1
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:40,248
<i>Happy Birthday, Carter.</i>
2
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,481
<i>Here we go, everybody.
Happy Birthday, pal.</i>
3
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:48,401
<i>Are you 1? Are you 2?
Are you 3? Are you 4?</i>
4
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,642
<i>I hope she chokes on your dick!</i>
5
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,643
<i>Well, at least she
gets close to it!</i>
6
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,246
<i>I hate you!</i>
7
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,244
<i>Oh, what a filthy, fat
mouth you've got!</i>
8
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,322
<i>You lying piece of shit!</i>
9
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,930
<i>She couldn't be bothered
to make a cake, she bought it.</i>
10
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,201
<i>I'll call the police again.</i>
11
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,800
<i>Now blow out
the goddamn candles.</i>
12
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,211
<i>Dave, turn it off.
Turn it off.</i>
13
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,408
<i>You can eat
your own shit and die!</i>
14
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,650
Chapter 3
Seminal Moments.
15
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:27,521
<i>On his 9th birthday, a simple wish
was made over a store-bought cake.</i>
16
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,762
<i>Stop the madness.</i>
17
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,643
<i>It did not come true.</i>
18
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:36,008
It's up to you, son. Who
do you want to live with?
19
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:38,921
6 months till Christmas!
20
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,402
<i>Over the years, he was
subject to emotional manipulation.</i>
21
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,240
Open it fast, it's alive.
22
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,410
<i>Character
assassination.</i>
23
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,002
I hate to be the one to tell you,
sweetie, but Daddy's a homosexual.
24
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:54,130
<i>Pressured into unnatural
and awkward relationships.</i>
25
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,727
This is Chloe. She's going to
be your sister from now on.
26
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,690
<i>And witness to his
parents finding true love,</i>
27
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,330
<i>over and over again.</i>
28
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,166
Oh, God, look at you. It's
just you and me forever.
29
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,971
<i>This young man
was eager to grow up.</i>
30
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,522
<i>To be free of these people who
called themselves parents.</i>
31
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:18,446
<i>And for a while, he did a pretty
good job at convincing the world</i>
32
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:20,329
<i>he'd done just that.</i>
33
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,003
Please, can we not hire
any more actresses,
34
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,208
no matter how much waiting
experience they have.
35
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:44,011
- Hey, Etta, how's your husband?
- Not dead yet.
36
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,767
Why don't you just
slide 29 over to 30?
37
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,683
Because I have a
birthday party at 30.
38
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,330
- How about 15?
- 15 is good.
39
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,046
Oh, by the way, your brother
called. He's such a flirt.
40
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,929
- Hello, sir. How are you?
- Hi.
41
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,081
That table finished their
dessert, paid their bill
42
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,525
and they've been sitting
there for a half-hour!
43
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,365
We're actually setting a new
table for you right now.
44
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,125
- Good.
- Okay? Thank you. I'm so sorry.
45
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,849
- Word up.
- Thank you.
46
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,007
We're slammed, Trey, talk fast.
47
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:17,004
Well, I don't have anywhere to sit,
so tell me while I'm standing.
48
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,127
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Look!
49
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,090
- Whoa! Really?
- I know!
50
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,045
I think you mean
"congratulations"?
51
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,361
Yes. Congratulations.
52
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,562
The phone hasn't stopped.
1 sec.
53
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,205
Hi, Mom!
54
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,850
I know! I'm so excited.
55
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,046
Wanna get high?
56
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:45,364
No, I don't wanna get high.
Married?
57
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,410
- What's it been? 3 or 4 months?
- Holy shit, yeah, it has been.
58
00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,164
- Yeah.
- It's been like 4 months!
59
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,801
Yeah. That's a huge decision.
60
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,639
Honestly, I just came
up with it yesterday.
61
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:56,971
We were at Costco
62
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:01,090
and she made the fucking funniest
joke about this DVD display
63
00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:02,400
and I just thought
this is the girl
64
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,562
I want to spend the rest
of my life with, you know?
65
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,762
That's great.
66
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:10,447
Are you sure you're ready for
this, man? I mean, you kind of...
67
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,722
You live in my garage, Trey.
68
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,167
And you don't
have a checkbook.
69
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,089
It just feels right.
