Pratt? Why doctor Pratt.
-I don't know.
339
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:32,640
But I do know what I better do right now.
340
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:36,160
Excuse me. Oh, what a line.
341
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:57,480
Your Majesties and Humble Beings.
Let's hear a warm Vegan welcome
342
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:02,560
for our star attraction:
Miss Cassandra Menage!
343
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:43,040
I didn't think anyone
could take my mind off of Pratt,
344
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:47,080
but suddenly there she was:
On stage,
345
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:51,120
a woman who could take
anyone's mind off of anything.
346
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:55,160
She had deep nurturing instincts and
strong family things that make her
347
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:59,880
an ideal mother for an child.
Cassandra was a nightingale.
348
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:04,200
The old saying,
wet birds never fly at night,
349
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:08,120
I think she could fly anytime
she wanted to.
350
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:17,640
There he was, Dr Griffin Pratt.
A man who could ruin
351
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,680
anyone's wet dream.
Suave, cool with all the moves
352
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:25,760
of a slick ballroom dancer.
353
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:29,800
It was time for Dr Pratt
to find out that he'd met his match,
354
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:34,280
his intellectual equal.
I was about to arrange that introduction.
355
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:38,360
Doctor Pratt... you said to me,
I know why you're here
356
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:43,760
and I know what you want. We'll there's
something I want you to know, so do I.
357
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:47,800
So do I?
-Yes, know why I'm here, know what I want.
358
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:51,840
We stand here facing each other
like Chief Ten Bears and Josey Wales.
359
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:55,880
Chief Ten Bears?
-He would say, There is iron in your words
360
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,920
that you know, as there is iron in my words
that I know. As there's iron in the words
361
00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:03,960
that your living that you don't know it.
Turn back to Ten Bears before it's too late.
362
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:08,000
Chief Ten...?
-Ten Bears.
363
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,640
And the other one? -Josey Wales.
Who is he?
364
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:14,640
Clint Eastwood.
-Clint Eastwood...
365
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:21,200
you are a very convincing thinker, Marshal.
Let me get back to you. On this one.
366
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:25,200
Out of order, it's thirty minutes
I've been waiting here.
367
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,440
You man stand clear, stand clear.
-What is it? Another Alien Conversion?
368
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:51,680
Close enough...
369
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,760
What's the celebration about?
-You'd be giggy too, bro,
370
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:37,160
if you only dumped once a year.
-Where's Pasquale.
371
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,200
I hate aliens.
372
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:48,000
Why do they have eat fama beans, fangulo?
373
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,840
Okay fellas, now come on,
you've been over-served here.
374
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,040
Marshal, Marshal.
-Yes.
375
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:21,880
I have to speak to you.
-Is this some kind of performance?
376
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:26,640
He's a cyborg, it happens all the time,
I'll to put him back together tomorrow,
377
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,640
he's going to be just fine.
Come on, I need to talk to you.
378
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:38,200
Make yourself at home.
I'm gonna be right back.
379
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:56,400
Hello.
380
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,720
Something's going on.
381
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,800
I don't know who's behind it.
I don't know what they're doing,
382
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:13,840
or why they're doing it.
All I know is, I know,
383
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:18,000
I want you to know.
384
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:22,320
Well, I'm glad you told me.
-Marshal, I know exactly why you're here.
385
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,680
I can help you,
386
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,040
but therefore you have to trust me.
387
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,600
Did you know that a male lion
388
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:39,760
can mate forty-five times in three hours?
389
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:43,920
I don't have a lion.
I don't even have a dog.
390
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:21,600
One of the advantages of working undercover,
was that sometimes things got uncovered
391
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,640
that you didn't expect to get uncovered,
and you learned about things
392
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:30,680
that you didn't expect to learn about.
Whatever Dr Kunstler was trying to hide,
393
00:45:30,720 --> 00:45:35,640
she sure wasn't doing a very good job.
-Anything you mind, Dick?
394
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:39,200
No, I'm not even thinking.
395
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,120
Doctor Kьnstler! Get a grip!
396
00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:49,720
That does it, it's time you went home.
-I am at home.
397
00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:53,280
It's time I went home.
-Stay...
398
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:57,320
Don't you want to find out the rest?
-No, the stuff about the lion,
399
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,400
that was good enough for me.
400
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:10,440
There you are! At last you come!
401
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:16,560
My God, is that all you people
do up here in the evenings?
402
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:20,600
It is good for the lip, Marshal,
a nice, sweet, warm decaf,
403
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:24,760
non-fat latte,
a touch of mocha, no foam.
404
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,320
Do you want some?
-No, thank you.
405
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,360
I came by to see how Valentino was doing
after that dreadful thing at the club.
406
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,840
Pretty bad, huh?
-I also told him
407
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:38,600
about the President being a prisoner.
We need all the assistance we can get.
408
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:42,680
Yeah, but...
-The elephant is sitting on my lips.
409
00:46:42,720 --> 00:46:47,240
I say nothing to Lieutenant Shitzu.
-I saw you leave the club with Dr Kьnstler.
410
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:50,240
What happened?
-Oh... nothing!
411
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:54,320
Strange young lady.
Another wild goose chase.
412
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:59,200
I don't know about the wild goose, but the
chase looks like it was very exciting.
413
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:06,200
No, it is a little cold in here,
I think I'll have some of that hot coffee.
414
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:12,960
My God! Someones' stolen my zipper!
415
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:23,720
I thought I said no contact.
-I know sir.
416
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,800
But I am now convinced the President
is here and is being held prisoner.
417
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,840
The man behind it is Doctor Griffin Pratt.
-Are you sure? -I'm positive.
418
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:38,440
Send in the Galactic National Guard.
-Who is it?
419
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:42,480
No! That would sign
the President's death warrant.
420
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:46,520
You must handle this with Miss Menage.
Confront Pratt, threaten him, anything.
421
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:50,560
But work fast. The President's life
is at stake, to say nothing of our planet.
422
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:55,360
What this impostor will say at conference
in Paris on Friday, God only knows.
423
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:59,960
Momento. Don't you think for a minute
that Marshal Dix is doing nothing up here.
