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Captioning made possible
by Trimark Pictures
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<i>? You got to face it</i>
3
00:00:54,056 --> 00:00:59,161
<i>? love makes no sense</i>
4
00:01:01,296 --> 00:01:03,274
<i>? don't try to fight it</i>
5
00:01:03,298 --> 00:01:07,245
<i>? all your defenses
are useless ?</i>
6
00:01:07,269 --> 00:01:11,149
<i>? To you now</i>
7
00:01:11,173 --> 00:01:12,750
<i>? when you leave this room</i>
8
00:01:12,774 --> 00:01:17,479
<i>? all you will think
about is me ?</i>
9
00:01:19,414 --> 00:01:22,360
<i>? I'll be every song
on your radio ?</i>
10
00:01:22,384 --> 00:01:25,696
<i>? Everything on your TV</i>
11
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,631
<i>? just wait and see</i>
12
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:33,304
<i>? even though you
never looked at me ?</i>
13
00:01:33,328 --> 00:01:38,676
<i>? I know the real you
is behind those eyes ?</i>
14
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:44,615
<i>? Every true story
is full of lies ?</i>
15
00:01:44,639 --> 00:01:47,751
<i>? That lead to</i>
16
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:51,555
<i>? The real you</i>
17
00:01:56,151 --> 00:01:59,187
Hi. This is Eli.
Leave a message.
18
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,567
Hey.
It's Tom...
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00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,469
Again. Um...
20
00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:07,671
Call me.
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<i>? I'll take you by the hand
and soon I'll pull your heart ?</i>
22
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:18,716
<i>? Out of your body,
and there is no way ?</i>
23
00:02:18,740 --> 00:02:21,285
<i>? You can escape me</i>
24
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:26,390
<i>? I know the real you
is behind those eyes ?</i>
25
00:02:27,249 --> 00:02:32,263
<i>? Every true story
is full of lies ?</i>
26
00:02:32,287 --> 00:02:36,434
<i>? That lead to</i>
27
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<i>? the real you</i>
28
00:02:40,162 --> 00:02:47,802
<i>? the real you</i>
29
00:02:49,704 --> 00:02:54,718
<i>? real you</i>
30
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:59,690
<i>? real you</i>
31
00:02:59,714 --> 00:03:06,154
<i>? real... You</i>
32
00:03:09,891 --> 00:03:12,703
um... hi,
I'm Eli Wyckoff.
33
00:03:12,727 --> 00:03:14,205
I'm here for my test results.
34
00:03:14,229 --> 00:03:15,773
And you're about an hour early.
35
00:03:15,797 --> 00:03:17,475
Why don't you go get
yourself some coffee?
36
00:03:17,499 --> 00:03:19,777
Oh, I'm... I'm going
to wait, if that's okay.
37
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:21,636
Okay.
All right.
38
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,743
This your first time?
39
00:03:29,511 --> 00:03:31,489
My... my first?
40
00:03:31,513 --> 00:03:33,757
No. No.
41
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:38,620
I have this habit of getting
tested after every boy...
42
00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:41,765
Guy that I ever...
You know.
43
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,802
Well, there's only been
like 3 in the past few...
44
00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:49,440
Oh... this is the third, so
it's not really a habit...
45
00:03:49,464 --> 00:03:50,508
Yet.
Uh-huh
46
00:03:50,532 --> 00:03:52,610
oh, no! It's not like I
think there's even a chance
47
00:03:52,634 --> 00:03:55,679
that I have... You know.
48
00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:56,814
I know the dangers.
49
00:03:56,838 --> 00:03:58,849
I do the police blotter
for the Hollywood news,
50
00:03:58,873 --> 00:04:02,486
so... me and danger
are like this.
51
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,787
So why are you here?
52
00:04:05,647 --> 00:04:08,459
Feedback clinic.
This is Esther.
53
00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:10,261
Uh-huh...
54
00:04:10,285 --> 00:04:12,354
Well, did you suck his dick?
55
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,698
Then you better come in.
56
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,424
Okay.
57
00:04:19,761 --> 00:04:21,672
Hi, I'm Tom.
58
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,774
And... i'm
an alcoholic.
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00:04:23,798 --> 00:04:25,633
Hi, Tom.
60
00:04:26,768 --> 00:04:28,946
So, um...
61
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:31,649
I'm 10 days away
from my 30-day chip.
62
00:04:39,981 --> 00:04:42,484
Yeah, um... Anyway.
63
00:04:43,985 --> 00:04:46,264
Both my parents are drunks.
64
00:04:46,288 --> 00:04:52,703
But, um... I still don't
feel like I belong here.
65
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,429
You know?
66
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:57,641
I mean, I go to flea markets.
67
00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:04,682
I vote. Even for, like, school
board and... and prop... whatever.
68
00:05:04,706 --> 00:05:06,584
I-I-I'm a special ed teacher,
for Christ's sake.
69
00:05:06,608 --> 00:05:07,818
It's not like I'm this
Hollywood has-been,
70
00:05:07,842 --> 00:05:12,880
crouched in an airport bathroom,
sucking on a can of final net.
71
00:05:13,715 --> 00:05:17,752
So... why am I here?
72
00:05:19,821 --> 00:05:21,556
The truth?
73
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,660
Truth is, I met a guy.
74
00:05:26,661 --> 00:05:32,976
And if... I had to pick
a... I don't know, a trigger,
75
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,704
you know, I'd... I'd have to say
it was all over this guy.
76
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:42,620
But, whatever. You know what?
Who cares... How it happened.
77
00:05:42,644 --> 00:05:44,946
Bottom line is I'm here.
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00:05:46,648 --> 00:05:48,025
And I quit drinking... And guys,
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00:05:48,049 --> 00:05:50,785
because I can't be trusted
with either!
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00:05:54,356 --> 00:05:56,424
Thanks.
81
00:05:59,694 --> 00:06:01,805
Nice going.
82
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:02,873
Oh. Ha ha.
83
00:06:02,897 --> 00:06:05,042
Yeah, well, I'll get it
right one of these times.
84
00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:06,076
It sounded right to me.
85
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,446
It's like you were
telling my story.
86
00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:09,580
Yeah?
Yeah.
87
00:06:09,604 --> 00:06:11,682
Well, I shared first, so I
get dibs on the book rights.
88
00:06:11,706 --> 00:06:13,050
That's fair.
89
00:06:13,074 --> 00:06:14,652
So tell me about the guy.
90
00:06:14,676 --> 00:06:18,489
Uh, you know what? No. I don't
want to keep you from...
91
00:06:18,513 --> 00:06:19,189
What? From what?
92
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,123
The important things in life,
93
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:20,991
like stapling or filing?
94
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:24,428
Oh, please! I couldn't
be more bored.
95
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,429
So this thing with that guy?
96
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,398
You seem pretty healthy with it.
97
00:06:27,422 --> 00:06:29,600
Only to the sight-
and hearing-impaired.
98
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:31,669
Pull up your chair, honey.
99
00:06:31,693 --> 00:06:34,629
This one?
Yeah. Move up.
100
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:42,613
So, you and your boyfriend.
You broke up.
101
00:06:42,637 --> 00:06:44,014
Oh, boyfriend.
I don't know.
102
00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:45,015
I don't know.
103
00:06:45,039 --> 00:06:48,719
I don't know, but... but
things just got too...
104
00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:49,687
Too!
105
00:06:49,711 --> 00:06:51,689
You know?
And I choked.
106
00:06:51,713 --> 00:06:52,923
I'm an alcoholic.
You do the math.
107
00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:56,126
We met on a blind date,
which sucked.
108
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:58,629
Then we became friends, and...
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00:06:58,653 --> 00:07:00,030
Now we don't speak
to each other.
110
00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:01,565
So, a happy ending.
111
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:04,468
How did we meet.
112
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:05,803
It all started with
this phone call
113
00:07:05,827 --> 00:07:07,838
from my best friend, Jackie.
114
00:07:08,730 --> 00:07:10,941
Tom! Pick up.
115
00:07:10,965 --> 00:07:14,736
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
116
00:07:15,670 --> 00:07:17,147
Damn it. Where are you?
117
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:18,716
I'm at a pay phone,
'cause I can't get
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00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:19,917
my piece of shit
cell phone to work
119
00:07:19,941 --> 00:07:22,786
unless I'm standing on my head
with my fingers up my ass.
120
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,788
Whoo hoo! Yeah!
121
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,457
Fuck you!
122
00:07:26,481 --> 00:07:28,526
Anyway, um... Listen.
123
00:07:28,550 --> 00:07:30,728
Uh, what are you doing
Friday night?
124
00:07:30,752 --> 00:07:31,929
'Cause I just met this guy Brett
125
00:07:31,953 --> 00:07:33,431
at a furniture store on Montana,
126
00:07:33,455 --> 00:07:36,500
and he showed me this great
love seat to die for,
127
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,736
and I think I could
get it wholesale.
128
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:42,564
There's just, um, one catch.
129
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,581
<i>? Everything I want,
you got it ?</i>
130
00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:52,916
<i>? Everything I need,
you own it ?</i>
131
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,886
<i>? Everything I need,
you got it ?</i>
132
00:07:55,910 --> 00:07:58,155
<i>? Everything in me,
you want it ?</i>
133
00:07:58,179 --> 00:08:01,024
<i>? Everything I want,
you got it ?</i>
134
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,594
<i>? Everything I need,
you own it ?</i>
135
00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:06,664
<i>? Everything I need,
you got it ?</i>
136
00:08:06,688 --> 00:08:09,967
<i>? Everything in me,
you want it ?</i>
137
00:08:09,991 --> 00:08:11,502
An-an-any luck?
138
00:08:11,526 --> 00:08:13,904
Oh! Uh... With?
139
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,005
Oh, I don't know.
I just figured by now
140
00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:17,708
you'd be looking for change
beneath the seat cushions.
141
00:08:17,732 --> 00:08:19,777
Oh, god.
You did... you saw me?
142
00:08:19,801 --> 00:08:21,745
Um, yeah, no.
The whole routine.
143
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:22,913
The little dance thing.
144
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:24,482
Oh, that's great.
That's great.
145
00:08:24,506 --> 00:08:25,749
Now I'm thoroughly mortified.
146
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:26,950
No, you're fine.
147
00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:27,685
Don't... don't... don't
worry about it.
148
00:08:27,709 --> 00:08:29,487
Well, I know.
But now it's, um,
149
00:08:29,511 --> 00:08:32,089
it's your turn to do
something humiliating.
150
00:08:32,113 --> 00:08:34,892
Oh, well, I... I work
in a furniture store,
151
00:08:34,916 --> 00:08:36,960
so I've pretty much
covered those bases.
152
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:38,929
Well, hello! Hey.
153
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:41,899
What's humiliating about an
employee discount, right?
154
00:08:41,923 --> 00:08:43,000
Which, by the way,
155
00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:45,168
does that apply to this sort
of wheelie cartie thing?
156
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,937
'Cause this is yummy.
Right. Look.
157
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,539
"A"... I get 10% off
of this crap,
158
00:08:48,563 --> 00:08:49,807
and "B"... you know, I don't... I
don't know if the whole
159
00:08:49,831 --> 00:08:54,512
clockwork orange come Ikea
thing is really your scene?
160
00:08:54,536 --> 00:08:55,178
Honestly.
161
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,179
Quite a salesman.
162
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:59,783
Yeah, I don't even know
what half this shit is.
163
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:00,984
Okay. Great.
164
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,085
Well, you know what, though?
165
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:05,723
My heart does kind of beat
faster for this love seat.
166
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:06,724
Oh, you're kidding!
167
00:09:06,748 --> 00:09:07,791
Why? Do you hate it?
168
00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:11,294
No, I... it's the only thing
in the store that's mine.
169
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:11,962
Yours?
170
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,831
Uh, one of my designs, yeah.
171
00:09:13,855 --> 00:09:16,534
Oh! You're a designer.
172
00:09:16,558 --> 00:09:17,300
Yeah, yeah.
No, this...
173
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,069
This was one of my
first projects.
174
00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:21,304
Well, I love it.
Thank you.
175
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,072
Uh, what is the color?
176
00:09:22,096 --> 00:09:24,307
Sort of a yellow,
beige, yellow...
177
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:24,975
Buttercup.
178
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:26,644
Buttercup?
179
00:09:26,668 --> 00:09:28,570
Buttercup.
180
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,016
I'm... I'm not
gay. Okay?
181
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,117
Just 'cause I say
butter... you know.
182
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,319
You know, I have this argument
with Eli all the time.
183
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,354
God damn it, man.
184
00:09:37,378 --> 00:09:38,689
You know, honestly, just
'cause I say buttercup
185
00:09:38,713 --> 00:09:39,557
doesn't mean I'm gay, you know?
186
00:09:39,581 --> 00:09:40,858
Or I used to be gay,
or I want to be gay.
187
00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:42,092
Not gay, you know, just very...
188
00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:45,963
Particular about the nomenclature
I use regarding my palette.
189
00:09:45,987 --> 00:09:48,966
And, uh, who's Eli?
The boyfriend?
190
00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:50,000
Right! No, no.
191
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:52,269
He's my... he's my, you know,
he's my best friend,
192
00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:54,137
who happens... happens to be gay.
193
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,273
Well, you know what I think?
194
00:09:56,297 --> 00:09:57,641
I think you're one
of those guys who,
195
00:09:57,665 --> 00:10:00,644
you know, sort of flirts with a girl,
maybe even takes her to dinner,
196
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,145
and then, you know,
when push comes to shove,
197
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,982
the only frenching you'll be
doing with her are her braids.
198
00:10:05,006 --> 00:10:06,249
Well! That's
pretty sassy.
199
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,985
So you've been braided
a lot recently?
200
00:10:08,009 --> 00:10:09,186
No, I... look, I know gay men.
201
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:10,854
Okay? I practically invented them.
Oh, okay.
202
00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:12,790
You know? And there's no
such thing as a straight guy
203
00:10:12,814 --> 00:10:15,693
with a gay best friend
he's not fucking.
204
00:10:15,717 --> 00:10:16,994
Hey! Don't give me that
look, all right? What?
205
00:10:17,018 --> 00:10:20,798
My friend Tom... who by the way, is
single, if you're interested...
206
00:10:20,822 --> 00:10:21,832
Yeah, he's the first to agree.
207
00:10:21,856 --> 00:10:24,134
Right, right. Uh, okay.
Well, thanks for the tip.
208
00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:27,070
I'm not particularly
interested in... in... in Tom.
209
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:31,933
Uh, unless, of course, I
mean, he has your eyes.
210
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:41,952
So, there's actually a chance
that he didn't hate my guts,
211
00:10:41,976 --> 00:10:47,658
and I could be having his children on
that kick-ass, buttercup love seat.
212
00:10:47,682 --> 00:10:48,992
Which is where you come in.
213
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:50,360
I was like, great!
214
00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,930
I figured next she'll be asking me
to blow some guy for 3-day blinds.
215
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,197
You know in the movies,
216
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,565
when a guy's in the supermarket
217
00:10:55,589 --> 00:10:59,069
and he accidentally bumps shopping
carts with the love of his life?
218
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:00,037
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, well.
219
00:11:00,061 --> 00:11:02,105
The last few times
I bumped carts with anyone,
220
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,942
they looked like they were
fresh off the special bus.
221
00:11:04,966 --> 00:11:07,845
That is why I let
my friends fix me up.
222
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:18,021
Hi. This is Eli.
Leave a message.
223
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,256
Eli, you there?
224
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,691
Buddy? Hello, hello.
225
00:11:20,715 --> 00:11:22,726
That's right.
There's an x-file marathon on.
226
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,396
I cannot believe I'm friends
with a Trekkie. It's pathetic.
227
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,031
Okay, I am not a Trekkie.
You got that?
228
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,366
I just like the x-files.
229
00:11:29,390 --> 00:11:31,301
I believe the truth is out there.
Don't you?
230
00:11:31,325 --> 00:11:33,136
Yeah, whatever.
Look, man. I, uh...
231
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,137
Fully hooked you up.
232
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,973
You have a date on Friday night.
233
00:11:35,997 --> 00:11:37,875
What a minute.
What?!
234
00:11:37,899 --> 00:11:38,642
Mmm, yep, that's right.
235
00:11:38,666 --> 00:11:39,509
Your losing streak
is over, my man.
236
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,779
He's, uh, a total stud,
like a big guy.
237
00:11:41,803 --> 00:11:42,880
Okay, you always say that.
238
00:11:42,904 --> 00:11:43,947
It's like entry level.
239
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:44,815
It means he's got nipples.
240
00:11:44,839 --> 00:11:46,016
For you, that'd be a step up.
241
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,317
Ha ha. That's funny.
242
00:11:47,341 --> 00:11:49,286
Anyway, like, uh, his, uh, his
friend Jackie came into the store.
243
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:50,988
I completely hit
it off. Yikes!
244
00:11:51,012 --> 00:11:53,456
Let me tell you. She's
got unbelievable K.B.
245
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,125
What is that? Killer butt? No.
246
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:56,026
Killer boobs.
247
00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:58,295
Anyway, she told me
about her friend Tom.
248
00:11:58,319 --> 00:11:59,462
Uh, sounds like a nice guy.
249
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:01,231
I, uh, I told...
I lied, basically.
250
00:12:01,255 --> 00:12:02,332
I said you were a great guy.
251
00:12:02,356 --> 00:12:03,333
Told her about you.
That's really nice.
252
00:12:03,357 --> 00:12:05,035
And now you two have to
go out on Friday night.
253
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:06,436
Okay, wait a minute, says who?
That's...
254
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:07,604
Hold on. Someone's
at the door.
255
00:12:07,628 --> 00:12:08,638
Actually, you know what? Can
I... can I call you right back?
256
00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:11,041
I just showed up at my
loser gay friend's place.
257
00:12:11,065 --> 00:12:11,775
I'll call you back.
258
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:12,943
That's funny.
It's mainly junk.
259
00:12:12,967 --> 00:12:15,913
Umm, anyway, look. I know it
didn't go all so, you know,
260
00:12:15,937 --> 00:12:18,982
that well the last time with, uh...
Richard, was it?
261
00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:21,218
Rita! From ups.
She was a woman!
262
00:12:21,242 --> 00:12:23,486
Whatever, you know.
She was still gay.
263
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,255
That's your problem.
You're so picky.
264
00:12:25,279 --> 00:12:27,725
Anyway, you yourself
said she had K.B.
265
00:12:27,749 --> 00:12:28,892
Killer... boobs?
No, butt.
266
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,261
Okay, you know, the whole initial thing?
It's got to stop.
267
00:12:31,285 --> 00:12:34,131
And P.S. I never said K.B.
I said K.G. B.
268
00:12:34,155 --> 00:12:36,233
Killer garlic breath. Oh.
269
00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:37,400
Whatever. Look.
270
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,235
The bottom line is,
271
00:12:38,259 --> 00:12:41,138
I made a reservation
for you, for Tom,
272
00:12:41,162 --> 00:12:43,206
Friday night at Nick's, 8:00.
Be there or be square.
273
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,842
Okay, you know, I hate
it when people say that,
274
00:12:44,866 --> 00:12:46,209
'cause even when I'm
there, I'm square,
275
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,177
so what is the incentive?
276
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:49,146
Well, he's a teacher.
Sounds like a great guy.
277
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:51,214
Maybe you'll get lucky. You'll
have to stay after class.
278
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:52,349
All right? Detention?
279
00:12:52,373 --> 00:12:53,416
You like that sort
of thing, don't you?
280
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,086
The discipline, the gravity
boots, the whole thing.
281
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:56,820
You're welcome.
282
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,989
Of course, you went?
283
00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:01,048
Yep. I went.
284
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,201
<i>? She landed on my roof</i>
285
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:12,903
<i>? ...from Venus</i>
286
00:13:12,927 --> 00:13:14,404
<i>? her ship ran out of gas</i>
287
00:13:14,428 --> 00:13:17,074
<i>? fast as light
and love came between us ?</i>
288
00:13:17,098 --> 00:13:19,442
<i>? Fashion girl from outer space</i>
289
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,013
<i>? I'll never turn you on</i>
290
00:13:23,037 --> 00:13:23,981
<i>? future love</i>
291
00:13:24,005 --> 00:13:25,215
<i>? that's right, that's right,
that's right ?</i>
292
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,850
<i>? Making future love tonight</i>
293
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,186
<i>? that's right, that's right,
that's right ?</i>
294
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:31,254
<i>? Making future love tonight</i>
295
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,123
<i>? it's all right if I love you ?</i>
296
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:34,524
<i>? It's all right if I don't</i>
297
00:13:34,548 --> 00:13:36,559
<i>? but I've been praying
that you're running away ?</i>
298
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:39,362
<i>? 'Cause I got the feeling,
honey, that you won't ?</i>
299
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:42,232
<i>? Supersonic safety love</i>
300
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:44,868
<i>? I'll never turn you on</i>
301
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:47,170
<i>? that's right, that's right,
that's right ?</i>
302
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,239
<i>? Making future love tonight</i>
303
00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:51,132
<i>? that's right, that's right</i>
304
00:13:55,937 --> 00:13:58,148
Believe me, I didn't have
high hopes for this date.