70
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,330
- Okay. That's great.
- Thanks, man.
71
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,524
You're not gonna want to do this,
but could you talk to Mom and Dad?
72
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,080
- About?
- Coming to a wedding.
73
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,443
You're not having a wedding. Just
do a small thing at City Hall.
74
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,567
One witness, no hassle.
75
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:40,326
I mean, isn't there some sort of
traditional Japanese thing you can do?
76
00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,050
- She's from Palo Alto.
- I know. But like the old country?
77
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,610
She's 3rd generation.
78
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,008
Trey, Mom and Dad haven't
spoken in 20 years.
79
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,971
I know, but if anybody could
get them to, it's you.
80
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,166
They listen to you.
81
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,447
They don't really. I mean,
I patronize them, so...
82
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,251
Look, things have
been pretty good.
83
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,249
We're in a period
of real calm here.
84
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,567
You sure you want
to take that risk?
85
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,246
It's my wedding.
86
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,766
Please. I mean, if there was
ever going to be a day...
87
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,281
Okay. I'll give it a shot.
88
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,725
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
89
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,564
- Oh!
- Okay.
90
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:20,966
- You're the man.
- Okay.
91
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,681
You are the Best Man.
You get it?
92
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,811
Thanks a lot.
93
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:29,170
He said okay!
94
00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:32,679
All right, guys,
who's going to go higher?
95
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:33,886
- Me.
- Okay.
96
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,043
Oh, my God, it's so scary.
97
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,040
Don't tell your mom I'm giving you
these, there's no actual juice in them.
98
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,451
Look who's here. Okay, 1,
2, 3. Oh, my gosh.
99
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:51,124
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
100
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,121
Oh, guys, come on. Whoa!
101
00:05:55,640 --> 00:06:00,362
Hey. How was Rancho De LA...
Wherever it was you went?
102
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,091
Oh, it's the greatest. It's a
first-class joint. I had a manicure.
103
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,366
I can see from here.
104
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,487
Bring me my babies.
105
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,210
Mommy! Mommy!
106
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,282
Hi. How were they?
107
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,121
They were good.
108
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,966
Pretty interesting park, though.
A lot of sharp right angles.
109
00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,051
This is a very important park.
Do you know I. M. Pei?
110
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,565
His brother comes here.
111
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:24,562
Carter, I got you something.
These are the greatest hats.
112
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,085
Yeah, the greatest.
113
00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,527
- Put it on.
- I will. I just...
114
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,047
Come on, put it on. I wanna see
what it looks like on your head.
115
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,321
Carter, on.
116
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,171
Terrific.
117
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,960
- I nailed it.
- It looks great on you.
118
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,168
Hey, Dad, did you
happen to talk to Trey?
119
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,562
Great news, huh? How
about that kid?
120
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,009
Well, he wants to
have a wedding.
121
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,129
Terrific. I told him,
whatever he wants.
122
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:56,409
Come on, forget the family of the
bride pays for this or that.
123
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,126
It's me, because I might
only do this once.
124
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,484
So you'll go to a wedding
if Mom is there?
125
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:08,161
No. She can have
her own wedding.
126
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,284
Right. But we're probably not
going to have 2 weddings.
127
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,361
Why not?
128
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,649
I'm gonna throw a
first-class party,
129
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,688
and then your mother
and Captain Fuckface
130
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,286
can rent out a KFC
in Petersburg.
131
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,567
They can charge admission
to cover the fucking cost.
132
00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:25,531
Dad, I'm not asking you to dance
with her. Just be in the same room.
133
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,364
- Carter.
- Dad.
134
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:33,523
If I ever see that woman, I'm
going to kick her in the balls.
135
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,609
<i>It's just something every
parent dreams of, their child's wedding.</i>
136
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,762
Yeah, I think it's wonderful.
I do.
137
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,810
Yeah, me, too. It's just...
I don't know, it's too bad.
138
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,530
What is?
139
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,001
Oh, it's just too bad
they have to elope.
140
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,969
What? No, no! Absolutely not.
141
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,804
Well, Trey doesn't
have a choice, Mom.
142
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,850
I mean, unless you and Dad will
show up at the same wedding.
143
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,840
I'll elope with them.
