1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:02,657
Man imitating James Brown:
Ummmm-ah!
2
00:00:02,702 --> 00:00:04,397
I say ummmm-ahh!
3
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,928
Good afternoon, Pussycats!
4
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:09,874
I say good afternoon, Pussycats!
5
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:12,434
I am here to introduce... Ha ha...
6
00:00:12,479 --> 00:00:15,141
...my best friend
and your captain...
7
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,911
Jonny Awesome!
8
00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:19,885
Thank you, Matt.
9
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,522
What the fuck is up,
American High School?
10
00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:27,526
Yes!
11
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:34,323
#Ain't this the last time #
12
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,165
#I can feel like you #
13
00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:41,165
#Well, you go from
town to town #
14
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,437
#And everybody knows
who you are... #
15
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:45,740
Boy:
Yes! Whoo! Awesome.
16
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,748
#Mmm, how do you do? #
17
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,840
#How do you do? #
18
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,908
All right, guys. Ahem.
19
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:55,717
Unfortunately, we have to
put a pause to the fun for a moment...
20
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:59,919
...and bring up... You know her
as the boring and the bland...
21
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,551
...and the ordinary...
22
00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:04,893
...and incredibly
unhook-up-able-with... Al...
23
00:01:04,931 --> 00:01:06,796
- Er...
- Unhookupable?
24
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:09,233
Yeah, she's... Okay,
let's bring up Gwen Adams.
25
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,964
Get up here!
26
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,495
Man, is she ordinary?
27
00:01:13,540 --> 00:01:15,508
Soaky Gwen.
28
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,976
I'm just kidding.
Get up here.
29
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:20,741
She's a good fuck too, by the way.
Ha ha!
30
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,372
There you go.
31
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,575
Thank you.
32
00:01:23,616 --> 00:01:25,743
I would...
33
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,412
- This must be really difficult for you.
- ...Like...
34
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:30,321
- Wow. You're definitely...
- Boy: You suck!
35
00:01:30,356 --> 00:01:31,584
...unpopular.
36
00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:33,751
Boy:
He's a dick!
37
00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:37,593
I mean, if this was MySpace,
Tom wouldn't even be your friend.
38
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,793
Boy #2:
Fucking whore and slut!
39
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,462
Oh yes, sir!
40
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:47,098
Ha ha ha ha!
Awesome. Whoo!
41
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,641
That's me,
and it's pretty safe to say...
42
00:01:51,678 --> 00:01:53,908
...that I am incredibly unpopular.
43
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,437
But it's not my fault, though.
44
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:57,643
There are plenty of
contributing loser factors.
45
00:01:58,651 --> 00:02:02,348
For starters, instead of having a cool
dad who lets my girlfriends sleep over...
46
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,686
...my dad just tries to sleep with them.
47
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,158
He used to be an actor.
He made a ton of money...
48
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:09,627
...on the hit '80s TV show,
"Coast Watch"
49
00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:11,061
...and a lot of Japanese
action flicks.
50
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:16,263
It'd be nice to have a strong older
brother to look up to.
51
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,327
Maybe this'll kill me.
52
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,534
Too bad I don't.
53
00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:24,236
Don't even ask where
my mom is.
54
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:27,269
Having the coolest boyfriend
in school is usually a bonus.
55
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,440
Yeah, not when you marry him.
56
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,948
We'll get to that later.
57
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,888
Girl singing:
#What we did right... #
58
00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:39,084
My husband's an exhibitionist...
59
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,355
...and made it his mission to have
sex with me...
60
00:02:41,394 --> 00:02:43,021
...at every landmark in school.
61
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:45,656
We've never been caught.
62
00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,064
Lastly, this...
63
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,228
...is Hilary Weiss!
64
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:53,330
Hilary is a devil with a vagina.
65
00:02:53,373 --> 00:02:54,670
Hey, Holden.
66
00:02:54,707 --> 00:02:58,006
She wanted Holden
but he wanted me, so I married him.
67
00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,534
I want you to take me
to dinner.
68
00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,412
Gwen: She's been trying to steal
my boyfriend since the third grade.
69
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:05,576
We hate each other,
but I got the man.
70
00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:10,419
I'm running for prom queen...
71
00:03:10,456 --> 00:03:12,151
...to beat out Hilary.
72
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:15,559
Not like I really care about
that kind of stuff obviously.
73
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:18,063
But I want to be the one
personally responsible...
74
00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:21,089
...for bringing down Satan.
75
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,829
Ugh!
76
00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:27,098
Oh, and I'm 10 days
late on my period.
77
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,703
Ahh, late for school.
Gotta go.
78
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,260
#Everyone is always
on the go... #
79
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,321
Boy:
Check this out...
80
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,798
Gwen:
Jonny and Matt.
81
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,994
I uploaded a video
of myself onto YouTube...
82
00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:59,129
...shirtless and flexing.
Mad views already, bro.
83
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:00,400
- Mad views?
- Mad views.
84
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,998
- Nice.
- We're awesome.
85
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:03,030
So awesome!
86
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,704
Gwen: They hold the world record
in awesomeness...
87
00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,770
...whatever that means.
88
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:10,578
- Awesome. You got a lighter?
- No.
89
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,984
Gwen: Oh, here comes Dixie,
Hilary and Trixie.
90
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,716
Together they've slept
with the entire school...
91
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:17,950
...twice.
92
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,754
You're a chauvinist pig!
93
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:26,054
Hey, Holden.
94
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,431
How about you and I
have a little dance party...
95
00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:30,993
Gwen: God, she's such
an idiot!
96
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:33,301
If there was an award
for fewest brain cells...
97
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,170
...she'd be undefeated.
98
00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,040
Oh!
99
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:42,377
- Cat fight!
- Awesome.
100
00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:45,873
"Ooh, I'm gonna save the day.
I'm gonna pull her away. "
101
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:48,216
- Bye, Holden.
- Bye, little scaredy cat.
102
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:50,347
Walk away, walk away.
103
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,381
What the fuck is
wrong with those two?
104
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,620
Who the fuck gets married
in high school?
105
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,459
It's all right.
We like to watch you leave.
106
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,567
California...
107
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,509
...you will never find a more
wretched hive of scum and villainy.
108
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,746
Gwen: This is our history teacher,
Mr. Seuss.
109
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:17,511
Rumor has it his ьber hot wife
is cheating on him.
110
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:20,041
She's our art teacher
and vice principal.
111
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,485
You can see from
her photos...
112
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,819
...she's extremely qualified.
113
00:05:23,856 --> 00:05:26,086
California...
114
00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:29,185
...where certain parts of Anaheim
worship a giant rat.
115
00:05:29,228 --> 00:05:31,560
- Kip Dick.
- This means you should swim naked.
116
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:35,055
Kip Dick, out!
Harass. Be gone.
117
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,069
Seuss, I'm just here to
learn like everybody else...
118
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:40,038
Yeah, but what you're trying to teach
her, her dad doesn't want her to learn.
119
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,438
Move it.
120
00:05:41,474 --> 00:05:45,205
Fine fine. You know, your class
is boring anyway.
121
00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:46,370
Well, thank you.
122
00:05:46,412 --> 00:05:49,108
But you know, this is only for students
who have graduated this century.
123
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:51,776
Okay. Quietly...
124
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:54,912
...as we continue our exciting
adventures in California history...
125
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,422
Ooh! My dad works in porn;
126
00:05:57,457 --> 00:06:01,120
...he works in the state of California
'cause he's awesome!
127
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,185
What the fuck?
128
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:06,027
Did you get high?
129
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,431
- Totally, dude.
- Seuss, Seuss.
130
00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,637
Oh, what the... Oh!
131
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,071
And that'll be enough for
California history.
132
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,904
Make sure you've all read
chapter 14...
133
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,809
...one through six, due...
what the heck... Tomorrow.
134
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:24,148
Yo yo yo!
This is your principal.
135
00:06:24,183 --> 00:06:26,811
I need all my seniors
down to the gymnasium.
136
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:30,949
I repeat, I need all my seniors down
to the gymnasium.
137
00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,925
Ooh, Principal Mann.
138
00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:36,826
Ooh, yeah!
139
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,924
That was another
amazing announcement.
140
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,595
Oh, you were fabulous, sir.
141
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,433
To the gymnasium.
142
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,268
Yo.
143
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:18,293
Dad, what are you doing here?
144
00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:21,773
Just hanging out with my bros,
being totally awesome.
145
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:22,866
Yeah.
146
00:07:22,909 --> 00:07:25,673
By the way, your dad
has awesome cologne.
147
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,178
Totally awesome.
148
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,613
It's Essence of Apple.
149
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:32,140
Well, I'm gonna skedaddle.
150
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,676
- Mr. D.
- Mr. D.
151
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,187
Call me Kip!
152
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:37,780
All right, Kip.
153
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,291
Nice.
Who's the cutie?
154
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:44,796
I don't even know.
155
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,799
- Awesome.
- My name's Katie.
156
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,358
Shh.
It doesn't matter.
157
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:50,994
Why don't you guys swing by
the house later?
158
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,403
We'll throw around the pigskin,
crack a few beers.
159
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:55,771
- Honey, bring some of your friends.
- You're cute.
160
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,834
I know. I know.
161
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,438
Hey.
Hey, shithead.
162
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,574
How come we never
threw around the pigskin, huh?
163
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:07,177
That's 'cause I'm ashamed of you.
164
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,552
What the fuck, Dad?
165
00:08:10,723 --> 00:08:12,554
I told you never
to call me that.
166
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:14,287
You never loved me.
167
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,160
Oh my God.
Could you be more of a pussy?
168
00:08:17,196 --> 00:08:19,596
Now you're supposed to be a Dick.
Start acting like one.
169
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:21,827
Look at yourself.
I mean, come on...
170
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,496
Do some push-ups, get a girlfriend,
get a life.
171
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,004
No more jerking off.
172
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,598
Yeah, well maybe if I had a Dick
teaching me how to be a Dick...
173
00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:30,871
I wouldn't be such a pussy,
all right?
174
00:08:30,910 --> 00:08:32,468
Talk to the hand.
Talk to the hand.
175
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,707
- Real mature. Real mature.
- Talk to the hand.
176
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,510
- Fuck you, Dad!
- Hey...
177
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,847
- Cheesy-looking motherfucker.
- The balls...
178
00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:43,353
You know, Jonny's still
single and available.
179
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,189
Dad, I'm married.
180
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:52,094
Yeah, well, it's never too late
for an upgrade.
181
00:08:56,802 --> 00:09:00,260
Girl: Quiet. Quiet!
182
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,900
Boy: It is with pride
to introduce to you...
183
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:05,240
...the cornerstone
of this school...
184
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,805
Assistant Principal Becky Apple.
185
00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:13,945
Boy: Look at those!
186
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:16,477
As seniors on
the fast track to graduation...
187
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:18,387
...a ritual is often performed.
188
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:21,723
I am of course
talking about prom.
189
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:22,819
Man:
I love you!
190
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,730
Prom is the be-all, end-all
of your time here.
191
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:30,634
On that note, I'd like to hand you over
to the prom chair, Hilary Weiss.
192
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:34,071
Man:
Whoo!
193
00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:37,200
Totally. I want to bite
your ass!
194
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,337
Thank you, Miss Apple.
Thank you, students.
195
00:09:40,379 --> 00:09:42,279
- Boy: Fucking suck!
- Without your hard work...
196
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:45,375
...and dedication, our prom
would not be possible.
197
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:48,012
You guys are so awesome!
198
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:51,023
- Boy: Cocksucker!
- Boy #2: Your pussy stinks!
199
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,548
And on a more serious note...
200
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,255
...when prom comes,
all of you need to vote for me...
201
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,557
Hilary Weiss.
202
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,260
I mean, I'm the prettiest girl
in school, so it's a no-brainer.
203
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,495
Where'd you go?
204
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,629
Holden: We hit the jackpot, Gwen...
the principal's desk.
205
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:09,004
- You, me, now. It's unlocked.
- What?
206
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:12,169
Come on, this'll leave
our last mark on campus.
207
00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:14,509
Ow.
208
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,812
Plus, I want to let
all the boys know...
209
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,318
- That I'm a freak in the sheets.
- Boy: Whoo!
210
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:30,457
I can't believe
I'm really here.
211
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,487
Come here.
212
00:11:14,473 --> 00:11:17,033
Holden: Are we almost done?
213
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,874
Holden: I can't do this.
214
00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:23,040
Oh God. Oh God.
215
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:27,314
Oh my God. Oh fuck.
216
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,048
- So last year...
- Thank you. Thank you.
217
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:30,953
Thank you.
That was very nice.
218
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,424
- Thanks!
- Holden: Oh, fuck! Oh my God!
219
00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:39,557
Oh, Gwen.
Oh, Gwen.
220
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,532
Oh my God, Gwen.
221
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:43,296
What's going on here?
222
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:45,667
I think they were
having sex.
223
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,071
Yes, Alice,
that's a rhetorical question.
224
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,598
- But, sir...
- How could you not lock my door?
225
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,508
I ain't cleaning this shit up.
226
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:55,013
Oh, you'll clean it up, Grandpa.
And you'll like it!
227
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,914
Do you two understand this is
mahogany wood from Bangladesh?
228
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,918
Where are you going?
229
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:01,613
Sit down!
230
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,851
Big deal... we banged on
Principal Mann's desk.
231
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:15,356
Look, I'm... I'm sorry.
232
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:17,198
I really am, but...
233
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,931
Gwen:
Don't touch me.
234
00:12:18,971 --> 00:12:22,031
Alice, where's my popcorn?
235
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:30,705
Oh, sir, that's my breast.
236
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,547
I know.
237
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,827
I'm Zoey...
238
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:48,733
...the new girl.
I just transferred from Cancun.
239
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,531
I enjoy long walks on the beach...
240
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:53,129
I'm a Pisces
and I'm perfect.
241
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:54,469
Oh.
242
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,607
You do realize the school year's
almost over with.
243
00:12:59,645 --> 00:13:01,875
I heard about
your internship program...
244
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:04,280
...for young hot blondes
with impressionable minds.
245
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:07,649
I had to try it out.
You know, see if I fit in.
246
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:10,678
Um, the position's
already been filled.
247
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,214
- We'll see about that.
- Mm-hmm.
248
00:13:15,594 --> 00:13:17,858
#I don't care just what
you're made of... #
249
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:19,888
You know we have class,
Principal Mann.
250
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:22,992
Oh, I think that can wait.
251
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:25,629
Ah, Miss Hilary Weiss.
252
00:13:25,671 --> 00:13:28,037
Ahh!
253
00:13:28,073 --> 00:13:31,236
#I don't want to
be embarrassed #
254
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,973
#I don't want to notice you... #
255
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:37,107
Change of plans:
you can go to class...
256
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,208
...and I'll talk to
your pretty little girlfriend.
257
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:41,549
Wait... what was she
whispering to you about?
258
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,316
Now move!
259
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:46,586
You can't punish her during prom-queen
campaign. That's undemocratic.
260
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,185
#Run to you #
261
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:52,561
#I want to run to you... #
262
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:55,066
Looks like you're
failing Seuss's class.
263
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:58,399
If you don't get an A on the final,
you won't graduate.
264
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,335
That was done perfectly, sir.