424
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:04,720
He's dealing with one of the most important
man of the American government.
425
00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:09,760
This guy, lives in a big white house,
but I can't tell you who is him.
426
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,880
Cassandra?
427
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,600
Cassandra?
428
00:48:57,120 --> 00:49:01,120
Wait a minute, you mean the President
is a prisoner here on Vegan?
429
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:05,160
How did you know?
-You just told us, man.
430
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,760
-Ah, fangulu, I did not. -Yes you did!
-I did? -Yes.
431
00:49:12,280 --> 00:49:16,280
Doctor Griffin Pratt.
-I hope you don't think there's anything
432
00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:20,320
you've missed the other night, Marshal.
-Just one thing, you, you're under arrest,
433
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:24,360
you have the right to remain silent...
-Before you say another word,
434
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:28,400
there's something I want you to know.
I was ordered to reconstitute the President.
435
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:31,400
Reconstitute? What does that mean?
-First...
436
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,480
drain all his body fluids...
-What's that? Some sort of enema?
437
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:39,960
No, no, no, drain all his blood.
Then reconstitute it into refined plasma,
438
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:44,240
ready to activate, the clone.
-Well... wouldn't that kill him?
439
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:48,280
Most certainly. -I thought so.
The thought of killing the President
440
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,320
has kept me up all night.
Well, to be perfectly honest,
441
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:56,360
I may have dozen off,
so at least half the night.
442
00:49:56,400 --> 00:50:00,840
I don't know how I let this happen.
I feel like I was drugged or brain-washed
443
00:50:00,920 --> 00:50:05,680
or whatever they did to me.
But your words about Chief Ten Bears
444
00:50:05,720 --> 00:50:08,680
and Josey Eastwood... -Clint Eastwood.
Eastwood...
445
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:13,280
brought me to my senses
and I must undo the damage I've done!
446
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:18,000
I want to take you to the President and
help you get him out of here. But fast.
447
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:22,080
Faster than you think.
I just came from Cassandra's apartment.
448
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:26,120
She's been kidnapped.
-Kidnapped? Abducted?
449
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:30,840
Up till now it's a simple kidnapping.
She left a note on her door in glue.
450
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:36,240
See it says Help,
spelled backwards, H.E.L.P.
451
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:42,440
We'd better get moving. There may be
two lives we have to save.
452
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:47,240
This is the easiest way
to get to the President.
453
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,960
But don't touch that button.
454
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:58,800
Follow me...
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,303
The atmosphere has no effect
on my balance whatsoever, and I...
2
00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:05,451
- Watch your step there.
- What?
3
00:00:05,522 --> 00:00:08,621
Houston, we have a problem.
She's fallen and she can't get up.
4
00:00:08,691 --> 00:00:10,862
- I thought I told you no contact.
- I know, sir...
5
00:00:10,930 --> 00:00:14,159
But I'm convinced now that the president
is here and is being held prisoner.
6
00:00:14,227 --> 00:00:16,081
The man behind it
is Dr. Griffin Pratt.
7
00:00:16,147 --> 00:00:18,089
-Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
8
00:00:19,826 --> 00:00:22,248
Mr. Secretary, send up
the Galactic National Guard.
9
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,461
- We'll get this cleared up in one day.
- Who is it?
10
00:00:24,563 --> 00:00:26,352
No. That's the last thing
we want to do.
11
00:00:26,419 --> 00:00:28,175
That would sign
the president's death warrant.
12
00:00:28,243 --> 00:00:30,665
You must handle this yourself.
13
00:00:30,771 --> 00:00:32,713
- Get Miss Menage.
- Don't fight it, baby!
14
00:00:32,819 --> 00:00:34,193
It's bigger than both of us.
15
00:00:34,259 --> 00:00:36,877
The president's life is at stake,
to say nothing of our planet.
16
00:00:36,946 --> 00:00:39,118
What this impostor will say
at the heads of state conference...
17
00:00:39,187 --> 00:00:41,259
in Paris on Friday
God only knows!
18
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:47,656
Don't think for a minute that
Marshal Dix is doing nothing up here.
19
00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:49,640
He's dealing with
one of the most important men...
20
00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:51,176
of the American government.
21
00:00:51,250 --> 00:00:54,698
This guy lives in
a big, huge white house...
22
00:00:54,771 --> 00:00:56,680
but I can't tell you who is him.
23
00:01:04,883 --> 00:01:05,810
Cassandra?
24
00:01:44,050 --> 00:01:45,294
Wait a minute.
25
00:01:45,362 --> 00:01:47,501
You mean the president
is a prisoner here on Vegan?
26
00:01:47,571 --> 00:01:50,604
- How did you know?
- You just told us, man!
27
00:01:51,315 --> 00:01:52,875
- I did not.
- Yes, you did.
28
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,670
- I did?
- Yes.
29
00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:58,514
- Was that a cough drop you gave me?
- No, it was a suppository.
30
00:01:59,826 --> 00:02:01,321
Dr. Griffin Pratt?
31
00:02:01,426 --> 00:02:04,176
I hope you don't think there's anything
you missed the other night, Marshal.
32
00:02:04,243 --> 00:02:05,868
Just one thing... you.
33
00:02:05,938 --> 00:02:08,208
You're under arrest.
You have a right to remain silent.
34
00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:11,504
Before you say another word,
there's something I want you to know.
35
00:02:11,571 --> 00:02:15,084
I've been ordered
to reconstitute the president.
36
00:02:15,155 --> 00:02:17,010
Reconstitute?
What does that mean?
37
00:02:17,075 --> 00:02:19,115
Drain all his body fluids.
38
00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:22,225
What's that,
some sort of enema?
39
00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:24,657
No, no.
Drain all his blood...
40
00:02:24,722 --> 00:02:27,537
then reconstitute it
into refined plasma...
41
00:02:27,602 --> 00:02:30,024
ready to activate the clone.
42
00:02:30,099 --> 00:02:32,073
- Wouldn't that kill him?
- Most certainly.
43
00:02:32,179 --> 00:02:34,350
- I thought so.
- Please understand me, Marshal.
44
00:02:34,451 --> 00:02:37,320
The thought of killing the president
has kept me up all night.