144
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,082
Mom, if you go, it's
not an elopement.
145
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,208
- It's a destination wedding.
- That's right.
146
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,203
And, plus, Dad has
to go and Sondra.
147
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:05,441
No, no, no, no!
148
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,568
The Cuntessa is not
coming to San Martin.
149
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:11,281
Melissa? Will you grab that
penlight in the kitchen drawer for me?
150
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,042
He's losing his mind.
Tie it to yourself.
151
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,880
She usually calms down
in 10 to 15 seconds.
152
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,041
Thanks, Gary.
153
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,442
Found it. Sorry.
154
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,524
You know what? I'll go to a
wedding with your father.
155
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,161
- You will?
- Mmm-hmm.
156
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,681
As soon as he pays me
that $485,000 he owes me
157
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,000
for my share of the lake house.
158
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,162
Larry Ellis was waterskiing
there last weekend
159
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,368
and he saw a light on.
160
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,602
Is your father using it? You
know he's not allowed to use it.
161
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:44,489
Mom, no one's been
there in 20 years.
162
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,961
Because he's renting it!
He's renting it!
163
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,966
Anything he earns on
that house, I get half.
164
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,850
That's in the settlement
agreement. That's how that works.
165
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,367
You know your father's refusing to put
it on the market just to spite me?
166
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,647
That means your father is
stealing from your mother.
167
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,051
That must really bother you.
168
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,202
- I don't...
- How does it not bother you?
169
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:03,725
No, it doesn't seem to.
170
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,121
Please tell me you are
not your father's son!
171
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,247
What?
172
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,480
Hey.
173
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,125
So here's a bit of news.
Kieko called me.
174
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,686
Oh Yeah?
175
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,445
Yeah. She asked me to be a
bridesmaid. Straighten your back.
176
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:30,646
Hmm.
177
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,165
I didn't even know they
were getting married.
178
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,447
Yeah, I was going to
tell you about that.
179
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,004
Trey and Kieko have been
together, what, four months?
180
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,131
Yeah, something like that.
181
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,444
And we've been
together how long?
182
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,928
Well, that's kind of apples and
oranges, if you think about it.
183
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,525
It's 4 years.
184
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:52,130
4 years. And I don't even
have a key to your apartment.
185
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,451
Look, I've been patient.
Really.
186
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,204
But how long do you
expect me to wait?
187
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,241
Um...
188
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,611
- Oh, my God.
- I totally had you!
189
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,569
- You did. Yeah.
- I had you for a minute.
190
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,563
Jesus.
191
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,404
I'm really excited. I think
it's going to be great.
192
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:17,122
All right, get up. All right,
everybody! Gloves on, hands up.
193
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,889
They should be $6,
because they are fresh.
194
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:23,965
- Hey.
- Hey.
195
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,085
Your mom called.
196
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,245
Okay, thanks.
197
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:29,731
4 times.
198
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,125
Right.
199
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,010
And your dad called, too.
Twice.
200
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,328
And we're off.
201
00:10:40,975 --> 00:10:43,399
<i>Carter, it's Mom. I've been thinking,</i>
202
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,721
<i>what about a surprise
wedding for Trey?</i>
203
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,529
<i>Your father doesn't even
have to know about it.</i>
204
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,807
<i>Carter, listen, bottom line,</i>
205
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:51,564
<i>if I'm paying she can't come.</i>
206
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,529
<i>She's been suckling at my
teat for way too long.</i>
207
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,761
<i>Good news, Carter,</i>
208
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,041
<i>Gary has a friend with a boat.</i>
209
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,610
<i>It's a barge. It is big!</i>
210
00:10:57,680 --> 00:10:59,045
<i>I'm not saying I'm gonna do it,</i>
211
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,010
<i>but if this wedding thing goes South, I
can get a restraining order. I will.</i>
212
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,605
<i>Okay, I talked to the boat guy.</i>
213
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,569
<i>His name is Yuri, he's
a Russian gentleman...</i>
214
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,841
<i>I don't want him there! I will make it hell.</i>
215
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,687
My God, Carter.
216
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,847
Hi. Hey.
217
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,691
I was just thrilled
to hear from you.
218
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:50,888
- Come on in. This way.
- Thank you.