265
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:06,867
Of course, Alice. Now I want that desk
clean by tomorrow morning...
266
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:09,904
...so clean that I can
eat off of it...
267
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,816
...if I choose to.
Let's go, Zoey.
268
00:14:22,127 --> 00:14:25,290
How am I ever gonna
show my face at school again?
269
00:14:25,331 --> 00:14:27,799
I'm the school slut.
270
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,393
That spot was reserved
for Hilary.
271
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:35,604
We have never been caught...
never.
272
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,170
And we've pulled off
some really risky missions:
273
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:42,703
...here at Mr. Seuss's classroom;
274
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,739
...here at the 50-yd line
of the football field;
275
00:14:44,783 --> 00:14:48,275
...and not to mention
the bleacher sex!
276
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,379
Bleacher sex!
277
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,357
That is still the single-most
uncomfortable spot...
278
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:55,383
...to ever get it on.
279
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:58,555
I still have splinters from that.
280
00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:01,998
Lunch is almost over.
281
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:04,400
Please please please...
282
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,495
...don't make me go back
to that hell.
283
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:13,168
Boy: Gwen Adams, report to the nurse's
office for a pregnancy test.
284
00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,543
That is all.
285
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,346
Gwen: Oh God, what if I'm pregnant?
286
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:22,547
Again.
287
00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,451
Excuse me.
Do you have a pass?
288
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,121
Oh, boy.
289
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,592
First patient of the day.
290
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,606
Hi.
291
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:48,772
- Welcome to my office.
- Hi.
292
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:52,181
I just need to pick up
a pregnancy test.
293
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,744
Okay, I think we...
we should get to know each other...
294
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,689
...since you're in my office and
I don't even know your name.
295
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,157
I'm Nurse Doogie.
296
00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:03,286
I'm Gwen. Can I just have
a pregnancy test really fast?
297
00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,762
You're Gwen.
298
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,822
I heard about you... You had
some sex, didn't you?
299
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:09,425
Was it good?
It was great for me.
300
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:13,928
I, uh, heard it while I was in
the bathroom over the speaker and...
301
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,702
Can we not talk
about that, please?
302
00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:18,005
- No no, I...
- Stop. Please don't touch me.
303
00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:20,204
Uh, put this robe on.
304
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:21,940
Let's get started
with the exam.
305
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,676
- What?
- Put this on.
306
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:27,152
Can you just get me
the little strip that I pee on?
307
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,917
Uh, I don't have anything for
you to pee on except for...
308
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,856
...well, me, if you're into that.
309
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,917
I could lay under a glass table
if that's what you want to do.
310
00:16:35,961 --> 00:16:37,826
- I love it.
- What?
311
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:40,525
Ooh. Um, okay.
312
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,262
Uh, um, I'm gonna
examine you now.
313
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:46,135
You should... You should get
on the table right here.
314
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:49,368
- I'm on the table.
- Oh, yeah.
315
00:16:49,408 --> 00:16:52,866
- I'm gonna miss my class.
- I'll write you a note.
316
00:16:52,911 --> 00:16:55,607
I love him!
317
00:16:55,647 --> 00:17:00,209
I don't know. It's like
I just try so hard.
318
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:03,978
I just give so much, you know?
319
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,651
And I'm just afraid
he'll get mad.
320
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,159
Have you even talked
to him about it?
321
00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:09,524
I can't!
322
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:12,724
He gets frustrated
and he walks away.
323
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,562
I mean, I want to
make him happy...
324
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,397
...but he doesn't care.
325
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:19,199
I didn't want to do
the principal's-office thing.
326
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:20,728
I did it for him.
327
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,707
Do you want to do
the nurse's-office thing?
328
00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:24,971
- What?
- Nothing.
329
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,807
Um...
330
00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:28,745
I- I-I think you're really nice, Gwen.
331
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,715
- And I want to help you.
- Thank...
332
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:32,842
I don't want you to get
kicked out of school.
333
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,581
So... So I did
something for you:
334
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,680
I- I-I peed in a cup for you.
335
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:40,521
And that way you won't get
expelled for being pregnant.
336
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,323
- Thank you!
- I'm pretty sure you're not pregnant.
337
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:47,196
You're the best friend I have.
338
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:50,596
So that's why you should use
three fingers instead of two.
339
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:55,834
Gwen. Class, what have we learned
from her actions today?
340
00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:00,702
To be more discreet when
you're acting like a whore.
341
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,647
- Who are you?
- I'm Zoey, the new girl.
342
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,479
I just transferred
from Cancun.
343
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:08,884
I enjoy long walks on the beach,
I'm a Pisces...
344
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,411
...and I'm perfect.
345
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:11,787
I don't like you.
346
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,987
That's probably because you
see me as competition.
347
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,689
I'm hot, I know.
348
00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:23,434
Talk back to me again and you'll have
your next period through your mouth.
349
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:27,064
- Leave me...
- Think about that.
350
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,232
Bitch.
351
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:31,401
Go on and paint.
Make it erotic.
352
00:18:31,443 --> 00:18:34,469
Excuse me, Miss Apple?
Can I get some inspiration?
353
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,183
Paint it.
354
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,421
Well, this is disturbing.
355
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:51,452
- I didn't even do anything yet.
- That's what's disturbing.
356
00:18:51,497 --> 00:18:53,431
What? You think you can
start whenever you want to?
357
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,296
- No, I just...
- You think you're better than me?
358
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,928
Gwen: Abso-fucking-lutely.
359
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,835
No, I wouldn't say...
360
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,768
What?
361
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:10,109
What are you looking at?
362
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,014
You're looking at
the new girl.
363
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,950
Yeah, she's new.
364
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:20,790
She's hot too. I'm gonna fuck her.
365
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:26,559
Holden, you gotta
get it together.
366
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,122
You can't let her
talk to you like that.
367
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,294
- Yeah, but have you seen the new girl?
- Yeah, I've seen her.
368
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,667
I always kinda thought
you were gay, though.
369
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:34,729
This class is great...
370
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,469
- I love Mrs. Apple so much.
- ...Just great.
371
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,807
She looked
at me when I was painting...
372
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,312
...and said I did a good job.
373
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,507
Wow, that is really good, Holden.
374
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:45,312
You know, I'm not gonna lie.
You've got...
375
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,841
...negative and positive space,
continuity...
376
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,979
...rhythm, symmetry.
377
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,580
- Who the fuck are you?
- It's great.
378
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:53,488
Yeah, who the fuck are you?
379
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:54,856
Pff! Whatever.
380
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,327
I used to bang a chick that
owned an art gallery.
381
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,522
Holden:
Yeah, that's gay.
382
00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:01,032
That... if I'm gay, then that's
fucking gay.
383
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:02,761
- Are those real?
- Pick it up.
384
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:04,928
- Oh, God. Oh, crap.
- Pick up the pencil.
385
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:07,666
Oh, she's picking it up.
Oh my God.
386
00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:13,334
You know something?
387
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:16,973
- I don't even know him anymore.
- That's really good, though.
388
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:19,745
Like, I am serious; I am jealous of
his artistic ability.
389
00:20:19,785 --> 00:20:21,047
Come on.
390
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:25,857
Miss Apple?
391
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,257
Um, I just wanted to thank you...
392
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,921
...for the best class
I've ever taken.
393
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:33,488
I mean, the way you convey art...
394
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:36,763
...and what it feels like and...
395
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:39,236
- Yeah yeah yeah. Okay.
- ...is supposed to be, it's amazing.
396
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:40,670
- There you go.
- And I just wanna...
397
00:20:40,706 --> 00:20:42,435
...wish I would've showed up
more often.
398
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:45,034
- Get along.
- Thank you for the head, Becky.
399
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,739
- Miss Apple.
- Miss Apple. Miss Apple.
400
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:49,804
Bye.
401
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,873
Man, that guy's a yapper.
402
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,111
- Go.
- Third wheel.
403
00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:54,584
Go!
404
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:55,848
I love you.
405
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,953
I'm sorry, I...
I guess...
406
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,655
...it was a big mistake and...
407
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:04,923
Look, I'm...
408
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:08,127
Ahh.
409
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,465
Tough break, baby.
410
00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:13,596
What did you say to
Principal Mann today?
411
00:21:13,639 --> 00:21:16,233
Just two little
magic words:
412
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,005
"b" and "j. "
413
00:21:21,146 --> 00:21:22,704
- Oh.
- How does he taste, girl?
414
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:23,840
Mmm.
415
00:21:23,882 --> 00:21:25,747
But you still like me, right?
416
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:27,342
- No.
- Say it.
417
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:30,014
- Say it.
- Say you love us.
418
00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:31,613
I'm in love with Gwen.
419
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:35,525
- Holden, tell me you want me.
- I'm married.
420
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,154
Uhh!
Tell me you want me.
421
00:21:38,196 --> 00:21:40,221
You're a fucking whore.
422
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,098
You guys are all
fucking stupid.
423
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,433
You know you love us.
424
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,528
- Bye.
- Bye.
425
00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:48,004
- Toodles.
- Fuck!
426
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,598
What the fuck is
your problem?
427
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,939
You can be a real bitch
sometimes, you know that?
428
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,309
Oh, come on, you're not gonna leave me.
You're just gonna leave me here?
429
00:21:54,346 --> 00:21:57,782
- Really? Why am I such a bitch, huh?
- What the fuck am I supposed to do?
430
00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,841
For starters, you can keep
your fucking shirt on!
431
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,285
You want me to walk? I don't even know
how to take the fucking bus.
432
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,414
- Why don't you go do Hilary?
- What the fuck?
433
00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:12,192
What the fuck?
434
00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:14,664
- Hey there, gorgeous.
- Hey.
435
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,600
You want a ride?
436
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:19,900
- Um...
- Get in.
437
00:22:19,938 --> 00:22:22,065
Yeah, please.
438
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,876
Just take me anywhere
but here, please.
439
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:28,846
You got it.
440
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,848
- Thank you.
- No problem.
441
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,357
Problem?
442
00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:50,668
Just a little bit.
443
00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:55,470
So you want to
take me to dinner?
444
00:22:55,507 --> 00:22:57,498
I can't go with you.
445
00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:00,272
Please.
446
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:05,208
Please.
447
00:23:09,287 --> 00:23:13,781
#So long, we never
say goodbye #
448
00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:17,352
#Your love I want to
live and die #
449
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:21,423
#So long we never
say goodbye #
450
00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:24,993
#Your love I want to
live and die #
451
00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:29,200
#So long
we never say goodbye #
452
00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:32,506
#Your love I want
to live and die #
453
00:23:32,544 --> 00:23:37,538
#So long we never
say goodbye #
454
00:23:37,582 --> 00:23:43,077
#I want to live and die #
455
00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:45,589
#in LA. #
456
00:23:49,327 --> 00:23:52,194
I got ice.
I got the dental floss and...
457
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:54,528
G- Gwen?
What are you doing here?
458
00:23:54,566 --> 00:23:56,966
- I assume you're staying in tonight?
- Hold on.
459
00:23:57,002 --> 00:23:58,526
I gotta go.
460
00:23:58,570 --> 00:24:00,868
No, I'm waiting for
my MySpace date...
461
00:24:00,906 --> 00:24:02,669
...which I thought was you.
462
00:24:02,707 --> 00:24:06,666
You're, uh... You're not
"Miss Tish," are you?
463
00:24:06,711 --> 00:24:09,179
- No.
- Well, good.
464
00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:11,705
I mean, if I wanted a discreet
relationship with my daughter...
465
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:13,274
I'd just ask.
466
00:24:13,318 --> 00:24:15,878
Can I just stay?
467
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:18,287
Uh, I said no.
468
00:24:18,323 --> 00:24:19,756
Oh, I gotta take that.
469
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,986
- Bubbles? Yeah, did you get the lube?
- Dad?
470
00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:23,688
Are you... Dad, it's only
gonna take...
471
00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:29,901
Sometimes I feel like you like me,
but then sometimes I don't know.
472
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:31,800
And Jenny... You know, that big
thick girl from third period...
473
00:24:31,837 --> 00:24:34,806
...you know, she wore that little black
dress today but she didn't look little...
474
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,332
...anyway, she told me that you really
sometimes stare at me in class.
475
00:24:38,376 --> 00:24:39,638
And I feel you sometimes...
476
00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:41,942
...you know how they say you can feel
when someone's staring at you?
477
00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,607
And I kinda sometimes feel like
you're staring at me...
478
00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:46,242
...but then I don't really know.
And I don't know, I just really like you...
479
00:24:46,284 --> 00:24:49,151
- And I want you to like me back...
- Here! Take it.
480
00:24:49,187 --> 00:24:51,883
Hi.
How's the new job?
481
00:24:51,923 --> 00:24:55,381
- What did you say?
- You're spitting in my food.
482
00:24:55,427 --> 00:24:58,419
How many girls
do you have anyway?
483
00:24:58,463 --> 00:25:00,624
Ya!
I like the other one.
484
00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:04,123
This girl here...
she's a floozy.
485
00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,659
- Bye.
- Bye.
486
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:06,898
Bye.
487
00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:08,064
- No!
- Go ahead.
488
00:25:08,106 --> 00:25:09,266
Okay.
489
00:25:09,307 --> 00:25:11,639
'Kay. Bye.
490
00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:14,338
So anyways, I am so hungry.
491
00:25:14,379 --> 00:25:16,176
I'm so glad you took me
to get something to eat...
492
00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:18,648
...because that way we can really get
to know each other better.
493
00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:21,311
And, you know, talk.
494
00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:25,686
Are you gonna eat that?
Mmm.
495
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:31,428
Today I went to the mall and my daddy
took me on this little shopping spree...
496
00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:34,489
...and I told him, "Daddy, I just don't...
I just want a little shopping spree. "
497
00:25:34,533 --> 00:25:37,024
He almost bought me the whole mall.
But that's my daddy.
498
00:25:37,068 --> 00:25:39,628
He loves me and
he always wants to spoil me.
499
00:25:39,671 --> 00:25:42,401
Guess what? This summer, he's gonna
take me to Brazil.
500
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,409
And I'm really excited
to go to Brazil because...
501
00:25:45,443 --> 00:25:47,638
...all those Spanish classes
that we took.
502
00:25:47,679 --> 00:25:49,772
You remember when we took Spanish
class with Mr. Alvarez?
503
00:25:49,814 --> 00:25:52,180
Woman: And I was thinking maybe
we could, probably we could...
504
00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,710
Excuse me.
Do you have something to say?
505
00:25:56,755 --> 00:25:59,815
Actually, they speak
Portuguese in Brazil.
506
00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:03,123
Um, sweetie, I think
I should know what they speak.
507
00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:05,527
They speak Spanish in Brazil.
508
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:08,897
You must have had to sleep with
your geography teacher to pass.
509
00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:11,402
Oh, yeah?
Maybe you could help me...
510
00:26:11,436 --> 00:26:13,097
...nasty little girl.
511
00:26:13,138 --> 00:26:15,572
Woman:
Real mature.
512
00:26:15,607 --> 00:26:18,371
Who do you think you are?
513
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,776
I can't take this.
Hold on, I want one more bite.
514
00:26:20,812 --> 00:26:24,005
Let's go.
515
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,143
Adioso!
516
00:26:27,185 --> 00:26:28,584
Come on.