45
00:02:37,427 --> 00:02:40,525
Well, to be perfectly honest,
I may have dozed off once or twice...
46
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:42,285
so let's say
at least half the night.
47
00:02:42,354 --> 00:02:46,184
I don't know how I allowed
this to happen. It's very confusing.
48
00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:49,390
I feel drugged or brainwashed
or whatever they did to me.
49
00:02:49,459 --> 00:02:52,426
But your words last night
about ChiefTen Bears...
50
00:02:52,499 --> 00:02:54,539
and Josey Eastwood...
51
00:02:54,611 --> 00:02:58,189
- Clint Eastwood.
- Eastwood brought me to my senses.
52
00:02:58,259 --> 00:03:00,201
And I must undo
the damage I've done...
53
00:03:00,275 --> 00:03:02,860
which is why I want to take you
to the president and help get him out.
54
00:03:02,930 --> 00:03:04,938
But we'll have to move fast.
55
00:03:05,042 --> 00:03:07,409
Faster than you think.
I just came from Cassandra's apartment.
56
00:03:07,507 --> 00:03:11,119
- She's been kidnapped.
- Kidnapped? Abducted?
57
00:03:11,187 --> 00:03:13,161
We won't know that
till we talk with her.
58
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,089
Up till now,
it's just a simple kidnapping.
59
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:17,740
She left a note in glue
on her door.
60
00:03:17,811 --> 00:03:20,364
See? It says, "Help,"
spelled backwards.
61
00:03:20,435 --> 00:03:22,028
H-E-L-P.
62
00:03:23,763 --> 00:03:25,170
We'd better get moving.
63
00:03:26,066 --> 00:03:27,822
There may be two lives
we have to save.
64
00:03:30,131 --> 00:03:33,197
This is the easiest way
to get to the president.
65
00:03:35,091 --> 00:03:37,131
But whatever you do,
don't touch that button!
66
00:03:37,234 --> 00:03:40,082
- Turbo power enabled.
- Get off my face!
67
00:03:43,827 --> 00:03:44,874
Follow me.
68
00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:58,033
Put this on.
You'll be less conspicuous.
69
00:04:12,242 --> 00:04:15,984
Mr. Dix, meet the president.
70
00:04:21,298 --> 00:04:22,792
Mr. President?
71
00:04:23,858 --> 00:04:25,385
Is that really you?
72
00:04:25,459 --> 00:04:28,874
That depends on what you mean
by the word "is."
73
00:04:28,947 --> 00:04:30,856
Well...
74
00:04:30,930 --> 00:04:33,002
- Are that really you?
- Well, of course it's me.
75
00:04:33,074 --> 00:04:35,278
I've been telling these people
about my birthmark.
76
00:04:35,346 --> 00:04:36,623
Here, take a look.
77
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:45,068
I'm the only man who's got
a birthmark like that.
78
00:04:45,138 --> 00:04:46,632
It's almost a perfect
four-leaf clover.
79
00:04:46,739 --> 00:04:49,106
Yes, sir, it looks like
a four-leaf clover.
80
00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:51,145
And if that's not sufficient...
81
00:04:51,218 --> 00:04:54,218
give me the name of someone
who plays the saxophone as good as this.
82
00:04:55,698 --> 00:04:58,993
Mr. President, I'm convinced.
83
00:04:59,059 --> 00:05:01,993
My name is Marshal Dix,
International Security Force.
84
00:05:02,066 --> 00:05:04,717
I'm here to take you back
to Washington where you belong.
85
00:05:04,786 --> 00:05:06,575
Great.
86
00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,092
Yeah!
87
00:05:18,163 --> 00:05:19,624
Cassandra,
when did you get here?
88
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:25,286
Surely you didn't think it would be
as easy as all that, did you, Dix?
89
00:05:25,362 --> 00:05:30,097
Who would you like to become...
a Rodman or a Rodham?
90
00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:32,748
Oh, dear. The president's
looking a little upset.
91
00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:35,688
Perhaps we should switch him
with Cassandra.
92
00:05:36,563 --> 00:05:38,984
All right.
That does it.
93
00:05:39,058 --> 00:05:42,703
You're under arrest.
So are these bozos here.
94
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,778
You have a right to remain silent.
95
00:05:44,882 --> 00:05:47,468
Anything you say will be written down
and used against you.
96
00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:49,544
Seize them!
97
00:05:59,699 --> 00:06:03,179
Such grace, such poetry.
98
00:06:03,987 --> 00:06:05,874
What a cunning stunt.
99
00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:08,305
Any more from you jerks,
and I'll rip your faces off.
100
00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:12,015
I was a sucker
for all that romantic talk.
101
00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:14,538
This young woman
could not only sing like a dove...
102
00:06:14,610 --> 00:06:17,457
she was blessed with a serene peace
that would have been at home...
103
00:06:17,522 --> 00:06:19,595
in a Tibetan monastery.
104
00:06:19,699 --> 00:06:21,738
She had everything.
105
00:06:21,842 --> 00:06:23,914
The delicate footwork
of a ballet dancer.
106
00:06:23,986 --> 00:06:25,579
The high kicks of a Rockette.
107
00:06:25,650 --> 00:06:28,268
Boy, did I love those high kicks.
108
00:06:29,778 --> 00:06:33,040
Very impressive,
but now, as they say...
109
00:06:33,106 --> 00:06:35,823
it's your turn
to bite the dust.
110
00:06:41,458 --> 00:06:44,873
I'm glad you were here.
I feel safe with you.
111
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:47,434
Let's not talk about me.
We gotta get out of here.
112
00:06:47,538 --> 00:06:49,513
Follow her, Mr. President, quick!
113
00:06:54,386 --> 00:06:55,880
- Captain Pasquale.
- Yes.
114
00:06:55,987 --> 00:06:58,507
See if you can locate
Lieutenant Shitzu and Dr. Kьnstler.
115
00:06:58,578 --> 00:07:00,880
- Yes.
- Meet in front of the research center.
116
00:07:00,946 --> 00:07:02,637
- Yes.
- We're heading for Washington, DC.