219
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,442
Sorry it's such a mess,
I've been really busy.
220
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,610
I'm lecturing here and there,
"The Modern Family Dynamic."
221
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:01,605
And why don't you have a seat
right here. I'll move all this.
222
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:05,002
- I just came back from Northwestern...
- That's great.
223
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,487
...Louisiana State College.
224
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,800
It's a junior college.
225
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:14,168
Well, thank you for seeing
me on such short notice.
226
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,369
I didn't want to have to explain
everything to someone new.
227
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,090
Well, I haven't seen you
since you were 13, so...
228
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,130
- Yeah, I know.
- So tell me about you.
229
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,010
- What do you do?
- Well, I have a restaurant.
230
00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:26,320
Whitegrass.
231
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:27,481
- On Temple Street?
- Yeah.
232
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:28,806
- I've eaten there!
- Great.
233
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,405
I didn't love it, but
I'd try it again.
234
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:31,851
All right.
235
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,888
And how is your mom?
I always liked her.
236
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,122
- You did?
- Yeah. Very assertive woman.
237
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:40,603
And your dad, he has a new wife.
Something Nordic? Thor?
238
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,091
- Elka.
- Elka.
239
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,685
Oh, no, no, no. Elka's gone.
240
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,286
Oh, I'm so sorry, I
didn't know that.
241
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,727
Oh, no, she didn't die.
She just aged.
242
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,167
On to wife number 3.
243
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:54,961
Yeah, Sondra. Not
my cup of anything.
244
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,281
But she does own the building
that my restaurant's in,
245
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,441
so I get a sweet deal on rent.
246
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,889
Oh, good. So tell me,
what brings you here?
247
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,327
Well, my brother is
getting married.
248
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,811
Oh, I love weddings.
249
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:10,327
And my parents are being
a nightmare already.
250
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,129
And I've kind of forged this
fragile peace between them.
251
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:15,326
"A fragile peace"?
252
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,602
They always made a
mess of everything.
253
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,082
Like all holidays,
graduations, funerals.
254
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,605
I remember the funeral incident.
255
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:26,002
And I maintain that funerals need
to be about the person who died.
256
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,242
Right. And I got smart.
And over the years,
257
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,369
I've started coming up with ways
to avoid situations like this.
258
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,091
Like Thanksgiving. Who am I going
to spend Thanksgiving with?
259
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:37,642
Well, they think I'm in Honduras building
schools with the US Cares program.
260
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,167
But little do they know, the US
Cares program doesn't exist, so...
261
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,163
Oh. That sounds real.
262
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:46,210
Yeah, I kind of got it
figured out, but...
263
00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,964
I don't know. This
wedding, it's risky.
264
00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,010
I guess I'm just looking for some
advice. Someone to talk to super quick,
265
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,560
to figure out how to survive
the next few months.
266
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,167
I can absolutely recommend
somebody, if I could find a pen.
267
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:00,366
Yeah?
268
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:05,162
Well, I thought you, just because
you know the whole backstory.
269
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,850
But I'm not a therapist.
270
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:09,806
But you were my therapist.
271
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:13,168
Oh, no, no, no. No. Is
that what they told you?
272
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,480
- No.
- Yeah.
273
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:18,565
I saw you as part of a state-funded study
of the effects of divorce on children.
274
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,961
Your mother was referred
to me by the courts
275
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:23,122
because of the nature of
your parents' divorce.
276
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,887
- Oh.
- I wrote a book about it.
277
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,770
It was on The New York Times
Best Seller list for 38 weeks.
278
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:29,961
Oh?
279
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,804
It's in its 14th printing.
280
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,647
Margot Kidder did
the audio book!
281
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,970
What was the name
of that book again?
282
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,885
Well, fuck me.
283
00:15:23,175 --> 00:15:25,119
Do you think I
walk around like a victim?
284
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:26,770
I don't think I walk
around like a victim.
285
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,729
Do you think I'm a negotiator?
286
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,609
Like I'm constantly
trying to keep the peace,
287
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,364
even if there's no
peace to be kept?
288
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,523
I mean, that's actually
written in a sentence.
289
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,887
I mean, that's just bad sentence
construction, in my opinion.
290
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:43,251
Am I living in a shell of
insecurity and approval-seeking?