305
00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,117
Well, you didn't
have anything to lose.
306
00:14:00,141 --> 00:14:03,320
I know. Honestly, all
I kept thinking was,
307
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:05,122
"I hope he doesn't smoke."
308
00:14:05,146 --> 00:14:07,224
<i>? sometimes I wish I had a gun ?</i>
309
00:14:10,451 --> 00:14:11,494
Uh, I'm going to...
310
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,030
I'm going to go up to the
bar and get another drink.
311
00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:14,031
You want... you want something?
312
00:14:14,055 --> 00:14:15,933
Yes, yes. I'll have another
seltzer with lime.
313
00:14:15,957 --> 00:14:16,633
Seltzer with lime.
314
00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:17,600
Make it a white wine spritzer.
315
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,002
Spritzer. Got it.
316
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,939
On second thought, can
I get a, uh, 7 & 7?
317
00:14:21,963 --> 00:14:23,907
Rocks with a twist.
318
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:24,774
Okay. Are you sure?
319
00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:27,110
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I
always get a 7 & 7.
320
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,545
Oh, hi. Yeah. We're
going to have a...
321
00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:30,313
Absolut Martini,
straight up, two olives.
322
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,273
Make it a little dirty.
323
00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:35,919
You?
324
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:37,912
Uh...
325
00:15:01,102 --> 00:15:02,937
Do you like movies?
326
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:05,482
Yeah, I like movies.
327
00:15:05,506 --> 00:15:06,616
Yeah, me too.
328
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,586
I think it was gay night on
cable last night, 'cause I...
329
00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:11,913
In and out was on again.
330
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,291
Uh-huh.
331
00:15:14,315 --> 00:15:15,158
Nah, I just thought it
was great, you know,
332
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,394
to see a movie like that,
with two guys.
333
00:15:17,418 --> 00:15:18,528
Not with two guys.
334
00:15:18,552 --> 00:15:23,557
You know, with two guys who...
You know... In the movie.
335
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:26,169
I hated it.
336
00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:27,938
Oh. Yeah. No. Me too.
337
00:15:27,962 --> 00:15:31,574
I just... Thought
it was light... Fun.
338
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,976
Fun?
339
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,277
Yeah.
340
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:38,248
Fun to see Kevin Kline get on his
sorry-assed, middle-aged knees
341
00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,083
and give us a big ole
Hollywood blow job
342
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,986
by catering to every
cliched, homophobic,
343
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:45,288
stereotypical idea of
what it means to be gay?
344
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:48,258
Without having the
decency or the courtesy
345
00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:52,062
or... or even just the balls to drop
a little trou' and show us his.
346
00:15:52,086 --> 00:15:54,965
Wait a minute.
Come on. I don't know.
347
00:15:54,989 --> 00:15:56,366
I thought it was
nice to see a guy
348
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,301
coming out to his
family, his friends.
349
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,637
Not to mention his fiance.
His fiance?
350
00:16:00,661 --> 00:16:02,139
The loser bitch has been
waiting her whole life
351
00:16:02,163 --> 00:16:05,108
to marry this Nelly,
Barbara-loving, self-hating,
352
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:08,311
geriatric English teacher who
can't get it up for her.
353
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,280
And we're supposed to
feel sorry for her?
354
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,983
Awww. No fucking way. I
mean, you do the math.
355
00:16:13,007 --> 00:16:16,077
Where the hell is the
waiter with my drink?
356
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,046
You want anything?
357
00:16:20,381 --> 00:16:23,284
I'm not even going
to mention birdcage.
358
00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:30,333
Can I get a diet coke? Sure.
359
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,736
All right. What was your
favorite movie of all time?
360
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,207
Let's just... Let's
just start with that.
361
00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:39,742
You know what? I'm not a big
fan of the favorites game,
362
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,369
so why don't you go first?
363
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:46,316
Oh. Okay. Um...
364
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:49,152
Well, I know it sounds
corny and cliche,
365
00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,613
but I have to say
gone with the wind.
366
00:16:53,414 --> 00:16:54,124
I never saw it.
367
00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:55,158
Yeah, right.
368
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,327
I didn't. I... I never
saw gone with the wind.
369
00:16:57,351 --> 00:16:59,329
You're kidding, right? No.
370
00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:01,764
I'm not kidding.
Come on.
371
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:02,632
I... I never saw the movie.
372
00:17:02,656 --> 00:17:04,701
You never saw the movie?
No. I never...
373
00:17:04,725 --> 00:17:08,471
Okay, fine. Do you want me to
tell you that I saw the movie?
374
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,073
I will.
I saw the movie.
375
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,441
It was the best movie
I've ever seen.
376
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:15,012
Especially, especially that
part where red buttons
377
00:17:15,036 --> 00:17:16,713
is up on the hill
with Charlotte.
378
00:17:16,737 --> 00:17:18,781
Oh, my god.
You are scaring me!
379
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,450
What... what do you
want me to say?
380
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,744
I'm not a big fan of
black-and-white movies.
381
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:28,715
Relax, would you?
Relax.
382
00:17:30,351 --> 00:17:33,987
I saw fame like 15 times.
Does that help?
383
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,226
Well, it's a start.
384
00:17:45,199 --> 00:17:47,334
Wow, K.E.
385
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:48,611
What?
What?
386
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,381
What... what did you just say?
387
00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:52,082
Nothing.
388
00:17:52,106 --> 00:17:53,616
Yeah, you just said something.
389
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,317
No, n-no I didn't.
390
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,518
Yeah, you did.
You said, "K.E."
391
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:57,578
What... what... what is that?
392
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,387
It... it's nothing. It's...
it's nothing.
393
00:18:02,399 --> 00:18:03,826
It... It's stupid.
394
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,663
It's initial talk. Brett and I
have been doing it for years.
395
00:18:06,687 --> 00:18:09,632
It is so stupid. It means nothing.
Trust me.
396
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:10,700
Right, so I just took a hit.
397
00:18:10,724 --> 00:18:12,169
No, no, no!
You didn't. Tom.
398
00:18:12,193 --> 00:18:14,504
Believe me.
I swear to you.
399
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:16,397
Oh. Damn it.
400
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:24,605
It means...
Killer eyes, okay?
401
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,526
You know what?
I-i-I'm going to go.
402
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:38,628
It's late, and uh...
Yeah.
403
00:18:38,652 --> 00:18:41,798
Yeah, let's... let's you and I go.
404
00:18:41,822 --> 00:18:44,267
On our way. Ways!
On our ways.
405
00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:45,435
Separate.
You and me.
406
00:18:45,459 --> 00:18:47,870
You know. Here,
let's split it.
407
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:48,771
No, I got it,
I got it, I got it.
408
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,807
No. Let's split it.
No, I want to do this.
409
00:18:50,831 --> 00:18:52,609
Please. I don't want to do that.
Just let me pay.
410
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:54,144
Let me just split it.
Let me do this!
411
00:18:54,168 --> 00:18:57,180
Let me just pay for my own.
Just go!
412
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,439
Going.
413
00:18:59,673 --> 00:19:02,485
He hated me. It's like
I activated his gag reflex.
414
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,587
That is the last time I
will let you fix me up.
415
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:05,855
You got that?
Take it in.
416
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:08,691
Next date I go on is going to cost
me $2.00 for the first minute
417
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,360
and $1.50 each
additional minute.
418
00:19:10,384 --> 00:19:11,761
Did he say anything
about me and Jackie?
419
00:19:11,785 --> 00:19:13,363
What? No,
it didn't come up.
420
00:19:13,387 --> 00:19:15,565
Are you sure the guy
was even gay?
421
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:16,366
Are you kidding?
422
00:19:16,390 --> 00:19:18,901
I don't know. You
know... With you...
423
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,371
How many straight guys you
know pretend they're gay?
424
00:19:21,395 --> 00:19:22,505
Besides you?
Hello!
425
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,606
You sure he didn't
say anything about me?
426
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,375
Hey, you want eggs? I can
easily add an egg to this.
427
00:19:25,399 --> 00:19:27,477
Can I have eggs? Are there eggs?
Are there eggs?
428
00:19:27,501 --> 00:19:29,479
You have to relax. You're
becoming a crazy person.
429
00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:30,547
You've been whipping
for 20 minutes.
430
00:19:30,571 --> 00:19:33,150
Your mother told me you
were going to be like this.
431
00:19:33,174 --> 00:19:35,152
My mom called you again?
432
00:19:35,176 --> 00:19:36,153
What did you tell her?
433
00:19:36,177 --> 00:19:37,820
No, she's concerned about you.
434
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:38,888
You never... you never
talk to the woman.
435
00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:42,183
You know? She thinks you're
becoming a big loser.
436
00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:43,260
Oh, that's...
That's nice.
437
00:19:43,284 --> 00:19:45,428
That's great. Thanks.
Thanks for that.
438
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:47,297
Easy for her to say.
439
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:48,064
I know what's out there.
440
00:19:48,088 --> 00:19:49,065
Guys with bad
fucking hair plugs,
441
00:19:49,089 --> 00:19:52,335
staples in their dicks,
beanie baby collections,
442
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,803
or worse.
Worse?
443
00:19:53,827 --> 00:19:54,804
Oh, there's worse.
444
00:19:54,828 --> 00:19:58,241
Oh, come on. It'll be so
much better next time.
445
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,242
There won't be a next time.
446
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:03,513
Unless his name is Ben,
Jerry, or Jose Cuervo.
447
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:06,883
Uh-huh. Like you haven't
already had those guys.
448
00:20:06,907 --> 00:20:08,851
And their brothers.
449
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,052
Haven't you ever wondered
what it's like to be with
450
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:14,591
the same guy for more than...
Oh, I don't know... 5 minutes?
451
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:18,795
With the guys I meet,
5 minutes is all it takes.
452
00:20:18,819 --> 00:20:20,563
Charming.
453
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,732
Okay, but more importantly,
454
00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:26,269
mmm... what did Eli
say about me?
455
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,571
Is it going to
happen with Brett?
456
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,573
No idea.
Didn't mention it.
457
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,509
Oh.
458
00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:34,744
Like I care.
459
00:20:34,768 --> 00:20:36,513
But maybe I should
call Brett, and just,
460
00:20:36,537 --> 00:20:39,916
you know, find out what
Eli said about your date.
461
00:20:39,940 --> 00:20:41,884
Couldn't care less.
462
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:45,622
Right. Right. We
officially don't care.
463
00:20:45,646 --> 00:20:47,624
I get it... Yeah.
464
00:20:47,648 --> 00:20:51,561
I definitely am
not going to call.
465
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:52,329
Where you going?
466
00:20:52,353 --> 00:20:54,931
Uh... home. To
officially not call.
467
00:20:54,955 --> 00:20:56,866
No, no, no, no. You were
supposed to stay here
468
00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:59,669
and watch lifetime television
for women and gay men.
469
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:00,870
Uh... no.
470
00:21:00,894 --> 00:21:02,572
It's Joan Van Arc in not
without my nose job.
471
00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:05,675
Oh, angel. I've already
lived that movie.
472
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:08,278
All that shit people say
about finding "the one"?
473
00:21:08,302 --> 00:21:09,579
I'm sick of it.
474
00:21:09,603 --> 00:21:11,314
Tom certainly isn't.
475
00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,750
I don't ever think I'm going
to meet the guy who is.
476
00:21:13,774 --> 00:21:14,617
You know, your whole problem is
477
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:17,287
there's no such thing
as "the one." okay?
478
00:21:17,311 --> 00:21:18,087
You're such a liar!
479
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:18,921
Like two seconds
ago, you told me how
480
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,657
you think this girl
Jackie is the one.
481
00:21:20,681 --> 00:21:22,158
I met her one time.
482
00:21:22,182 --> 00:21:23,960
I said she could be the one or one of
the ones. There's not just one "one."
483
00:21:23,984 --> 00:21:25,495
You know, there's
fractions of one,
484
00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:26,996
there's halves of one,
there's quarters of one.
485
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:29,766
You know, the idea is about
making yourself open to someone,
486
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,826
you know, perhaps
Tom becoming the one.
487
00:21:34,395 --> 00:21:35,572
Are you coming to the flea
market with me tomorrow?
488
00:21:35,596 --> 00:21:38,741
No, sweetie, by tomorrow, I'm
hoping to actually have plans
489
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:41,311
with a man who will appreciate
me for my body, okay?
490
00:21:41,335 --> 00:21:44,681
Not just my brains and
wit and sense of style.
491
00:21:44,705 --> 00:21:46,283
So dad's in town?
492
00:21:46,307 --> 00:21:47,550
You're disgusting.
493
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:48,885
Why don't you take a
date to the flea market?
494
00:21:48,909 --> 00:21:51,521
Oh! Okay, that is why
you never go steady.
495
00:21:51,545 --> 00:21:55,525
I haven't gone steady since the
seventh grade. You do the math.
496
00:21:55,549 --> 00:21:57,394
Besides, he kept saying,
"you do the math,"
497
00:21:57,418 --> 00:21:59,829
even when it made no
sense. What a turn-off.
498
00:21:59,853 --> 00:22:00,897
What's the turn-on?
499
00:22:00,921 --> 00:22:01,998
According to your mother,
you haven't had a hard-on
500
00:22:02,022 --> 00:22:02,965
since she first took you
to see the nutcracker
501
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:05,535
at the Jewish community
center in first grade.
502
00:22:05,559 --> 00:22:07,069
Stop talking to my mother
about my sex life.
503
00:22:07,093 --> 00:22:07,937
What sex life?
I have one.
504
00:22:07,961 --> 00:22:10,540
Uh-huh. Right. Okay,
you know, it counts.
505
00:22:10,564 --> 00:22:12,309
I spent 10 years learning
which buttons to push,
506
00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:14,311
now I just have to look
at myself and I come.
507
00:22:14,335 --> 00:22:15,636
Eww.
508
00:22:31,385 --> 00:22:35,064
<i>? Everybody's looking
for something ?</i>
509
00:22:35,088 --> 00:22:39,569
<i>? Step right up and tell
me what it's all about ?</i>
510
00:22:39,593 --> 00:22:43,072
<i>? Well, don't you worry
'bout nothin' ?</i>
511
00:22:43,096 --> 00:22:47,577
<i>? If you see what you like,
I'm sure we'll work it out ?</i>
512
00:22:47,601 --> 00:22:51,648
<i>? I come and see you
on Sundays ?</i>
513
00:22:51,672 --> 00:22:55,752
<i>? East side, West Side,
uptown or down ?</i>
514
00:22:55,776 --> 00:23:00,390
<i>? And all your problems
will disappear ?</i>
515
00:23:00,414 --> 00:23:04,026
<i>? When you lay your money down</i>
516
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:06,062
<i>? vamos a alegresia ?</i>
517
00:23:06,086 --> 00:23:07,764
<i>? Let's make a deal, man</i>
518
00:23:07,788 --> 00:23:10,600
<i>? vamos a alegresia ?</i>
519
00:23:10,624 --> 00:23:11,701
Hey!
520
00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:15,938
Hey! Hey, uh...
How are you doing?
521
00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:17,707
Good. Good.
How are you?
522
00:23:17,731 --> 00:23:20,710
Yeah. Good. Good, good. Good.
523
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:23,580
You, um...
You look good.
524
00:23:23,604 --> 00:23:25,682
God... thanks.
525
00:23:25,706 --> 00:23:27,950
No, no, no. Really.
526
00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:30,753
So, what, you were
lying the first time?
527
00:23:30,777 --> 00:23:32,855
What? No!
No, no, no. I...
528
00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:34,624
You got that fresh,
Sunday morning,
529
00:23:34,648 --> 00:23:36,959
read the paper, cup
of coffee kinda look.
530
00:23:36,983 --> 00:23:38,661
Yeah, and here I thought
I had that stale,
531
00:23:38,685 --> 00:23:39,696
Sunday morning hangover,
532
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,732
choke on my own
vomit thing going.
533
00:23:46,727 --> 00:23:47,970
What are you, uh,
what are you here for?
534
00:23:47,994 --> 00:23:49,439
You looking for
anything in particular?
535
00:23:49,463 --> 00:23:51,474
Um, yeah, yeah, actually,
536
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:53,476
I'm looking for
a vintage Martini set.
537
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:57,780
You know, the shaker and the
glasses and the whole thing.
538
00:23:57,804 --> 00:23:59,516
Huh.
539
00:23:59,540 --> 00:24:02,985
How about you? You just...
You just browsing?
540
00:24:03,009 --> 00:24:04,954
Me? Are you kidding?
I go nuts.
541
00:24:04,978 --> 00:24:08,891
I have to look for one
thing and just one thing.
542
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:10,460
And that would be what?
543
00:24:10,484 --> 00:24:14,431
Hmm? A bathroom,
actually.
544
00:24:14,455 --> 00:24:15,498
Shit. They probably
don't have
545
00:24:15,522 --> 00:24:16,499
bathrooms at a place
like this, right?
546
00:24:16,523 --> 00:24:18,501
Probably just porta-potties.
God, I hate those.
547
00:24:18,525 --> 00:24:19,969
You know, my parents had
to rent like 4 of them
548
00:24:19,993 --> 00:24:21,971
for my sister's bat mitzvah.
549
00:24:21,995 --> 00:24:24,941
Come on. You didn't come
here looking for a bathroom.
550
00:24:24,965 --> 00:24:26,733
I didn't?
551
00:24:31,037 --> 00:24:34,917
Okay, I'm looking for an original
Cornelius action figure,
552
00:24:34,941 --> 00:24:37,487
you know, from
planet of the apes?
553
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:41,123
What, you're yanking
my chain, right?
554
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,191
Yeah, actually, no, I'm not,
555
00:24:42,215 --> 00:24:43,760
and I really hate
that expression,
556
00:24:43,784 --> 00:24:44,594
but you know, it was
good seeing you.
557
00:24:44,618 --> 00:24:46,228
I'll see you around.
No, no! No, don't.
558
00:24:46,252 --> 00:24:48,197
Come on, come on. Grow a
sense of humor, will ya?
559
00:24:48,221 --> 00:24:50,700
I'm not... you're funny!
I'm not laughing at...
560
00:24:50,724 --> 00:24:53,870
No, not funny bad.
You're funny good.
561
00:24:53,894 --> 00:24:55,705
Funny good. Look.
562
00:24:55,729 --> 00:24:57,540
Why don't we go grab
a cup of coffee,
563
00:24:57,564 --> 00:24:59,809
and then I'll help you
go look for your Dollie.
564
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:00,977
Action figure!
565
00:25:01,001 --> 00:25:02,244
So, is it just the apes or do
you have Betsy wetsy, too?
566
00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:03,513
Because Jackie didn't tell me
that you were a doll collector.
567
00:25:03,537 --> 00:25:07,116
Interesting. You know, Brett didn't
tell me you were an asshole.
568
00:25:09,610 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaking of which,
what's up with those two?
569
00:25:23,824 --> 00:25:25,735
Hi. Hi.
Hi.
570
00:25:25,759 --> 00:25:26,869
Uh, so...
571
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:28,838
I, um, I thought
you should know,
572
00:25:28,862 --> 00:25:31,164
they, uh, they hated each other.
573
00:25:31,632 --> 00:25:36,202
Oh. Oh, right, uh, more
than life itself, yeah.
574
00:25:38,138 --> 00:25:41,842
No, no... No fucking
chemistry.
575
00:25:50,851 --> 00:25:52,962
I had the biggest planet
of the apes collection
576
00:25:52,986 --> 00:25:54,030
until, like, the sixth grade,
577
00:25:54,054 --> 00:25:56,132
when my parents made me
sell it at a garage sale.
578
00:25:56,156 --> 00:25:58,234
They were afraid it was
going to adversely affect
579
00:25:58,258 --> 00:26:00,570
my psychosexual development.
580
00:26:01,127 --> 00:26:02,905
They're both shrinks.
581
00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:04,073
Well, did it?
What?
582
00:26:04,097 --> 00:26:06,743
Affect your
psycho... Whatever?
583
00:26:06,767 --> 00:26:07,710
Well, I'm gay, aren't I?
584
00:26:07,734 --> 00:26:10,012
Oh. So the apes made you gay.
I don't know.
585
00:26:10,036 --> 00:26:11,213
What is that?
The ape theory?
586
00:26:11,237 --> 00:26:15,051
Well, you've got a half-naked
Charlton Heston in a cage...
587
00:26:15,075 --> 00:26:16,152
Where he belongs.
Yeah, right.