117
00:07:02,707 --> 00:07:05,074
The White House,
and bring your makeup case.
118
00:07:05,138 --> 00:07:06,152
Done.
119
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,356
Who was this guy?
120
00:07:09,427 --> 00:07:11,052
Come on, all of you.
121
00:07:12,178 --> 00:07:13,455
Pull yourself together.
122
00:07:13,523 --> 00:07:15,912
Get up. That's it.
Good boys.
123
00:07:16,946 --> 00:07:19,565
No, no. Wait.
Let them go.
124
00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:25,614
Di Pasquale worked hard and fast
to disguise the president...
125
00:07:25,682 --> 00:07:29,359
as Fidel Castro
or ZZ Top, take your pick.
126
00:07:29,426 --> 00:07:32,296
Anyway, it was a perfect way
to get to Washington.
127
00:07:32,370 --> 00:07:34,344
- Man, this beard itches.
- Step back.
128
00:07:34,418 --> 00:07:35,793
- It's me.
- Sorry. Come on.
129
00:07:35,858 --> 00:07:38,673
- Thank you.
- Step back, please.
130
00:07:38,738 --> 00:07:40,745
I wonder if ZZ Top
needs a sax player.
131
00:07:44,434 --> 00:07:47,337
My ship. My crew.
Bones. Spock.
132
00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:03,182
It was good to see
Washington, DC again...
133
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,105
but we had no time to sightsee.
134
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:07,145
In a couple of days,
that clone clown...
135
00:08:07,218 --> 00:08:08,779
would be shooting his mouth off
in Paris.
136
00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:11,054
I'd contacted Secretary Osgood.
137
00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:13,578
He came up with a watertight plan
to make the switch.
138
00:08:14,866 --> 00:08:18,182
Okay, guys, time for me
to shake hands with little Willie.
139
00:08:18,258 --> 00:08:21,291
Code yellow, gentlemen.
140
00:08:21,362 --> 00:08:22,824
Did you bring an umbrella?
141
00:08:22,898 --> 00:08:25,581
No, just grab him
before he takes aim.
142
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:30,479
You okay there, sir?
143
00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:32,935
- Sir, everything all right?
- Yeah, mission accomplished.
144
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:34,188
Let's rock.
145
00:08:35,154 --> 00:08:38,471
All right.
We are in motion.
146
00:08:38,546 --> 00:08:41,448
Di Pasquale disguised
the cloned president...
147
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,784
as somebody nobody would think
twice about... a dirty, old man.
148
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:47,021
I'm gonna have the CIA
cavity search you all.
149
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:49,519
Yes!
150
00:08:49,586 --> 00:08:51,757
At the Three Tenors Gala Concert...
151
00:08:51,826 --> 00:08:53,170
in Paris this Friday night...
152
00:08:53,170 --> 00:08:55,112
in Paris this Friday night...
153
00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:57,128
following the International
Heads of State Conference...
154
00:08:57,234 --> 00:09:02,024
I will announce changes that will
benefit the future of our world forever.
155
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:04,912
Good job. Well done, everyone.
156
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,175
Now all that remains is to get
our friend off to clone heaven.
157
00:09:08,242 --> 00:09:10,576
We have kept Earth to ourselves...
158
00:09:10,643 --> 00:09:12,879
- For far too long.
- What?
159
00:09:12,946 --> 00:09:15,051
In the spirit
of intergalactic harmony...
160
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,937
- Hey, that's Dr. Pratt.
- Yeah, it's him.
161
00:09:18,002 --> 00:09:21,068
- Yes.
- We must be willing to reach out...
162
00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:23,691
Please, there are forces
at work here.
163
00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:26,064
Let's just forget about it
and move on.
164
00:09:27,506 --> 00:09:30,092
Now, someone give me a hand
getting our impostor out of here.
165
00:09:31,218 --> 00:09:33,673
Just a minute.
Moving a little too fast here.
166
00:09:33,778 --> 00:09:36,626
I think there are forces at work,
but I don't think they're our own.
167
00:09:36,722 --> 00:09:39,918
It's possible that we've been set up
to put a clone in the White House.
168
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:44,752
- And take the real president out.
- Right.
169
00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:48,817
- Why are you the president?
- Because of the birthmark.
170
00:09:48,882 --> 00:09:51,435
- I saw the birthmark.
- Your birthmark proves nothing.
171
00:09:51,506 --> 00:09:53,710
When you're cloned,
your birthmark is cloned too.
172
00:09:53,778 --> 00:09:56,145
- Right.
- But I don't have a birthmark.
173
00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:59,309
I had it removed three months ago.
Personal reasons.
174
00:09:59,378 --> 00:10:01,767
If you'll give me a little help,
I'll show you.
175
00:10:11,346 --> 00:10:13,735
- Oh, my God.
- Dr. Kьnstler...
176
00:10:13,810 --> 00:10:16,657
the birthmark should be
on the side, not on the front.
177
00:10:16,722 --> 00:10:19,919
You can see where there was something,
but there's no birthmark there now.
178
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,873
There's a simple solution.
179
00:10:23,186 --> 00:10:25,455
One dead president.
180
00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:28,589
So, it's not just Dr. Pratt.
It's you too.
181
00:10:28,658 --> 00:10:31,211
Very good, Dix.
182
00:10:33,426 --> 00:10:35,433
Now that really was
a job well done.
183
00:10:36,338 --> 00:10:38,705
Not well enough done,
Mr. President.
184
00:10:38,802 --> 00:10:41,617
Do you know anybody you can trust
that can get us to Paris?
185
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:42,576
Yes.
186
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:47,214
The president's intent was genuine,
but his travel plans didn't fly.
187
00:10:47,282 --> 00:10:51,625
Then, suddenly our luck turned
full circle, and we were airborne.
188
00:10:57,426 --> 00:11:00,775
The job was to undo
what I had already undone.
189
00:11:00,850 --> 00:11:03,981
There was a clone already in Paris
who looked exactly like the president...
190
00:11:04,082 --> 00:11:06,635
and he had a birthmark to prove it.
191
00:11:06,738 --> 00:11:08,080
We had the real president...