291
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,166
I don't know.
292
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,326
You know what?
293
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,769
Thank you for this.
294
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,967
- Hi.
- Mom.
295
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,041
Hi.
296
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,401
People are going to think
you're my boy toy.
297
00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,721
Don't say that. Shall we?
298
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,523
It's better for you
at room temperature.
299
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,129
So, I brought you something.
300
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,248
Huh. Yeah, I
remember that book.
301
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,970
It's funny, I don't.
302
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,242
You don't? Well, you
should keep it.
303
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,129
- So...
- Mom.
304
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,364
- What?
- Why?
305
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,802
Your father was running around
306
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,360
with every 25-year-old coat
check girl in the city.
307
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,805
Mom.
308
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,848
And you really needed
to talk to somebody.
309
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,048
Relax. She didn't
use your real name.
310
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:56,441
You were like Robert
or something.
311
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,851
- Rob.
- It's Rick.
312
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,684
- Rick!
- Rick.
313
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,601
So you read it?
314
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,769
According to this, Rick
is a total disaster.
315
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,365
You do realize that Rick now
owns a successful business
316
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,920
and has employees who come
to him with their problems.
317
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,322
- Mmm-hmm.
- Rick has a beautiful girlfriend
318
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,131
- whom he loves.
- Mmm-hmm.
319
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,000
Carter, please tell me this book is
not the reason you brought me here.
320
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,725
Oh, no. It's not.
321
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,927
Put that on a good
hanger for me, will you.
322
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,409
All of our hangers
are quite good, sir.
323
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,084
Ha, that's cute.
324
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,041
Right this way, sir.
325
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,327
I pulled the big
gun out tonight.
326
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,765
Having dinner with my son.
327
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,525
Mmm, crab. You know
they self-amputate?
328
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,090
Hey, buddy. Look.
329
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:50,241
Shit!
330
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,845
- Shall I open the wine?
- No!
331
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,490
Yes. Sit down.
332
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,490
Sit, Dad.
333
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,688
Forget it. I'll go.
334
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,286
Fine.
335
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,011
You leave, he wins.
336
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:10,090
Right. You go. I cleared a very busy
evening to have dinner with my son.
337
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:12,486
Like I didn't?
338
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,923
You've destroyed this evening.
What have you done?
339
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:27,804
This is ridiculous!
340
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:29,769
Is it? I don't know.
Look around you.
341
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,285
The building is still standing.
342
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,567
You're both in the same room
343
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,122
and somehow the universe
hasn't folded in on itself.
344
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,771
Holy shit. Now, I brought
you both here tonight,
345
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,763
because you've turned
a 9-year marriage
346
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,888
into a hundred-year war.
347
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,961
And I am officially over it.
348
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,123
We're playing by new rules now.
Okay?
349
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,885
Trey is getting married. There
is going to be a wedding.
350
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,962
Now, you don't have to pay for it,
you don't have to organize it,
351
00:18:56,040 --> 00:19:00,602
you don't even have to enjoy it. All
you have to do is show up, be civil,
352
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,605
and for one night,
just shut the fuck up.
353
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:05,681
The drama.
354
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,125
A pain in the ass, he is.
355
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,328
On, my God.
356
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,925
You actually agree
on something.
357
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,480
That's fantastic. This is
a great start, you guys.
358
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,281
You sit here, you talk. You
have a good time together.
359
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,840
I ordered the tasting
menu and I paid for it,
360
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,085
so bon appetit!
361
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:28,529
Oh, and FYI, I've never
been to Honduras.
362
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,120
Have you had your face done?
363
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,966
I gotta tell you, what you
did, that took some balls.
364
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,246
Well, thank you.
365
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,211
Yeah, honestly, I should have
straightened them out years ago.
366
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,204
- It felt good.
- All right. So, what's next?
367
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,441
Well,
368
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,726
full speed ahead. You plan
the wedding you want, Trey.
369
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,689
- Awesome!
- Oh, by the way,
370
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,683
we don't want Morn and Dad paying
for anything, so don't ask.
371
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,445
- Okay.
- Can Kieko's family help out?
372
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,567
- Um...
- Because I'd be happy
373
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,244
to chip in, as well.