588
00:26:16,176 --> 00:26:18,054
Plus my huge crush
on Roddy McDowell
589
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:19,856
and those cute, little
leather outfits.
590
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,059
That, my friend, is a
gay, pre-teen happy meal.
591
00:26:23,784 --> 00:26:25,895
Do you have any Martini sets?
592
00:26:25,919 --> 00:26:26,896
No, afraid not.
593
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:27,597
You know, I've got to
admit, I don't even know
594
00:26:27,621 --> 00:26:28,698
what a Martini set looks like.
595
00:26:28,722 --> 00:26:31,133
I... I wouldn't know a Martini
if it bit me in the ass.
596
00:26:31,157 --> 00:26:33,202
No, it shouldn't if you
know how to make them.
597
00:26:33,226 --> 00:26:35,237
Uh, I take it you do.
598
00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:36,105
In my house, you had to.
599
00:26:36,129 --> 00:26:38,040
I couldn't tie my
shoes till I was 10,
600
00:26:38,064 --> 00:26:39,141
but I can make a Martini.
601
00:26:39,165 --> 00:26:42,812
I was like Isaac on our
sinking little love boat.
602
00:26:45,105 --> 00:26:48,585
Thank you, sweetheart.
603
00:26:48,609 --> 00:26:49,786
This is perfect.
604
00:26:49,810 --> 00:26:54,791
So, Tommy. Have you met any
nice girls at school this year?
605
00:26:54,815 --> 00:26:56,959
Yeah. They're nice.
606
00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:59,896
Hey. You give any thought
to what we talked about?
607
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,197
None of the other
fifth graders know
608
00:27:01,221 --> 00:27:02,899
what they're going
to do after high school.
609
00:27:02,923 --> 00:27:05,702
And what do I care about a
bunch of pansy fifth graders
610
00:27:05,726 --> 00:27:07,870
with silver spoons
in their mouths?
611
00:27:07,894 --> 00:27:10,607
I sort of like
the idea of teaching.
612
00:27:10,631 --> 00:27:13,033
Teaching sounds good.
613
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:16,713
That's terrific, honey.
614
00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:20,717
I can't remember them without
a drink in their hand.
615
00:27:20,741 --> 00:27:24,687
You know, when my father used to pitch
baseballs to me in the backyard...
616
00:27:24,711 --> 00:27:26,956
Uh-huh? He never spilt a drop.
617
00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:28,991
Oh, my god. I can't
even imagine.
618
00:27:29,015 --> 00:27:30,126
Your parents didn't drink?
619
00:27:30,150 --> 00:27:32,929
No, we never played
games in the backyard.
620
00:27:32,953 --> 00:27:34,063
Never?
621
00:27:34,087 --> 00:27:35,898
First of all, we didn't
have a backyard.
622
00:27:35,922 --> 00:27:36,833
And second of all,
623
00:27:36,857 --> 00:27:40,036
the closest we ever
came to a game was...
624
00:27:40,060 --> 00:27:41,695
The feel wheel.
625
00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:44,406
Rage is at the top.
626
00:27:44,430 --> 00:27:46,909
Then we move down
to frustration,
627
00:27:46,933 --> 00:27:49,679
confusion, loneliness.
628
00:27:49,703 --> 00:27:54,416
On the other side, we have
loving, affectionate,
629
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:55,217
silly!
630
00:27:55,241 --> 00:27:57,687
Okay?
Eli, you go first.
631
00:27:57,711 --> 00:28:00,890
Take your name and
put it on the emotion
632
00:28:00,914 --> 00:28:01,824
you're feeling right now.
633
00:28:01,848 --> 00:28:03,993
That's right, Eli. Don't think.
Look inside.
634
00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:05,895
What are you feeling?
Right now. Go.
635
00:28:05,919 --> 00:28:09,065
Don't think. Go. Go!
636
00:28:09,089 --> 00:28:10,032
Go!
637
00:28:10,056 --> 00:28:12,034
Do I have to,
Dr. Wyckoff?
638
00:28:12,058 --> 00:28:15,095
Can you do it for mommy?
639
00:28:23,003 --> 00:28:25,047
You'd just be walking
along and then you'd think...
640
00:28:25,071 --> 00:28:27,984
"Gee, I feel happy," and then you'd
put your little flag on the wheel?
641
00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:32,989
No, no. It's just... Something
my parents wanted us to do,
642
00:28:33,013 --> 00:28:35,157
so that... They would
feel more enlightened.
643
00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:39,228
Like getting us to say penis and
vagina at the dinner table.
644
00:28:39,252 --> 00:28:41,063
You know, so that we
would feel comfortable
645
00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:42,198
talking about sex,
646
00:28:42,222 --> 00:28:45,467
which is probably why now I
prefer pee-pee and hoo-hoo.
647
00:28:45,491 --> 00:28:48,304
More pee-pee than
hoo-hoo, I'd imagine.
648
00:28:48,328 --> 00:28:50,130
Does it show?
649
00:28:51,732 --> 00:28:54,243
I don't think that game would
have been a hit in my house,
650
00:28:54,267 --> 00:28:57,446
unless there was a section
on the wheel for thirsty.
651
00:28:57,470 --> 00:29:00,416
Well, there was a section
on the wheel for scared.
652
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:05,045
But... you'd have had to
share that one with me.
653
00:29:20,761 --> 00:29:24,106
Hey, no chance on the
Eli and Tom thing. That's...
654
00:29:24,130 --> 00:29:25,374
Oh! What a pain.
655
00:29:25,398 --> 00:29:26,308
The gays are so picky.
656
00:29:26,332 --> 00:29:28,410
No, no, no, no. It's Eli.
I'm telling you.
657
00:29:28,434 --> 00:29:31,013
He's got the worst
D.K. On the planet.
658
00:29:31,037 --> 00:29:32,014
Donna Karan?
659
00:29:32,038 --> 00:29:35,017
No. Dating Kharma.
Oh!
660
00:29:35,041 --> 00:29:35,918
Yeah. No, it sucks.
661
00:29:35,942 --> 00:29:38,054
He told me that "a"...
He thinks he, like,
662
00:29:38,078 --> 00:29:39,221
insulted Tom a hundred times,
663
00:29:39,245 --> 00:29:42,024
and "b"... that he's...
You know, straight.
664
00:29:42,048 --> 00:29:42,759
Yeah.
665
00:29:42,783 --> 00:29:45,995
Okay, so now, Tom
is just a freak.
666
00:29:46,019 --> 00:29:47,229
You know, he officially hates
667
00:29:47,253 --> 00:29:48,364
any guy that he likes.
668
00:29:48,388 --> 00:29:50,933
Or worse, who likes him.
669
00:29:50,957 --> 00:29:52,101
What, dude?
670
00:29:52,125 --> 00:29:55,137
Yeah, well, welcome to the
wonderful world of self-hate.
671
00:29:55,161 --> 00:29:57,397
And he's not even Jewish.
672
00:29:58,131 --> 00:30:00,476
What on god's earth is this?
673
00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:02,044
I mean, honestly,
that's the ugliest thing
674
00:30:02,068 --> 00:30:05,038
I've ever seen in my entire life.
675
00:30:25,425 --> 00:30:26,535
Morning.
676
00:30:26,559 --> 00:30:27,236
Morning.
677
00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:31,340
What's, uh, what's the hurry?
678
00:30:31,364 --> 00:30:32,374
Oh, you know what?
679
00:30:32,398 --> 00:30:34,510
Today is decoupage day
at school,
680
00:30:34,534 --> 00:30:36,212
and I'm late, so...
681
00:30:36,236 --> 00:30:38,014
Oh, okay.
682
00:30:38,038 --> 00:30:40,850
Um, listen, I just...
683
00:30:40,874 --> 00:30:43,052
I want to apologize
for yesterday
684
00:30:43,076 --> 00:30:44,053
and last night.
685
00:30:44,077 --> 00:30:47,289
It just shouldn't have happened.
686
00:30:47,313 --> 00:30:48,390
Oh.
687
00:30:48,414 --> 00:30:51,027
I mean, I feel like we got
off to a really good start,
688
00:30:51,051 --> 00:30:53,129
but then I feel like
I kind of fucked things up,
689
00:30:53,153 --> 00:30:56,132
so I promise it won't
ever happen again.
690
00:30:56,156 --> 00:30:58,835
Good. Yeah. I...
691
00:30:58,859 --> 00:31:00,837
We shouldn't have...
692
00:31:00,861 --> 00:31:03,339
Anyway, it was both
of our faults, so...
693
00:31:03,363 --> 00:31:04,406
No. No. I... well, yeah.
694
00:31:04,430 --> 00:31:08,044
So, you know, let's just
pretend it never happened.
695
00:31:08,068 --> 00:31:09,445
Perfect.
696
00:31:09,469 --> 00:31:13,006
Great. All right.
I'll see you later.
697
00:31:26,286 --> 00:31:27,196
Hey.
698
00:31:27,220 --> 00:31:29,155
How you doing?
699
00:32:06,026 --> 00:32:09,338
I don't know. We had a great time.
I don't get it.
700
00:32:10,530 --> 00:32:13,375
Looked to me like you did get
it... something called laid.
701
00:32:13,399 --> 00:32:15,978
You know, FYI, gay
guys don't necessarily
702
00:32:16,002 --> 00:32:18,014
play the same bases
as straight guys do.
703
00:32:18,038 --> 00:32:19,949
It's still fucking, dude.
704
00:32:19,973 --> 00:32:21,250
Hello, gentlemen.
705
00:32:21,274 --> 00:32:24,954
You don't mind if the brother hangs
out, do you? I had him fixed.
706
00:32:24,978 --> 00:32:25,988
Do I have a choice?
707
00:32:26,012 --> 00:32:27,089
I don't get the double standard.
708
00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:29,458
You know, guys can do all
kinds of things with women,
709
00:32:29,482 --> 00:32:32,428
and they won't call it sex
unless they actually fuck.
710
00:32:32,452 --> 00:32:33,595
You know, like sex with interns.
711
00:32:33,619 --> 00:32:34,897
Listen, I'm not judging you.
You know, it's just sex, man.
712
00:32:34,921 --> 00:32:38,000
I'm not being defensive. I'm trying
to explain to you that a guy
713
00:32:38,024 --> 00:32:39,168
can get together
with another guy
714
00:32:39,192 --> 00:32:42,404
and do all kinds of things
without necessarily, you know.
715
00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:43,372
Right. Good.
That's enough.
716
00:32:43,396 --> 00:32:45,975
It's a big step. I know
couples who have never
717
00:32:45,999 --> 00:32:48,310
and probably will
never actually...
718
00:32:48,334 --> 00:32:49,645
N.t... new topic.
719
00:32:49,669 --> 00:32:52,414
What? What is with you? You were
never this squeamish in college.
720
00:32:52,438 --> 00:32:54,283
That's because
you were dating women.
721
00:32:54,307 --> 00:32:56,018
Yeah, well, it's the same thing
722
00:32:56,042 --> 00:32:57,519
if you don't count the vaginas.
723
00:32:57,543 --> 00:32:59,621
Oof. I count them:
4... so far.
724
00:32:59,645 --> 00:33:00,556
Okay, you know what, Mitch?
725
00:33:00,580 --> 00:33:03,625
Doesn't count if they
have inflate nozzles.
726
00:33:03,649 --> 00:33:05,261
Hey, look man,
it's not like, you know,
727
00:33:05,285 --> 00:33:07,396
you picked him up at
ye olde cock and balls
728
00:33:07,420 --> 00:33:08,697
and got out the butter spray
729
00:33:08,721 --> 00:33:10,566
and the choke collar
and the whole thing.
730
00:33:10,590 --> 00:33:13,202
I mean, you spent
an afternoon together, right?
731
00:33:13,226 --> 00:33:15,437
I mean, obviously he likes you.
732
00:33:15,461 --> 00:33:17,130
Right.
733
00:33:18,231 --> 00:33:19,475
Fuck, these are new.
734
00:33:19,499 --> 00:33:21,277
What's the matter?
Are you cranky?
735
00:33:21,301 --> 00:33:23,212
You know, I don't want
to do this anymore.
736
00:33:23,236 --> 00:33:24,380
That's fine.
That's great.
737
00:33:24,404 --> 00:33:25,614
Okay. Well, you did
a terrific job.
738
00:33:25,638 --> 00:33:28,017
Hey, listen, what are you
doing on Friday night?
739
00:33:28,041 --> 00:33:29,485
Are you going to
go out with the guy?
740
00:33:29,509 --> 00:33:31,620
I don't know. Why, did
Jackie say something?
741
00:33:31,644 --> 00:33:34,223
I don't know, but if
you're coming Friday night,
742
00:33:34,247 --> 00:33:35,357
she can tell you herself.
743
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:37,459
Yeah. No, I'm not doing that.
That's so seventh grade.
744
00:33:37,483 --> 00:33:39,628
Well, you'll
catch up. Huh?
745
00:33:39,652 --> 00:33:40,662
Did she invite Tom?
746
00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:42,564
No. It's just us.
It will be fine.
747
00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,566
7:00 Friday night.
All right?
748
00:33:44,590 --> 00:33:45,501
All right.
Take this.
749
00:33:45,525 --> 00:33:48,570
Have a Valerian or something.
Take a nap.
750
00:33:48,594 --> 00:33:49,438
He's too intense.
751
00:33:49,462 --> 00:33:51,740
You know, I like him
as a friend, but...
752
00:33:51,764 --> 00:33:52,441
Bullshit.
753
00:33:52,465 --> 00:33:54,443
That is just fear of intimacy,
754
00:33:54,467 --> 00:33:56,745
which by the way is so 1991.
755
00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:59,481
Pause. Marie?
756
00:33:59,505 --> 00:34:00,549
Yeah.
757
00:34:00,573 --> 00:34:03,585
Put the headphones on.
758
00:34:03,609 --> 00:34:05,554
The headphones... there you go.
759
00:34:05,578 --> 00:34:06,622
Um, nice, Marie,
760
00:34:06,646 --> 00:34:08,357
but I need more smile
761
00:34:08,381 --> 00:34:10,292
and less sell, okay?
762
00:34:10,316 --> 00:34:11,527
Uh, have fun.
763
00:34:11,551 --> 00:34:14,230
Okay. Great. Fun.
All right.
764
00:34:14,254 --> 00:34:15,297
Good. Topnotch.
Thanks.
765
00:34:15,321 --> 00:34:18,134
The way you did in
the audition, remember?
766
00:34:18,158 --> 00:34:19,635
The reason we hired you.
767
00:34:19,659 --> 00:34:21,737
Right.
Absolutely. Yes.
768
00:34:21,761 --> 00:34:24,106
Good note.
Really good note.
769
00:34:24,130 --> 00:34:25,665
Great.
770
00:34:26,566 --> 00:34:28,444
"New vita-power energy bars
771
00:34:28,468 --> 00:34:31,313
with tasty, chewy
goodness in every bite."
772
00:34:31,337 --> 00:34:32,514
I'm just glad you met a guy
773
00:34:32,538 --> 00:34:33,815
with half a brain in his head.
774
00:34:33,839 --> 00:34:35,517
Oh, wait, let me find
the love in that...
775
00:34:35,541 --> 00:34:37,453
Oh, right, there is none.
776
00:34:37,477 --> 00:34:39,388
Hey, I'm not the one who
fell in love with a guy
777
00:34:39,412 --> 00:34:41,657
who could only get a job
selling sperm samples
778
00:34:41,681 --> 00:34:44,293
and doing experimental
drug research.
779
00:34:44,317 --> 00:34:45,527
Wasn't he allergic?
780
00:34:45,551 --> 00:34:48,197
Yes, but he was cute,
and you know it.
781
00:34:48,221 --> 00:34:49,165
Yeah, when the hives cleared up.
782
00:34:49,189 --> 00:34:53,502
"During and after your
living and giving life."
783
00:34:53,526 --> 00:34:55,504
Pause. Sweetie?
784
00:34:55,528 --> 00:34:56,505
Uh, yeah.
785
00:34:56,529 --> 00:34:57,706
What are you doing?
786
00:34:57,730 --> 00:35:00,309
You're not
Kathleen Turner, okay?
787
00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:03,212
No, I'm not.
I'm not Kathleen Turner.
788
00:35:03,236 --> 00:35:04,746
That's right.
Yeah, I'm me.
789
00:35:04,770 --> 00:35:08,184
Is that what you're
saying? I should be me.
790
00:35:08,208 --> 00:35:10,252
No. What I'm saying
is that this isn't
791
00:35:10,276 --> 00:35:11,487
blue cross, blue shield.
792
00:35:11,511 --> 00:35:13,522
It's an energy snack,
so why don't we have
793
00:35:13,546 --> 00:35:15,424
some... I don't know... energy?
794
00:35:15,448 --> 00:35:18,194
Energy... yes, of course!
Okay, you're right.
795
00:35:18,218 --> 00:35:20,529
All right, because
it's vita-power,
796
00:35:20,553 --> 00:35:21,563
and "vita" means life.
797
00:35:21,587 --> 00:35:23,665
Okay, now, correct
me if I'm wrong:
798
00:35:23,689 --> 00:35:26,602
My intention should be to have...
799
00:35:26,626 --> 00:35:30,439
No, to give more life...
800
00:35:30,463 --> 00:35:31,807
Except as a bar.
801
00:35:31,831 --> 00:35:33,709
But, Jackie, my concern is that
802
00:35:33,733 --> 00:35:35,511
I'm going to be over the top.
803
00:35:35,535 --> 00:35:39,615
No. Honey, you're so
under the top right now
804
00:35:39,639 --> 00:35:41,750
it's like you're
selling me a douche.
805
00:35:41,774 --> 00:35:43,285
Okay? I'm getting you
806
00:35:43,309 --> 00:35:45,454
on the beach in
a floral-print dress
807
00:35:45,478 --> 00:35:47,323
talking about
feminine freshness.
808
00:35:47,347 --> 00:35:49,191
Is that the read
you're going for?
809
00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:50,226
No, that's not.
810
00:35:50,250 --> 00:35:51,860
Those were good word pictures.
811
00:35:51,884 --> 00:35:55,231
Okay, just translate them
for what I need.
812
00:35:55,255 --> 00:35:57,266
Okay, good.
Yeah, I can do this.
813
00:35:57,290 --> 00:35:58,634
I'm just going to keep going.
814
00:35:58,658 --> 00:36:02,404
You are so mean. You're not
even listening to her.
815
00:36:02,428 --> 00:36:05,474
Yes, I am. She thinks she's
doing books on tape.
816
00:36:05,498 --> 00:36:06,575
I think she's good.
817
00:36:06,599 --> 00:36:07,576
Well, don't change the subject.
818
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,745
Brett and I are cooking
dinner on Friday night.
819
00:36:09,769 --> 00:36:11,247
Ha! What are you having?
820
00:36:11,271 --> 00:36:12,881
Shut up. You're coming.
821
00:36:12,905 --> 00:36:14,616
Is he invited?
822
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,652
No. Just you.
823
00:36:16,676 --> 00:36:19,755
Pause.
824
00:36:19,779 --> 00:36:20,922
That's it. Go home.
825
00:36:20,946 --> 00:36:23,925
You want me to go?
I should go home?
826
00:36:23,949 --> 00:36:25,694
No, you're incredible.
827
00:36:25,718 --> 00:36:27,163
I mean, that voice...
828
00:36:27,187 --> 00:36:28,364
Don't even kid yourself.
829
00:36:28,388 --> 00:36:30,632
You're going to have
a huge career.
830
00:36:30,656 --> 00:36:32,468
Oh! Okay. I thought...
831
00:36:32,492 --> 00:36:35,661
Thank you.
Well, thanks to you.
832
00:36:50,276 --> 00:36:52,554
Jackie's a piece of work.
833
00:36:53,646 --> 00:36:56,782
Brett's a lying sack of shit.
834
00:36:58,284 --> 00:36:59,395
You look good.
835
00:36:59,419 --> 00:37:01,363
I have no idea who this is.
I'm going to kill you.
836
00:37:01,387 --> 00:37:03,932
If this is a sports figure,
I'm going to kill you.
837
00:37:03,956 --> 00:37:05,334
Jaleel white!
838
00:37:05,358 --> 00:37:06,368
Elie Wiesel!
839
00:37:06,392 --> 00:37:07,503
You're actually not my partner.
Okay, come on. Go.
840
00:37:07,527 --> 00:37:10,339
What is it about this look
that makes you think I know?
841
00:37:10,363 --> 00:37:12,308
Come on. All right,
pass. Pass. Pass.
842
00:37:12,332 --> 00:37:13,475
Okay, this one.
Oh, fuck, open.
843
00:37:13,499 --> 00:37:16,278
Okay, the ex-football player
who allegedly killed his wife.
844
00:37:16,302 --> 00:37:19,348
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! "Allegedly"
...what are you, nuts?
845
00:37:19,372 --> 00:37:20,716
Just say it!