192
00:11:08,146 --> 00:11:12,718
but he had removed the birthmark,
so we couldn't prove anything.
193
00:11:12,786 --> 00:11:15,339
How it would all be worked out,
I didn't know...
194
00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:18,225
but I did know that the president
had to make every effort...
195
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,883
to keep his pants on.
196
00:11:22,066 --> 00:11:23,309
Madonna.
197
00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:33,129
How are you? Good to see you.
Thank you very much.
198
00:11:33,202 --> 00:11:36,137
Appreciate it.
Thank you so much for being here.
199
00:11:37,618 --> 00:11:42,223
Let's see. What is
a four-letter word for "word"?
200
00:11:47,122 --> 00:11:49,359
Do you have reservations?
201
00:11:49,426 --> 00:11:53,354
Reservations about being asked
if we have reservations.
202
00:11:53,426 --> 00:11:56,143
In America, they have Indians,
they have reservations...
203
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,152
but no one asks if they have them.
204
00:11:58,226 --> 00:12:00,331
Bonjour. Yankee Doodle.
205
00:12:06,898 --> 00:12:10,094
- What is that?
- That is a hockey cup.
206
00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:13,489
- Hockey?
- I use it to play sand hockey...
207
00:12:13,586 --> 00:12:16,652
- In the desert.
- Do you have identification?
208
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:23,021
Prince Yabuti ofJabuti.
Good to see you, you son of a...
209
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,872
Take this.
It's me... Shitzu.
210
00:12:25,938 --> 00:12:29,134
Good to see you.
Oh, my God!
211
00:12:31,378 --> 00:12:33,931
I had to wear this. This is the only
outfit Dr. Pratt wouldn't look under.
212
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,719
- You are too conspicuous.
- Me? How about you?
213
00:12:36,786 --> 00:12:39,786
- That Arab accent sounds German.
- We got Cassandra in the orchestra.
214
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:43,057
Hey!
215
00:12:51,314 --> 00:12:54,249
Well, it is a rat trap.
216
00:12:54,322 --> 00:12:57,584
Do you have an invitation?
217
00:12:57,650 --> 00:12:59,505
Yes, of course.
218
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:00,683
How did you...
219
00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:05,997
The Artist Formerly Known As...
220
00:13:06,066 --> 00:13:07,757
It is Prince in disguise.
221
00:13:07,826 --> 00:13:10,695
Excuse me, Mr. Formerly Know As,
smile, please.
222
00:13:13,010 --> 00:13:15,661
Wait. You're not the Artist
Formerly Known As Prince.
223
00:13:15,730 --> 00:13:18,413
The real artist is over here.
224
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:22,666
Man, it's the pope.
Come on, Dix.
225
00:13:22,738 --> 00:13:24,593
Let's get out of here
before he corners me.
226
00:13:25,522 --> 00:13:26,504
Bless you.
227
00:13:26,578 --> 00:13:30,800
Oh, great. They're serving
Italian dinner here tonight.
228
00:13:30,866 --> 00:13:32,720
I think I'll have the toreador.
229
00:13:32,786 --> 00:13:34,542
Hi. Yeah.
230
00:13:41,969 --> 00:13:44,336
Yabuti, you camel!
231
00:13:44,434 --> 00:13:46,289
Pay me what you owe me!
232
00:13:52,338 --> 00:13:54,956
That's all right.
I'm okay.
233
00:13:57,746 --> 00:14:00,113
- Keep a low profile.
- Did he call me a camel?
234
00:14:00,178 --> 00:14:01,388
Hey!
235
00:14:02,418 --> 00:14:04,174
That's mine!
236
00:14:10,578 --> 00:14:14,506
They wanted you to play a saxophone
solo after which intermission?
237
00:14:14,578 --> 00:14:18,375
The White House itinerary said
after the first intermission...
238
00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:22,126
that I would ride up and appear
magically on stage through a trapdoor.
239
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:24,910
- But we don't have the sax.
- We will.
240
00:14:24,978 --> 00:14:28,654
Hey. Hello. Do you wanna
taste an ice cream?
241
00:14:28,722 --> 00:14:30,991
It's very good.
Take it!
242
00:14:31,762 --> 00:14:35,952
Or maybe you like vanilla.
Vanilla is wonderful.
243
00:14:36,018 --> 00:14:37,676
The best Italian flavor... pistachio.
244
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:40,777
- You like ice cream.
- No!
245
00:14:40,850 --> 00:14:42,857
Thank you very much.
246
00:15:03,922 --> 00:15:05,416
My sax! No!
247
00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:21,417
Ice cream!
248
00:15:22,929 --> 00:15:23,791
Gorgonzola.
249
00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:27,119
- Ice cream.
- Signora, congratulations.
250
00:15:27,186 --> 00:15:29,836
This is a great ice cream.
It's the best...
251
00:15:29,906 --> 00:15:33,834
- You will have to move.
- You can't stop commerce. Let it go.
252
00:15:37,329 --> 00:15:38,344
Shit!
253
00:15:39,986 --> 00:15:42,855
I'm sorry, Mrs. President.
254
00:15:42,929 --> 00:15:44,817
No, it was only an accident.
255
00:15:44,882 --> 00:15:47,151
You see, it was only an accident.
256
00:15:47,218 --> 00:15:50,088
Go back to work. All right.
Thanks for stopping by.
257
00:15:50,161 --> 00:15:52,136
I see our friends are here.
258
00:15:52,242 --> 00:15:54,129
Do you want an ice cream?
259
00:15:54,194 --> 00:15:56,201
I think we'd better
alert the police.
260
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:06,989
I think I'd better go check
to find out what's going on.
261
00:16:12,337 --> 00:16:14,792
Looks like the gang is all here.
262
00:16:18,546 --> 00:16:19,756
Ice cream.
263
00:16:22,962 --> 00:16:25,100
One is disguised as a vendor...
264
00:16:25,202 --> 00:16:27,787
the other one's wearing
a French policeman's uniform.
265
00:16:27,890 --> 00:16:29,832
- What? Merde.
- Inspector Wazoo.
266
00:16:29,938 --> 00:16:32,655
The president's life
may be at stake.