374
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,402
- Really?
- Yeah, of course.
375
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:33,042
Dude,
I can't thank you enough.
376
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:36,806
I mean it. Just for all of it.
377
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:41,441
Well, it's how it should be.
378
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,370
This stuff, it's...
379
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,206
it doesn't have to be so
complicated, does it?
380
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,682
All I'm saying is don't leave the
classroom without putting shorts on
381
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,489
over those shorts. Okay?
382
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,928
Hey, so do male strippers
work here or...
383
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,765
Ah, that's Herve, the
French spinning instructor.
384
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:10,764
Herve? Aren't the French
supposed to be about
385
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:12,842
leaving a little something
to the imagination?
386
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:14,850
What's with the surprise visit?
387
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:19,966
Oh, well, I got you a little
something. I think you might like it.
388
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,802
Oh, my God.
389
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:27,850
No! No, no.
390
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,968
Oh, my God, Carter.
391
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:31,926
No, no.
392
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,884
I'm sorry, it's a...
This is a...
393
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,610
It's just a key.
394
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:37,886
It's a key? Oh, my God.
395
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,086
It's just a key.
396
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,485
I mean, you said you wanted
a key for my apartment.
397
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,289
Right, right, right.
398
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,045
- Right! You scared me.
- Sorry.
399
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:49,721
It's an antique chain.
400
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,485
- It's really nice.
- Do you see the beads?
401
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:01,521
What's that?
402
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,565
Your step-mom sent this over
with instructions to hang it.
403
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,929
- What is it?
- It's her painting.
404
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:09,001
She paints?
405
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,163
- Apparently, yes.
- Okay. Take it down.
406
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,242
Oh, no. I can't.
407
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,085
She threatened to sell the place
to Dunkin' Donuts if we did that.
408
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,331
Is that Sondra? What do you
think she's crying about?
409
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:25,890
The painting she's in.
410
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,281
Hi!
411
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,488
The homeless are getting
so aggressive these days.
412
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:31,721
What the hell?
413
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,847
- Hello.
- Hi! Whitegrass. Is that Indian?
414
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,007
No.
415
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,846
Is it the healthy drink that you
have with ginger sometimes?
416
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,809
- That's wheatgrass.
- Oh, yeah.
417
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,807
- That's so funny.
- So what are you doing here?
418
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:53,089
Yeah, well, listen. I
realized something
419
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,686
after you left the other
day and I had to tell you.
420
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,450
Oh, thank you. No, it's fine.
Yeah, I'm fine.
421
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,170
It turns out seeing you
422
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,246
and seeing your book, it
kind of got me going.
423
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,522
And I confronted my parents,
and set them straight
424
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,568
and showed them who's boss.
425
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:10,846
Really?
426
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,324
Yeah, really. I'm
great, actually. So...
427
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,642
Definitely not that
kid from your book.
428
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:18,721
Well, of course you aren't.
429
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,690
You were a kid back then.
Which got me to thinking.
430
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:25,369
There's no current research
about people like you.
431
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,249
- People like me?
- ACOD's.
432
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,561
Adult Children of Divorce.
433
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:30,641
That's mine.
434
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,843
I'm getting in touch with the
other subjects from my book
435
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,122
for a follow-up. A sequel.
436
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:40,690
A 20-year study of a generation
unique to the American landscape.
437
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,003
Carter, do you realize you
were the least parented,
438
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,323
least nurtured generation ever?
439
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,801
Sorry. I'm going to
be in another book?
440
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:50,927
- Yes.
- No.
441
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,570
- Oh, yes.
- No, no, no, no, no.
442
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,608
- What are you afraid of?
- I'm not afraid of anything.
443
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:55,841
I can assure you of that.
444
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,207
Carter, listen to me. When
you were a little boy,
445
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,408
your parents turned to you
for emotional support.
446
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,767
They thrust you into the
center of their divorce.
447
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,446
In my book, I called
it "parentification."
448
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,525
But look at you now, as an
adult. You're well-adjusted,
449
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,080
you're successful,
you're responsible.
450
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,446
Look, you're the owner
of the Wheatgrass.
451
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,760
Whitegrass.
452
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,605
You're dressing sharp, you
have a great haircut.