846
00:37:20,740 --> 00:37:21,883
O.J. Simpson.
847
00:37:21,907 --> 00:37:22,951
Yes!
848
00:37:22,975 --> 00:37:24,853
That's like saying Jackie
allegedly got a nose job.
849
00:37:24,877 --> 00:37:25,921
Shut up.
850
00:37:25,945 --> 00:37:27,088
Both of you
shut up. Okay?
851
00:37:27,112 --> 00:37:30,950
All right, this one... the first
name rhymes with this...
852
00:37:32,518 --> 00:37:34,696
okay, could you never,
ever do that again?
853
00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:35,864
Just say it.
854
00:37:35,888 --> 00:37:37,599
Time! Time,
time. Time.
855
00:37:37,623 --> 00:37:39,435
Brett, is it maybe time?
856
00:37:39,459 --> 00:37:40,669
What the fuck was that?
857
00:37:40,693 --> 00:37:42,538
I bet you it was one of Brett's.
858
00:37:42,562 --> 00:37:43,772
They're so hard
because he's so smart.
859
00:37:43,796 --> 00:37:46,708
Apparently not smart enough to
know that you had a nose job.
860
00:37:46,732 --> 00:37:48,744
What, I told you about that.
861
00:37:48,768 --> 00:37:50,246
No, you didn't.
862
00:37:50,270 --> 00:37:51,179
So what's the diff?
863
00:37:51,203 --> 00:37:52,881
Come on, Brett,
like you couldn't tell...
864
00:37:52,905 --> 00:37:54,850
Every Jewish teen-age
girl with money
865
00:37:54,874 --> 00:37:55,984
winds up with that nose.
866
00:37:56,008 --> 00:37:58,019
Don't you think it's, like,
a little bit weird, though,
867
00:37:58,043 --> 00:38:01,647
that everyone on the planet
knows but your boyfriend?
868
00:38:02,682 --> 00:38:03,959
Seriously, Eli, who was that?
869
00:38:03,983 --> 00:38:06,362
Okay, well, I was
doing the hula, so...
870
00:38:06,386 --> 00:38:08,697
I mean, it's a little
strange. Right?
871
00:38:08,721 --> 00:38:11,833
Okay. They used to
call me the jackal.
872
00:38:11,857 --> 00:38:14,303
All right?
So I got a nose job.
873
00:38:14,327 --> 00:38:15,304
Are you happy now?
874
00:38:15,328 --> 00:38:17,839
All right. I give up.
What rhymes with hula?
875
00:38:17,863 --> 00:38:20,276
Wow. The jackal.
That's brutal.
876
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:21,443
You're being a jerk.
877
00:38:21,467 --> 00:38:23,412
Yeah, but I'm being
an honest jerk,
878
00:38:23,436 --> 00:38:25,581
so that counts
for something, I think.
879
00:38:25,605 --> 00:38:26,848
Oh, wait. Shh.
You hear that?
880
00:38:26,872 --> 00:38:30,386
That's the sound of you
not getting laid tonight.
881
00:38:30,410 --> 00:38:31,353
Ha ha ha ha...
882
00:38:31,377 --> 00:38:33,555
Oh, that's wonderful.
Did you guys hear that?
883
00:38:33,579 --> 00:38:36,358
That was the sound of
Jackie being a bitch.
884
00:38:36,382 --> 00:38:37,659
Did you guys hear that?
885
00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:38,994
Yeah, I did hear that...
886
00:38:39,018 --> 00:38:40,128
Well, what do you want from me?
887
00:38:40,152 --> 00:38:42,431
I don't know. How about
a little honesty. You know...
888
00:38:42,455 --> 00:38:43,899
Oh, come on. You know
what, the self-pity bus
889
00:38:43,923 --> 00:38:45,434
stops right in front of my
building, pal. Don't miss it.
890
00:38:45,458 --> 00:38:50,038
Well, maybe I'll get on the self-pity
bus, you know? Maybe I'll get a transfer.
891
00:38:50,062 --> 00:38:52,374
Okay, you know what?
Can we get out of here
892
00:38:52,398 --> 00:38:54,910
before they start
looking like my parents?
893
00:38:54,934 --> 00:38:55,877
Fine with me.
894
00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:56,645
All right.
Your place?
895
00:38:56,669 --> 00:38:59,415
Uh, yeah, okay.
We can take one c...
896
00:38:59,439 --> 00:39:02,050
Oh, hey, hey. Was that
Tallulah Bankhead?
897
00:39:02,074 --> 00:39:05,421
No, no.
Rula Lenska.
898
00:39:05,445 --> 00:39:07,913
Rula Lenska.
899
00:39:08,814 --> 00:39:10,826
Who the fuck is rula Lenska?
900
00:39:10,850 --> 00:39:13,729
Oh, I'm so sorry...
901
00:39:13,753 --> 00:39:16,097
Oh, you're tickling me.
902
00:39:16,121 --> 00:39:17,766
Guess they made up.
903
00:39:17,790 --> 00:39:20,926
Hope she paid for Scotchgard.
904
00:39:21,661 --> 00:39:23,839
Mmm. Oh,
don't do that.
905
00:39:23,863 --> 00:39:26,566
Ooh, not right now.
906
00:39:28,501 --> 00:39:30,946
Like when people say "ex cetera"
907
00:39:30,970 --> 00:39:31,713
instead of "et cetera"...
908
00:39:31,737 --> 00:39:34,883
What is that,
"ex cetera"? Crazy.
909
00:39:34,907 --> 00:39:35,951
Oh, my favorite is
910
00:39:35,975 --> 00:39:37,886
"for all intensive
purposes."
911
00:39:37,910 --> 00:39:39,955
That's like nuts.
It's like, you know what,
912
00:39:39,979 --> 00:39:41,390
where'd you go to school?
913
00:39:41,414 --> 00:39:42,858
Are you sure you don't
want a sandwich?
914
00:39:42,882 --> 00:39:44,993
I mean, I don't know how
you could eat that food.
915
00:39:45,017 --> 00:39:47,062
No offense, but Jackie
can't cook for shit.
916
00:39:47,086 --> 00:39:48,296
No wonder Brett's losing weight.
917
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:51,533
Hey, hey, hey... Hollywood news.
Where's your section?
918
00:39:51,557 --> 00:39:53,369
Oh, no.
You don't have to.
919
00:39:53,393 --> 00:39:54,169
Oh, come on, please.
920
00:39:54,193 --> 00:39:55,904
I's embarrassing.
God, I mean it's...
921
00:39:55,928 --> 00:39:58,474
Here, that's it right there.
But don't...
922
00:39:58,498 --> 00:39:59,941
Look at that:
"Police blotter.
923
00:39:59,965 --> 00:40:01,142
Edited by Eli Wyckoff."
924
00:40:01,166 --> 00:40:02,911
Yeah. I don't
want you to...
925
00:40:02,935 --> 00:40:03,679
"Juan a. Mass, 35,
926
00:40:03,703 --> 00:40:06,982
"arrested early
Sunday for D.U.I.
927
00:40:07,006 --> 00:40:09,050
"Blood alcohol level
was 2.1
928
00:40:09,074 --> 00:40:12,921
when suspect was
apprehended by L.A.P.D."
929
00:40:12,945 --> 00:40:13,989
What?
930
00:40:14,013 --> 00:40:15,123
It says
"apprehended."
931
00:40:15,147 --> 00:40:17,058
No, it doesn't.
It's "apprehended."
932
00:40:17,082 --> 00:40:18,927
It says
"apprehended."
933
00:40:18,951 --> 00:40:20,028
Oh, my god. Shit!
934
00:40:20,052 --> 00:40:22,564
To apprehend.
That's when, what,
935
00:40:22,588 --> 00:40:24,032
they grab the guy on the ass?
936
00:40:24,056 --> 00:40:26,968
Goddamn. I proofread this
like a million times.
937
00:40:26,992 --> 00:40:28,537
Oh, god.
938
00:40:28,561 --> 00:40:29,538
Relax.
939
00:40:29,562 --> 00:40:30,171
Fuck!
940
00:40:30,195 --> 00:40:31,607
Do you know what you need?
941
00:40:31,631 --> 00:40:32,974
Yeah. A new job,
apparently.
942
00:40:32,998 --> 00:40:34,776
No, no, no, no.
You need a drink.
943
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,177
A drink.
A real drink.
944
00:40:36,201 --> 00:40:37,846
Do you have any vodka?
945
00:40:37,870 --> 00:40:40,015
Um, I don't know.
Is this vodka?
946
00:40:40,039 --> 00:40:42,017
I've had it since like 1947.
947
00:40:42,041 --> 00:40:43,985
All right, do you
have Martini glasses?
948
00:40:44,009 --> 00:40:45,454
Those are my Martini glasses.
949
00:40:45,478 --> 00:40:47,623
And my juice glasses.
And my water glasses.
950
00:40:47,647 --> 00:40:49,591
All right, never mind.
They'll do.
951
00:40:49,615 --> 00:40:50,926
I am going to introduce you
952
00:40:50,950 --> 00:40:53,986
to the wonderful world
of Martinis.
953
00:41:20,079 --> 00:41:21,923
No, no, no.
Screen, screen.
954
00:41:21,947 --> 00:41:23,024
No, no. Let me get it.
955
00:41:23,048 --> 00:41:24,460
Come on. Let
the machine get it.
956
00:41:24,484 --> 00:41:24,926
You know what, I bet
you can't do it.
957
00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:26,595
I can do it.
958
00:41:26,619 --> 00:41:27,796
I dare you.
959
00:41:31,023 --> 00:41:31,933
All right.
960
00:41:31,957 --> 00:41:33,802
Hi. This is Eli.
Leave a message.
961
00:41:33,826 --> 00:41:35,837
I got to get that piece-
of-shit machine fixed.
962
00:41:35,861 --> 00:41:37,005
Eli, this is Dr. Wyckoff.
963
00:41:37,029 --> 00:41:38,474
There's something wrong
with your machine.
964
00:41:38,498 --> 00:41:39,040
Who's that, your shrink?
965
00:41:39,064 --> 00:41:40,075
No, it's my mom.
966
00:41:40,099 --> 00:41:40,876
You refer to her as...
967
00:41:40,900 --> 00:41:42,143
It took her 12 years
to get her Ph.D.
968
00:41:42,167 --> 00:41:43,545
She likes to hear herself
say it, okay?
969
00:41:43,569 --> 00:41:44,980
Now move. No, come on.
I'm serious.
970
00:41:45,004 --> 00:41:47,148
Eli, I was just reading the new
England journal of medicine.
971
00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:49,017
And there's a pull-out
section on the new t.S.E...
972
00:41:49,041 --> 00:41:54,656
Testicular self-exam and how to
make it part of your lifestyle.
973
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:55,223
My god.
974
00:41:55,247 --> 00:41:56,091
Do you want to try it?
975
00:41:56,115 --> 00:41:58,727
No. Come on. God damn it.
I can't bel...
976
00:41:58,751 --> 00:42:00,729
I faxed the diagram
over to your office.
977
00:42:00,753 --> 00:42:02,097
I put your name all over it.
978
00:42:02,121 --> 00:42:04,065
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
979
00:42:04,089 --> 00:42:05,567
Yeah. Don't listen.
980
00:42:05,591 --> 00:42:07,035
The hues just hit you
right in the face.
981
00:42:07,059 --> 00:42:10,506
You may want to give yourself
an exam while I read aloud.
982
00:42:10,530 --> 00:42:12,140
I think we should do
this exam together.
983
00:42:12,164 --> 00:42:15,601
Okay, let's take
a deep breath together.
984
00:42:15,968 --> 00:42:19,515
Okay, start by lifting
the penis to one side.
985
00:42:19,539 --> 00:42:20,882
Oh, my god.
986
00:42:20,906 --> 00:42:22,551
Slowly roll the testicle
987
00:42:22,575 --> 00:42:24,786
between the thumb and fingers,
988
00:42:24,810 --> 00:42:27,022
applying slight pressure.
989
00:42:27,046 --> 00:42:27,889
Ow!
990
00:42:28,848 --> 00:42:29,891
Hello? Mom?
991
00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:30,926
It's me.
992
00:42:30,950 --> 00:42:32,728
Who?
993
00:42:32,752 --> 00:42:33,461
Eli!
994
00:42:33,485 --> 00:42:36,131
Eli. Oh, well,
are we screening?
995
00:42:36,155 --> 00:42:38,166
Yeah... no.
I wasn't, actually.
996
00:42:38,190 --> 00:42:39,535
We just got in.
997
00:42:39,559 --> 00:42:41,937
We. Mm-hmm.
What does that mean?
998
00:42:41,961 --> 00:42:43,639
Can I call you back?
999
00:42:43,663 --> 00:42:44,973
Do we have company?
1000
00:42:44,997 --> 00:42:45,907
Yes.
1001
00:42:45,931 --> 00:42:47,809
Jewish?
1002
00:42:47,833 --> 00:42:49,044
No, but...
1003
00:42:49,068 --> 00:42:49,911
Cute?
1004
00:42:49,935 --> 00:42:51,312
Will you stop?
1005
00:42:51,336 --> 00:42:52,080
Wear a condom.
1006
00:42:52,104 --> 00:42:53,682
Oh, god, mom, no.
It's not like...
1007
00:42:53,706 --> 00:42:54,983
Did you hear the stuff
about the t.S.E.?
1008
00:42:55,007 --> 00:42:57,152
Did you hear what
I was talking about?
1009
00:42:57,176 --> 00:42:59,054
Yeah. We both did.
Thanks.
1010
00:42:59,078 --> 00:43:00,889
Maybe you could both
do it together then.
1011
00:43:00,913 --> 00:43:04,960
Nothing wrong with helping each
other with a testicular exam.
1012
00:43:04,984 --> 00:43:05,827
Mom...
1013
00:43:05,851 --> 00:43:06,494
Don't be shy.
1014
00:43:06,518 --> 00:43:07,395
I got to call you later, okay?
1015
00:43:07,419 --> 00:43:09,164
Wait, honey, please,
hold on for a second.
1016
00:43:09,188 --> 00:43:11,967
Call me tomorrow morning
between 6:50 and 7:00...
1017
00:43:11,991 --> 00:43:13,893
Good-bye. God.
1018
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:16,004
I feel so dirty.
1019
00:43:16,028 --> 00:43:19,207
So why does it matter
if I'm Jewish?
1020
00:43:19,231 --> 00:43:21,009
You heard that?
1021
00:43:21,033 --> 00:43:22,678
Oh, yeah.
1022
00:43:22,702 --> 00:43:23,478
Oh, my god.
1023
00:43:23,502 --> 00:43:24,913
I am going to go
to the bathroom now
1024
00:43:24,937 --> 00:43:27,315
and hope to god that
I can overdose on tums
1025
00:43:27,339 --> 00:43:29,685
or Maalox or pine-scented glade.
1026
00:43:29,709 --> 00:43:30,952
I'm so embarrassed.
1027
00:43:30,976 --> 00:43:32,320
Don't be.
It wasn't that bad.
1028
00:43:32,344 --> 00:43:34,890
Really.
It was funny, actually.
1029
00:43:34,914 --> 00:43:38,159
Will you please call mom for me?
I cannot talk to her.
1030
00:43:38,183 --> 00:43:40,028
The woman stopped
having boundaries
1031
00:43:40,052 --> 00:43:41,930
when she stopped wearing a bra.
1032
00:43:41,954 --> 00:43:43,732
And the fact that
I know that... ooh.
1033
00:43:43,756 --> 00:43:44,766
I know. It's scary.
1034
00:43:44,790 --> 00:43:46,668
Does she pull
that shit with you?
1035
00:43:46,692 --> 00:43:48,169
Are you kidding?
She wanted me to
1036
00:43:48,193 --> 00:43:51,072
tape my first time for her
professional evaluation.
1037
00:43:51,096 --> 00:43:52,808
And?
1038
00:43:52,832 --> 00:43:53,975
I'm not telling you.
1039
00:43:53,999 --> 00:43:56,344
Oh, god, and did I tell you... she
just sent me this article
1040
00:43:56,368 --> 00:43:58,780
about circle jerks
in the new safe sex.
1041
00:43:58,804 --> 00:44:00,148
Can you believe I thought
1042
00:44:00,172 --> 00:44:01,316
"circle jerks" was
a figure-skating term?
1043
00:44:01,340 --> 00:44:04,720
Well, you know, it is...
With the male figure skaters.
1044
00:44:04,744 --> 00:44:07,288
Will you please call her
for me... please.
1045
00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:08,389
I cannot talk to her.
1046
00:44:08,413 --> 00:44:10,125
You know, you can't fight it.
1047
00:44:10,149 --> 00:44:11,359
And the more you
try to avoid her,
1048
00:44:11,383 --> 00:44:13,328
the more she's going to
insist on meeting...
1049
00:44:13,352 --> 00:44:15,330
What's your new
boyfriend's name?
1050
00:44:15,354 --> 00:44:17,766
Tom. And he's not
my boyfriend.
1051
00:44:17,790 --> 00:44:18,499
Whatever.
1052
00:44:18,523 --> 00:44:20,068
I don't know
what the hell he is.
1053
00:44:20,092 --> 00:44:22,003
What do you want him to be?
1054
00:44:22,027 --> 00:44:22,938
What?
1055
00:44:22,962 --> 00:44:24,740
I... no. Yeah.
1056
00:44:24,764 --> 00:44:27,643
It's like... I... no, no...
1057
00:44:27,667 --> 00:44:31,312
I just wish I knew
one way or the other.
1058
00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:34,349
Okay, put the bong down,
space cowboy.
1059
00:44:34,373 --> 00:44:38,811
He's your fucking boyfriend,
just like I said.
1060
00:44:47,753 --> 00:44:48,897
Eli.
1061
00:44:48,921 --> 00:44:50,656
Oh, hey.
1062
00:44:53,358 --> 00:44:57,438
<i>? When you said to me</i>
1063
00:44:57,462 --> 00:45:00,876
<i>? you are not so old</i>
1064
00:45:00,900 --> 00:45:04,312
<i>? did I know it then</i>
1065
00:45:04,336 --> 00:45:07,182
<i>? 'cause I had just been told</i>
1066
00:45:07,206 --> 00:45:10,251
<i>? I didn't think I'd find you</i>
1067
00:45:10,275 --> 00:45:13,789
<i>? perfect in so many ways</i>
1068
00:45:13,813 --> 00:45:16,124
<i>? but I've been waiting</i>
1069
00:45:16,148 --> 00:45:17,292
<i>? waiting</i>
1070
00:45:17,316 --> 00:45:19,027
what is it with you and nudity?
1071
00:45:19,051 --> 00:45:21,396
Nothing. But that
movie was pandering.
1072
00:45:21,420 --> 00:45:22,731
It was an art film.
1073
00:45:22,755 --> 00:45:24,700
Yeah... the art of guys
with 6-pack abs
1074
00:45:24,724 --> 00:45:26,234
blowing each other
every chance they get.
1075
00:45:26,258 --> 00:45:28,236
And every
gay guy in L.A.
1076
00:45:28,260 --> 00:45:29,971
Is like
"run, don't walk."
1077
00:45:29,995 --> 00:45:31,873
And the problem with that is...
1078
00:45:31,897 --> 00:45:33,942
Christ, you may as well
stay home and watch
1079
00:45:33,966 --> 00:45:35,877
the hand that rocks my ladle
1080
00:45:35,901 --> 00:45:36,778
or Pocahoncho.
1081
00:45:36,802 --> 00:45:38,880
At least those movies
don't pretend to be
1082
00:45:38,904 --> 00:45:40,381
something that they're not.
1083
00:45:40,405 --> 00:45:41,850
You have those?
Pop them in.
1084
00:45:41,874 --> 00:45:44,152
Oh, god. See? You're
part of the problem.
1085
00:45:44,176 --> 00:45:45,253
Let me get this straight.
1086
00:45:45,277 --> 00:45:47,122
You think that a movie
about 2 guys...
1087
00:45:47,146 --> 00:45:49,124
It can't be about love...
Just sex?
1088
00:45:49,148 --> 00:45:50,325
Those guys were in love.
1089
00:45:50,349 --> 00:45:52,828
Granted, it was a
special kind of love.
1090
00:45:52,852 --> 00:45:54,796
The kind of love
that required latex.
1091
00:45:54,820 --> 00:45:56,464
Oh, my god. You know what,
never mind.
1092
00:45:56,488 --> 00:45:57,598
I cannot have this
argument with a guy
1093
00:45:57,622 --> 00:46:01,369
who never saw gone with
the wind... what is that?
1094
00:46:01,393 --> 00:46:02,370
God, would you relax.
1095
00:46:02,394 --> 00:46:05,941
Huh? You're going to give
yourself an aneurysm.
1096
00:46:05,965 --> 00:46:07,843
You are infuriating.