517
00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:32,452
Woman:
Oh, yes, you big bad boy.
518
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,981
- Say something to me in Oriental.
- Give it to me harder.
519
00:26:35,026 --> 00:26:36,516
Mmm, I said Oriental.
520
00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:38,654
Yes, I don't know Oriental.
521
00:26:38,697 --> 00:26:41,894
Well, just pretend, can you?
522
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,959
You're an Asian prostitute.
You're an Asian prostitute.
523
00:26:45,003 --> 00:26:47,130
Yes, I am.
524
00:26:47,172 --> 00:26:49,299
I'm gonna get my
happy ending, aren't I, baby?
525
00:26:49,341 --> 00:26:51,434
- Yes, you are.
- Oh, shit.
526
00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:53,171
This is a nice house, Kip.
527
00:26:53,211 --> 00:26:55,645
I really like your cheekbones.
Right here.
528
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,648
Well, I just want you guys
to feel at home here.
529
00:26:57,682 --> 00:26:59,309
Mi casa es tu casa.
530
00:26:59,351 --> 00:27:00,909
Yo tambiano.
531
00:27:00,952 --> 00:27:04,012
Kip, I want to be just like you
when I grow up, bro.
532
00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:06,285
- You want to go upstairs?
- Show us the way, dude.
533
00:27:06,324 --> 00:27:07,586
- Show us the way.
- Pornos.
534
00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:09,218
- Nice.
- Lots of porn;
535
00:27:09,260 --> 00:27:12,252
...learn the techniques.
I'm serious, you really have to watch.
536
00:27:14,699 --> 00:27:17,259
God, I gotta get
a better security system.
537
00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:19,930
Oh, wow! This place just got
a whole lot more whack.
538
00:27:19,971 --> 00:27:22,633
I thought you guys were
watching the back door, and not hers.
539
00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:25,199
- Hey, Gwen. Good to see you.
- Let's talk.
540
00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:28,406
Come on. I don't want to fight anymore.
All right? Let's have a little talk.
541
00:27:28,446 --> 00:27:30,346
Now look,
we don't need to fight.
542
00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,179
- Now what do you need?
- Nothing.
543
00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:34,048
- Money?
- No.
544
00:27:34,085 --> 00:27:37,851
Of course.
How about drugs?
545
00:27:37,889 --> 00:27:40,289
No, Dad.
546
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,849
Are you pregnant?
547
00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:43,258
Gwen: Yes, Dad!
548
00:27:43,294 --> 00:27:45,387
I'm so pregnant right now,
it's not even funny.
549
00:27:45,430 --> 00:27:46,795
- No!
- I didn't think so...
550
00:27:46,831 --> 00:27:49,163
'cause your husband's gay!
Ho!
551
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,328
Like a homosexual!
552
00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:54,497
- Okay. You done?
- Now what's wrong, honey?
553
00:27:54,539 --> 00:27:55,631
- Let's talk.
- Nothing...
554
00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,608
No, we can talk.
Now's a good time to talk.
555
00:27:57,642 --> 00:27:59,576
I'm gonna go to my room.
Okay?
556
00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:01,135
Stop!
557
00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:02,544
I don't think so.
558
00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:05,606
- Share your feelings.
- Yeah, share your feelings.
559
00:28:05,650 --> 00:28:08,084
You know, for... whoa.
That was... Can you just...
560
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,417
...like, when me and him are...
561
00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:12,320
I don't know if you realized this,
but there was two men talking...
562
00:28:12,357 --> 00:28:13,881
...and you just kind of
butted in there.
563
00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:15,722
It's not your fault,
but just learn.
564
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,489
Yeah.
565
00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:20,157
- Hey, what the fuck?
- Look what I found.
566
00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:22,758
Buzz, who is that?
567
00:28:22,801 --> 00:28:25,827
What? I'm getting laid. I thought
that's what you wanted from me.
568
00:28:25,870 --> 00:28:28,896
Yeah, well, you know,
I recognize her, all right?
569
00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:30,601
That's a...
that's a prostitute.
570
00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:34,738
This is my girlfriend, all right?
I might be paying her, but shit.
571
00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:37,771
You're not spending my money for
some skanky two-bit ho.
572
00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,649
Hey, listen, I can't
make you happy, okay?
573
00:28:40,685 --> 00:28:42,585
You want me to fuck;
you don't want me to fuck.
574
00:28:42,620 --> 00:28:44,884
- What's it gonna be?
- With all the girls here...
575
00:28:44,923 --> 00:28:46,390
...you've got to pick
a prostitute?
576
00:28:46,424 --> 00:28:48,415
Hey, they don't have any
experience like she's got.
577
00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:49,859
- That's right.
- She knows what to do with her...
578
00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:51,725
- Yeah, she teaches me things...
- I please this man.
579
00:28:51,763 --> 00:28:53,253
...I don't even need to know, buddy.
580
00:28:53,298 --> 00:28:56,324
- Okay, she can stay.
- Guys: Awesome!
581
00:28:56,367 --> 00:28:58,392
You know what?
I think I want some dick in me.
582
00:28:58,436 --> 00:29:01,769
Yes. I want to put Mr. Dickie in...
583
00:29:01,806 --> 00:29:03,671
See, it's all one big
happy family, honey.
584
00:29:03,708 --> 00:29:06,268
- Right. I'm going to my room.
- Just...
585
00:29:06,311 --> 00:29:08,245
- Wait... wait a second.
- I'm going to my room!
586
00:29:08,279 --> 00:29:10,873
- Honey?
- I'm still holding out for Mrs. Apple!
587
00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,475
I show up to art class for
the first time whole semester...
588
00:29:13,518 --> 00:29:15,213
Mrs. Apple gets naked.
589
00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:18,017
I would have showed up every day
if somebody would've told me that.
590
00:29:18,056 --> 00:29:21,514
Miss Apple is
the most phenomenal-looking...
591
00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:23,493
...teacher I've ever seen.
592
00:29:23,528 --> 00:29:25,962
She makes me never
want to cut again.
593
00:29:26,965 --> 00:29:30,457
Yeah, well, I'm afraid I've been
tapping that lately, fellows.
594
00:29:30,502 --> 00:29:32,163
Awesome!
595
00:29:32,203 --> 00:29:34,398
- Whoo! Wait a sec...
- No.
596
00:29:34,439 --> 00:29:36,737
- That's not awesome.
- That's not awesome, man.
597
00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:39,767
That's the most unawesome thing
I've ever heard of actually.
598
00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:42,575
Wait. You're not gonna let one bad
Apple come between...
599
00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:44,241
...a bunch of great guys.
600
00:29:44,282 --> 00:29:46,512
Thank you for the drinks.
Thank you for the funny puns.
601
00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,109
I'm go... I'm going home.
602
00:29:48,153 --> 00:29:50,144
Say it's not true, Kip.
Take it back.
603
00:29:50,188 --> 00:29:51,815
I'm sorry.
I'm going home.
604
00:29:51,856 --> 00:29:54,450
Hey, Matt! Matt. Jonny?
605
00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:56,687
Wait. Wait now...
606
00:29:56,728 --> 00:29:58,593
Matt:
I love her and you...
607
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,393
Jonny?
608
00:30:01,399 --> 00:30:04,061
Eh, he'll walk it off.
Don't worry.
609
00:30:05,303 --> 00:30:07,828
Kip'll make it better. So...
610
00:30:08,973 --> 00:30:11,134
Oh hi, girl.
611
00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:13,770
So let's get the party going, huh?
612
00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,746
Okay, group kiss.
Group kiss.
613
00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:17,543
'Kay!
614
00:30:19,717 --> 00:30:22,811
- Jonny!
- Why are you girls still dressed?
615
00:30:32,630 --> 00:30:34,188
I enjoyed that.
616
00:30:34,232 --> 00:30:35,529
I'm glad.
617
00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:37,432
So let's go inside
and make a baby.
618
00:30:37,468 --> 00:30:39,368
I'm not gonna
have sex with you.
619
00:30:39,404 --> 00:30:41,804
Gwen's gone.
I'm here.
620
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,900
Let's look at the facts:
we're the most popular kids in school.
621
00:30:44,943 --> 00:30:46,672
Let's make a baby.
622
00:30:46,711 --> 00:30:49,339
It's just me and you...
623
00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:53,373
...and endless nights of
making babies.
624
00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:55,818
Fuck.
I think you're a really great girl...
625
00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:58,823
...and I had so much fun tonight.
I...
626
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,621
I haven't done anything
like this in a long time.
627
00:31:01,659 --> 00:31:04,685
You know, people... People think
being married is so great...
628
00:31:04,729 --> 00:31:07,095
...but it's really not...
629
00:31:07,131 --> 00:31:09,258
...especially at
such a young age.
630
00:31:09,300 --> 00:31:11,564
Like, you think
you have everything.
631
00:31:11,603 --> 00:31:13,571
You know you want to like me.
632
00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:15,334
She'll understand.
633
00:31:16,474 --> 00:31:18,135
Ow.
634
00:31:18,176 --> 00:31:20,770
God, why are you
making this so difficult?
635
00:31:20,812 --> 00:31:22,507
I'll see you tomorrow.
636
00:31:23,514 --> 00:31:26,244
#Let it come true #
637
00:31:26,284 --> 00:31:28,752
#Come true #
638
00:31:28,786 --> 00:31:31,186
#Let it come true... #
639
00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,883
Purple.
640
00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:34,983
What does purple mean?
641
00:31:35,026 --> 00:31:37,517
Shhhh...
642
00:31:37,562 --> 00:31:40,258
Okay, we'll disregard this one.
643
00:31:40,298 --> 00:31:42,357
Okay, last one.
644
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,267
Come on, negative negative negative...
645
00:31:45,303 --> 00:31:47,533
Aww!
646
00:31:51,509 --> 00:31:54,307
Ew, that's so gross.
647
00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,210
Come on.
648
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,112
Eww.
649
00:32:04,155 --> 00:32:06,988
Ooh! Another negative.
Yeah!
650
00:32:07,025 --> 00:32:09,789
So that makes three positive...
651
00:32:09,827 --> 00:32:11,351
...three negative...
652
00:32:11,396 --> 00:32:14,593
...and three inconclusive.
653
00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:17,931
I thought these things were supposed
to be, like, 98% accurate.
654
00:32:31,249 --> 00:32:34,810
People, please!
Let's maintain some order here.
655
00:32:34,852 --> 00:32:38,583
Order? I will not have my daughter
exposed to this indecency.
656
00:32:38,623 --> 00:32:41,251
Man: For this,
the senior trip is canceled!
657
00:32:41,292 --> 00:32:43,817
Yeah, we must police
these sexual deviants!
658
00:32:43,861 --> 00:32:45,328
He can't do his job!
659
00:32:45,363 --> 00:32:47,024
We need a new principal!
660
00:32:47,065 --> 00:32:48,498
All:
Yeah! Yes!
661
00:32:48,533 --> 00:32:49,659
- Get out!
- You're outrageous!
662
00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:51,191
- Outrageous!
- Outrageous!
663
00:32:51,235 --> 00:32:52,395
- Out!
- Despicable.
664
00:32:52,437 --> 00:32:54,166
- Get out of here.
- Unacceptable!
665
00:32:54,205 --> 00:32:55,536
- We don't want you here anymore.
- Out!
666
00:32:55,573 --> 00:32:57,871
We don't need sexual
perverts like yourself.
667
00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:03,970
Mann: Attention, maggots. Due to
the lewd and unusual "fornification"
668
00:33:04,015 --> 00:33:06,643
...of that cunt... Er, I mean Gwen...
669
00:33:06,684 --> 00:33:08,652
...your senior trip
will be canceled...
670
00:33:08,686 --> 00:33:10,654
...and I will also be
standing down as principal...
671
00:33:10,688 --> 00:33:13,213
...leaving Tits Mc...
I mean, Miss Apple...
672
00:33:13,257 --> 00:33:14,747
...as acting principal.
673
00:33:14,792 --> 00:33:17,693
I will be available via video chat
for comments.
674
00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:20,924
Mr. Mann.
675
00:33:20,965 --> 00:33:22,159
Principal Mann.
676
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:24,896
- I am acting as principal now.
- I'm the principal!
677
00:33:24,936 --> 00:33:26,995
- I'm acting as principal now.
- I'm the principal.
678
00:33:27,038 --> 00:33:29,472
- I'm acting as principal now.
- I am the principal.
679
00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:34,341
- I'm acting as principal now.
- I'm the principal.
680
00:33:42,553 --> 00:33:44,418
What a bitch.
681
00:33:44,455 --> 00:33:46,650
Yeah... A bitch.
682
00:33:53,664 --> 00:33:56,258
Oh, girls, look who's crying.
683
00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:57,289
Oooh!
684
00:33:57,335 --> 00:33:59,701
- Little girl wanna cry?
- Get away from me.
685
00:33:59,737 --> 00:34:01,261
- You're pathetic!
- Ow.
686
00:34:01,305 --> 00:34:03,773
You know, I'm so happy...
687
00:34:03,808 --> 00:34:05,901
...that I get to be
the first one to tell you this...
688
00:34:05,943 --> 00:34:09,709
...but Holden's going with me to prom.
689
00:34:09,747 --> 00:34:11,339
Did I stutter?
690
00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:13,976
I said your husband,
Holden Adams...
691
00:34:14,018 --> 00:34:18,182
- is going with me, Hilary Weiss.
- Yeah.
692
00:34:18,222 --> 00:34:19,780
Congratulations.
693
00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:21,291
Thanks.
You know...
694
00:34:21,325 --> 00:34:24,351
...it's been my dream
and this day has finally come.
695
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:26,556
But guess who's gonna
be prom queen?
696
00:34:26,597 --> 00:34:28,929
It's gonna be me.
697
00:34:31,302 --> 00:34:33,463
Ladies and gentlemen,
it is Tuesday.
698
00:34:33,504 --> 00:34:35,699
Take one, pass it back.
Do not kill yourselves...
699
00:34:35,740 --> 00:34:37,571
...until after you've failed.
700
00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:39,735
Boy: Guys, remember what
Coach said:
701
00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:41,108
"No pass, no play. "
702
00:34:41,145 --> 00:34:43,045
Let's get a break for good luck.
Ready?
703
00:34:50,188 --> 00:34:52,918
- Hey.
- Don't "hey" me.
704
00:34:52,957 --> 00:34:54,822
What are you mad about now?
705
00:34:54,859 --> 00:34:56,759
Hilary, prom... Hello.
706
00:34:56,794 --> 00:34:58,989
- You know?
- She told me.
707
00:34:59,030 --> 00:35:02,625
- Um, I'm not really sure about it.
- Why would you consider it?
708
00:35:02,667 --> 00:35:05,864
Why wouldn't you
come home with me?
709
00:35:05,903 --> 00:35:07,632
Look, I'm sorry.
710
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,310
But guess who's gonna
be prom queen?
711
00:35:18,349 --> 00:35:20,146
It's gonna be me!
712
00:35:20,184 --> 00:35:23,210
It's gonna be me... Be me...
713
00:35:25,556 --> 00:35:29,219
Let's make a baby... Be me...
714
00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:32,229
...ha ha ha... Be me...