453
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,081
I want to tell that
story, Carter.
454
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,489
- It is a better story.
- Infinitely. It's inspiring.
455
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,961
I can set the record
straight about "Rick"?
456
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:31,170
Now, I'm free most days, but Friday
at 1:00 is really good for me.
457
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,850
How about you?
458
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,571
- Can you give me just a second?
- Sure.
459
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,566
Hey, Sondra, what's up?
460
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:39,847
Hey, how is the
father-son retreat going?
461
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,726
Um, what?
462
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,006
When's your tee time?
463
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,206
My...
464
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,409
Where are you?
465
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,086
I'm at my sorority
reunion at Cornell.
466
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,211
You went to Cornell?
467
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,089
Shocking, Carter.
Put your father on.
468
00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:00,289
Oh, my God, JJ, you look
amazing! You're so skinny.
469
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,081
What?
470
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,929
<i>Hello?</i>
471
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:09,002
He's at the pro shop.
472
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:10,161
Well, go get him.
473
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,561
I... I can't.
474
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:13,846
Just yell his name.
475
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:15,490
I'm getting my clubs cleaned.
476
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,801
Can I have him call
you right back?
477
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,609
<i>Oh, my God, forget it.</i>
478
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,122
Just tell him I look really good, that I
look better than a lot of people here.
479
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,770
Okay?
480
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:28,726
- Who was that?
- On the phone?
481
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:32,964
- Yeah.
- My chef. He just needs peppers...
482
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,447
Why don't I clear the
whole day on Friday?
483
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:37,521
Okay.
484
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,246
I'm so happy to be working
with you again, Carter.
485
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:41,810
Thank you.
486
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,047
Hey.
487
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:51,531
Have you talked to Dad?
488
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,563
Yeah. He's home sick.
489
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:54,721
So you talked to him?
490
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,043
Yeah, we were supposed to go tux
shopping for the greatest tux ever,
491
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,288
and he called and said
he was shitting fire.
492
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,284
All right, thanks.
493
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,001
Dad?
494
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,321
Hello?
495
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,721
Hello?
496
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,126
Pop?
497
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:45,726
Hello?
498
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:58,444
Oh, Jesus!
499
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:03,081
Mom!
500
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,446
No!
501
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,082
Jesus! Shit! Shit!
502
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,605
I should have turned
on the alarm.
503
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,441
Carter!
504
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,409
Carter! Hey!
505
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:29,370
Jesus.
506
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,200
Spring.
507
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:46,608
And shoulders. Good. Relax.
508
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,366
I need to talk to you!
509
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,767
- Carter!
- I need to talk to you right now!
510
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,765
I'm gonna use the door.
511
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,444
I am so sorry.
512
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,524
Please excuse me for one minute.
I'm gonna be right back.
513
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,568
Okay, how about we
take 50 deep breaths.
514
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,246
One hundred deep breaths. Okay?
I'll be right back.
515
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:07,606
They were on the breakfast bar.
516
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,364
- On the breakfast table?
- Yes!
517
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,807
- That is insane!
- I know.
518
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,762
Are you sure that's
what they were doing?
519
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,170
I saw my dad's butt.
520
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:20,887
- How?
- It was moving.
521
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,282
Look, she'd never been there before.
He had to give her directions.
522
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:25,691
They talked on the phone,
523
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,401
or texted or sexted. Or
some disgusting thing.
524
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:33,491
They planned this. It was
planned. They planned this.
525
00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:38,964
Wow, that must have
been some make-up sex.
526
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,411
So these are all your uncles?
I have 3.
527
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:48,201
So we'll put Yoshi, Nakata,
and Paul at this table.
528
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,851
Um, Yoshi's in jail.
Seriously?
529
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:52,684
Or maybe he's out.
We don't keep in touch.
530
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,091
We should find out,
so we don't offend anyone.
531
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:55,161
I know, but...
532
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,282
Do we have to invite him?
Um, no.
533
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,365
Oh, hey, you're up.
534
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:01,930
What's going on?
535
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:05,004
We're mocking up seating
charts for the reception.
536
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,162
Okay, so, originally,
537
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,481
we had thought we would
have Mom's table over here,
538
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,400
and Dad's table way over here, and then
this is 3 generations of Kobayashis.