1097
00:46:07,867 --> 00:46:11,346
You... you don't have to.
1098
00:46:11,370 --> 00:46:14,373
Do you want me to stop?
1099
00:46:15,775 --> 00:46:17,518
No.
1100
00:46:17,542 --> 00:46:19,478
Mmm.
1101
00:46:20,512 --> 00:46:23,749
Man, you always smell so good.
1102
00:46:26,418 --> 00:46:28,463
Okay, there you go.
1103
00:46:28,487 --> 00:46:31,833
So, uh, Saturday
is tennis, right?
1104
00:46:31,857 --> 00:46:33,501
There must be an open on...
1105
00:46:33,525 --> 00:46:36,838
Australia, British.
Pakistani, right?
1106
00:46:36,862 --> 00:46:39,331
Is something wrong?
1107
00:46:40,866 --> 00:46:41,642
What? No, no.
1108
00:46:41,666 --> 00:46:44,245
I just want to watch TV,
that's all.
1109
00:46:44,269 --> 00:46:45,246
Huh.
1110
00:46:45,270 --> 00:46:48,207
That's okay.
Whatever. I get it.
1111
00:46:49,441 --> 00:46:50,786
Get what?
1112
00:46:50,810 --> 00:46:51,586
Same as usual.
1113
00:46:51,610 --> 00:46:53,421
The whole come-here-
go-away routine.
1114
00:46:53,445 --> 00:46:55,523
What, do you want me
to keep massaging you?
1115
00:46:55,547 --> 00:46:56,557
I will, but I got to tell you,
1116
00:46:56,581 --> 00:46:59,327
this isn't exactly the way
to get me to want to.
1117
00:46:59,351 --> 00:47:01,396
No, Tom, it's actually fine.
1118
00:47:01,420 --> 00:47:03,331
You know, that's just...
1119
00:47:03,355 --> 00:47:04,800
You're not attracted to me,
1120
00:47:04,824 --> 00:47:07,335
you want to just be friends...
I can handle that.
1121
00:47:07,359 --> 00:47:09,570
But then stop fucking
calling me and inviting me
1122
00:47:09,594 --> 00:47:12,073
to see semi-porn on
a Saturday afternoon.
1123
00:47:12,097 --> 00:47:13,809
And then drag me
back to my house
1124
00:47:13,833 --> 00:47:14,976
and start rubbing my shoulders
1125
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,845
and expect me
to be like, "hey, buddy,
1126
00:47:16,869 --> 00:47:18,814
thanks a lot.
I'll see you around."
1127
00:47:18,838 --> 00:47:20,515
What is so wrong
with taking things slow?
1128
00:47:20,539 --> 00:47:22,583
Huh? Why does it
always have to be
1129
00:47:22,607 --> 00:47:24,452
all or nothing with you?
1130
00:47:24,476 --> 00:47:25,553
I don't know.
1131
00:47:25,577 --> 00:47:26,487
All right, fine.
1132
00:47:26,511 --> 00:47:29,324
Then maybe we should
cool it off for a while.
1133
00:47:29,348 --> 00:47:31,192
No, I like you. I do.
1134
00:47:31,216 --> 00:47:32,493
Thank you.
1135
00:47:32,517 --> 00:47:34,863
It's just...
1136
00:47:34,887 --> 00:47:37,165
I want to have a good time.
1137
00:47:37,189 --> 00:47:38,133
That's all.
1138
00:47:38,157 --> 00:47:40,836
I don't want to make this
this intense thing.
1139
00:47:40,860 --> 00:47:44,396
And you seem to want this...
1140
00:47:45,164 --> 00:47:46,474
I don't know.
I don't know.
1141
00:47:46,498 --> 00:47:48,868
What do you want?
1142
00:47:50,602 --> 00:47:53,272
Eggs, actually.
1143
00:47:54,940 --> 00:47:56,275
Whatever.
1144
00:48:03,883 --> 00:48:04,759
Remember cooties?
1145
00:48:04,783 --> 00:48:07,929
Don't touch the losers
or you get cooties.
1146
00:48:07,953 --> 00:48:09,430
And who are the losers?
1147
00:48:09,454 --> 00:48:11,632
Easy. Anybody with
a hard-boiled egg
1148
00:48:11,656 --> 00:48:13,534
in their lunch bag.
1149
00:48:13,558 --> 00:48:15,236
Well, I don't think
1150
00:48:15,260 --> 00:48:18,039
Tom liked what I had
in my lunch bag.
1151
00:48:18,063 --> 00:48:20,441
What about sex?
I mean, people do have sex.
1152
00:48:20,465 --> 00:48:23,144
Sex is the
logical outgrowth of...
1153
00:48:23,168 --> 00:48:24,612
Eli, let it out.
1154
00:48:24,636 --> 00:48:28,283
No, you know, I don't
want to talk about it.
1155
00:48:28,307 --> 00:48:29,250
Cop-out!
1156
00:48:29,274 --> 00:48:31,586
Why do you feel the need
to beat yourself up?
1157
00:48:31,610 --> 00:48:33,354
Why won't you
let us into the now?
1158
00:48:33,378 --> 00:48:36,925
Why do I feel like I'm in a
cheesy seventies est seminar?
1159
00:48:36,949 --> 00:48:37,926
Good. How else
do you feel?
1160
00:48:37,950 --> 00:48:40,661
Would you like us to bring
out the feel wheel?
1161
00:48:40,685 --> 00:48:42,330
You know what, no.
I would actually like it
1162
00:48:42,354 --> 00:48:45,624
if you would just leave me
alone for a little while.
1163
00:48:54,299 --> 00:48:55,343
Let me in.
1164
00:48:55,367 --> 00:48:56,677
I'm not going to hurt you.
1165
00:48:56,701 --> 00:48:59,347
I'm your friend.
What is wrong?
1166
00:48:59,371 --> 00:49:00,949
I'm fine, okay?
1167
00:49:00,973 --> 00:49:02,942
I don't think so.
1168
00:49:05,945 --> 00:49:07,088
It's this guy.
1169
00:49:07,112 --> 00:49:08,056
I knew it.
1170
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:11,626
He has this reputation
for being sort of easy.
1171
00:49:11,650 --> 00:49:12,961
Mm-hmm.
1172
00:49:12,985 --> 00:49:14,329
Not with me.
1173
00:49:14,353 --> 00:49:16,264
With me, it's hard.
1174
00:49:16,288 --> 00:49:19,434
Or not hard... maybe
that's the problem.
1175
00:49:19,458 --> 00:49:21,660
Okay...
1176
00:49:25,965 --> 00:49:27,342
Oh, Eli. What is this?
1177
00:49:27,366 --> 00:49:29,644
A closeted gay teacher
is outed by a former student
1178
00:49:29,668 --> 00:49:30,678
on the night
of the academy awards
1179
00:49:30,702 --> 00:49:33,281
in the ground-breaking
comedy starring Kevin Kline.
1180
00:49:33,305 --> 00:49:35,016
I hate this film.
David, come in here,
1181
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:36,985
you won't believe what
they're showing again.
1182
00:49:37,009 --> 00:49:38,686
What a piece-of-shit
film. Honestly.
1183
00:49:38,710 --> 00:49:40,255
Like we're supposed to believe...
1184
00:49:40,279 --> 00:49:42,023
Look at this.
They're showing it again.
1185
00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:42,890
They showed it last week.
1186
00:49:42,914 --> 00:49:43,992
That this woman's
going to fall in love
1187
00:49:44,016 --> 00:49:46,694
with a middle-aged, homophobic,
self-hating teacher
1188
00:49:46,718 --> 00:49:48,429
who's only now
discovered he's gay.
1189
00:49:48,453 --> 00:49:50,031
We hated this movie.
1190
00:49:50,055 --> 00:49:50,898
I don't think so.
1191
00:49:50,922 --> 00:49:52,733
Change the channel.
Change the channel.
1192
00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:54,493
Fuck you!
1193
00:50:07,272 --> 00:50:08,349
Hi.
1194
00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:09,717
Hi, sunny.
1195
00:50:09,741 --> 00:50:12,320
Mmm...
1196
00:50:12,344 --> 00:50:14,622
Oh, honey...
1197
00:50:14,646 --> 00:50:16,691
That's so sweet.
1198
00:50:16,715 --> 00:50:19,627
But right now
the thought of food
1199
00:50:19,651 --> 00:50:21,396
makes me want to borch.
1200
00:50:21,420 --> 00:50:23,999
Pretty picture
to wake up to, huh?
1201
00:50:24,023 --> 00:50:25,766
Well, "a"... I can't imagine
1202
00:50:25,790 --> 00:50:29,070
waking up to any other picture,
1203
00:50:29,094 --> 00:50:30,705
and, "b"...
1204
00:50:30,729 --> 00:50:34,009
I don't ever want to have to.
1205
00:50:34,033 --> 00:50:35,710
What is this?
1206
00:50:35,734 --> 00:50:37,012
It's your capers.
1207
00:50:37,036 --> 00:50:40,348
I know how you like
them on the side.
1208
00:50:40,372 --> 00:50:42,717
Oh, my god.
1209
00:50:42,741 --> 00:50:47,088
Oh, my god.
1210
00:50:47,112 --> 00:50:49,324
Oh, shit.
1211
00:50:49,348 --> 00:50:50,591
D... huh?
1212
00:50:50,615 --> 00:50:53,561
Oh, no.
No, no, no. I...
1213
00:50:53,585 --> 00:50:55,763
Of course I'll marry you.
1214
00:50:55,787 --> 00:50:58,433
It's just that now
everybody's going to think
1215
00:50:58,457 --> 00:51:01,993
we're doing it
because I'm pregnant.
1216
00:51:04,096 --> 00:51:07,275
You're kidding me.
Are you kidding me?
1217
00:51:07,299 --> 00:51:11,379
Holy... oh, my god.
1218
00:51:11,403 --> 00:51:14,215
Oh, my god.
1219
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:15,683
Mmm. Mr. Preggers.
1220
00:51:15,707 --> 00:51:19,444
Mr. Preggers.
Wake up, Mr. Preggers.
1221
00:51:20,779 --> 00:51:23,324
We should have
never fooled around.
1222
00:51:23,348 --> 00:51:25,593
I know. Why don't you
have some more wine?
1223
00:51:25,617 --> 00:51:28,463
What can I say? He doesn't
make me weak in the knees.
1224
00:51:28,487 --> 00:51:31,366
Please. That is exactly
why you should be with him.
1225
00:51:31,390 --> 00:51:33,234
I mean, the ones
that make you dizzy
1226
00:51:33,258 --> 00:51:35,136
are only good for a quick fuck.
1227
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:37,338
The rest are marriage material,
1228
00:51:37,362 --> 00:51:38,406
like Brett.
1229
00:51:38,430 --> 00:51:43,034
That is exactly
what I'm afraid of.
1230
00:51:44,336 --> 00:51:47,172
Wait. What?
1231
00:51:48,207 --> 00:51:50,618
Wow. Wow, that was fast.
1232
00:51:50,642 --> 00:51:53,321
Well, tick-tock, you know?
1233
00:51:55,180 --> 00:51:56,424
You're crazy.
1234
00:51:56,448 --> 00:51:58,593
I want you to be
my man of honor.
1235
00:51:58,617 --> 00:51:59,794
There's no such thing.
1236
00:51:59,818 --> 00:52:00,828
So? You're
my best friend.
1237
00:52:00,852 --> 00:52:04,099
I couldn't even imagine
anybody else by my side.
1238
00:52:04,123 --> 00:52:06,134
And your first duty
as my personal slave
1239
00:52:06,158 --> 00:52:08,827
is to pretend to love it.
1240
00:52:10,362 --> 00:52:14,109
Fine. Fine. Fine.
1241
00:52:14,133 --> 00:52:17,336
Thanks.
I love you.
1242
00:52:22,374 --> 00:52:26,187
<i>? I've been walking
backwards lately ?</i>
1243
00:52:26,211 --> 00:52:30,825
<i>? To see if I could find you ?</i>
1244
00:52:31,883 --> 00:52:36,497
It's Jackie. Again. Hello?
1245
00:52:36,521 --> 00:52:39,800
Where are you?
Call me back... stat.
1246
00:52:39,824 --> 00:52:43,204
<i>? Imagine you falling asleep ?</i>
1247
00:52:43,228 --> 00:52:48,576
<i>? Watching TV in the den</i>
1248
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:54,349
<i>? if I could bring you back ?</i>
1249
00:52:54,373 --> 00:52:56,484
<i>? Talk about...</i>
1250
00:52:57,642 --> 00:53:00,855
Hi, this is Tom.
Leave a message or don't.
1251
00:53:02,814 --> 00:53:04,692
This is the bride-to-be.
1252
00:53:04,716 --> 00:53:06,161
I really wouldn't mind
1253
00:53:06,185 --> 00:53:07,828
having my best friend
around right now,
1254
00:53:07,852 --> 00:53:11,832
being that it's the most
important time of my life.
1255
00:53:11,856 --> 00:53:15,636
But, hey, maybe that's
just too much to ask for.
1256
00:53:15,660 --> 00:53:20,475
<i>? Anything just to
see your face again ?</i>
1257
00:53:20,499 --> 00:53:24,645
<i>? And just to make you smile</i>
1258
00:53:24,669 --> 00:53:29,484
<i>? and set me free</i>
1259
00:53:29,508 --> 00:53:33,788
<i>? if I could bring you back</i>
1260
00:53:33,812 --> 00:53:37,958
<i>? well, that'd be
the sweetest thing ?</i>
1261
00:53:37,982 --> 00:53:43,555
<i>? If I could bring you back</i>
1262
00:53:44,289 --> 00:53:48,360
<i>? to me</i>
1263
00:54:33,305 --> 00:54:34,949
<i>? Turn his head and run</i>
1264
00:54:34,973 --> 00:54:36,951
<i>? and don't look back</i>
1265
00:54:36,975 --> 00:54:37,852
<i>? because I fear</i>
1266
00:54:37,876 --> 00:54:42,457
<i>? there is nothing
left to say to you ?</i>
1267
00:54:42,481 --> 00:54:44,959
<i>? That you want to hear,
that you want to know ?</i>
1268
00:54:44,983 --> 00:54:46,427
<i>? I think I should go</i>
1269
00:54:46,451 --> 00:54:50,765
<i>? the things I have done
are way too shameful ?</i>
1270
00:54:50,789 --> 00:54:53,000
<i>? Oh</i>
1271
00:54:53,024 --> 00:54:57,305
<i>? ooh, ooh, ooh</i>
1272
00:54:57,329 --> 00:55:03,411
<i>? ooh, ooh, ooh</i>
1273
00:55:03,435 --> 00:55:05,270
freeze!
1274
00:55:59,858 --> 00:56:02,036
Jack. Jack, pick up.
It's me.
1275
00:56:02,060 --> 00:56:05,039
Jackie, please pick up.
1276
00:56:06,498 --> 00:56:09,501
All right, well,
I met someone...
1277
00:56:10,469 --> 00:56:13,414
Apparently. Fuck!
1278
00:56:16,074 --> 00:56:19,520
Listen, Jack, I'm...
1279
00:56:19,544 --> 00:56:24,359
I'm really sorry I haven't
returned your calls.
1280
00:56:24,383 --> 00:56:26,394
I've been a shit, all right,
1281
00:56:26,418 --> 00:56:31,322
and it's me.
It's not you.
1282
00:56:32,090 --> 00:56:34,369
Like you don't know that.
1283
00:56:39,798 --> 00:56:41,141
Jack, I really, really
1284
00:56:41,165 --> 00:56:43,544
need to talk to you, all right?
1285
00:56:43,568 --> 00:56:45,012
I'm freaking out here.
1286
00:56:45,036 --> 00:56:47,615
Oh, Jesus, this guy
has the number 8
1287
00:56:47,639 --> 00:56:51,342
tattooed on his...
Wait.
1288
00:56:52,010 --> 00:56:54,088
Correction. It says
"eighth wonder."
1289
00:56:54,112 --> 00:56:57,425
okay. Yeah. You know, I
really know how to pick them.
1290
00:56:57,449 --> 00:56:59,884
Jack, please call me back.
1291
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:08,769
Open your eyes and look at me.
1292
00:57:08,793 --> 00:57:11,171
No, I don't think
I will kiss you...
1293
00:57:11,195 --> 00:57:14,466
Although you need kissing badly.
1294
00:57:20,639 --> 00:57:23,017
If the right moment ever came.
1295
00:57:23,041 --> 00:57:26,487
You're a conceited, black-hearted,
varmint, Rhett Butler,
1296
00:57:26,511 --> 00:57:28,155
and I don't know why
I let you come and see me.
1297
00:57:28,179 --> 00:57:30,891
I'll tell you why, Scarlett.
1298
00:57:30,915 --> 00:57:33,060
The war can't last much longer.
1299
00:57:33,084 --> 00:57:34,261
Really, Rhett. Why?
1300
00:57:34,285 --> 00:57:37,922
There's a little battle going
on right now that ought to...
1301
00:57:43,227 --> 00:57:44,472
Hello?
1302
00:57:44,496 --> 00:57:47,432
How have you been?
1303
00:57:52,937 --> 00:57:54,181
Okay.
1304
00:57:54,205 --> 00:57:55,683
Good.
1305
00:57:55,707 --> 00:57:58,810
Listen, um...
1306
00:58:01,513 --> 00:58:02,222
What?
1307
00:58:02,246 --> 00:58:03,824
Well, what I was
going to say was
1308
00:58:03,848 --> 00:58:05,460
I've been procrastinating
1309
00:58:05,484 --> 00:58:07,127
about this whole wedding thing.
1310
00:58:07,151 --> 00:58:10,465
I haven't gotten a gift
for Jackie's shower yet.
1311
00:58:10,489 --> 00:58:12,467
I guess I'm in denial.
1312
00:58:12,491 --> 00:58:15,002
I'm sure it's not
the first time.
1313
00:58:15,026 --> 00:58:17,896
Yeah. Right.
1314
00:58:18,262 --> 00:58:21,108
You know, Tom, I guess I
never got the e-mail,
1315
00:58:21,132 --> 00:58:24,679
you know, that our cooling-off
period was officially over.
1316
00:58:24,703 --> 00:58:28,549
And, frankly, I'd like
to renew my option.
1317
00:58:28,573 --> 00:58:30,818
Um... yeah. I...
1318
00:58:30,842 --> 00:58:32,210
Bye.
1319
00:58:35,814 --> 00:58:36,691
Fuck... fuck...
1320
00:58:36,715 --> 00:58:39,026
Hi, this is Eli.
Leave a message.
1321
00:58:39,050 --> 00:58:39,994
Yeah, it's Tom again.
1322
00:58:40,018 --> 00:58:42,563
Listen, I'm all for
keeping things casual...
1323
00:58:42,587 --> 00:58:43,864
Now he's over me.
That's just great.
1324
00:58:43,888 --> 00:58:45,533
But that doesn't
mean we can't go out
1325
00:58:45,557 --> 00:58:47,134
and buy a baby gift
together, does it?
1326
00:58:47,158 --> 00:58:48,803
I hate people like this.
1327
00:58:48,827 --> 00:58:49,904
I know.
1328
00:58:49,928 --> 00:58:51,205
They play this game. Once
you decide to play it, too,
1329
00:58:51,229 --> 00:58:52,973
they don't want to
play it anymore.
1330
00:58:52,997 --> 00:58:54,542
I mean, what the fuck is that?
1331
00:58:54,566 --> 00:58:56,043
Yeah. You know,
I'm starting to think
1332
00:58:56,067 --> 00:58:57,712
that's all there is
out there anymore.
1333
00:58:57,736 --> 00:58:58,412
Well, that's wrong.
1334
00:58:58,436 --> 00:58:59,346
Nope. No, here's
what I think.
1335
00:58:59,370 --> 00:59:01,749
I think who I am,
you know, what I've been...
1336
00:59:01,773 --> 00:59:02,750
Not working so much anymore.
1337
00:59:02,774 --> 00:59:04,952
From now on, there's
going to be a whole new Eli.
1338
00:59:04,976 --> 00:59:06,954
The whole love thing...
I don't buy it.
1339
00:59:06,978 --> 00:59:08,188
Well, how come it works for me?
1340
00:59:08,212 --> 00:59:10,525
Oh, my god, you are so full of shit.
It doesn't work for you.
1341
00:59:10,549 --> 00:59:13,093
You fall in love with a
different person each week.
1342
00:59:13,117 --> 00:59:14,328
My point exactly.
1343
00:59:14,352 --> 00:59:15,763
No, no, no. You fall in love
with the idea of being in love...
1344
00:59:15,787 --> 00:59:19,767
With a married man to, what, experience
the rush of breaking up a family?
1345
00:59:19,791 --> 00:59:23,638
Now you fall in love with a deaf
guy to learn sign language?
1346
00:59:23,662 --> 00:59:24,672
Well, I did.