715
00:35:34,398 --> 00:35:37,196
#I've been waiting for
the right time #
716
00:35:37,235 --> 00:35:40,068
#So the lights can
open my eyes #
717
00:35:40,104 --> 00:35:43,005
#Wonderin' if I'll ever change #
718
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,735
#Or if I'll stay the same #
719
00:35:44,775 --> 00:35:48,074
#I'm not afraid of what
I'm doing to myself... #
720
00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:06,155
Yo...
721
00:36:06,197 --> 00:36:08,791
What, did your fucking
puppy dog die?
722
00:36:08,833 --> 00:36:11,063
How bad did you do?
723
00:36:11,102 --> 00:36:13,832
Check out mine.
724
00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:17,307
All you did was draw
a picture of a naked woman.
725
00:36:17,341 --> 00:36:19,138
Duh!
726
00:36:20,444 --> 00:36:22,969
Have fun in Lameville.
727
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,039
Why did he slap me?
728
00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:30,616
I'm sorry.
729
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:45,335
I didn't write anything.
730
00:36:45,369 --> 00:36:47,997
Oh. Then you fail. Goodbye.
731
00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:49,802
- What?
- You fail.
732
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:52,400
That's how it works:
you don't do nothing, you get nothing.
733
00:36:52,443 --> 00:36:55,503
- No.
- Don't cry.
734
00:36:55,546 --> 00:36:57,343
- I don't like to see crying.
- Theodore.
735
00:36:57,381 --> 00:36:58,370
Yeah, babe?
736
00:36:58,416 --> 00:37:00,350
There's something I've
been meaning to tell you.
737
00:37:00,384 --> 00:37:02,215
- What's that, pumpkin?
- These are divorce papers.
738
00:37:02,253 --> 00:37:04,721
We're getting a divorce.
Here.
739
00:37:04,755 --> 00:37:07,553
T- T-t-this is ludicrous,
Becky... Ludicrous.
740
00:37:07,592 --> 00:37:09,787
We're happily married.
741
00:37:09,827 --> 00:37:11,317
Well...
742
00:37:11,362 --> 00:37:14,160
...let me figure out a way
to force you into it...
743
00:37:14,198 --> 00:37:16,359
...and I'll get back to you.
744
00:37:50,668 --> 00:37:56,766
#Oh, no... #
745
00:38:05,216 --> 00:38:06,877
Whooo!
746
00:38:19,597 --> 00:38:23,260
#I heard you cry... #
747
00:38:28,606 --> 00:38:30,403
Gwen?
748
00:38:31,475 --> 00:38:33,136
Gwen?
749
00:38:35,546 --> 00:38:37,946
Gwen:
This is the little girls' room.
750
00:38:47,992 --> 00:38:49,721
Hey, it's me.
751
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,820
I'm not feeling too good.
752
00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:54,524
Yeah?
753
00:38:56,534 --> 00:38:58,024
I love you.
754
00:38:58,069 --> 00:39:01,368
If I was going to college, um...
755
00:39:01,405 --> 00:39:03,168
I'd want to go single.
756
00:39:05,343 --> 00:39:08,278
Gwen...
757
00:39:08,312 --> 00:39:11,008
...you're saying some pretty
hard things to me right now.
758
00:39:13,484 --> 00:39:16,282
I want to take a break.
759
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,448
We're married!
We're married, remember?
760
00:39:20,958 --> 00:39:23,188
- We have a cool life together...
- Come on.
761
00:39:24,995 --> 00:39:26,929
I'm sorry.
762
00:39:29,967 --> 00:39:32,800
I think we need to
get a divorce.
763
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:36,830
#The sky turns gray #
764
00:39:37,842 --> 00:39:40,777
#As we drive away #
765
00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:45,913
#And we still #
766
00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:51,911
#Break and then fall away #
767
00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:55,892
#When the sea... #
768
00:39:55,926 --> 00:39:58,690
Hello, child.
769
00:39:58,729 --> 00:40:00,856
You look lovely tonight.
770
00:40:03,834 --> 00:40:05,927
Don't walk away from me.
771
00:40:05,970 --> 00:40:07,437
I didn't move.
772
00:40:07,471 --> 00:40:08,995
I know.
773
00:40:10,341 --> 00:40:13,401
I can see you better than
you can see yourself.
774
00:40:18,916 --> 00:40:21,111
I'll bring you
some baby oil.
775
00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:25,311
Oh, my seed...
776
00:40:25,356 --> 00:40:28,382
...your aura looks pained...
777
00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:32,960
...but I can bring a smile
to your tortured soul.
778
00:40:33,964 --> 00:40:36,899
I have a surprise for you.
779
00:40:36,934 --> 00:40:39,835
Come, let me
show you the way.
780
00:40:43,874 --> 00:40:46,240
Get a drink.
781
00:40:46,277 --> 00:40:47,904
I'm only 18.
782
00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:51,273
So Jell-O shot?
783
00:40:51,315 --> 00:40:52,782
No!
784
00:40:52,817 --> 00:40:55,115
Show me the surprise.
785
00:40:55,152 --> 00:40:57,518
Oh, want your surprise?
786
00:40:57,555 --> 00:40:59,955
Okay.
787
00:40:59,990 --> 00:41:02,925
Okay, I realize that...
788
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,190
...well, I haven't been
the best father.
789
00:41:06,831 --> 00:41:09,459
I've had this epiphany.
790
00:41:09,500 --> 00:41:12,867
I finally...
finally see the light.
791
00:41:12,903 --> 00:41:16,703
And when you see this surprise,
I think you will understand.
792
00:41:16,740 --> 00:41:19,368
Close your eyes, sweetheart.
793
00:41:19,410 --> 00:41:21,571
Stay right there. Okay?
794
00:41:23,948 --> 00:41:26,178
Okay, open them.
795
00:41:26,217 --> 00:41:28,151
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
796
00:41:28,185 --> 00:41:30,346
We're getting married.
797
00:41:35,125 --> 00:41:36,956
That's not a pony.
798
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,985
Yeah, but I'm gonna ride it
like a racehorse.
799
00:41:39,029 --> 00:41:40,826
Yes!
800
00:41:40,865 --> 00:41:43,493
Oh my God,
you guys are adorable.
801
00:41:43,534 --> 00:41:47,527
Oh, let me join this beautiful circle
you guys have going on here.
802
00:41:47,571 --> 00:41:48,936
Please do.
803
00:41:48,973 --> 00:41:51,168
- We're missing you, man.
- Gwen?
804
00:41:51,208 --> 00:41:55,269
Come here. I am so so glad
we talked today.
805
00:41:55,312 --> 00:41:58,076
I mean, you have so many things
going through your head...
806
00:41:58,115 --> 00:42:00,015
...and I've been really
worried about you.
807
00:42:00,050 --> 00:42:01,039
- Oh.
- Really?
808
00:42:01,085 --> 00:42:03,576
Just lay your head down.
And I love the family...
809
00:42:03,621 --> 00:42:05,646
...and that's the biggest thing, man.
810
00:42:05,689 --> 00:42:08,954
God. What if me and Gwen
got married too?
811
00:42:10,127 --> 00:42:13,062
- We could be like a big family.
- That would be awesome.
812
00:42:13,097 --> 00:42:15,691
It would be amazing.
You are adorable, by the way.
813
00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:16,961
- I...
- Thank you!
814
00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:19,060
- That's so hot that you just did that.
- Son-in-law.
815
00:42:19,103 --> 00:42:21,867
I think about you a lot...
all the time, actually.
816
00:42:21,906 --> 00:42:25,034
Look, we could get together,
take it slow...
817
00:42:25,075 --> 00:42:27,009
...and maybe I could learn
to love you and shit.
818
00:42:27,044 --> 00:42:29,535
I don't know. Just maybe
we should give it a try.
819
00:42:29,580 --> 00:42:32,105
I think it's the best thing
possible for you.
820
00:42:32,149 --> 00:42:34,379
'Cause it's all about family, right?
821
00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:35,885
- It is.
- Yes!
822
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,478
- Absolutely.
- Absolutely.
823
00:42:37,521 --> 00:42:39,386
God, you are just something else.
824
00:42:39,423 --> 00:42:41,220
- Oh, so are you!
- Thank you.
825
00:42:41,258 --> 00:42:43,351
We should let the girls talk...
826
00:42:43,394 --> 00:42:44,952
- We should.
- ...Get to know each other.
827
00:42:44,995 --> 00:42:47,520
Let's go do some drugs...
828
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:48,657
Dad!
829
00:42:48,699 --> 00:42:51,998
Oh, son!
Let's do it.
830
00:42:52,036 --> 00:42:54,436
Okay? This is gonna be great.
You're gonna love it.
831
00:42:54,471 --> 00:42:55,768
- I'll miss you!
- I promise.
832
00:42:55,806 --> 00:42:57,239
Don't go anywhere.
I'll be right back.
833
00:42:57,274 --> 00:42:59,367
I'm gonna get you some drinks because
you look pretty rough right now.
834
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,900
- Okay?
- Oh, baby baby...
835
00:43:00,945 --> 00:43:03,345
All right. And you... I'm gonna
think about you later.
836
00:43:03,380 --> 00:43:05,177
You're just... You little vixen you.
837
00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:06,682
You're the best.
838
00:43:06,717 --> 00:43:08,480
You are the best. Ow!
839
00:43:11,722 --> 00:43:13,383
I don't think so.
840
00:43:13,424 --> 00:43:15,415
You answer to me, bitch.
841
00:43:15,459 --> 00:43:17,359
You like me like that?
842
00:43:17,394 --> 00:43:20,557
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Harder harder. Oh.
843
00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:23,431
You are great. Yes.
844
00:43:23,467 --> 00:43:27,028
- Come on, boy.
- It's like fucking a meat cave.
845
00:43:27,071 --> 00:43:29,266
Harder, baby. Harder.
846
00:43:29,306 --> 00:43:31,331
- Yes, there you go.
- Oh, shit.
847
00:43:31,375 --> 00:43:33,343
By the way, I'm pregnant.
848
00:43:35,145 --> 00:43:37,306
Fuck it, it's not my kid.
Mmm! Mmm!
849
00:43:40,217 --> 00:43:42,310
Hello?
850
00:43:46,090 --> 00:43:48,354
If I stomp my foot
and snap my fingers...
851
00:43:48,392 --> 00:43:50,622
...it means come with!
Hello?
852
00:43:50,661 --> 00:43:53,721
Jonny, I am not a lamp post...
I am a girl. Okay?
853
00:43:53,764 --> 00:43:56,096
Well, I don't care if
you're a fucking desk.
854
00:43:56,133 --> 00:43:59,296
All right? If I snap my fingers,
that specifically means...
855
00:43:59,336 --> 00:44:02,100
...come with me, because I am the man
and I'm awesome.
856
00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:04,300
Snap fingers, come with...
let's go.
857
00:44:04,341 --> 00:44:07,071
I am sick of your...
"Oh, I'm Jonny Awesome.
858
00:44:07,111 --> 00:44:09,102
I'm so sweet! I wear tank tops
and work out...
859
00:44:09,146 --> 00:44:10,909
...and get a pedicure every
Monday, Wednesday and Friday. "
860
00:44:10,948 --> 00:44:13,246
I hope you go prematurely bald!
Ha!
861
00:44:15,886 --> 00:44:19,151
That Rogaine is not mine!
862
00:44:19,189 --> 00:44:21,680
Oh, fine then!
863
00:44:21,725 --> 00:44:24,250
Go!
864
00:44:24,294 --> 00:44:26,262
Just leave.
865
00:44:26,296 --> 00:44:29,993
Go! Go!
866
00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:33,629
Stupid, lying, stupid!
867
00:44:38,008 --> 00:44:42,206
Messed up again and stupid.
868
00:44:42,246 --> 00:44:45,044
Oh, God!
869
00:44:45,082 --> 00:44:47,277
Ahhh, no!
870
00:44:50,020 --> 00:44:52,989
You guys are still here.
871
00:44:54,291 --> 00:44:56,452
Gwen:
What an idiot.
872
00:44:56,493 --> 00:44:59,462
- I'm gonna go.
- Bye.
873
00:45:12,676 --> 00:45:15,042
So let's recap:
874
00:45:15,079 --> 00:45:17,104
I'm the youngest
divorcee in history;
875
00:45:17,147 --> 00:45:18,842
I'm failing history class;
876
00:45:18,882 --> 00:45:21,874
I'm an unpopular whore who
ruined the senior trip...
877
00:45:21,919 --> 00:45:24,046
...and got Principal Mann fired;
878
00:45:24,088 --> 00:45:27,285
I might be pregnant; some chick from
my school just became my mom;
879
00:45:27,324 --> 00:45:30,555
...and my ex is taking
the anti-Christ to prom.
880
00:45:33,697 --> 00:45:36,165
Don't think you're gonna see
my vajayjay.
881
00:45:41,038 --> 00:45:43,529
Should I hang myself?
882
00:45:45,342 --> 00:45:47,037
"Definitely yes. "
883
00:45:48,045 --> 00:45:50,536
You had to add the "definitely. "
884
00:45:52,549 --> 00:45:56,178
Kip: Yeah, things just aren't the same
since my loser daughter showed up...
885
00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:58,916
...marital problem. I don't even know
why people get married.
886
00:45:58,956 --> 00:46:00,514
I mean, my God.
887
00:46:00,557 --> 00:46:02,115
I mean, what do you need
to get married for?
888
00:46:02,159 --> 00:46:03,854
It's all about fornication.
889
00:46:03,894 --> 00:46:05,794
Who needs a piece
of paper for that?
890
00:46:05,829 --> 00:46:08,798
I gotta get out of the house, Apple.
You gotta help me out here.
891
00:46:08,832 --> 00:46:11,995
Meet me tomorrow
in the dumpsters.
892
00:46:12,035 --> 00:46:14,230
Let's get trashy.
893
00:46:14,271 --> 00:46:16,762
Thanks, Dad.
894
00:46:16,807 --> 00:46:18,968
I think I actually have a plan.
895
00:46:23,814 --> 00:46:26,044
Principal Mann?
896
00:46:26,083 --> 00:46:28,608
- Who are you?
- It's me, Gwen Adams.
897
00:46:28,652 --> 00:46:30,950
What do you want?
898
00:46:30,988 --> 00:46:33,422
I think I can help you
get your school back...
899
00:46:33,457 --> 00:46:35,118
...if you'll help me graduate.
900
00:46:37,027 --> 00:46:38,551
What's your plan?
901
00:46:38,595 --> 00:46:41,257
Meet me by
the dumpsters tomorrow.
902
00:46:41,298 --> 00:46:43,732
And bring Mr. Seuss.
903
00:46:43,767 --> 00:46:47,294
Me and Seuss will meet you
by the dumpsters tomorrow.
904
00:46:54,011 --> 00:46:56,741
Kip:
Who's your friend?
905
00:46:56,780 --> 00:46:58,145
Tiffany.
906
00:46:58,182 --> 00:47:01,208
Well, I have one rule:
907
00:47:01,251 --> 00:47:02,878
...no fat chicks.
908
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,751
Are you not convinced yet?
909
00:47:04,788 --> 00:47:07,188
Maybe they're looking for something.
910
00:47:07,224 --> 00:47:09,658
Oh, I love it when
you're trashy! Ha ha!
911
00:47:09,693 --> 00:47:12,321
Yeah, he's looking for something:
her vajayjay.