267
00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:37,642
We will search the place
from top to bottom.
268
00:16:40,018 --> 00:16:43,596
We knew where they were at the hotel
in Washington, didn't we, Osgood?
269
00:16:43,665 --> 00:16:46,982
You had to be there. You were busy
being the man in the moon. I was there.
270
00:16:47,057 --> 00:16:48,912
The only place they could
possibly make the switch...
271
00:16:48,977 --> 00:16:51,498
is under the stage
by the trapdoor lifts.
272
00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:53,424
Let's take a look,
shall we?
273
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:56,075
Let's go get your saxophone
and check backstage.
274
00:16:56,178 --> 00:17:00,073
- I wanna look at those trapdoors.
- What did theJapanese delegation say?
275
00:17:00,178 --> 00:17:02,317
Oh, you can't understand
a word they say.
276
00:17:02,386 --> 00:17:05,037
They said, "Would I enjoy sushi?"
277
00:17:05,106 --> 00:17:07,048
- And?
- I said, "Sure thing, man.
278
00:17:07,121 --> 00:17:09,904
Send Susie to my room."
279
00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:12,337
I'm just kidding.
You can trust me, baby.
280
00:17:16,946 --> 00:17:18,888
Nice. Good one.
281
00:17:39,186 --> 00:17:40,593
Maestro!
282
00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:11,501
Hey, this isn't rap concert.
I hate opera.
283
00:18:26,641 --> 00:18:27,754
Take this.
284
00:18:27,826 --> 00:18:30,476
Ditch the Arab disguises.
They're checking everyone.
285
00:18:45,137 --> 00:18:46,315
Fantastic.
286
00:18:49,585 --> 00:18:50,894
Excuse me. Maestro.
287
00:18:54,866 --> 00:18:57,549
Maybe there'll be some costumes
under the stage.
288
00:19:02,450 --> 00:19:03,530
- Are you okay?
- Yes.
289
00:19:03,633 --> 00:19:05,521
Who cares?
290
00:19:05,586 --> 00:19:07,113
Where are we?
291
00:19:07,217 --> 00:19:09,389
Under the stage.
What do you think, it's the roof?
292
00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:13,135
All right, there must be
something in here.
293
00:19:13,202 --> 00:19:16,518
You're gonna have to stay in that outfit
so you can keep your face covered.
294
00:19:16,594 --> 00:19:20,336
Maybe there's something here for me
so we won't look so much like a team.
295
00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:22,256
That's a good idea, Dix.
296
00:19:23,697 --> 00:19:26,086
Seems to be mostly
women's clothes here.
297
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:32,009
Hello?
298
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,294
Hello?
299
00:19:36,369 --> 00:19:38,474
Oui. Hello.
300
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:42,539
That's a real nice prop
there, Maestro.
301
00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:45,610
- Maestro, is that you?
- Yeah, it's the maestro.
302
00:19:46,162 --> 00:19:47,624
It's me.
303
00:19:50,129 --> 00:19:52,072
I heard this big crash.
Are you all right?
304
00:19:52,145 --> 00:19:55,494
It was an accident.
305
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:59,912
I am change my robe as the pharaoh
to the robe I use for singing...
306
00:19:59,986 --> 00:20:01,546
the aria for Aida.
307
00:20:10,866 --> 00:20:13,135
I told you they were not right.
308
00:20:14,802 --> 00:20:16,907
You know, this is probably
the wrong time...
309
00:20:16,978 --> 00:20:19,498
but could you just sing...
310
00:20:19,569 --> 00:20:21,424
a little note perhaps?
311
00:20:31,857 --> 00:20:34,345
You are gone and lost forever
312
00:20:34,417 --> 00:20:37,712
Molto grande, Clementine
313
00:20:40,177 --> 00:20:44,400
- I'm sorry. These are yours.
- No, you keep them as a memento.
314
00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:47,596
They're not the right condom
for my beard.
315
00:20:48,465 --> 00:20:50,188
Merci. I will cherish these.
316
00:21:15,825 --> 00:21:18,062
What is this?
317
00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:20,496
The platform. Up and down.
318
00:21:23,089 --> 00:21:26,701
Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
319
00:21:26,769 --> 00:21:30,446
Learn science, technology
320
00:21:30,513 --> 00:21:33,994
Where can you begin
to make your dreams all come true
321
00:21:34,065 --> 00:21:37,414
On the land or on the sea
322
00:21:37,489 --> 00:21:41,450
Where can you learn to fly
Play in sports or skin-dive
323
00:21:41,521 --> 00:21:44,390
Study oceanography
324
00:21:45,233 --> 00:21:47,241
- What the hell's this?
-Sign up for the big band
325
00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:12,198
- I want them found!
- There's no one...
326
00:25:12,273 --> 00:25:14,182
Shut up, you fool!
327
00:25:14,257 --> 00:25:18,152
I go and rest now and then change
my costume for the second act.
328
00:25:18,225 --> 00:25:21,738
When I come back, you had
better have caught them or else.
329
00:25:31,633 --> 00:25:35,343
Woman says, "Doctor, I'm sick."
He says, "What's wrong?"
330
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,613
She says, "I don't know." He says,
"I'll take your rectal temperature."
331
00:25:37,681 --> 00:25:40,332
What is going on here?
332
00:25:40,402 --> 00:25:42,605
I am outraged!
333
00:25:43,825 --> 00:25:47,655
Maestro, I have to
thank you again for these.
334
00:25:47,729 --> 00:25:50,282
You see, I kept them
close to my heart.
335
00:25:50,354 --> 00:25:53,517
What are you talking about?
I did not give you anything.
336
00:25:53,586 --> 00:25:58,888
Besides, my condoms are engraved
with my portrait and covered with fur.
337
00:25:58,961 --> 00:26:02,605
These are counterfeits.
Out of my way!
338
00:26:03,569 --> 00:26:06,024
Counterfeits? Maestro!
339
00:26:08,145 --> 00:26:09,639
Keep an eye out.
340
00:26:13,361 --> 00:26:15,881
Kьnstler is one of them.
She's a super spy.
341
00:26:15,953 --> 00:26:18,735
I told you she was
a super... suppository.