1347
00:59:24,696 --> 00:59:26,607
Okay, honey, this does not
constitute sign language.
1348
00:59:26,631 --> 00:59:29,209
And then with a woman
just to piss off mom and dad.
1349
00:59:29,233 --> 00:59:30,845
Okay, how much
did that backfire?
1350
00:59:30,869 --> 00:59:32,913
That's the year that
they decided to run
1351
00:59:32,937 --> 00:59:33,948
for co-president of p-flag.
1352
00:59:33,972 --> 00:59:36,717
You know what, from now on,
it's just going to be
1353
00:59:36,741 --> 00:59:38,553
one-night stands, casual sex,
1354
00:59:38,577 --> 00:59:40,621
just a lot of close friends.
1355
00:59:40,645 --> 00:59:41,656
Hmph. You sound
pathetic.
1356
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:43,824
No, you know what? For the
first time in my life,
1357
00:59:43,848 --> 00:59:45,560
I think I actually make sense.
1358
00:59:45,584 --> 00:59:48,128
Great. Glad to help you
through the pain. Bye-bye.
1359
00:59:48,152 --> 00:59:49,263
Bye. I'll call
you later.
1360
00:59:49,287 --> 00:59:52,332
Yeah, will you tell that
other Eli to give me a call?
1361
00:59:52,356 --> 00:59:53,801
This one sucks.
1362
00:59:55,193 --> 00:59:58,606
If that's him, you're
not going shopping.
1363
01:00:00,599 --> 01:00:02,577
Okay, FYI, the only
reason I'm here
1364
01:00:02,601 --> 01:00:05,312
is because your whole
tires-got-slashed-story
1365
01:00:05,336 --> 01:00:06,914
was so much more believable
1366
01:00:06,938 --> 01:00:09,016
than the first
13 messages you left me.
1367
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:10,184
Personally, I thought I had you
1368
01:00:10,208 --> 01:00:12,820
with the tickets to
X files on ice.
1369
01:00:12,844 --> 01:00:15,279
I already saw it.
1370
01:00:19,818 --> 01:00:22,362
I always wanted one
when I was a kid.
1371
01:00:22,386 --> 01:00:23,330
Surprising, huh?
1372
01:00:23,354 --> 01:00:25,600
Oh, my god, I had so many dolls.
1373
01:00:25,624 --> 01:00:27,301
My dad would have killed me.
1374
01:00:27,325 --> 01:00:28,335
Really?
1375
01:00:28,359 --> 01:00:29,103
Yeah.
1376
01:00:29,127 --> 01:00:30,004
My house was like
a free-for-all.
1377
01:00:30,028 --> 01:00:32,272
My sister had all these
Barbies and kens,
1378
01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:33,841
and my parents
made me play with them.
1379
01:00:33,865 --> 01:00:35,643
Your parents forced you
to play with dolls?
1380
01:00:35,667 --> 01:00:39,379
Oh, it was just so I could learn
the names of all the body parts.
1381
01:00:39,403 --> 01:00:41,916
Pick whichever doll you like.
1382
01:00:41,940 --> 01:00:45,677
It's your choice.
They're all beautiful.
1383
01:00:46,711 --> 01:00:49,648
Good. Now switch.
1384
01:00:54,318 --> 01:00:56,764
What do you call this?
1385
01:00:56,788 --> 01:00:57,932
Vagina.
1386
01:00:57,956 --> 01:01:01,301
Yes. Vagina.
Good, Rayna.
1387
01:01:01,325 --> 01:01:04,705
Eli... vagina.
1388
01:01:04,729 --> 01:01:05,539
Vagina.
1389
01:01:05,563 --> 01:01:10,010
Now say it like you
mean it: Va-gi-Na.
1390
01:01:10,034 --> 01:01:11,411
Vagina.
1391
01:01:11,435 --> 01:01:14,081
Yes. Yes. Yes.
1392
01:01:14,105 --> 01:01:16,717
I always thought Ken was gay.
1393
01:01:16,741 --> 01:01:19,153
He was when I got
through with him.
1394
01:01:19,177 --> 01:01:21,746
That's another story.
1395
01:01:22,080 --> 01:01:24,324
You know, you and Ken together...
1396
01:01:24,348 --> 01:01:27,151
It's strangely erotic.
1397
01:01:29,420 --> 01:01:32,332
Well, we have been known
to do private shows,
1398
01:01:32,356 --> 01:01:34,101
if you're interested.
1399
01:01:34,125 --> 01:01:36,370
Not today.
1400
01:01:36,394 --> 01:01:39,197
Okay.
1401
01:01:41,065 --> 01:01:42,209
Hello, there, Eli.
1402
01:01:42,233 --> 01:01:45,804
I'm fuzzy wuzzy the bear.
1403
01:01:50,909 --> 01:01:53,845
Jackie would love this bear.
1404
01:01:55,013 --> 01:01:56,824
<i>? Fuzzy wuzzy was a bear ?</i>
1405
01:01:56,848 --> 01:01:58,392
<i>? Fuzzy wuzzy had no hair ?</i>
1406
01:01:58,416 --> 01:02:02,196
<i>? Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't
very fuzzy, was he? ?</i>
1407
01:02:02,220 --> 01:02:03,330
Was he? Was he?
1408
01:02:03,354 --> 01:02:04,799
Was he? Was he?
Was he?
1409
01:02:04,823 --> 01:02:05,966
Was he?
Was he!
1410
01:02:05,990 --> 01:02:06,867
Was he! Was he!
1411
01:02:06,891 --> 01:02:09,970
Was he. Was he.
Was he.
1412
01:02:09,994 --> 01:02:10,938
That's what I said.
1413
01:02:10,962 --> 01:02:13,240
No, no.
You said, was he?
1414
01:02:13,264 --> 01:02:14,775
It's was he.
1415
01:02:14,799 --> 01:02:16,010
What's the difference?
1416
01:02:16,034 --> 01:02:17,044
You're kidding, right?
1417
01:02:17,068 --> 01:02:20,347
You just established that
fuzzy wuzzy had no hair.
1418
01:02:20,371 --> 01:02:22,282
Why would you then ask, was he?
1419
01:02:22,306 --> 01:02:24,318
Like a question,
like you didn't know
1420
01:02:24,342 --> 01:02:25,485
if he was fuzzy or not.
1421
01:02:25,509 --> 01:02:28,422
It is a question. I'm asking
if fuzzy is or isn't fuzzy.
1422
01:02:28,446 --> 01:02:29,924
What is so wrong about that?
1423
01:02:29,948 --> 01:02:31,325
It is a rhetorical question.
1424
01:02:31,349 --> 01:02:32,793
There's no answer to it.
1425
01:02:32,817 --> 01:02:33,928
It's supposed to be ironic.
1426
01:02:33,952 --> 01:02:37,121
"Fuzzy wuzzy wasn't
very fuzzy, was he."
1427
01:02:50,268 --> 01:02:53,814
I don't think it's that obvious if
fuzzy wuzzy was or wasn't fuzzy.
1428
01:02:53,838 --> 01:02:56,450
It is the point of the
whole goddamn thing.
1429
01:02:56,474 --> 01:02:57,952
Man, why are you so uptight?
1430
01:02:57,976 --> 01:03:00,921
No... there always has to be
a right way with you
1431
01:03:00,945 --> 01:03:02,256
and a wrong way with you.
1432
01:03:02,280 --> 01:03:04,859
I mean, is that why
you like being with me...
1433
01:03:04,883 --> 01:03:08,062
So you can feel like
you're right all the time.
1434
01:03:08,086 --> 01:03:10,030
What? No.
1435
01:03:10,054 --> 01:03:11,932
That's... is that what you think?
1436
01:03:11,956 --> 01:03:15,169
Alls I know is you have
this rigid idea
1437
01:03:15,193 --> 01:03:17,471
of how I should be.
1438
01:03:17,495 --> 01:03:20,040
"Alls you know"?
1439
01:03:20,064 --> 01:03:22,133
Right. Right. I can't.
1440
01:03:25,436 --> 01:03:26,847
Fuck!
1441
01:03:26,871 --> 01:03:29,817
Oh, boy, it's mine, mine, mine!
1442
01:03:31,042 --> 01:03:32,186
I love this.
1443
01:03:32,210 --> 01:03:34,855
Well, enjoy it now,
honey, because in a month or so,
1444
01:03:34,879 --> 01:03:37,257
you're going to be
ripping the seams.
1445
01:03:38,817 --> 01:03:39,894
I'm going to kill you.
1446
01:03:39,918 --> 01:03:42,462
Rachel, could you
shut the fuck up?
1447
01:03:42,486 --> 01:03:45,032
You're cackling like an idiot.
1448
01:03:45,056 --> 01:03:46,166
Come on, Liz, grab some bows
1449
01:03:46,190 --> 01:03:48,202
and help us with
the rehearsal bouquet.
1450
01:03:48,226 --> 01:03:49,937
Why do you want me to do it?
1451
01:03:49,961 --> 01:03:51,171
Because you think
it's the only time
1452
01:03:51,195 --> 01:03:52,907
I'm ever going to
get to hold one?
1453
01:03:52,931 --> 01:03:54,942
Okay, Liz, what time
is therapy, hon?
1454
01:03:54,966 --> 01:03:56,076
Do they make house calls?
1455
01:03:56,100 --> 01:03:57,912
That's really sweet.
Very supportive.
1456
01:03:57,936 --> 01:03:58,946
I'm taking my gift back.
1457
01:03:58,970 --> 01:04:00,014
I'll make it.
I'll make it.
1458
01:04:00,038 --> 01:04:01,882
Thank you.
Nice person.
1459
01:04:02,874 --> 01:04:05,219
Wait! The door. Get the door.
Get the door.
1460
01:04:05,243 --> 01:04:08,412
Oh. Uh-oh.
1461
01:04:09,447 --> 01:04:10,690
Is Jackie here?
1462
01:04:10,714 --> 01:04:14,594
Hey, Jackie, did you forget
to pay some parking tickets?
1463
01:04:14,618 --> 01:04:15,362
Hello.
1464
01:04:15,386 --> 01:04:17,364
Are you Jackie gold?
1465
01:04:17,388 --> 01:04:18,498
I'll be Jackie gold.
1466
01:04:18,522 --> 01:04:20,500
I'm going to kill you guys.
1467
01:04:20,524 --> 01:04:22,202
I can't believe you did this.
1468
01:04:22,226 --> 01:04:23,437
Jackie, you have been
1469
01:04:23,461 --> 01:04:26,073
a bad, bad, bad girl,
haven't you?
1470
01:04:26,097 --> 01:04:29,834
Oh, baby!
Oh, yeah!
1471
01:04:30,969 --> 01:04:33,872
Put that thing away.
1472
01:04:38,109 --> 01:04:42,046
Go ahead... Great angle.
1473
01:04:43,982 --> 01:04:46,260
Oh, my god.
1474
01:04:46,284 --> 01:04:50,197
You work that Booty.
1475
01:04:50,221 --> 01:04:53,000
Uh, I love him.
1476
01:04:53,024 --> 01:04:54,234
Uh-huh!
1477
01:04:54,258 --> 01:04:56,494
This is it!
This is it!
1478
01:04:57,228 --> 01:04:59,106
Okay, that is going
to be amazing!
1479
01:04:59,130 --> 01:05:00,540
Enough with the pictures.
1480
01:05:00,564 --> 01:05:02,076
That was great.
It was great.
1481
01:05:02,100 --> 01:05:03,577
I hate it with the pictures.
1482
01:05:03,601 --> 01:05:05,379
Ah, ring, ring, ring, ring.
1483
01:05:05,403 --> 01:05:05,946
Okay...
1484
01:05:05,970 --> 01:05:06,813
Forget about the ring.
1485
01:05:06,837 --> 01:05:09,216
Can we talk about
our friend the cop?
1486
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:11,118
You mean your future ex-husband?
1487
01:05:11,142 --> 01:05:14,121
So how long you been doing this?
1488
01:05:14,145 --> 01:05:16,180
Too long...
1489
01:05:17,215 --> 01:05:19,159
Let's go, ladies.
1490
01:05:19,183 --> 01:05:20,961
Let me ask you this.
1491
01:05:20,985 --> 01:05:23,263
How many of these gifts
can I take home with me?
1492
01:05:23,287 --> 01:05:24,431
You're crazy.
1493
01:05:24,455 --> 01:05:26,666
I wrap beautifully, though.
1494
01:05:26,690 --> 01:05:28,402
Don't you think we should share?
1495
01:05:28,426 --> 01:05:32,039
You don't even like mine.
Can I take it back?
1496
01:05:32,063 --> 01:05:34,641
Excuse me... one second.
1497
01:05:34,665 --> 01:05:36,376
So, um, you know,
1498
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:39,013
I've been kind of bad myself.
1499
01:05:39,037 --> 01:05:39,980
You have?
1500
01:05:56,620 --> 01:06:03,361
<i>? Please forgive me
if I act a little strange ?</i>
1501
01:06:03,995 --> 01:06:09,009
<i>? For I know not what I do</i>
1502
01:06:10,301 --> 01:06:12,246
<i>? Feels like lightning</i>
1503
01:06:12,270 --> 01:06:17,075
<i>? running through my veins</i>
1504
01:06:17,708 --> 01:06:23,114
<i>? every time I look at you</i>
1505
01:06:25,649 --> 01:06:27,161
hey.
1506
01:06:27,185 --> 01:06:28,963
Hey.
1507
01:06:28,987 --> 01:06:31,131
How much do I owe you?
1508
01:06:31,155 --> 01:06:31,898
Uh, $9.22.
1509
01:06:31,922 --> 01:06:34,601
All right, why don't
you keep that.
1510
01:06:34,625 --> 01:06:35,469
Cool.
1511
01:06:35,493 --> 01:06:36,403
Thanks a lot.
1512
01:06:36,427 --> 01:06:37,737
Have a good night.
1513
01:06:37,761 --> 01:06:38,572
You, too. Thanks.
1514
01:06:38,596 --> 01:06:43,701
<i>? And there's so much
I want to say ?</i>
1515
01:06:45,169 --> 01:06:51,275
<i>? Want to tell you
just how good it feels ?</i>
1516
01:06:52,543 --> 01:06:55,155
<i>? When you look at me...</i>
1517
01:06:55,179 --> 01:06:56,156
Hey.
1518
01:06:56,180 --> 01:06:57,615
Hey.
1519
01:07:00,718 --> 01:07:03,230
Where did you find this?
1520
01:07:03,254 --> 01:07:06,257
Internet.
1521
01:07:08,592 --> 01:07:11,262
Thank you.
1522
01:07:12,130 --> 01:07:13,240
I took it out of the box
1523
01:07:13,264 --> 01:07:14,441
so you could play with it.
1524
01:07:14,465 --> 01:07:17,111
It came in a box?
The original box?
1525
01:07:17,135 --> 01:07:18,245
Mm-hmm.
1526
01:07:18,269 --> 01:07:20,114
Where is it?
1527
01:07:20,138 --> 01:07:22,340
I tossed it. Why?
1528
01:07:23,407 --> 01:07:25,009
Why?
1529
01:07:26,310 --> 01:07:28,246
Never mind.
1530
01:07:36,154 --> 01:07:38,698
And then it happened.
1531
01:07:38,722 --> 01:07:40,624
What?
1532
01:07:41,159 --> 01:07:43,603
We went where no 2 men
should ever go
1533
01:07:43,627 --> 01:07:44,738
without a prescription.
1534
01:07:44,762 --> 01:07:47,507
Trust me. You don't want
the details.
1535
01:07:47,531 --> 01:07:49,043
Are you nuts?
1536
01:07:49,067 --> 01:07:52,046
At my age, the details
are all I got.
1537
01:07:54,272 --> 01:07:55,715
Take off your...
1538
01:07:55,739 --> 01:07:57,584
Ouch!
1539
01:07:57,608 --> 01:07:58,818
It's the remote.
1540
01:07:58,842 --> 01:08:01,755
<i>? Whoa-oh-oh-a</i>
1541
01:08:01,779 --> 01:08:03,057
Let's not...
1542
01:08:03,081 --> 01:08:03,690
What?
1543
01:08:03,714 --> 01:08:05,559
That's the back of my leg.
1544
01:08:05,583 --> 01:08:06,726
Oh, sorry.
1545
01:08:06,750 --> 01:08:08,495
Kidding. Kidding.
1546
01:08:08,519 --> 01:08:10,464
That's funny.
That's funny.
1547
01:08:12,656 --> 01:08:14,101
Wait.
1548
01:08:14,125 --> 01:08:16,736
Don't you want to...
1549
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:18,605
You have a thingie?
1550
01:08:18,629 --> 01:08:20,107
Shut up. Shut up.
1551
01:08:20,131 --> 01:08:21,075
Thingie?
1552
01:08:21,099 --> 01:08:21,808
You know what I mean.
1553
01:08:21,832 --> 01:08:23,743
Do you know what I mean?
1554
01:08:23,767 --> 01:08:25,736
Yeah. Yeah.
1555
01:08:26,370 --> 01:08:31,041
<i>? For I know not what I do</i>
1556
01:08:33,511 --> 01:08:34,454
Tom?
1557
01:08:34,478 --> 01:08:35,355
Yeah?
1558
01:08:35,379 --> 01:08:37,257
Look at me.
1559
01:08:37,281 --> 01:08:38,858
I... love you.
1560
01:08:38,882 --> 01:08:39,826
Oh, my god.
1561
01:08:39,850 --> 01:08:42,462
I love you.
1562
01:08:42,486 --> 01:08:46,090
Oh, my god.
1563
01:08:47,491 --> 01:08:52,062
<i>? Every time I look at you</i>
1564
01:09:09,413 --> 01:09:11,258
I'm hungry.
1565
01:09:11,282 --> 01:09:13,527
Yeah? You like eggs?
1566
01:09:13,551 --> 01:09:16,487
Why don't I make us some eggs?
1567
01:09:17,588 --> 01:09:19,599
Well, I'm supposed to
meet my parents
1568
01:09:19,623 --> 01:09:21,768
at the country club for brunch.
1569
01:09:21,792 --> 01:09:23,794
Do you want to come?
1570
01:09:33,571 --> 01:09:34,481
Hey.
1571
01:09:34,505 --> 01:09:36,283
Hi, mom.
1572
01:09:36,307 --> 01:09:38,152
Hi, sweetheart.
1573
01:09:38,176 --> 01:09:39,853
Hey, dad.
1574
01:09:39,877 --> 01:09:40,854
Tom.
1575
01:09:40,878 --> 01:09:42,622
Um, this is Eli.
1576
01:09:42,646 --> 01:09:44,491
Hi. It's nice
to meet you.
1577
01:09:44,515 --> 01:09:45,625
Hello, Eli.
1578
01:09:45,649 --> 01:09:46,393
Hi.
1579
01:09:46,417 --> 01:09:47,527
Nice to meet you.
1580
01:09:47,551 --> 01:09:49,596
Well, why don't we all sit down?
1581
01:09:49,620 --> 01:09:52,656
Lydia and I can share a menu.
1582
01:09:53,524 --> 01:09:54,768
I'll get another set up.
1583
01:09:54,792 --> 01:09:57,704
Do you guys want coffee
or juice or anything?
1584
01:09:57,728 --> 01:09:58,738
Yeah. Coffee
with milk.
1585
01:09:58,762 --> 01:10:01,841
Can I get a mimosa
and a coffee..And a water?
1586
01:10:01,865 --> 01:10:03,677
You'll fill up
on liquids, honey.
1587
01:10:03,701 --> 01:10:04,878
Save room for your meal.
1588
01:10:04,902 --> 01:10:06,313
Leave him alone, Lydia.
1589
01:10:06,337 --> 01:10:07,247
I wasn't criticizing him...
1590
01:10:07,271 --> 01:10:10,741
He's obviously old enough
to please himself.
1591
01:10:11,775 --> 01:10:12,886
Yeah. So, uh...
1592
01:10:12,910 --> 01:10:14,954
What have you guys been up to?
1593
01:10:14,978 --> 01:10:16,523
Well, not much really.
1594
01:10:16,547 --> 01:10:19,193
We got back from
Keenan on Friday.
1595
01:10:19,217 --> 01:10:20,160
And, oh...
1596
01:10:20,184 --> 01:10:22,729
And then I took the girls
from my church group
1597
01:10:22,753 --> 01:10:24,931
to see the phantom of the opera.
1598
01:10:24,955 --> 01:10:26,333
Oh, is that still running?
1599
01:10:26,357 --> 01:10:27,967
It was Friday night.
1600
01:10:27,991 --> 01:10:30,704
Right. Right.
I didn't know.
1601
01:10:30,728 --> 01:10:32,806
75 bucks a shot... it's absurd.
1602
01:10:32,830 --> 01:10:34,874
It's like throwing
money in the trash.