912
00:47:12,362 --> 00:47:15,331
Your name may be Apple but
I want to see those melons.
913
00:47:15,365 --> 00:47:18,766
This is the perfect opportunity
to get some dirt on her.
914
00:47:18,802 --> 00:47:22,169
You'll get your life back and
I'm gonna reclaim my school.
915
00:47:22,206 --> 00:47:23,730
This is what we're gonna do:
916
00:47:23,774 --> 00:47:26,436
We're gonna tape them
and once we have the evidence...
917
00:47:26,476 --> 00:47:28,341
...we're gonna watch them
squirm like worms.
918
00:47:28,378 --> 00:47:29,777
I still love her.
919
00:47:29,813 --> 00:47:32,043
- Mmmmm!
- Yeah.
920
00:47:32,082 --> 00:47:34,550
I gotta get a better screening
process for my teachers.
921
00:47:37,454 --> 00:47:40,651
Come to Papa!
Oh, baby!
922
00:47:45,762 --> 00:47:48,253
Please explode and kill me.
923
00:47:51,101 --> 00:47:53,626
I don't like coffee;
she likes coffee.
924
00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:55,797
She likes a lot of other things.
925
00:47:58,909 --> 00:48:01,935
- Hey, Mr. Seuss.
- Hey, Candi.
926
00:48:01,979 --> 00:48:03,571
I need you to
sign these for me.
927
00:48:03,614 --> 00:48:05,605
Sure sure.
What am I signing?
928
00:48:05,649 --> 00:48:08,049
Well, they're divorce papers
from Miss Apple.
929
00:48:09,052 --> 00:48:11,680
She doesn't even have the guts
to divorce me in person?
930
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:13,917
- She sends her little pet fembot!
- I'm a teacher.
931
00:48:13,957 --> 00:48:17,120
We had a love story
right out of Shakespeare.
932
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,926
You tell her that I will not
give her a divorce.
933
00:48:20,964 --> 00:48:23,899
10 minutes after I'm dead,
we're gonna have a honeymoon in hell.
934
00:48:23,934 --> 00:48:26,300
Right. Of course.
935
00:48:26,336 --> 00:48:28,031
- I'll be back.
- Okay.
936
00:48:28,071 --> 00:48:30,972
You have a great day.
It was so good seeing you. Bye.
937
00:48:31,008 --> 00:48:32,669
See ya.
938
00:48:34,511 --> 00:48:37,947
Seuss, Seuss,
why the long face, buddy?
939
00:48:37,981 --> 00:48:40,472
- You're not even faculty!
- Look. Look.
940
00:48:40,517 --> 00:48:42,747
I have a little gift from
your soon-to-be-ex wife.
941
00:48:42,786 --> 00:48:45,118
- Oh, I can guess what this is!
- Ha ha ha ha!
942
00:48:46,490 --> 00:48:48,549
Hey, we wash our
vegetables in there.
943
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:51,857
You know, I also don't appreciate
your little parking-lot performance...
944
00:48:51,895 --> 00:48:53,920
- A few minutes ago.
- Oh, you saw that?
945
00:48:53,964 --> 00:48:57,058
Everybody saw that. My principal
saw that. I'm not gonna get tenure.
946
00:48:57,100 --> 00:48:59,660
Did your wife use to be a gymnast?
I mean, she's flexible.
947
00:48:59,703 --> 00:49:02,228
You don't even go here.
You know...
948
00:49:02,272 --> 00:49:04,832
Seuss, Seuss, Seuss, Seuss,
this is a good thing.
949
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:07,207
Do you know what?
It's man's nature to be free.
950
00:49:07,244 --> 00:49:10,680
You're now set free. The whole
horizon is out there for you.
951
00:49:10,714 --> 00:49:14,206
Making love to my wife
on a pile of trash!
952
00:49:14,251 --> 00:49:16,014
Aren't women impossible?
953
00:49:16,053 --> 00:49:18,988
Don't worry, buddy. You're gonna
feel better. I promise you.
954
00:49:19,022 --> 00:49:22,116
Hang in there.
Now if you want to keep talking...
955
00:49:22,159 --> 00:49:25,026
...you can find me.
Just follow the essence...
956
00:49:25,062 --> 00:49:27,394
- I'll find you. I'll find you.
- ...Of your wife's vagina.
957
00:49:27,431 --> 00:49:32,027
Put your severed head on...
958
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:46,413
Hilary: And I decided we
are having a bikini prom!
959
00:49:46,450 --> 00:49:47,781
All right. Whoo!
960
00:49:48,885 --> 00:49:51,820
- Are you ready?
- Yeah. Let's do it.
961
00:49:51,855 --> 00:49:53,117
Okay.
962
00:49:53,156 --> 00:49:56,751
Get your dad's cell phone and text
Miss Apple. Here is her number.
963
00:49:58,328 --> 00:50:00,523
- Consider it done.
- And Gwen?
964
00:50:00,564 --> 00:50:02,327
This better work.
965
00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:10,065
Dad?
966
00:50:10,107 --> 00:50:11,938
- Dad?
- Wait your turn.
967
00:50:11,975 --> 00:50:13,567
- Dad!
- Okay.
968
00:50:13,610 --> 00:50:15,601
- Gwen? What do you want?
- Girl: Ew.
969
00:50:15,645 --> 00:50:17,340
I just need to
borrow the phone.
970
00:50:17,381 --> 00:50:21,283
Oh. What, are you calling
the courthouse for divorce papers?
971
00:50:21,318 --> 00:50:23,718
- No.
- Then I don't think I can help you.
972
00:50:23,754 --> 00:50:25,153
- Dad, it's...
- Girl: Bye bye.
973
00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:28,351
Look, if you need it that bad, it's in
my pants. I kinda got my hands full.
974
00:50:28,392 --> 00:50:30,860
Jonny:
... Coach. Thank you so much.
975
00:50:35,732 --> 00:50:37,996
Jonny:
Coach, everybody! Yeah! Whoo!
976
00:50:38,035 --> 00:50:40,833
- He's sexy. Isn't he sexy?
- Matt: He is.
977
00:50:40,871 --> 00:50:43,237
Jonny: Man, I would fuck... Okay.
So anyway...
978
00:50:43,273 --> 00:50:46,333
...let's move the... Oh, Kip Dick!
979
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:47,934
- Kip Dick! Whoo!
- Kip Dick!
980
00:50:47,978 --> 00:50:50,640
Yo, Awesome,
you are the man!
981
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,478
No, Kip, you the man.
982
00:50:53,517 --> 00:50:56,145
I tell you, Awesome, you ever thought
about being my son?
983
00:50:56,186 --> 00:50:59,087
- You should marry my daughter.
- Does she give oral yet?
984
00:50:59,122 --> 00:51:01,215
I do.
985
00:51:01,258 --> 00:51:03,419
Hey, let's give it up again
for Kip Dick!
986
00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:05,291
Awesome!
987
00:51:07,731 --> 00:51:11,667
Gwen: By setting up Miss Apple, I was
killing three birds with one stone:
988
00:51:11,701 --> 00:51:13,862
...helping Mann get his job back...
989
00:51:13,904 --> 00:51:16,498
...getting a little retribution
for Seuss...
990
00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:18,303
...not to mention
teaching my dad a lesson.
991
00:51:18,341 --> 00:51:20,241
This was supposed to
be done hours ago.
992
00:51:20,277 --> 00:51:22,370
Goddamn Alice.
993
00:51:22,412 --> 00:51:24,972
Last time I was in
a boys' locker room...
994
00:51:25,015 --> 00:51:27,984
- Oh, yeah, the gang-bang.
- We remember.
995
00:51:28,018 --> 00:51:29,508
You guys, we gotta hurry.
996
00:51:29,553 --> 00:51:32,716
Great plan, Mann...
nowhere to hide.
997
00:51:32,756 --> 00:51:34,348
Shh!
998
00:51:34,391 --> 00:51:36,120
Everyone hide!
999
00:51:36,159 --> 00:51:38,354
Hey, I bet they're doing it
right now.
1000
00:51:38,395 --> 00:51:40,625
- Thank you.
- That means they're gonna have sex.
1001
00:51:40,664 --> 00:51:42,256
Hide!
1002
00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:55,877
Whoo! Oh!
1003
00:52:07,424 --> 00:52:09,392
Apple?
1004
00:52:14,764 --> 00:52:17,699
I got what you want.
1005
00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:28,971
Ah, there you are.
1006
00:52:31,781 --> 00:52:33,578
Come to Papa.
1007
00:52:36,953 --> 00:52:40,081
You make me feel like a princess.
1008
00:52:40,123 --> 00:52:42,990
Well, good.
Note to princess:
1009
00:52:43,026 --> 00:52:44,721
...lose the skirt.
1010
00:52:46,463 --> 00:52:49,728
I had no idea you were into
these smelly jockstraps...
1011
00:52:49,766 --> 00:52:52,530
...but whatever works
for you, baby.
1012
00:52:52,569 --> 00:52:54,799
Yeah.
1013
00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:57,705
Oh, baby.
1014
00:52:57,741 --> 00:53:01,939
You've been a bad girl.
You've been a bad girl!
1015
00:53:06,883 --> 00:53:09,351
Miss Apple:
Ooh, yes, spank me.
1016
00:53:09,386 --> 00:53:11,183
- Ooh!
- Pull my hair!
1017
00:53:11,221 --> 00:53:13,553
- Yeah!
- Oh!
1018
00:53:13,590 --> 00:53:16,650
I'm gonna ride you into
the sunset, baby. Whooo!
1019
00:53:16,693 --> 00:53:20,459
Oh oh, yes!
Oh, yes! Ooh!
1020
00:53:20,497 --> 00:53:22,727
Oh yeah, oh yeah!
1021
00:53:22,766 --> 00:53:25,701
Oh, pull my hair.
Spank my ass!
1022
00:53:25,735 --> 00:53:27,965
Yes. Oh, yes.
1023
00:53:28,004 --> 00:53:30,871
Kip: You gotta spank me too, baby.
Ooh, I love that.
1024
00:53:30,907 --> 00:53:33,569
I love that.
Spank me again.
1025
00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:35,805
Oh, yes yes yes yes yes!
1026
00:53:35,845 --> 00:53:40,009
Oh, yeah, baby!
Whooo-aaaaah!
1027
00:53:42,118 --> 00:53:44,916
Candi: Kip, you were supposed to
meet my parents today!
1028
00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:47,287
Hey, what are you... Oh!
1029
00:53:47,324 --> 00:53:48,916
Oh, bag shot! Oh!
1030
00:53:48,959 --> 00:53:50,893
God, oh, Jeez!
1031
00:53:50,927 --> 00:53:53,953
God, someone's pussy smells.
Get off me!
1032
00:53:53,997 --> 00:53:56,397
God! God!
1033
00:53:56,433 --> 00:53:58,333
- Jesus.
- Kip...
1034
00:53:58,368 --> 00:54:00,962
I asked you if there was anyone else
and you said no.
1035
00:54:01,004 --> 00:54:04,371
I don't like it when
men lie to me.
1036
00:54:04,407 --> 00:54:08,036
Well, honey...
1037
00:54:08,078 --> 00:54:10,410
...are we cool now?
1038
00:54:11,448 --> 00:54:13,313
Yeah, we're cool.
1039
00:54:13,350 --> 00:54:15,614
Franklin's gonna buy Candi
and I dinner tonight...
1040
00:54:15,652 --> 00:54:18,212
...while we talk about
what a dick you are.
1041
00:54:18,255 --> 00:54:22,282
And after that, we're gonna have hot
lesbian sex in my hot tub.
1042
00:54:27,497 --> 00:54:30,261
- Can I watch?
- I don't think so, Kip. We're done.
1043
00:54:30,300 --> 00:54:32,131
But I love Candi and Apples.
1044
00:54:32,168 --> 00:54:34,762
Wait, I got a KD Lang CD.
I'll drive.
1045
00:54:34,804 --> 00:54:37,398
Halt. Hey, Gwen,
how you doin'?
1046
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,806
Awesome.
Listen, you know...
1047
00:54:39,843 --> 00:54:42,403
...with everything that's going on...
you know...
1048
00:54:42,445 --> 00:54:44,675
- Your man's out mingling with...
- Husband.
1049
00:54:44,714 --> 00:54:47,581
...every other... whatever.
Point of the matter is...
1050
00:54:47,617 --> 00:54:49,915
I got to thinking and I thought,
you know...
1051
00:54:49,953 --> 00:54:52,353
- Maybe me and you should go.
- Where?
1052
00:54:52,389 --> 00:54:54,084
Prom.
1053
00:54:54,124 --> 00:54:56,718
- Ha! Duh!
- You're asking me to prom?
1054
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,490
We could. Yeah.
1055
00:54:59,529 --> 00:55:03,192
- No.
- Uh, no? Ha! That's my answer to you.
1056
00:55:03,233 --> 00:55:06,964
'Cause I'm not gonna go to prom
with you. You're pretty horrible.
1057
00:55:07,003 --> 00:55:09,631
Mann: Attention, munchkin turds...
1058
00:55:09,673 --> 00:55:12,767
Miss Apple has a few
recorded words for you...
1059
00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:18,873
Yes, spank me!
Pull my hair.
1060
00:55:20,150 --> 00:55:22,345
Mann: Now with that being said...
1061
00:55:22,385 --> 00:55:25,320
Miss Apple,
I'm really gonna miss you.
1062
00:55:25,355 --> 00:55:28,051
Principal Mann?
1063
00:55:28,091 --> 00:55:30,719
Hold on, Alice.
Go ahead, Gwenn.
1064
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:33,729
- We make a great team.
- Thanks, Gwen.
1065
00:55:33,763 --> 00:55:35,822
I couldn't have got the school
back without you.
1066
00:55:35,865 --> 00:55:37,799
Aww!
1067
00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:40,325
Looks like we won't
be seeing you next year.
1068
00:55:40,370 --> 00:55:41,928
Thank God.
1069
00:55:50,447 --> 00:55:52,142
First I need a date...
1070
00:55:52,182 --> 00:55:56,448
...but there's only two viable options:
Jonny or Matt.
1071
00:55:57,654 --> 00:55:59,713
Jonny...
1072
00:55:59,756 --> 00:56:00,916
Matt.
1073
00:56:00,957 --> 00:56:02,447
Ech!
1074
00:56:03,460 --> 00:56:06,293
Jonny, Matt.
1075
00:56:06,329 --> 00:56:08,024
Jonny.
1076
00:56:09,265 --> 00:56:11,324
Matt.
1077
00:56:12,335 --> 00:56:14,030
Jonny, Matt.
1078
00:56:14,070 --> 00:56:16,197
Jonny, Matt... Matt, Jonny.
1079
00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,400
Jonny, Matt. Matt Matt Matt.
1080
00:56:18,441 --> 00:56:20,671
Jonny, Matt.
1081
00:56:20,710 --> 00:56:23,645
Jonny, Jonny... Jonny, Jonny.
1082
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:25,545
Jonny.
1083
00:56:28,385 --> 00:56:29,943
Hey, Jonny.
1084
00:56:29,986 --> 00:56:32,546
Imitating Chinese voice:
How are you? You still cry?
1085
00:56:32,589 --> 00:56:34,887
I'm not crying.