342
00:26:18,802 --> 00:26:21,900
- I knew she was in bed with Pratt.
- What?
343
00:26:21,969 --> 00:26:24,074
She had me to her apartment.
She did that dance for me.
344
00:26:24,145 --> 00:26:26,731
Rubbed her body all over mine.
Used her tongue.
345
00:26:26,801 --> 00:26:28,143
The slut. A lap dance?
346
00:26:28,209 --> 00:26:31,056
Could have been Lapland, Finland,
Russia, any of those countries up there.
347
00:26:31,121 --> 00:26:35,878
And what she told me about the lion.
They mate 45 times in 3 hours.
348
00:26:35,985 --> 00:26:39,596
- How many times?
- Just keep your eye on Kьnstler.
349
00:26:39,665 --> 00:26:42,568
She's got orders to kill the president
if anything goes wrong.
350
00:26:42,641 --> 00:26:46,057
She gets up on the table,
he gets behind her. She says...
351
00:26:46,129 --> 00:26:49,806
Wardrobe!
Where is my costume?
352
00:26:49,873 --> 00:26:51,564
I know it was here.
I hung it myself.
353
00:26:51,633 --> 00:26:54,022
And I'll hang you myself
if you don't find it.
354
00:26:54,097 --> 00:26:57,894
Luciano, they have come to hear
your voice, not to see your clothes.
355
00:26:57,969 --> 00:27:00,358
You think the French won't notice...
356
00:27:00,433 --> 00:27:03,019
if I'm in the middle
of an Italian battlefield...
357
00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:06,919
fighting the Germans,
wearing American boxer shorts?
358
00:27:12,433 --> 00:27:14,375
"Hey, Doctor,
that ain't my rectum."
359
00:27:14,449 --> 00:27:16,904
He says, "That ain't
my thermometer either."
360
00:27:19,185 --> 00:27:21,835
Mr. President, we are ready
for you now, sir.
361
00:27:22,833 --> 00:27:24,524
Well, I'm on.
362
00:27:24,593 --> 00:27:26,153
Good luck, snookums.
363
00:27:34,129 --> 00:27:36,650
Mr. President,
no birthmark games tonight.
364
00:27:36,753 --> 00:27:38,608
Just remember,
you don't have one anymore...
365
00:27:38,673 --> 00:27:41,488
but there's a clone out there who looks
exactly like you and he does have it.
366
00:27:41,553 --> 00:27:43,658
So you just keep your pants on.
367
00:27:43,729 --> 00:27:46,413
And keep your fingers crossed
that Osgood...
368
00:27:46,481 --> 00:27:48,336
won't remember what
he thought he saw in the hotel.
369
00:27:48,401 --> 00:27:51,499
Won't remember what he thought
he saw in the hotel.
370
00:27:51,569 --> 00:27:54,285
What he thought that he didn't see
what he thought he saw in the hotel.
371
00:27:54,353 --> 00:27:55,847
I was right the first time.
372
00:27:55,921 --> 00:27:59,663
First there was the condoms.
Now they've stolen my costume!
373
00:27:59,729 --> 00:28:02,031
- Still cannot find them!
- You're on!
374
00:28:02,097 --> 00:28:04,486
Sure.
375
00:28:06,289 --> 00:28:09,638
Rather that he doesn't remember
what he thought...
376
00:28:09,745 --> 00:28:11,633
he didn't see in the hotel.
377
00:28:11,729 --> 00:28:14,860
You'll remember he didn't see
the birthmark.
378
00:28:17,841 --> 00:28:21,289
Monsieur President,
everything is checked and ready.
379
00:28:21,361 --> 00:28:23,947
You can blow your instrument
with confidence...
380
00:28:24,017 --> 00:28:27,759
knowing I will be here
holding the fart.
381
00:28:43,665 --> 00:28:47,014
Thank you.
And now, ladies and gentleman...
382
00:28:47,121 --> 00:28:50,950
it gives me great pleasure
to introduce our surprise guest.
383
00:29:07,505 --> 00:29:09,993
- So far so good.
- Don't be a pessimist.
384
00:29:16,433 --> 00:29:18,702
I like the way
he blows his horn.
385
00:29:18,769 --> 00:29:20,624
My son likes to toot too.
386
00:29:24,273 --> 00:29:25,451
Let's go.
387
00:29:32,209 --> 00:29:33,770
Are you all right?
388
00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:38,696
Here. Catch the saxophone.
389
00:29:50,929 --> 00:29:52,489
What do we do now?
390
00:29:52,561 --> 00:29:54,928
I'll lower the trapdoor,
Mr. President. You get on it.
391
00:29:54,993 --> 00:29:57,960
You'll go up, I'll bring the clone down
and put the arm on him.
392
00:29:59,185 --> 00:30:00,330
He's good.
393
00:30:26,065 --> 00:30:29,196
- What?
- Two?
394
00:30:37,841 --> 00:30:38,921
Me first.
395
00:30:38,993 --> 00:30:41,611
You! You messed things up
for the last time!
396
00:30:51,313 --> 00:30:54,662
Here, piggy, piggy. Sooey!
397
00:30:54,769 --> 00:30:56,657
Your presidency's about over.
398
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,816
You've never even been to Arkansas.
You imposter!
399
00:31:08,113 --> 00:31:09,390
Yes!
400
00:31:19,792 --> 00:31:21,800
Who is who?
401
00:31:23,409 --> 00:31:27,849
We have here two presidents.
402
00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:31,980
Two of them? My gosh,
this could be an intern's nightmare.
403
00:31:32,049 --> 00:31:33,707
Two.
404
00:31:35,537 --> 00:31:39,596
Identical? Yes.
But are our memories the same?
405
00:31:39,665 --> 00:31:42,152
Here's something I composed
when I was six years old.
406
00:31:43,025 --> 00:31:44,586
No one knows it.
407
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:03,119
So, now who is the real president?
408
00:32:03,185 --> 00:32:05,706
Okay. How about this one?
409
00:32:05,776 --> 00:32:08,078
I learned it yesterday.
410
00:32:31,696 --> 00:32:34,958
It's not so good.