1603
01:10:34,898 --> 01:10:36,610
It's theater, Jim.
1604
01:10:36,634 --> 01:10:37,644
It's trash, Lydia.
1605
01:10:37,668 --> 01:10:41,572
All right. All right.
But how was it up in Keenan?
1606
01:10:44,242 --> 01:10:45,285
What?
What's wrong?
1607
01:10:45,309 --> 01:10:47,221
Now's not the time, honey.
1608
01:10:47,245 --> 01:10:51,749
So there's a right time
to ask about Amy?
1609
01:10:53,251 --> 01:10:54,861
Stupid.
Excuse me.
1610
01:10:54,885 --> 01:10:56,062
You heard me, Lydia.
1611
01:10:56,086 --> 01:10:58,965
You talk to me like that, you'll
see what you get from me.
1612
01:10:58,989 --> 01:11:00,467
Is that a threat, Lydia?
1613
01:11:00,491 --> 01:11:01,701
Dad, could you not...
1614
01:11:01,725 --> 01:11:02,936
Shut up, Tom.
1615
01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:05,463
Oh, that's rich.
1616
01:11:09,032 --> 01:11:10,377
Let's go.
1617
01:11:10,401 --> 01:11:12,246
Come on. Let's go.
1618
01:11:12,270 --> 01:11:14,914
Let go of me.
Don't do that.
1619
01:11:14,938 --> 01:11:17,917
Don't do that.
Get your hands off me.
1620
01:11:17,941 --> 01:11:18,952
I told you...
1621
01:11:18,976 --> 01:11:24,548
You always do this.
You always pull a scene.
1622
01:11:32,923 --> 01:11:34,625
Let's go.
1623
01:11:35,426 --> 01:11:37,804
Tom. Tom,
the valet's that way.
1624
01:11:37,828 --> 01:11:41,932
I'm not ready. If you want
to go, I'll take a cab.
1625
01:11:51,975 --> 01:11:54,345
It's a nice club.
1626
01:11:54,912 --> 01:11:56,390
You think if I were half-Jewish,
1627
01:11:56,414 --> 01:11:59,283
they'd let me
halfway in the pool?
1628
01:12:04,488 --> 01:12:06,757
I'm really sorry.
1629
01:12:08,326 --> 01:12:11,695
You didn't do anything.
1630
01:12:14,332 --> 01:12:16,300
Who's Amy?
1631
01:12:19,937 --> 01:12:21,715
She's my sister.
1632
01:12:21,739 --> 01:12:24,975
What? I didn't know
you had a sister.
1633
01:12:27,845 --> 01:12:29,756
Okay. I have
a sister... Amy.
1634
01:12:29,780 --> 01:12:33,427
She lives up north at a
special needs facility.
1635
01:12:33,451 --> 01:12:34,328
Was she in an accident?
1636
01:12:34,352 --> 01:12:37,497
No. No. F.A.S...
Do you know what that is?
1637
01:12:37,521 --> 01:12:39,633
Fetal alcohol syndrome.
Any other questions?
1638
01:12:39,657 --> 01:12:42,035
Hey, pal, I'm on
your side, remember?
1639
01:12:42,059 --> 01:12:44,771
I don't want anyone
on my side, remember?
1640
01:12:44,795 --> 01:12:47,841
You think just
because we fucked,
1641
01:12:47,865 --> 01:12:48,775
that makes us "we"?
1642
01:12:48,799 --> 01:12:51,945
I didn't ask for this,
for you, so just stop.
1643
01:12:51,969 --> 01:12:54,548
You called me, remember, so
make up your fucking mind!
1644
01:12:54,572 --> 01:12:58,752
How many ways do you need to be
told to leave me the fuck alone?
1645
01:12:58,776 --> 01:13:00,854
You know what, asshole?
1646
01:13:00,878 --> 01:13:02,813
Just one.
1647
01:13:15,626 --> 01:13:17,537
Alls I know...
1648
01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:18,605
All I know
1649
01:13:18,629 --> 01:13:21,675
is if I wasn't loaded
half the time,
1650
01:13:21,699 --> 01:13:23,877
I probably wouldn't
be in this mess.
1651
01:13:23,901 --> 01:13:25,712
Don't you feel like
the older you get,
1652
01:13:25,736 --> 01:13:27,747
the less you really
know about anything?
1653
01:13:27,771 --> 01:13:29,816
Absolutely.
I don't know shit.
1654
01:13:29,840 --> 01:13:33,086
People think just because I
managed to make it to 60
1655
01:13:33,110 --> 01:13:35,088
without getting
a Colombian necklace
1656
01:13:35,112 --> 01:13:37,056
or run over
by a u.P.S. Truck
1657
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:40,727
that I have the answers
to life's questions.
1658
01:13:40,751 --> 01:13:43,463
Great. Great.
So there's no hope.
1659
01:13:43,487 --> 01:13:44,931
Ah, don't do that.
1660
01:13:44,955 --> 01:13:46,666
See, I'm not that deepshak Oprah
1661
01:13:46,690 --> 01:13:48,668
or whatever the hell
he calls himself...
1662
01:13:48,692 --> 01:13:50,870
Who tells you,
you believe in yourself,
1663
01:13:50,894 --> 01:13:52,806
you can do anything.
Pish.
1664
01:13:52,830 --> 01:13:53,640
Alls I know is
1665
01:13:53,664 --> 01:13:56,109
you keep your 2 eyes
on your own paper
1666
01:13:56,133 --> 01:13:58,177
and both hands on the wheel.
1667
01:13:58,201 --> 01:14:01,939
And a multivitamin can't hurt.
1668
01:14:02,506 --> 01:14:04,484
So I guess the lesson
is the same with booze
1669
01:14:04,508 --> 01:14:07,153
As it is with guys:
Wanting it and having it...
1670
01:14:07,177 --> 01:14:09,880
Totally not the same thing.
1671
01:14:10,448 --> 01:14:13,116
I'll be right back... bathroom.
1672
01:14:24,094 --> 01:14:25,071
Hey.
1673
01:14:25,095 --> 01:14:28,207
Sometimes I think
you can want it
1674
01:14:28,231 --> 01:14:30,534
and have it.
1675
01:14:31,469 --> 01:14:34,848
Isn't that what happens now?
1676
01:14:34,872 --> 01:14:36,550
Now?
1677
01:14:36,574 --> 01:14:37,784
Oh, what do you mean...
1678
01:14:37,808 --> 01:14:39,653
About Eli being at the wedding?
1679
01:14:39,677 --> 01:14:42,112
No, that's not what I meant.
1680
01:14:43,681 --> 01:14:45,224
Oh, wait, wait...
1681
01:14:45,248 --> 01:14:46,926
No, no, you wait a minute.
1682
01:14:46,950 --> 01:14:48,194
You made me wait too long.
1683
01:14:48,218 --> 01:14:50,063
You think too much, buddy.
1684
01:14:50,087 --> 01:14:51,698
Told you... negative.
1685
01:14:51,722 --> 01:14:53,132
Great.
1686
01:14:53,156 --> 01:14:56,503
So I guess that's it.
1687
01:14:56,527 --> 01:14:57,471
It's nice meeting you.
1688
01:14:57,495 --> 01:14:59,739
Oh, you're going to be
seeing a lot more of me.
1689
01:14:59,763 --> 01:15:02,476
You'll see. You know,
now that I'm off relationships
1690
01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:04,478
and just doing one-night stands.
1691
01:15:04,502 --> 01:15:05,912
Yeah. Sure.
1692
01:15:05,936 --> 01:15:07,246
Take a condom.
1693
01:15:07,270 --> 01:15:09,215
Used to put candy in this.
1694
01:15:09,239 --> 01:15:12,218
Anyway, I'm sorry
I talked your ear off.
1695
01:15:12,242 --> 01:15:17,123
Please. It's better than a
fucking movie, sweetheart.
1696
01:15:17,147 --> 01:15:19,993
Oh, don't you need
a parking validation?
1697
01:15:20,017 --> 01:15:22,128
Oh, god, right.
Thank you.
1698
01:15:22,152 --> 01:15:23,162
Thanks.
1699
01:15:24,254 --> 01:15:25,732
Oh, wait a second, hon.
1700
01:15:25,756 --> 01:15:28,134
Feedback clinic, this is Esther.
1701
01:15:28,158 --> 01:15:30,570
Oh, hi, honey.
1702
01:15:30,594 --> 01:15:32,906
How you doing?
1703
01:15:32,930 --> 01:15:33,573
What?
1704
01:15:33,597 --> 01:15:35,942
No, what?
Go ahead, ask me.
1705
01:15:35,966 --> 01:15:40,279
Well, I'm not a mind reader.
1706
01:15:40,303 --> 01:15:42,015
You ever seen me on the fucking
1707
01:15:42,039 --> 01:15:43,983
psychic friends network channel?
1708
01:15:44,007 --> 01:15:45,819
So what... all right...
1709
01:15:45,843 --> 01:15:48,788
Would you just
shut up for a minute?
1710
01:15:48,812 --> 01:15:51,815
Okay, so don't tell me.
1711
01:15:52,850 --> 01:15:55,762
Trust me, Esther,
one-night stands.
1712
01:15:55,786 --> 01:15:59,198
It's all black-and-white
for you, isn't it?
1713
01:15:59,222 --> 01:16:00,166
What?
1714
01:16:00,190 --> 01:16:02,769
I have been married to that putz
1715
01:16:02,793 --> 01:16:04,203
for 42 years.
1716
01:16:04,227 --> 01:16:07,173
The strongest, healthiest man
1717
01:16:07,197 --> 01:16:08,174
all his life.
1718
01:16:08,198 --> 01:16:11,678
And all of a sudden
he gets sick...
1719
01:16:11,702 --> 01:16:13,980
Lung cancer.
1720
01:16:14,004 --> 01:16:18,084
He never smoked
a day in his life.
1721
01:16:18,108 --> 01:16:20,854
Pretty fucking ironic, isn't it?
1722
01:16:20,878 --> 01:16:23,256
He's even got someone
taking care of him
1723
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:27,117
in the afternoon...
Just like a little boy.
1724
01:16:28,051 --> 01:16:29,729
But he's dying.
1725
01:16:29,753 --> 01:16:32,198
And if I stop Hawking him
1726
01:16:32,222 --> 01:16:34,000
and giving him shit,
1727
01:16:34,024 --> 01:16:35,902
and calling him an asshole,
1728
01:16:35,926 --> 01:16:38,071
he'll know he's dying.
1729
01:16:38,095 --> 01:16:40,263
So I don't stop.
1730
01:16:41,098 --> 01:16:42,742
Plus, he is an asshole,
1731
01:16:42,766 --> 01:16:45,268
so that's a bonus.
1732
01:16:47,170 --> 01:16:49,649
So I've got my
grandmother's ring.
1733
01:16:49,673 --> 01:16:50,984
That's old and borrowed.
1734
01:16:51,008 --> 01:16:53,052
And Rachel got me
that blue thong.
1735
01:16:53,076 --> 01:16:53,953
Ooh, hoochie floss.
1736
01:16:53,977 --> 01:16:56,355
You got something else
that's new and blue?
1737
01:16:56,379 --> 01:16:58,291
Oh, actually, yeah, I do.
1738
01:16:58,315 --> 01:17:02,596
Holy shit, Tom!
What happened?
1739
01:17:02,620 --> 01:17:04,297
Bad date.
1740
01:17:04,321 --> 01:17:05,364
What did you do,
1741
01:17:05,388 --> 01:17:07,734
pick him up on the street?
1742
01:17:07,758 --> 01:17:08,702
Worse. AA.
1743
01:17:08,726 --> 01:17:11,204
Apparently, he uses sex
to work through anger,
1744
01:17:11,228 --> 01:17:14,974
which is fine when you're
not quite that angry.
1745
01:17:14,998 --> 01:17:17,777
What am I going to do with you?
1746
01:17:17,801 --> 01:17:20,346
I smell a lecture.
1747
01:17:20,370 --> 01:17:21,314
Fuck you, Tom.
1748
01:17:21,338 --> 01:17:24,050
Okay, you blow off a great guy...
1749
01:17:24,074 --> 01:17:25,184
Who by the way doesn't hit...
1750
01:17:25,208 --> 01:17:27,854
Because he made the tragic
mistake of falling for you.
1751
01:17:27,878 --> 01:17:30,757
And instead you're doing
like and Tina Turner
1752
01:17:30,781 --> 01:17:31,858
with some asshole from AA.
1753
01:17:31,882 --> 01:17:34,694
Well, you know, at least
he's not at Williams-Sonoma
1754
01:17:34,718 --> 01:17:38,221
registering for
a commitment ceremony.
1755
01:17:39,389 --> 01:17:40,133
You're right.
1756
01:17:40,157 --> 01:17:42,836
You're right.
Eli is such a loser.
1757
01:17:42,860 --> 01:17:45,095
I'm going home.
1758
01:18:00,343 --> 01:18:03,046
Holy shit.
1759
01:18:04,014 --> 01:18:05,358
What's the matter?
1760
01:18:05,382 --> 01:18:07,393
What? Nothing.
1761
01:18:07,417 --> 01:18:09,395
Bullshit. Why aren't
you getting dressed?
1762
01:18:09,419 --> 01:18:12,431
I'm nervous about
seeing Tom at the wedding.
1763
01:18:12,455 --> 01:18:13,299
That's all.
1764
01:18:13,323 --> 01:18:15,669
See, only you could
turn my wedding day
1765
01:18:15,693 --> 01:18:18,137
into the Eli Wyckoff show.
You know that?
1766
01:18:18,161 --> 01:18:19,839
I'm sorry, okay?
Believe me,
1767
01:18:19,863 --> 01:18:22,075
nobody can hate me
as much as I do.
1768
01:18:22,099 --> 01:18:22,976
Oh, my god. You know,
1769
01:18:23,000 --> 01:18:25,344
you have to change
the fucking record, man.
1770
01:18:25,368 --> 01:18:26,646
You have to stop!
1771
01:18:26,670 --> 01:18:30,316
You cannot make this be the be-all,
end-all of your entire life!
1772
01:18:30,340 --> 01:18:31,617
I'm not.
1773
01:18:31,641 --> 01:18:33,687
Yeah, that's exactly what you're doing.
Let me tell you something.
1774
01:18:33,711 --> 01:18:35,722
Love, right? It's going to come
up, and it's just going to
1775
01:18:35,746 --> 01:18:39,292
whack you on the back of the head
before you even know what hit you.
1776
01:18:39,316 --> 01:18:40,159
I don't believe that.
1777
01:18:40,183 --> 01:18:41,995
This is what happened
to me and Jackie.
1778
01:18:42,019 --> 01:18:42,896
You and Jackie were lucky.
1779
01:18:42,920 --> 01:18:45,064
You know, you're so...
You're unbelievable.
1780
01:18:45,088 --> 01:18:46,866
I was miserable
before I met her,
1781
01:18:46,890 --> 01:18:48,234
and it just happens, you know?
1782
01:18:48,258 --> 01:18:50,103
I mean, you're
a fucking amazing guy.
1783
01:18:50,127 --> 01:18:51,705
You don't have to
do this. Don't do...
1784
01:18:51,729 --> 01:18:54,473
Please shut up. You're
a great guy, you know.
1785
01:18:54,497 --> 01:18:55,441
I mean, if I were into guys,
1786
01:18:55,465 --> 01:18:58,011
we'd be in China right now
picking out a baby.
1787
01:18:58,035 --> 01:18:59,212
Thank god I'm not, but...
1788
01:18:59,236 --> 01:19:01,280
I'm kidding.
You know I love the gays.
1789
01:19:01,304 --> 01:19:02,982
And we appreciate it.
1790
01:19:03,006 --> 01:19:05,018
Guys.
1791
01:19:05,042 --> 01:19:05,685
Uh, Mitch.
1792
01:19:05,709 --> 01:19:07,286
I don't know if it's just me,
1793
01:19:07,310 --> 01:19:08,722
but I'm loving this tux.
1794
01:19:08,746 --> 01:19:09,989
You like the tux?
1795
01:19:10,013 --> 01:19:11,124
Loving it.
1796
01:19:11,148 --> 01:19:15,052
Mitch, remember how we discussed
the Ritalin situation?
1797
01:19:19,456 --> 01:19:22,468
Just please put on your pants.
1798
01:19:22,492 --> 01:19:24,370
Or get a tan.
1799
01:19:24,394 --> 01:19:25,939
Get doubles.
I want all of these.
1800
01:19:25,963 --> 01:19:27,373
Oh, yeah. When my
sister got married,
1801
01:19:27,397 --> 01:19:30,409
the best pictures were,
like, from the Instamatics.
1802
01:19:30,433 --> 01:19:32,411
Your sister got married?
1803
01:19:32,435 --> 01:19:33,146
Yes.
1804
01:19:33,170 --> 01:19:36,315
Jesus. Fuck.
What is my problem?
1805
01:19:36,339 --> 01:19:38,384
I'm like man poison...
1806
01:19:38,408 --> 01:19:40,854
Fucking penis raid.
1807
01:19:40,878 --> 01:19:42,221
Whatever.
1808
01:19:42,245 --> 01:19:43,256
Okay, girls...
1809
01:19:43,280 --> 01:19:44,758
How do I look?
1810
01:19:44,782 --> 01:19:46,259
Oh, my god.
1811
01:19:46,283 --> 01:19:48,962
You look like a movie star.
1812
01:19:48,986 --> 01:19:51,430
Really?
Yes.
1813
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:52,165
Seriously.
1814
01:19:52,189 --> 01:19:53,166
Oh, Christ.
In a million years,
1815
01:19:53,190 --> 01:19:55,501
I never thought I'd be
wearing white this soon.
1816
01:19:55,525 --> 01:19:57,904
Yeah, well, you shouldn't
be, unless you want me
1817
01:19:57,928 --> 01:20:00,506
to call the pope and tell
him it happened again.
1818
01:20:00,530 --> 01:20:01,808
Hey, I would have
worn the cream one,
1819
01:20:01,832 --> 01:20:06,112
except for it made me look like
a Jenny Craig "before" picture.
1820
01:20:06,136 --> 01:20:08,214
Are you crazy?
1821
01:20:08,238 --> 01:20:10,216
Where's Tom?
1822
01:20:10,240 --> 01:20:11,050
He's out on the patio.
1823
01:20:11,074 --> 01:20:12,185
I mean, he is a man, after all.
What?
1824
01:20:12,209 --> 01:20:16,222
Repellent, remember? Gay or
straight... doesn't matter.
1825
01:20:16,246 --> 01:20:18,357
Hey, put that out.
1826
01:20:18,381 --> 01:20:20,093
You're killing my unborn child.
1827
01:20:20,117 --> 01:20:22,361
I was aiming a little higher.
1828
01:20:22,385 --> 01:20:23,029
Oh, nice.
1829
01:20:23,053 --> 01:20:26,032
What are you doing out here?
1830
01:20:29,559 --> 01:20:33,572
Oh, my god!
Eli was stalking you?
1831
01:20:33,596 --> 01:20:36,342
That is so romantic.
1832
01:20:36,366 --> 01:20:38,044
Well, not to me.
1833
01:20:38,068 --> 01:20:40,046
Oh. Oh, that's right,
that's right,
1834
01:20:40,070 --> 01:20:41,981
but if he tried to kill you,
1835
01:20:42,005 --> 01:20:44,550
then you'd be picking
out China patterns.
1836
01:20:44,574 --> 01:20:47,420
Hey, you all right?
1837
01:20:47,444 --> 01:20:49,388
Yeah. Yeah.
1838
01:20:49,412 --> 01:20:50,824
Just... you're
getting married.
1839
01:20:50,848 --> 01:20:53,326
I'm having abandonment issues.
1840
01:20:53,350 --> 01:20:55,428
I'm just extending
the family, babe.
1841
01:20:55,452 --> 01:20:56,930
Jackie, let's go!
1842
01:20:56,954 --> 01:20:59,165
We'll be right there!
1843
01:20:59,189 --> 01:21:00,824
Oh...
1844
01:21:04,895 --> 01:21:08,407
Tom, I owe you an apology.
1845
01:21:08,431 --> 01:21:09,342
For what?
1846
01:21:09,366 --> 01:21:12,545
The way I've been
pressuring you about Eli.
1847
01:21:12,569 --> 01:21:13,612
I realize I've just been trying
1848
01:21:13,636 --> 01:21:16,482
to make you like everybody
else, and you're not...
1849
01:21:16,506 --> 01:21:20,586
And that's one of the
things I love about you.
1850
01:21:20,610 --> 01:21:23,522
You're the only guy I know
who will probably never find
1851
01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:27,593
that one person to settle down
with, and still be very happy.
1852
01:21:27,617 --> 01:21:29,996
I envy that.
1853
01:21:30,020 --> 01:21:32,598
Jackie, get your ass in here,
1854
01:21:32,622 --> 01:21:34,868
or I'm wearing the veil.