1086
00:56:34,924 --> 00:56:37,916
Oh, you wanna go
prom with Jonny?
1087
00:56:37,961 --> 00:56:40,191
- You want...
- Yeah, let's do prom.
1088
00:56:40,230 --> 00:56:42,061
He give you fruity wooty...
1089
00:56:42,098 --> 00:56:44,965
...which is Chinese for
"fuck your brain out"!
1090
00:56:49,105 --> 00:56:51,573
And now I need
the perfect outfit.
1091
00:56:54,944 --> 00:56:57,811
#Whoa-oh whoa-oh #
1092
00:56:58,815 --> 00:57:01,010
#Whoa-oh whoa-oh #
1093
00:57:01,050 --> 00:57:03,382
#Another Friday night,
I'm waiting by the phone #
1094
00:57:03,420 --> 00:57:05,911
#You're hanging with your friends... #
1095
00:57:05,955 --> 00:57:07,286
No?
1096
00:57:07,323 --> 00:57:08,950
#I'm better off alone #
1097
00:57:08,992 --> 00:57:12,758
#Yeah, we had plans tonight,
they must have slipped your mind #
1098
00:57:12,796 --> 00:57:15,356
#And you think I'd go... #
1099
00:57:15,398 --> 00:57:17,958
I wonder where Holden is.
1100
00:57:18,001 --> 00:57:20,231
Nope. Over it!
1101
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:23,637
#But boy, I've been feeling this way #
1102
00:57:23,673 --> 00:57:27,473
#So long,
you should have seen me #
1103
00:57:27,510 --> 00:57:30,172
#Climb on #
1104
00:57:30,213 --> 00:57:33,979
#It's all your fault,
I'm running out of reasons #
1105
00:57:34,017 --> 00:57:39,011
#I'm not leaving,
I'm already gone #
1106
00:57:39,055 --> 00:57:43,116
#So long #
1107
00:57:45,361 --> 00:57:47,522
#Whoa-oh whoa-oh #
1108
00:57:47,564 --> 00:57:51,523
#By tomorrow night,
I'll be having fun #
1109
00:57:51,568 --> 00:57:55,095
#'Cause I got lots of friends
who never liked you none #
1110
00:57:55,138 --> 00:57:59,234
#Don't try to call me now,
I know your talk is cheap #
1111
00:57:59,275 --> 00:58:03,211
#And all I have to say is
leave a message at the beep #
1112
00:58:03,246 --> 00:58:07,307
#If I were you,
I wouldn't wait or bleed #
1113
00:58:07,350 --> 00:58:09,841
#'Cause boy, you're gonna
have to wait #
1114
00:58:09,886 --> 00:58:12,719
#So long #
1115
00:58:12,755 --> 00:58:16,486
#You should have seen me
climb on #
1116
00:58:16,526 --> 00:58:20,360
#It's all your fault,
I'm running out of reasons #
1117
00:58:20,396 --> 00:58:24,958
#I'm not leaving,
I'm already gone #
1118
00:58:25,001 --> 00:58:28,437
#So goodbye, good luck to you #
1119
00:58:28,471 --> 00:58:32,271
#You can't hurt me anymore!
I'm so far over you #
1120
00:58:32,308 --> 00:58:37,177
#Already out the door... #
1121
00:58:40,183 --> 00:58:42,879
So Hilary might have
a larger booty...
1122
00:58:42,919 --> 00:58:45,183
...but I have brains.
1123
00:59:06,809 --> 00:59:09,175
- Oh, yeah!
- It's me!
1124
00:59:10,780 --> 00:59:14,614
- I'm so excited! It's prom! It's prom!
- Whooo!
1125
00:59:14,651 --> 00:59:16,676
Goin' to prom!
1126
00:59:16,719 --> 00:59:18,118
Yeah!
1127
00:59:18,154 --> 00:59:20,145
Aren't you gonna close the door?
1128
00:59:20,189 --> 00:59:21,554
Oh.
1129
00:59:33,036 --> 00:59:35,266
You're welcome.
1130
00:59:35,305 --> 00:59:37,796
I'm just messing with you.
1131
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,468
You look... Good.
1132
00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:44,776
What's with the Sith Lord thing?
Whoo, it's Gwen Adams!
1133
00:59:44,814 --> 00:59:46,543
I'm just kidding.
Wanna make out?
1134
00:59:46,583 --> 00:59:49,643
Not yet. Let's wait.
What's with the cheetah bra?
1135
00:59:49,686 --> 00:59:51,847
Raar! I just want to bite
into those breasts.
1136
00:59:51,888 --> 00:59:55,517
Aren't you excited?
Prom!
1137
00:59:55,558 --> 00:59:57,788
- Is that my boy Jonny?
- Kip Dick!
1138
00:59:57,827 --> 01:00:00,955
Love the vest.
My God, you look hot.
1139
01:00:00,997 --> 01:00:03,864
- Ooh, big night tonight.
- Yeah!
1140
01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:07,131
- Ha!
- Errrr!
1141
01:00:07,170 --> 01:00:10,662
Yoink. Mr. Dick!
1142
01:00:10,707 --> 01:00:12,504
Whoo! What's up, man?
1143
01:00:12,542 --> 01:00:14,407
Let's do it.
1144
01:00:14,444 --> 01:00:16,344
Come on.
1145
01:00:16,379 --> 01:00:19,212
- Yes!
- Wait, don't forget me.
1146
01:00:19,248 --> 01:00:22,445
Yeah.
Prom rules!
1147
01:00:22,485 --> 01:00:25,613
Whoo! Well, come on, honey.
We gotta get there.
1148
01:00:25,655 --> 01:00:28,351
- Get inside.
- Gonna be awesome.
1149
01:00:28,391 --> 01:00:30,689
Ah, yes!
1150
01:00:30,727 --> 01:00:32,388
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah.
1151
01:00:32,428 --> 01:00:34,896
You know, if you need a little
road head, I won't be in the way.
1152
01:00:35,932 --> 01:00:39,095
Come on, baby.
Prom night.
1153
01:00:41,104 --> 01:00:42,901
Hey!
1154
01:00:42,939 --> 01:00:44,930
What the fuck?
1155
01:00:44,974 --> 01:00:47,841
Fuckin' cocksuckers.
I wanted to go to prom.
1156
01:00:58,221 --> 01:01:02,920
#Everyone is always on the go #
1157
01:01:02,959 --> 01:01:06,759
#Gotta get to school
or my mom will know #
1158
01:01:07,997 --> 01:01:11,057
#Barely made the bus,
you know I'm late to class#
1159
01:01:12,769 --> 01:01:15,636
#If I don't get there in time,
she's gonna kick my ass #
1160
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:20,403
#Yeah, it's a good social program #
1161
01:01:20,443 --> 01:01:22,502
#Where all the kids can
go uptown #
1162
01:01:22,545 --> 01:01:25,013
#Yeah, it's a new way
to know that #
1163
01:01:25,048 --> 01:01:27,482
#Everything's okay #
1164
01:01:27,517 --> 01:01:30,816
#Barely made the bus,
you know I'm late to class#
1165
01:01:32,388 --> 01:01:35,221
#If I don't get there on time,
she's gonna kick my ass #
1166
01:01:36,693 --> 01:01:39,685
#Yeah, it's a good
social program #
1167
01:01:39,729 --> 01:01:41,890
#Where all the kids
can go uptown #
1168
01:01:41,931 --> 01:01:44,297
#Yeah, it's a new way
to know that #
1169
01:01:44,333 --> 01:01:47,029
#Everything's okay #
1170
01:01:47,070 --> 01:01:49,436
#Ooh, it doesn't
get much better #
1171
01:01:49,472 --> 01:01:51,872
#Never thought I'd ever
play the fool #
1172
01:01:51,908 --> 01:01:56,743
#Everything I need's in
my American high school #
1173
01:01:56,779 --> 01:01:59,145
#Oh, Lord, it doesn't
get much better #
1174
01:01:59,182 --> 01:02:01,616
#Never thought I'd ever
play the fool #
1175
01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:03,551
#Everything I need... #
1176
01:02:03,586 --> 01:02:05,451
Hell of a party, huh?
1177
01:02:05,488 --> 01:02:07,581
Doogie, what are you
doing here?
1178
01:02:07,623 --> 01:02:09,488
Me? I'm on call.
1179
01:02:09,525 --> 01:02:12,494
Any of the girls drink too much,
I'm gonna give them a breathalyzer.
1180
01:02:12,528 --> 01:02:15,292
I brought something
for them to blow on.
1181
01:02:15,331 --> 01:02:17,424
Listen, I see kids like you
all the time...
1182
01:02:17,467 --> 01:02:19,458
...you don't know if
you're coming or going.
1183
01:02:19,502 --> 01:02:22,494
I know I haven't come in a long time.
I just went... I'd gone.
1184
01:02:22,538 --> 01:02:24,529
But you don't know if
you're coming or going.
1185
01:02:24,574 --> 01:02:26,940
You need to have more confidence.
You need to, you know...
1186
01:02:26,976 --> 01:02:29,035
- I know.
- ...Take a risk, you know?
1187
01:02:29,078 --> 01:02:31,205
Whoa, wait a minute.
1188
01:02:31,247 --> 01:02:34,614
I see your guy dancing
with another girl.
1189
01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,619
Yeah, you know why he's with
that lady blonde?
1190
01:02:37,653 --> 01:02:39,450
- Why?
- I'll tell you why.
1191
01:02:39,489 --> 01:02:41,548
There's a lot of reasons.
1192
01:02:41,591 --> 01:02:43,650
One of them come to mind:
she's fuckable...
1193
01:02:43,693 --> 01:02:46,662
...and you're sitting here with
a guy with a mustache...
1194
01:02:46,696 --> 01:02:48,960
...and a two-inch penis.
1195
01:02:48,998 --> 01:02:50,829
- Oh!
- I know.
1196
01:02:50,867 --> 01:02:53,734
Lower.
1197
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,101
Yeah.
1198
01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:58,733
You need to go
after what you want.
1199
01:02:58,775 --> 01:03:00,265
Thanks.
1200
01:03:00,309 --> 01:03:03,278
Listen, I'm not
picking sides, okay?
1201
01:03:03,312 --> 01:03:05,473
There are no sides, okay?
1202
01:03:05,515 --> 01:03:08,075
There's one thing
that controls relationships.
1203
01:03:08,117 --> 01:03:09,277
What's that?
1204
01:03:09,318 --> 01:03:12,048
The penis. Yeah.
1205
01:03:12,088 --> 01:03:15,649
Let me ask you this: What does a guy
with a 12-inch penis eat for breakfast?
1206
01:03:15,691 --> 01:03:17,056
I don't know.
What do they eat?
1207
01:03:17,093 --> 01:03:19,357
Let's see, this morning
I had waffles...
1208
01:03:19,395 --> 01:03:21,363
...uh, some jelly on some toast.
1209
01:03:21,397 --> 01:03:23,092
But listen, you need to
move forward.
1210
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:25,657
- You've got to stop looking backward.
- I know.
1211
01:03:25,701 --> 01:03:27,669
You need more confidence.
1212
01:03:27,703 --> 01:03:29,500
I know you have it.
1213
01:03:29,539 --> 01:03:31,769
- Okay?
- Thanks, Doogie.
1214
01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,070
You're welcome.
1215
01:03:34,677 --> 01:03:36,645
Gwen: Doogie's the best, isn't he?
1216
01:03:36,679 --> 01:03:38,840
- You want to fuck or not?
- What?
1217
01:03:38,881 --> 01:03:40,576
God!
1218
01:03:40,616 --> 01:03:42,948
#They got me thinking naughty #
1219
01:03:42,985 --> 01:03:47,820
#And I want to put my hands
on that booty... Booty #
1220
01:03:47,857 --> 01:03:49,950
#Not trying to offend you #
1221
01:03:49,992 --> 01:03:52,517
#But I want to
get up in you #
1222
01:03:52,562 --> 01:03:55,998
#I can't hold it back,
you're so sexy... #
1223
01:03:56,032 --> 01:03:57,727
Good evening, boys and girls!
1224
01:03:57,767 --> 01:04:00,201
All:
Good evening, Mr. Mann.
1225
01:04:00,236 --> 01:04:02,227
Thank you.
It's been a good night.
1226
01:04:02,271 --> 01:04:04,739
Man, you rock!
1227
01:04:04,774 --> 01:04:08,107
Right back at ya, sweet pea.
1228
01:04:08,144 --> 01:04:11,443
All right, this is the main part
of our ceremony.
1229
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:14,813
It's the climax of the prom.
1230
01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:18,252
And that means it's
queen time!
1231
01:04:22,959 --> 01:04:25,621
So let's have those ladies
move to the front right now.
1232
01:04:36,505 --> 01:04:38,632
With that being said...
1233
01:04:38,674 --> 01:04:41,006
...our prom queen is...
1234
01:04:44,780 --> 01:04:46,543
Gwen Adams!
1235
01:04:46,582 --> 01:04:48,447
Thattagirl!
1236
01:04:48,484 --> 01:04:51,146
Let's give it up for Gwen Adams.
1237
01:04:51,187 --> 01:04:53,451
Gwen: Oh, I almost feel bad.
1238
01:04:53,489 --> 01:04:55,150
Yeah, right!
1239
01:04:55,191 --> 01:04:57,386
At this point, you probably think
I cheated the system, huh?
1240
01:04:57,426 --> 01:05:00,224
I mean, I didn't even
campaign that hard.
1241
01:05:00,263 --> 01:05:02,163
But you're wrong:
I won fair and square.
1242
01:05:02,198 --> 01:05:03,961
Well, almost.
1243
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:04,989
Don't judge me.
1244
01:05:05,034 --> 01:05:07,002
You would have done
the same thing.
1245
01:05:19,348 --> 01:05:21,509
I'm proud of you, kiddo.
1246
01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:26,688
All right, with that being said...
1247
01:05:26,722 --> 01:05:28,349
...it's time for our prom king!
1248
01:05:28,391 --> 01:05:31,485
What you mean, "prom king"?
1249
01:05:31,527 --> 01:05:34,758
Oh, come on, man.
Every prom has a prom king...
1250
01:05:34,797 --> 01:05:38,426
- And a queen.
- You suck!
1251
01:05:38,467 --> 01:05:41,436
All right, I can't help that you guys
spend all your time and money...
1252
01:05:41,470 --> 01:05:43,370
...votin' on the hos.
1253
01:05:43,406 --> 01:05:46,534
So with that, I'm gonna invoke
executive decision.
1254
01:05:46,575 --> 01:05:49,567
Varsity champion,
our captain...
1255
01:05:49,612 --> 01:05:51,773
Jonny Awesome!
1256
01:05:56,085 --> 01:05:58,451
Awesome! Ahh!
1257
01:06:02,525 --> 01:06:04,755
Fifth year in a row, baby.
What!
1258
01:06:04,794 --> 01:06:07,354
Whoo! Ha ha! Whoo!
1259
01:06:09,198 --> 01:06:10,790
Whoo!
1260
01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:18,164
Wow. Ha ha!
This is totally unexpected.
1261
01:06:18,207 --> 01:06:21,301
- Totally unexpected.
- I mean, I didn't even expect it.
1262
01:06:21,344 --> 01:06:23,778
- Didn't expect it.