There's your clone, Inspector.
411
00:32:35,024 --> 00:32:39,280
He remembers everything about my life
till the time he was cloned...
412
00:32:39,345 --> 00:32:40,752
but nothing afterward.
413
00:32:40,817 --> 00:32:43,850
Right. There's your clone,
Dr. Pratt.
414
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,571
You! You're the one
who did this to me!
415
00:32:47,185 --> 00:32:49,040
I'm gonna destroy you!
416
00:32:49,105 --> 00:32:50,796
You vermin!
417
00:32:58,513 --> 00:33:01,928
- What should we do?
- Lord, give me a sign.
418
00:33:04,913 --> 00:33:06,157
You've got mail.
419
00:33:09,265 --> 00:33:13,455
God said, "Let there be music."
On with the show!
420
00:33:20,433 --> 00:33:21,927
Here we go. One...
421
00:33:25,393 --> 00:33:27,215
So much for taking over the world.
422
00:33:27,313 --> 00:33:30,957
I just wanted to rid the world
of idiots like you.
423
00:34:20,913 --> 00:34:23,564
Hey, you, do something.
424
00:34:25,393 --> 00:34:27,498
It's fake, like wrestling.
425
00:34:28,464 --> 00:34:31,247
Where is that stage manager?
426
00:34:39,313 --> 00:34:41,452
Look out!
427
00:34:42,193 --> 00:34:44,495
Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.
428
00:34:51,793 --> 00:34:52,775
Get me down!
429
00:35:00,433 --> 00:35:01,480
Did you see that?
430
00:35:03,697 --> 00:35:05,584
Come on! Get over there!
431
00:35:10,929 --> 00:35:13,580
Take your hands off me!
432
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,535
Could you do better?
433
00:35:23,088 --> 00:35:25,838
The solution is
kill the president.
434
00:35:44,529 --> 00:35:46,471
Holy shit, baby.
435
00:35:47,825 --> 00:35:50,094
Boogie boogie boogie.
La la.
436
00:35:58,704 --> 00:35:59,817
I'll be back!
437
00:36:09,712 --> 00:36:11,654
Hasta la vista, baby.
438
00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:16,461
Bastards!
439
00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:20,175
Hey, I'm just a clone.
440
00:36:24,049 --> 00:36:27,726
Ladies and gentlemen,
this may have been...
441
00:36:27,793 --> 00:36:31,208
the greatest save of all time.
442
00:36:31,281 --> 00:36:35,689
And the man responsible is from
the Interplanetary Security...
443
00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:38,095
Marshal Dick Dix.
444
00:36:43,505 --> 00:36:45,774
Thank you, Mr. President.
445
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,670
You're very welcome, Marshal Dix.
The world thanks you.
446
00:37:16,720 --> 00:37:18,313
Yo, man!
447
00:37:20,304 --> 00:37:22,159
Marshal, you were wonderful.
448
00:37:22,224 --> 00:37:26,086
Now I knew what it was like to be
a Roman candle on the Fourth ofJuly.
449
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,095
Yet this hero stuff was not for me.
450
00:37:29,169 --> 00:37:32,551
I was ready to get back on the beat,
hear the wail of sirens...
451
00:37:32,624 --> 00:37:35,341
and play with my handcuffs
and my gun.
452
00:37:35,408 --> 00:37:40,045
Yes, I was ready to plant my flag
back in Washington, DC...
453
00:37:40,112 --> 00:37:44,390
where every congressman has
the constitutional right to be a felon.
454
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,018
Good old America.
455
00:37:56,465 --> 00:37:58,188
Here's your soup, sir.
456
00:38:00,401 --> 00:38:03,532
- Smells great.
- Piss off.
457
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:05,869
Miserable bird.
I should stuff it.
458
00:38:10,896 --> 00:38:14,409
Well, I want to drink a toast.
459
00:38:16,977 --> 00:38:20,392
I want to drink a toast to you.
460
00:38:20,496 --> 00:38:23,464
No, to you. You've made the world
a safe place again.
461
00:38:23,568 --> 00:38:26,318
Your high kicks helped out
pretty good too.
462
00:38:31,888 --> 00:38:33,895
How is everything on Vegan?
463
00:38:33,968 --> 00:38:36,237
I hear you've gotten a promotion.
464
00:38:37,041 --> 00:38:39,430
Yes. Now I'm responsible
for all new erections.
465
00:38:43,024 --> 00:38:45,512
Congratulations.
I'm not a bit surprised.
466
00:38:47,089 --> 00:38:49,194
I love spending
my vacation on Earth.
467
00:38:49,296 --> 00:38:50,823
This place is so peaceful...
468
00:38:50,929 --> 00:38:55,206
the ocean, the music,
product placements.
469
00:39:02,801 --> 00:39:03,815
Are you all right?
470
00:39:10,768 --> 00:39:13,289
Just picking my teeth.
471
00:39:15,441 --> 00:39:17,808
There's something
I need to tell you.
472
00:39:18,928 --> 00:39:20,357
I see dead people.
473
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,880
- What?
- I see dead people. Look.
474
00:39:23,984 --> 00:39:25,609
Hey, baby.
475
00:39:27,344 --> 00:39:28,937
You're right.
476
00:39:29,008 --> 00:39:31,692
Would you like to hear
the dessert specials?
477
00:39:31,761 --> 00:39:33,899
We got silicon hooter pie
with whipped cream for you.
478
00:39:33,968 --> 00:39:37,132
We've got silicon lips
ice cream for you.
479
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:40,200
And, yo, we got guns!
480
00:39:40,272 --> 00:39:41,647
- Big guns.
- For you.
481
00:39:41,713 --> 00:39:44,134
Gun? Big guns?
482
00:39:44,208 --> 00:39:46,477
Those aren't guns.
483
00:39:46,544 --> 00:39:48,300
This is a gun.
484
00:39:55,984 --> 00:39:59,694
Marshal, you made the world
a safe place again, again.
485
00:40:01,072 --> 00:40:04,236
You're so wonderful.
You know you could be my father.
486
00:40:04,304 --> 00:40:09,126
Oh, no, that concert was the only
time I've ever been to France.
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