1855
01:21:36,326 --> 01:21:38,504
We're coming!
1856
01:21:38,528 --> 01:21:40,907
But look at me. Shit!
1857
01:21:40,931 --> 01:21:44,343
I'm, like, one step away
from den mother, p.T.A.,
1858
01:21:44,367 --> 01:21:46,412
and, "hi, honey,
I'm home!"
1859
01:21:46,436 --> 01:21:48,514
How the fuck did that happen?
1860
01:21:48,538 --> 01:21:50,483
I guess you fell in love.
1861
01:21:50,507 --> 01:21:52,986
What? Oh, no, no, no.
I just got lipstick
1862
01:21:53,010 --> 01:21:55,421
all over every single
one of my teeth.
1863
01:21:55,445 --> 01:21:58,882
How did I do that? Hmm.
1864
01:21:59,983 --> 01:22:04,663
All right.
Well, it's show time.
1865
01:22:04,687 --> 01:22:08,591
You may exchange the rings.
1866
01:22:09,026 --> 01:22:12,429
Wow.
It's a nice one.
1867
01:22:17,334 --> 01:22:19,012
Congratulations!
1868
01:22:19,036 --> 01:22:21,547
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1869
01:22:21,571 --> 01:22:23,082
You may kiss the bride.
1870
01:22:24,707 --> 01:22:25,985
Mazel tov!
1871
01:22:57,207 --> 01:22:59,076
Eli.
1872
01:23:01,678 --> 01:23:02,655
Eli.
1873
01:23:02,679 --> 01:23:04,023
Yeah?
1874
01:23:04,047 --> 01:23:06,592
How... how long are
we going to have
1875
01:23:06,616 --> 01:23:09,328
to keep ignoring each other?
1876
01:23:09,352 --> 01:23:10,997
What?
1877
01:23:11,021 --> 01:23:12,498
I'm not ignoring you.
1878
01:23:12,522 --> 01:23:13,666
Are you ignoring me?
1879
01:23:13,690 --> 01:23:17,436
Come on, Eli. You haven't
returned one of my phone calls,
1880
01:23:17,460 --> 01:23:21,240
and you've said maybe 3
words to me the entire day,
1881
01:23:21,264 --> 01:23:23,209
two of which were
"seafood newburg."
1882
01:23:23,233 --> 01:23:26,612
Which I have to say
was repulsive.
1883
01:23:28,271 --> 01:23:30,449
Can I get some more
champagne? Champagne?
1884
01:23:30,473 --> 01:23:31,985
Um, no.
Can I get a...
1885
01:23:32,009 --> 01:23:33,119
Oh, that's right.
I'm sorry.
1886
01:23:33,143 --> 01:23:35,354
Absolut Martini, straight up, two olives.
Make it dirty.
1887
01:23:35,378 --> 01:23:39,016
No, no. Actually, seltzer
with lime, please.
1888
01:23:39,582 --> 01:23:44,554
What? So now you're...
Not drinking?
1889
01:23:47,524 --> 01:23:51,070
Wow. Good for you.
1890
01:23:51,094 --> 01:23:53,372
Thanks.
1891
01:23:53,396 --> 01:23:54,573
I sort of had to.
1892
01:23:54,597 --> 01:23:57,500
I was slipping in the polls.
1893
01:23:57,800 --> 01:23:58,777
Yeah, well...
1894
01:23:58,801 --> 01:24:03,140
I, on the other hand,
need some more champagne.
1895
01:24:23,726 --> 01:24:25,204
Look, Eli, I'm sorry I didn't...
1896
01:24:25,228 --> 01:24:28,141
You know what?
Let's not do any of that...
1897
01:24:28,165 --> 01:24:32,302
"I'm sorry it didn't work
out" postmortem stuff, okay?
1898
01:24:33,070 --> 01:24:34,347
Okay.
1899
01:24:34,371 --> 01:24:38,784
Besides, it will free up some
time to make fun of people...
1900
01:24:38,808 --> 01:24:42,421
Like Mitch, man of mystery,
teaching the rabbi the macarena.
1901
01:24:42,445 --> 01:24:44,457
What is this, 1987?
1902
01:24:44,481 --> 01:24:45,524
Did you see Brett's mom?
1903
01:24:45,548 --> 01:24:48,427
I've never seen a woman
with more hair on her back.
1904
01:24:48,451 --> 01:24:51,197
I know. I keep waiting
for the Anti-fur activists
1905
01:24:51,221 --> 01:24:54,267
to storm in here
and throw paint on her.
1906
01:24:54,291 --> 01:24:55,401
Poor Brett and Jackie.
1907
01:24:55,425 --> 01:24:58,137
They have no idea what they've
gotten themselves into,
1908
01:24:58,161 --> 01:24:59,272
but they will... Mark my words.
1909
01:24:59,296 --> 01:25:02,275
See, first, they'll only
hang out with other couples,
1910
01:25:02,299 --> 01:25:04,677
and then they'll start
doing the "we" thing.
1911
01:25:04,701 --> 01:25:07,746
"Oh, we love this,
and we hate that."
1912
01:25:07,770 --> 01:25:09,282
And ordering for each other,
1913
01:25:09,306 --> 01:25:11,217
because "that's what
we always have."
1914
01:25:11,241 --> 01:25:13,619
Before you know it,
she'll be shopping
1915
01:25:13,643 --> 01:25:15,154
for lingerie at bloomingdale's,
1916
01:25:15,178 --> 01:25:16,489
and Brett, the poor loser,
1917
01:25:16,513 --> 01:25:18,391
will be outside
the dressing room
1918
01:25:18,415 --> 01:25:21,760
with her pocketbook in his lap.
1919
01:25:21,784 --> 01:25:23,229
Oh, my god.
1920
01:25:23,253 --> 01:25:26,232
You are so full of shit,
you know that?
1921
01:25:26,256 --> 01:25:29,368
You got this bullshit
"I don't need anyone" thing,
1922
01:25:29,392 --> 01:25:31,437
and you use that, thinking
it's going to shield you
1923
01:25:31,461 --> 01:25:35,208
from the fact that your parents
were drunks, had a lousy marriage,
1924
01:25:35,232 --> 01:25:36,842
and fucked up everyone
in their lives.
1925
01:25:36,866 --> 01:25:39,412
But it's your life now,
not theirs.
1926
01:25:39,436 --> 01:25:41,480
And what do you have
to show for it?
1927
01:25:41,504 --> 01:25:44,450
You're just another self-hating
recovering alcoholic
1928
01:25:44,474 --> 01:25:49,812
with nothing to live for
but a Martini and a blow job.
1929
01:25:54,251 --> 01:25:56,862
Eli. Eli!
1930
01:25:56,886 --> 01:25:57,830
Hey!
1931
01:25:59,856 --> 01:26:02,368
Don't you dare sum me up!
1932
01:26:02,392 --> 01:26:04,770
You don't know
the first thing about me.
1933
01:26:04,794 --> 01:26:07,506
And that would be whose fault?
Oh, god.
1934
01:26:07,530 --> 01:26:08,941
God. You know what?
1935
01:26:08,965 --> 01:26:12,245
It's so easy for you, Mr. Love
is a many-splendored thing.
1936
01:26:12,269 --> 01:26:15,148
But you know what?
I've seen it. I've seen it.
1937
01:26:15,172 --> 01:26:18,251
My parents loved one another
"till death do us part,"
1938
01:26:18,275 --> 01:26:20,453
and believe me,
it practically came to that.
1939
01:26:20,477 --> 01:26:23,289
I mean, have you...
Have you ever heard
1940
01:26:23,313 --> 01:26:27,526
the sound of two people
suffocating one another?
1941
01:26:27,550 --> 01:26:28,594
Have you?
1942
01:26:28,618 --> 01:26:31,397
Or the sound of ice cubes
smashing against the wall,
1943
01:26:31,421 --> 01:26:34,333
or a pot roast being
shoved down the disposal?
1944
01:26:34,357 --> 01:26:38,404
No. How could you possibly,
with your touchy-feely,
1945
01:26:38,428 --> 01:26:41,464
"I'm okay, you're okay" parents?
1946
01:26:41,731 --> 01:26:45,344
I'm sorry I'm bursting
your little bubble,
1947
01:26:45,368 --> 01:26:47,913
but there are
a million guys out there
1948
01:26:47,937 --> 01:26:50,349
who can give you what you want.
1949
01:26:50,373 --> 01:26:54,520
I'm just not one of them.
1950
01:26:54,544 --> 01:26:56,589
I'm sorry.
1951
01:26:56,613 --> 01:27:00,317
You do the math.
1952
01:27:00,950 --> 01:27:02,728
You know what?
1953
01:27:02,752 --> 01:27:07,724
Fuck you if that's the wrong
use of that expression.
1954
01:27:19,469 --> 01:27:24,450
<i>? If I could bring you back ?</i>
1955
01:27:24,474 --> 01:27:28,354
<i>? That'd be the sweetest thing ?</i>
1956
01:27:28,378 --> 01:27:33,292
<i>? If I could bring you back</i>
1957
01:27:33,316 --> 01:27:36,829
<i>? I would do anything</i>
1958
01:27:36,853 --> 01:27:43,302
<i>? if I could bring you back ?</i>
1959
01:27:43,326 --> 01:27:47,397
<i>? To me</i>
1960
01:28:12,455 --> 01:28:16,293
I just wanted to say
before I go...
1961
01:28:16,959 --> 01:28:18,995
I'm sorry.
1962
01:28:20,930 --> 01:28:23,609
I don't want you
to leave here today
1963
01:28:23,633 --> 01:28:27,446
thinking that
you can't do this...
1964
01:28:27,470 --> 01:28:29,406
Being a...
1965
01:28:31,741 --> 01:28:34,377
Because you can.
1966
01:28:34,744 --> 01:28:38,315
Tom, you are going
to meet someone...
1967
01:28:38,615 --> 01:28:43,529
And you are going
to be so great at this.
1968
01:28:43,553 --> 01:28:45,664
And it's not going to be
like your parents,
1969
01:28:45,688 --> 01:28:51,561
and... and it's not going
to be like it was with me.
1970
01:28:55,632 --> 01:28:57,900
Anyway, um...
1971
01:29:01,070 --> 01:29:03,316
I'll see you around.
1972
01:29:03,340 --> 01:29:04,941
Eli.
1973
01:29:06,409 --> 01:29:08,086
What?
1974
01:29:08,110 --> 01:29:11,881
What exactly do you want?
1975
01:29:13,950 --> 01:29:15,761
What... what do I?
1976
01:29:15,785 --> 01:29:16,895
Yeah.
1977
01:29:16,919 --> 01:29:19,822
Yeah, you.
1978
01:29:21,524 --> 01:29:27,330
I wanted... This to stop
being so fucking hard.
1979
01:29:30,367 --> 01:29:33,002
I want to meet your sister.
1980
01:29:35,838 --> 01:29:38,617
I want to be over
this part, you know,
1981
01:29:38,641 --> 01:29:41,520
so that I can
call you an asshole,
1982
01:29:41,544 --> 01:29:43,922
even when you're sick, and...
1983
01:29:43,946 --> 01:29:47,092
You'd still know
how much I love you.
1984
01:29:47,116 --> 01:29:47,926
Eli...
1985
01:29:47,950 --> 01:29:49,928
I don't know what
you call that, Tom...
1986
01:29:49,952 --> 01:29:53,366
Pocketbook-holding,
suffocating, maybe...
1987
01:29:53,390 --> 01:29:57,570
But if I could ever have
anything even close to that...
1988
01:29:57,594 --> 01:29:59,529
Eli.
1989
01:30:25,455 --> 01:30:27,624
So I'm gonna go, okay?
1990
01:30:28,691 --> 01:30:31,036
Valet's got my car.
1991
01:30:31,060 --> 01:30:32,471
Got to...
1992
01:30:32,495 --> 01:30:36,108
Hey! There you are.
Oh, Eli! Hey.
1993
01:30:36,132 --> 01:30:36,709
Hey.
1994
01:30:36,733 --> 01:30:38,010
Uh, should I...
Or is...
1995
01:30:38,034 --> 01:30:39,077
Is everything okay?
1996
01:30:39,101 --> 01:30:41,614
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's up with the braid?
1997
01:30:41,638 --> 01:30:44,417
Oh, uh, Brett did it.
It's a long story.
1998
01:30:44,441 --> 01:30:46,685
Okay, I need to take
a personal moment.
1999
01:30:46,709 --> 01:30:48,186
What's the matter?
You're not having fun?
2000
01:30:48,210 --> 01:30:50,155
Oh, I was till
about 5 minutes ago.
2001
01:30:50,179 --> 01:30:51,123
What happened?
2002
01:30:51,147 --> 01:30:53,492
I put my left foot in,
I put my left foot out,
2003
01:30:53,516 --> 01:30:56,762
I put my left foot in,
and then I threw up.
2004
01:30:57,887 --> 01:30:59,031
The baby?
2005
01:30:59,055 --> 01:31:01,600
Uh, no. Brett's cousin Al
bumped his pokey into my hokey,
2006
01:31:01,624 --> 01:31:02,735
and I borched, all right?
2007
01:31:02,759 --> 01:31:05,771
I think Brett is the only
normal person in that family.
2008
01:31:05,795 --> 01:31:06,639
Yeah.
2009
01:31:06,663 --> 01:31:08,474
Okay, can we talk about
his brother Mitch?
2010
01:31:08,498 --> 01:31:09,575
Hello? Freaky Mcfreak!
2011
01:31:09,599 --> 01:31:11,143
I know. The guy wants to
get into Cirque Du Soleil.
2012
01:31:11,167 --> 01:31:14,079
I swear to you, he says he
can swallow his own leg.
2013
01:31:14,103 --> 01:31:16,782
Well... yo, what's up?
2014
01:31:16,806 --> 01:31:18,116
How are you doin'?
2015
01:31:18,140 --> 01:31:19,217
What am I missing?
2016
01:31:19,241 --> 01:31:22,788
Oh, just a family resemblance,
and I love you for it.
2017
01:31:22,812 --> 01:31:24,089
Okay. I don't know
what that means.
2018
01:31:24,113 --> 01:31:27,860
Uh, I'm really smashed. I think
I just made out with the rabbi.
2019
01:31:27,884 --> 01:31:28,861
Is that...?
2020
01:31:28,885 --> 01:31:29,762
He I hot.
2021
01:31:29,786 --> 01:31:30,729
Is there gonna be dancing?
2022
01:31:30,753 --> 01:31:31,864
Are we gonna dance?
2023
01:31:31,888 --> 01:31:32,665
'Cause I promised the family
2024
01:31:32,689 --> 01:31:35,468
some hot man-on-man
action tonight.
2025
01:31:35,492 --> 01:31:36,635
You and me?
2026
01:31:36,659 --> 01:31:37,169
No.
2027
01:31:37,193 --> 01:31:38,771
I think he means me.
2028
01:31:38,795 --> 01:31:40,205
Come on, guys.
Let's go.
2029
01:31:40,229 --> 01:31:43,008
It's gonna be fun.
Come on, sweetheart.
2030
01:31:43,032 --> 01:31:45,478
Oh, look at that ass!
2031
01:31:45,502 --> 01:31:46,411
A little something like that,
2032
01:31:46,435 --> 01:31:48,847
or if you want,
we could do eighties style.
2033
01:31:48,871 --> 01:31:50,716
No? Come on.
Stuff like that,
2034
01:31:50,740 --> 01:31:52,818
and then maybe a little unh!
2035
01:31:52,842 --> 01:31:54,653
You know what I'm saying?
2036
01:31:54,677 --> 01:31:55,387
Ow. Ow.
2037
01:31:55,411 --> 01:31:56,354
You're stepping on my foot.
2038
01:31:56,378 --> 01:31:58,724
How hot does this
broad look tonight?
2039
01:31:58,748 --> 01:32:00,793
So I meant to tell you,
2040
01:32:00,817 --> 01:32:02,861
I finally saw
gone with the wind.
2041
01:32:02,885 --> 01:32:04,162
And?
2042
01:32:04,186 --> 01:32:06,565
And... and I loved it.
2043
01:32:06,589 --> 01:32:07,466
Oh, thank god.
2044
01:32:07,490 --> 01:32:09,635
See, I think Scarlett
realizes in the end
2045
01:32:09,659 --> 01:32:11,804
that it was just fear
holding her back
2046
01:32:11,828 --> 01:32:13,739
from the guy
that she wanted to...
2047
01:32:13,763 --> 01:32:17,042
You know, hold her pocketbook.
2048
01:32:17,066 --> 01:32:18,243
Yeah.
2049
01:32:18,267 --> 01:32:20,813
And the thing
about Rhett Butler...
2050
01:32:20,837 --> 01:32:21,780
Yeah?
2051
01:32:21,804 --> 01:32:24,082
He wasn't
very fuzzy... Was he?
2052
01:32:24,106 --> 01:32:27,920
<i>? I'm gonna make you love me ?</i>
2053
01:32:27,944 --> 01:32:31,890
<i>? I'm gonna dry your tears</i>
2054
01:32:31,914 --> 01:32:34,827
<i>? and we're
gonna stay together ?</i>
2055
01:32:34,851 --> 01:32:38,721
<i>? For a million years</i>
2056
01:32:44,961 --> 01:32:48,941
<i>? it's the least I can do</i>
2057
01:32:48,965 --> 01:32:52,911
<i>? just to make you my baby</i>
2058
01:32:52,935 --> 01:32:56,982
<i>? no words could describe</i>
2059
01:32:57,006 --> 01:33:00,986
<i>? oh, pinch me, I'm dreamin'</i>
2060
01:33:01,010 --> 01:33:04,890
<i>? your hair's long and black</i>
2061
01:33:04,914 --> 01:33:08,861
<i>? as it lays 'cross my pillow</i>
2062
01:33:08,885 --> 01:33:12,765
<i>? when I stare in your eyes</i>
2063
01:33:12,789 --> 01:33:16,234
<i>? I get lost in your glory</i>
2064
01:33:16,258 --> 01:33:20,038
<i>? I'll never leave</i>
2065
01:33:20,062 --> 01:33:22,240
<i>? oh, you want me to</i>
2066
01:33:22,264 --> 01:33:25,868
<i>? but that's all right</i>
2067
01:33:26,969 --> 01:33:31,016
<i>? I'm gonna make you love me</i>
2068
01:33:31,040 --> 01:33:33,652
<i>? I'm gonna dry your tears ?</i>
2069
01:33:33,676 --> 01:33:35,020
<i>? Dry all the tears</i>
2070
01:33:35,044 --> 01:33:38,023
<i>? and we're
gonna stay together ?</i>
2071
01:33:38,047 --> 01:33:39,057
<i>? For a million</i>
2072
01:33:39,081 --> 01:33:43,028
<i>? I'm gonna make you love me</i>
2073
01:33:43,052 --> 01:33:45,698
<i>? I'm gonna dry your tears ?</i>
2074
01:33:45,722 --> 01:33:46,899
<i>? Dry all the tears</i>
2075
01:33:46,923 --> 01:33:49,768
<i>? and we're
gonna stay together ?</i>
2076
01:33:49,792 --> 01:33:53,062
<i>? For a million years</i>
2077
01:34:09,411 --> 01:34:13,892
<i>? If the silence
doesn't kill you ?</i>
2078
01:34:13,916 --> 01:34:17,754
<i>? Then illusion will</i>
2079
01:34:20,189 --> 01:34:23,201
<i>? and you're starin'
at the sky ?</i>
2080
01:34:23,225 --> 01:34:29,065
<i>? But the moon ain't
gonna pay our bills ?</i>
2081
01:34:30,933 --> 01:34:34,079
<i>? And we're laughin'
'bout it loud ?</i>
2082
01:34:34,103 --> 01:34:39,275
<i>? When, oh, you know
it ain't no joke ?</i>
2083
01:34:41,110 --> 01:34:45,758
<i>? You seem them
cake the roads with glitter ?</i>
2084
01:34:45,782 --> 01:34:50,052
<i>? Trade your dreams for smoke</i>
2085
01:34:53,022 --> 01:34:56,001
<i>? teardrops in the treetops</i>
2086
01:34:56,025 --> 01:35:01,731
<i>? the wind is whistlin'
through the mountain's teeth ?</i>
2087
01:35:03,232 --> 01:35:11,640
<i>? A song for
every wounded dove ?</i>
2088
01:35:15,477 --> 01:35:19,324
<i>? But we're out further</i>
2089
01:35:19,348 --> 01:35:24,086
<i>? than the rainbow's edge</i>
2090
01:35:24,721 --> 01:35:29,034
<i>? going down,
down to the roots ?</i>
2091
01:35:29,058 --> 01:35:32,070
<i>? Of love</i>
2092
01:35:32,094 --> 01:35:34,472
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