- I mean, it's a total shocker.
1263
01:06:23,813 --> 01:06:25,906
- It's a shocker... Capital S.
- Matty?
1264
01:06:25,948 --> 01:06:29,111
Uh, first I would
first and foremost...
1265
01:06:29,151 --> 01:06:30,948
- Like to thank...
- Bitches.
1266
01:06:30,987 --> 01:06:33,751
...all the bitches.
Secondly, I'd like to thank...
1267
01:06:33,789 --> 01:06:35,984
- Hos.
- ...All the hos.
1268
01:06:36,025 --> 01:06:38,687
- Thirdly, I just want to thank...
- Bitches and hos.
1269
01:06:38,728 --> 01:06:41,754
...all the bitches
and the hos.
1270
01:06:41,797 --> 01:06:44,493
- You're a ho.
- She knows she's a ho.
1271
01:06:44,533 --> 01:06:47,001
And I don't know why
I'm talking like a reverend...
1272
01:06:47,036 --> 01:06:48,663
...but I want to preach to you!
1273
01:06:48,704 --> 01:06:52,037
Who's gonna pledge $100?
Who's gonna pledge $100?
1274
01:06:52,074 --> 01:06:54,338
#Because we're awesome! #
1275
01:06:54,377 --> 01:06:57,244
- Ho!
- That's... That's how I sing.
1276
01:06:58,514 --> 01:07:01,449
Uh, Gwen? Ahem...
1277
01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:07,112
Ha ha.
1278
01:07:07,156 --> 01:07:10,853
Uh, now me and
your queen of the prom...
1279
01:07:10,893 --> 01:07:13,054
- Shall dance, shall we?
- Matt: Shall we dance?
1280
01:07:13,095 --> 01:07:15,757
Yeah, I think we're supposed to.
1281
01:07:15,798 --> 01:07:16,958
Awesome.
1282
01:07:18,567 --> 01:07:21,400
Mann: Let me get your attention.
Let me get your attention!
1283
01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:25,339
Allow me to introduce to you
Principal Mann's personal friend...
1284
01:07:25,374 --> 01:07:29,970
...international recording artist
Trini Lуpez!
1285
01:07:30,012 --> 01:07:31,741
"La Bamba!"
1286
01:08:00,309 --> 01:08:02,504
You too.
1287
01:08:02,545 --> 01:08:04,672
You too. You too.
1288
01:08:05,681 --> 01:08:08,980
I'm sorry, my lips are really tired.
Maybe next time.
1289
01:08:11,153 --> 01:08:13,485
Come here.
1290
01:08:13,522 --> 01:08:15,490
Jonny shouldn't treat you like that.
1291
01:08:16,892 --> 01:08:19,019
Uh-oh!
1292
01:08:20,029 --> 01:08:22,429
I got it, I got it.
1293
01:08:22,465 --> 01:08:23,932
I got it.
1294
01:08:23,966 --> 01:08:26,196
I got it, I got it.
1295
01:08:26,235 --> 01:08:28,465
I always have a problem
getting it up.
1296
01:08:28,504 --> 01:08:30,699
Okay.
How you doin', Holden?
1297
01:08:30,739 --> 01:08:32,400
I'm good, buddy.
How you doin', Doogie?
1298
01:08:32,441 --> 01:08:35,001
Me? I'm stoned.
1299
01:08:35,044 --> 01:08:37,239
Hey, you want my advice?
1300
01:08:37,279 --> 01:08:40,146
- Not really.
- You don't want my advice?
1301
01:08:40,182 --> 01:08:42,548
I know you're not gonna take it.
You better list... Listen to me.
1302
01:08:42,585 --> 01:08:44,314
Listen to me.
That hurts, doesn't it?
1303
01:08:44,353 --> 01:08:46,878
No, it doesn't hurt.
I lost sensation in my left nipple...
1304
01:08:46,922 --> 01:08:49,049
- Is there a problem here?
- Damn.
1305
01:08:49,091 --> 01:08:50,991
- Huh? Is there a problem here?
- Yeah...
1306
01:08:51,026 --> 01:08:53,051
- Adams?
- No, I'm good.
1307
01:08:53,095 --> 01:08:54,619
- He's my bitch.
- What?
1308
01:08:54,663 --> 01:08:57,291
Sounds like you come from
a loving family there, Holden.
1309
01:08:57,333 --> 01:08:59,324
- It's amazing, Doogie.
- Wow.
1310
01:08:59,368 --> 01:09:00,926
- Doogie?
- Yeah.
1311
01:09:00,970 --> 01:09:03,803
Look at Gwen.
You've been examining her, right?
1312
01:09:03,839 --> 01:09:06,171
I'm gonna be real with you
for a second.
1313
01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:09,700
I want to lick her up and down
and bite her ass like a meatball.
1314
01:09:09,745 --> 01:09:11,576
Oh.
1315
01:09:14,049 --> 01:09:17,177
- You know...
- Yeah?
1316
01:09:17,219 --> 01:09:19,619
...I'm telling you,
fucking teenagers.
1317
01:09:20,923 --> 01:09:23,153
- Isn't it best?
- It is good.
1318
01:09:23,192 --> 01:09:25,683
Hey, Brian.
1319
01:09:25,728 --> 01:09:27,491
- Hi.
- Mind if I sit down?
1320
01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:30,294
- Hello.
- Yeah, I voted for "bush. "
1321
01:09:31,867 --> 01:09:35,359
Hello, lovely.
1322
01:09:54,490 --> 01:09:57,425
Awesome people don't do drugs,
you know what I mean?
1323
01:09:57,459 --> 01:10:00,587
Gwen, what are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
1324
01:10:00,629 --> 01:10:04,224
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Bro, my sash.
1325
01:10:04,266 --> 01:10:06,291
- Ow!
- Listen.
1326
01:10:06,335 --> 01:10:08,803
- Seriously, ow.
- Listen! Listen! Listen to me!
1327
01:10:08,837 --> 01:10:10,930
- You are so high-strung.
- Stop! No! Why are you so good-looking?
1328
01:10:10,973 --> 01:10:13,840
I'm sick of it. You're so awesome
and you're so good-looking and I'm not.
1329
01:10:13,876 --> 01:10:15,901
I'm not good-looking
and I'm not awesome!
1330
01:10:15,945 --> 01:10:17,913
- I know, baby. I know.
- I'm not. I'm not.
1331
01:10:17,947 --> 01:10:20,177
I know, I know. Come here.
Let it out.
1332
01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:21,740
- Just come on, let it out.
- I'm not!
1333
01:10:21,784 --> 01:10:25,345
I'm not and look!
1334
01:10:25,387 --> 01:10:27,446
- Ow! You always hit me.
- Sorry, dude.
1335
01:10:27,489 --> 01:10:29,423
- Oh, ow! Ow!
- Ow! Ow!
1336
01:10:29,458 --> 01:10:31,926
- Ow ow!
- Now you're really hitting me.
1337
01:10:31,961 --> 01:10:33,895
- Ow!
- You're really hitting me.
1338
01:10:33,929 --> 01:10:35,897
- My crown!
- Oh!
1339
01:10:35,931 --> 01:10:40,630
I will fuck you in the ass so fucking
hard, you have no fucking idea.
1340
01:10:44,139 --> 01:10:45,697
I'm just kidding.
I wouldn't hurt you.
1341
01:10:45,741 --> 01:10:47,470
- Yeah. Yeah. Awkward.
- Never again.
1342
01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:49,443
- I'm gonna leave now.
- Yeah.
1343
01:10:49,478 --> 01:10:52,174
Whew! Wow.
1344
01:10:53,182 --> 01:10:55,480
I mean, he's not
bad looking, but...
1345
01:10:55,517 --> 01:10:57,451
Hey.
1346
01:10:57,486 --> 01:11:00,046
- What?
- No pussy for you.
1347
01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:03,490
I will uppercut your face,
random bearded guy!
1348
01:11:03,525 --> 01:11:06,619
That's right. I'll do a fucking ollie
all over this skate park...
1349
01:11:06,662 --> 01:11:10,792
...with your fucking dick-ass
Miyagi ass!
1350
01:11:10,833 --> 01:11:12,664
Yeah!
1351
01:11:12,701 --> 01:11:15,067
- Get away from me!
- Stop! Stop.
1352
01:11:15,104 --> 01:11:19,006
Stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1353
01:11:19,041 --> 01:11:20,702
I love you.
I love you, Gwen.
1354
01:11:20,743 --> 01:11:22,210
- Really? When is that?
- Yeah.
1355
01:11:22,244 --> 01:11:24,678
When you're dancing with Hilary or
when you're fucking her?
1356
01:11:24,713 --> 01:11:26,647
She's nothing! She's nothing!
1357
01:11:26,682 --> 01:11:28,513
Don't ruin my night.
1358
01:11:29,918 --> 01:11:32,079
She's nothing!
1359
01:11:32,121 --> 01:11:36,581
#I gotta tell you that
I never ever felt this way... #
1360
01:11:36,625 --> 01:11:38,525
Ooh! There you are!
1361
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:40,551
You have ruined everything.
1362
01:11:40,596 --> 01:11:42,757
This is my prom, okay?
1363
01:11:42,798 --> 01:11:44,527
You see that band over there?
That's mine.
1364
01:11:44,566 --> 01:11:46,591
This whole entire prom is mine.
1365
01:11:46,635 --> 01:11:49,160
Everybody here is
for me, okay?
1366
01:11:49,204 --> 01:11:50,831
And you are ruining it!
1367
01:11:50,873 --> 01:11:53,865
Listen, the only reason
that you are even here...
1368
01:11:53,909 --> 01:11:56,571
...that you are even in this place
is because of me...
1369
01:11:56,612 --> 01:11:58,239
...is because I want to be
prom queen!
1370
01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:00,976
And it's not because of me,
it's all me! Don't you get it?
1371
01:12:01,016 --> 01:12:03,644
It's all about me and me...
1372
01:12:04,953 --> 01:12:06,887
Fuck you, slut!
1373
01:12:06,922 --> 01:12:08,412
Oh my God.
1374
01:12:08,457 --> 01:12:10,857
Did you see that?
She just got hit in the face.
1375
01:12:10,893 --> 01:12:12,053
Of course I saw it.
1376
01:12:12,094 --> 01:12:14,619
- You just got hit in your face.
- Oh my God.
1377
01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:17,655
I'm gonna throw my peanuts at you
'cause you're stupid.
1378
01:12:19,835 --> 01:12:23,236
- Let's go kick a puppy.
- Oh, is there a puppy here?
1379
01:12:33,382 --> 01:12:36,112
That's it... Just mess with it a little.
1380
01:12:40,723 --> 01:12:42,953
I haven't seen
your dad in a minute.
1381
01:12:42,991 --> 01:12:44,652
He's with Zoey.
1382
01:12:44,693 --> 01:12:48,094
Oh!
He's probably banging her right now.
1383
01:12:48,130 --> 01:12:50,155
Awesome!
1384
01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:53,191
Why do you always say "awesome"?
I mean, we get it.
1385
01:12:53,235 --> 01:12:55,863
Yeah, you're so awesome.
You wear the hat.
1386
01:12:55,904 --> 01:12:57,394
"Ooh, awesome!
1387
01:12:57,439 --> 01:12:58,770
Awesomeness, man!"
1388
01:12:58,807 --> 01:13:01,105
You're a bitch. Yeah.
1389
01:13:01,143 --> 01:13:03,134
No wonder Holden divorced you.
1390
01:13:03,178 --> 01:13:06,670
Suck a dick for crying out loud.
Suck my dick, okay?
1391
01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:08,205
You're sucking my dick,
trust me...
1392
01:13:08,250 --> 01:13:10,650
...all of a sudden
the frown is upside down.
1393
01:13:10,686 --> 01:13:14,053
You be all like, "Thank you, Jonny.
Thank you for that cock. "
1394
01:13:14,089 --> 01:13:17,058
And I'll be like, "No problem.
You want some more cock?"
1395
01:13:17,092 --> 01:13:18,787
And then you'll be like,
"Yes, please. "
1396
01:13:18,827 --> 01:13:21,421
And I'll be like, "No problem.
Got plenty of cock here. "
1397
01:13:21,463 --> 01:13:23,328
And it'll be great!
1398
01:13:23,365 --> 01:13:25,458
And you'll be like...
1399
01:13:25,501 --> 01:13:27,526
...on account of my great girth.
1400
01:13:27,569 --> 01:13:28,695
- Yeah!
- Wow.
1401
01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:31,570
See, look. Yeah.
You're opening up already.
1402
01:13:31,607 --> 01:13:34,872
Look, you're going through
a divorce...
1403
01:13:34,910 --> 01:13:37,105
...which, by the way, sucks!
1404
01:13:37,146 --> 01:13:40,240
I mean, you graduate high school like,
"Hey, I'm divorced already...
1405
01:13:40,282 --> 01:13:41,943
...and I'm boring
on top of that. "
1406
01:13:41,984 --> 01:13:43,884
Nobody wants to eat that cake.
1407
01:13:43,919 --> 01:13:46,285
The point is,
you're having fun now;
1408
01:13:46,321 --> 01:13:48,687
...it's prom night;
you got a crown tonight, right?
1409
01:13:48,724 --> 01:13:50,885
- We both got crowns.
- Yeah.
1410
01:13:50,926 --> 01:13:52,689
- Now come on.
- I did.
1411
01:13:52,728 --> 01:13:55,822
Let's have some fun.
What do you say?
1412
01:13:55,864 --> 01:13:57,456
Okay.
1413
01:14:07,309 --> 01:14:09,903
Awesome!
1414
01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:11,276
Ow.
1415
01:14:11,313 --> 01:14:13,611
- What!
- What?
1416
01:14:13,649 --> 01:14:16,743
You were, like, practically
asking for it. What are you doing?
1417
01:14:16,785 --> 01:14:19,549
Where... why are you leaving?
Don't leave.
1418
01:14:19,588 --> 01:14:21,419
Oh... Ho!
1419
01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:23,789
Ha! Yeah, leave.
1420
01:14:23,826 --> 01:14:25,726
Ha. Ha.
1421
01:14:27,763 --> 01:14:30,254
I'm so stupid!
1422
01:14:30,299 --> 01:14:33,427
Oh, no!
1423
01:14:35,504 --> 01:14:38,473
#You're feeling kinda sad #
1424
01:14:38,507 --> 01:14:40,737
#You've been a little bad #
1425
01:14:40,776 --> 01:14:44,337
#To the girl who
was just in your car #
1426
01:14:46,515 --> 01:14:48,608
#And now she's gone away #
1427
01:14:48,650 --> 01:14:51,778
- # And never gonna stay... #
- What are you doing?
1428
01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:53,754
Get it together, man.
1429
01:14:53,789 --> 01:14:55,916
I'm cheering you up.
I'm making fun of this situation.
1430
01:14:55,958 --> 01:14:58,222
Look at you:
you're a disgrace.
1431
01:14:58,260 --> 01:15:01,161
Hey, look at me, look at me,
look at me.
1432
01:15:01,196 --> 01:15:03,528
- Can't!
- What is your name? Huh?
1433
01:15:03,565 --> 01:15:06,261
What is your name?
J- J-J-J...
1434
01:15:06,301 --> 01:15:08,201
J... What's your name?
1435
01:15:08,237 --> 01:15:10,262
- Jonny.
- Jonny. That's right. That's right.
1436
01:15:26,188 --> 01:15:28,816
Students, parents and faculty...
1437
01:15:28,857 --> 01:15:32,190
...welcome to the commencement
ceremonies for American High School.
1438
01:15:32,227 --> 01:15:34,491
Principal Mann
wanted to be here today...
1439
01:15:34,530 --> 01:15:37,260
...but something very important
came up at the last minute.
1440
01:15:37,299 --> 01:15:40,598
So now I ask you to stand up
and receive your diplomas.
1441
01:15:40,636 --> 01:15:44,231
Gwen: So I actually made it to
graduation without bailing out.
1442
01:15:44,273 --> 01:15:46,241
Doogie was right:
1443
01:15:46,275 --> 01:15:48,266
...all I needed was
a little confidence.
1444
01:15:48,310 --> 01:15:51,905
I may not have aced Seuss's class,
but I sure did learn a lot...
1445
01:15:51,947 --> 01:15:56,145
...about who I am
and what I want in life.
1446
01:15:56,184 --> 01:15:58,379
Seuss: I enjoyed your brave
struggle against alcoholism.
1447
01:15:58,420 --> 01:16:01,321
Jonny? Jonny, I say.
1448
01:16:01,356 --> 01:16:04,154
- Wha' is it, Matt?
- Well, wha' it is is...
1449
01:16:04,192 --> 01:16:07,457
...prom was so much fun, I think it's
the littl' things that matter.
1450
01:16:07,496 --> 01:16:10,260
And the littl' things like
her not makin' prom queen...
1451
01:16:10,299 --> 01:16:12,529
...were very very excitin'
and fun to me.
1452
01:16:12,568 --> 01:16:16,265
I think that the fact that
I won the crown durin' prom...
1453
01:16:16,305 --> 01:16:19,502
- is totally fantabulous.
- Shut up!
1454
01:16:19,541 --> 01:16:23,739
I must've drunk me about
seven aluminum cans of Guinness.
1455
01:16:23,779 --> 01:16:26,009
I don' know what you're sayin',
but all I heard was...
1456
01:16:26,048 --> 01:16:27,982
- Prom was awesome, I got a crown...
- Shut up!
1457
01:16:28,016 --> 01:16:30,985
Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
the graduating class...
1458
01:16:31,019 --> 01:16:33,078
...of American High School!
1459
01:17:25,507 --> 01:17:28,772
Well, I'm glad it's finally over.
1460
01:17:28,810 --> 01:17:31,973
Closure can be
a beautiful thing.
1461
01:17:32,014 --> 01:17:34,812
I really don't think
graduation's that important.
1462
01:17:34,850 --> 01:17:38,650
I was talking about
the divorce papers.
1463
01:17:40,155 --> 01:17:42,817
Hey. Hey, don't be so
hard on yourself.
1464
01:17:42,858 --> 01:17:44,917
You gave it
your best shot, right?
1465
01:17:45,927 --> 01:17:48,259
You know what I don't
understand, though?
1466
01:17:49,297 --> 01:17:51,561
I mean, people look at me...
1467
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:54,228
...they seem to forget that
I'm a dad too.
1468
01:17:54,269 --> 01:17:58,501
I mean, all I ever wanted was
for my little girl to be happy.
1469
01:17:58,540 --> 01:18:01,100
You know what?
She nearly had me convinced...
1470
01:18:01,143 --> 01:18:02,735
...that you were the one.
1471
01:18:02,778 --> 01:18:04,405
Gwen: And even more surprisingly...
1472
01:18:04,446 --> 01:18:06,880
...my dad stuck up for me
for once.
1473
01:18:06,915 --> 01:18:08,906
He may have actually
turned over a new leaf.
1474
01:18:08,950 --> 01:18:12,852
To be honest, I never thought
she'd sign the papers.
1475
01:18:12,888 --> 01:18:16,346
Are you really gonna
marry this guy?
1476
01:18:16,391 --> 01:18:19,485
Are you serious?
This is a very rich man.
1477
01:18:22,030 --> 01:18:24,692
Sometimes you just gotta
go with the flow.
1478
01:18:24,733 --> 01:18:27,031
Who says life is fair, huh?
1479
01:18:28,036 --> 01:18:30,561
I'm gonna go munch me
some Candi.
1480
01:18:32,774 --> 01:18:34,605
I want a little pussy.
I mean, why not?
1481
01:18:34,643 --> 01:18:37,407
I got a dick; I could stick it in,
have a good time.
1482
01:18:37,446 --> 01:18:38,913
Fuck!
1483
01:18:40,949 --> 01:18:44,282
What kind of a classless whore
would fuck TeePee?
1484
01:18:44,319 --> 01:18:46,913
One that I'm in love with?
Yeah, perfect.
1485
01:18:48,557 --> 01:18:50,548
Maybe this'll kill me.
1486
01:18:53,795 --> 01:18:56,559
Hilary, Hilary, Hilary.
1487
01:18:56,598 --> 01:18:58,122
- Hey, bitch.
- Whoo hoo.
1488
01:18:58,166 --> 01:19:00,600
- Hey, loser.
- Couldn't help but notice...
1489
01:19:00,635 --> 01:19:04,503
...a lack of something up here...
a lot of space.
1490
01:19:04,539 --> 01:19:08,066
Lack of brains. I think you
wish you were awesome.
1491
01:19:08,110 --> 01:19:10,169
Gwen: After Hilary lost prom queen...
1492
01:19:10,212 --> 01:19:12,271
...things kind of started
falling apart for her.
1493
01:19:12,314 --> 01:19:15,181
I guess she finally learned
an age-old lesson:
1494
01:19:15,217 --> 01:19:16,809
quit being such a whore!
1495
01:19:21,790 --> 01:19:24,452
We are so not friends anymore.
1496
01:19:24,493 --> 01:19:26,324
I've always hated you.
1497
01:19:26,361 --> 01:19:27,623
- Always.
- Bitch.
1498
01:19:27,662 --> 01:19:30,062
I wouldn't bang you
with TeePee's dick.
1499
01:19:30,098 --> 01:19:32,157
Yeah, bitch.
1500
01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:33,224
- Bitch.
- Bitch.
1501
01:19:33,268 --> 01:19:35,566
And you got a fat ass, whore.
1502
01:19:35,604 --> 01:19:38,164
- And big arms.
- Yeah, I said it: whore!
1503
01:19:38,206 --> 01:19:40,766
- Huge!
- Three times: whore.
1504
01:19:40,809 --> 01:19:44,267
Hey, I don't want to interrupt
the pity party over here...
1505
01:19:44,312 --> 01:19:46,507
...but... You know, I'm no math
major or anything...
1506
01:19:46,548 --> 01:19:49,278
...but there's one of me, two of you.
What do you say we add each other up...
1507
01:19:49,317 --> 01:19:51,547
- And have a foursome?
- Can't wait!
1508
01:19:51,586 --> 01:19:53,884
- I love it!
- Later, bitches.
1509
01:19:53,922 --> 01:19:56,117
- I am awesome!
- Bye.
1510
01:19:56,158 --> 01:19:59,218
You know, now that you're not hanging
out with old hair extensions...
1511
01:19:59,261 --> 01:20:01,354
I thought maybe we could...
1512
01:20:01,396 --> 01:20:03,330
- Just the two of us.
- Okay.
1513
01:20:03,365 --> 01:20:04,923
- Yeah.
- All three?
1514
01:20:04,966 --> 01:20:06,991
Wh-what? No.
What the fuck?
1515
01:20:08,003 --> 01:20:11,495
Don't tell anybody about this, TeePee,
but I'm desperate.
1516
01:20:14,276 --> 01:20:15,868
Ooh, a gummy worm.
1517
01:20:15,911 --> 01:20:18,641
That teeth thing
creeped me out.
1518
01:20:21,049 --> 01:20:23,540
I put 'em in!
1519
01:20:23,585 --> 01:20:25,849
So that's me:
school-conquering...
1520
01:20:25,887 --> 01:20:27,684
...man-eating, Satan-slaying...
1521
01:20:27,722 --> 01:20:29,781
...independent me.
1522
01:20:29,825 --> 01:20:32,988
And this time, I'm in charge.
1523
01:20:33,028 --> 01:20:35,121
Oh, and I almost forgot...
1524
01:20:35,163 --> 01:20:36,755
I'm not pregnant!
1525
01:20:36,898 --> 01:20:40,231
Sometimes life really blows.
But it's up to you to sit back...
1526
01:20:40,302 --> 01:20:42,827
...relax, and enjoy the blowjob.
1527
01:20:46,441 --> 01:20:48,636
So after graduation...
1528
01:20:48,677 --> 01:20:50,702
Hilary started her own
mentors' program...
1529
01:20:50,745 --> 01:20:53,578
...to teach young girls
the importance of confidence...
1530
01:20:53,615 --> 01:20:55,776
...and aim.
1531
01:20:55,817 --> 01:20:59,275
It was very successful.
1532
01:21:03,124 --> 01:21:07,857
It would have it that Jonny,
Matt and Holden started a boy band.
1533
01:21:07,896 --> 01:21:10,262
Three guesses what
their name was.
1534
01:21:10,298 --> 01:21:12,926
Shocking, I know.
More shocking...
1535
01:21:12,968 --> 01:21:15,459
...is that their record
actually hit top 10.
1536
01:21:15,503 --> 01:21:17,403
Worst records ever!
1537
01:21:17,439 --> 01:21:19,134
Candi cleaned up Kip's act...
1538
01:21:19,174 --> 01:21:22,371
...and the two of them opened up
a rape-help clinic for young women.
1539
01:21:22,410 --> 01:21:24,344
They're both very happy.
1540
01:21:26,514 --> 01:21:30,541
Principal Mann and Miss Apple ended up
reconciling their differences...
1541
01:21:30,585 --> 01:21:33,611
...and found love...
with one another.
1542
01:21:35,156 --> 01:21:38,683
Don't feel bad for Mr. Seuss, though.
The PTA declared him principal.
1543
01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:42,822
And as for me,
who knows what's next?
1544
01:21:42,864 --> 01:21:46,391
That's kind of the great part.
The world is my non-conflict diamond...
1545
01:21:46,434 --> 01:21:49,926
...or oyster or whatever.
And if Hilary taught me anything...
1546
01:21:49,971 --> 01:21:52,531
...it's to go after what I want
with everything in me.
1547
01:21:52,574 --> 01:21:56,271
And as I recently discovered,
that happens to be a lot.
1548
01:21:56,311 --> 01:21:58,245
#One, two #
1549
01:21:58,280 --> 01:22:02,614
#Now it's true, you gotta go
go, get out on your own #
1550
01:22:02,651 --> 01:22:05,814
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1551
01:22:05,854 --> 01:22:09,346
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1552
01:22:09,391 --> 01:22:12,224
#One, two,
now we're through #
1553
01:22:12,260 --> 01:22:15,320
#Well, I fought off my demons #
1554
01:22:15,363 --> 01:22:18,423
#I've saved the world
1,000 times #
1555
01:22:18,466 --> 01:22:20,866
#I'm so sick of screaming #
1556
01:22:20,902 --> 01:22:24,497
#That I'm weak in the knees #
1557
01:22:24,539 --> 01:22:27,997
#Now I know what
you're thinking #
1558
01:22:28,043 --> 01:22:30,944
#But you should know
that I don't care #
1559
01:22:30,979 --> 01:22:33,539
#I'm so moving on #
1560
01:22:33,581 --> 01:22:38,109
#'Cause you'll never
be pleased #
1561
01:22:38,153 --> 01:22:41,350
#Now I can turn
my head off #
1562
01:22:41,389 --> 01:22:44,847
#Relax, put down my hair #
1563
01:22:44,893 --> 01:22:47,691
#I can do it
in one shot #
1564
01:22:47,729 --> 01:22:51,426
#I can make you
disappear #
1565
01:22:51,466 --> 01:22:54,799
#You gotta go, go
get out on your own #
1566
01:22:54,836 --> 01:22:57,896
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1567
01:22:57,939 --> 01:23:01,466
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1568
01:23:01,509 --> 01:23:04,069
#One, two,
now we're through #
1569
01:23:04,112 --> 01:23:07,479
#You gotta go, go
get out on your own #
1570
01:23:07,515 --> 01:23:10,575
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1571
01:23:10,618 --> 01:23:14,054
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1572
01:23:14,089 --> 01:23:17,058
#One, two,
now we're through #
1573
01:24:07,842 --> 01:24:10,538
#go, go get out on your own #
1574
01:24:10,578 --> 01:24:13,547
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1575
01:24:13,581 --> 01:24:16,948
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1576
01:24:16,985 --> 01:24:19,977
#One, two,
now we're through #
1577
01:24:20,021 --> 01:24:23,218
#You gotta go, baby, go
get out on your own #
1578
01:24:23,258 --> 01:24:26,227
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1579
01:24:26,261 --> 01:24:29,697
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1580
01:24:29,731 --> 01:24:32,700
#One, two,
now we're through #
1581
01:24:32,734 --> 01:24:35,794
#You gotta go, go
get out on your own #
1582
01:24:35,837 --> 01:24:38,965
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1583
01:24:39,007 --> 01:24:42,465
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1584
01:24:42,510 --> 01:24:45,274
#One, two,
now we're through #
1585
01:24:45,313 --> 01:24:48,441
#You gotta go, baby, go
get out on your own #
1586
01:24:48,483 --> 01:24:51,475
#You gotta be free,
I can do it alone #
1587
01:24:51,519 --> 01:24:55,011
#You know I owe it
all to you #
1588
01:24:55,056 --> 01:24:58,116
#One, two,
now we're through. #
1589
01:25:28,890 --> 01:25:32,621
#Everyone is always on the go #
1590
01:25:33,628 --> 01:25:38,088
#Gotta get to school
or my mom will know #
1591
01:25:38,133 --> 01:25:41,193
#Barely made the bus,
you know I'm late to class #
1592
01:25:42,904 --> 01:25:45,771
#If I don't get there in time,
she's gonna kick my ass #
1593
01:25:47,375 --> 01:25:50,003
#Yeah, it's a good social program #
1594
01:25:50,044 --> 01:25:52,308
#Where all the kids can
go uptown #
1595
01:25:52,347 --> 01:25:54,815
#Yeah, it's a new way
to know that #
1596
01:25:54,849 --> 01:25:57,283
#Everything's okay #
1597
01:25:57,318 --> 01:26:00,617
#Barely made the bus,
you know I'm late to class #
1598
01:26:02,190 --> 01:26:05,023
#If I don't get there on time,
she's gonna kick my ass #
1599
01:26:06,494 --> 01:26:09,486
#Yeah, it's a good
social program #
1600
01:26:09,531 --> 01:26:11,692
#Where all the kids
can go uptown #
1601
01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:14,099
#Yeah, it's a new way
to know that #
1602
01:26:14,135 --> 01:26:16,831
#Everything's okay #
1603
01:26:16,871 --> 01:26:19,237
#Ooh, it doesn't
get much better #
1604
01:26:19,274 --> 01:26:21,674
#Never thought I'd ever
play the fool #
1605
01:26:21,709 --> 01:26:22,767
#Everything I need... #
|