539
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,091
Yellow was the only
other color we had.
540
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:17,525
Yeah, I just thought...
541
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,762
What are the odds?
542
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,242
But thanks to your handiwork,
we had thought maybe
543
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:27,325
we could have Mom and Dad's
tables, next to each other or...
544
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:28,771
A family table?
545
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:30,639
My parents and your
parents all sit together?
546
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:31,801
No.
547
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,121
Well, no, it's okay. We're
gonna do a dry run first,
548
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,646
because her parents want to meet Mom
and Dad before the wedding anyway.
549
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,290
- No.
- I mean, it won't be a big deal.
550
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,125
Not a big dinner. Just
tea or something.
551
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,521
No, no, look, Mom and Dad
should go here and here,
552
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,126
and they are not to interact
in any capacity at any time.
553
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:48,202
Do you understand?
554
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,166
Okay, look, Lauren and I
will go to tea, okay?
555
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,287
She likes tea.
556
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,966
She likes weird tea, like rooibos and
oolong and all that bullshit, okay?
557
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,008
- It'll be awesome.
- All right, I mean...
558
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:00,651
Oh, that's Gary.
559
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:02,486
Wait. What?
560
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,847
Yeah, he called earlier saying
he needed to talk to me and you.
561
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:05,967
I told him to swing by.
562
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,361
Oh, no, no, no. No, don't
let him up. We're not here.
563
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:09,441
I just let him up.
564
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:10,851
No, no, no, but
don't buzz him up.
565
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,763
There's not an unbuzz button.
566
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,081
Hey, what up, G?
567
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,289
What's up, T?
568
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,361
When did that start?
569
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,330
It's recent, but it makes
me feel like I'm in my 50s.
570
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:25,004
- Can I sit?
- Actually, I have to step out.
571
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,048
Chill, Carter. This
will just take a second.
572
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,771
Kieko, do you mind if I
talk to the boys alone?
573
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,763
Yeah, of course.
574
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,729
I'm not very good
at this stuff,
575
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,247
but it's important and
a little awkward.
576
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,731
You guys mean a lot to me.
577
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:43,961
You're my family.
578
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,164
Okay, look, Trey
doesn't know, okay?
579
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:47,361
He doesn't know.
580
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,205
- What are you talking about?
- Shh.
581
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,681
I just want to be
a part of this.
582
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:56,606
So consider it an
anonymous donation.
583
00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:01,449
This should take care of the reception
and maybe some top-shelf liquor.
584
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,045
G does not drink rail.
585
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:04,807
Wow.
586
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,123
Okay, look, Gary, no.
587
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:10,611
- No?
- No?
588
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:13,041
Look, what I mean to say is,
it's very nice of you, Gary,
589
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,248
but it's just not
the right time.
590
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:16,367
- Yes, it is.
- Well...
591
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,646
- Well, sure it is.
- Okay.
592
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:21,042
Look, I know you want to
do it all on your own.
593
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,726
Your mom used the
word "commandeered."
594
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,485
But, I mean, this is
what family's about.
595
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,842
- This is so nice, Gary. Thank you.
- All right?
596
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,245
I got to get to the gym. Your mom's
getting in shape for the wedding.
597
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:37,881
Get this. She canceled lunch
yesterday to do Pilates.
598
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,367
Oh, is that what
they're calling it?
599
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,408
Have a good day.
600
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:43,881
What's wrong with you?
601
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,731
- I'm gonna go talk to him.
- Hurry back.
602
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,009
Come on, come on.
603
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:18,811
Okay.
604
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,206
Just nod.
605
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:22,964
I told her I'd talk to you
about adding a kids' menu.
606
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,565
I'm not gonna nod.
607
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,642
Come on, nod, nod.
608
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,211
Hope you don't mind me
dropping by unexpected.
609
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,521
I tried calling you 10 times.
610
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,120
I turned my phone off.
It's a classy move.
611
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,364
Look, what you saw at the house, not
that it's any of your business...
612
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,086
Well, you made it my business when you
pretended to spend the day with me.
613
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,162
Oh, listen, Carter, I
love you like a son.
614
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,890
I am your son.
615
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,970
Your mom and I saw
each other at dinner,
616
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,646
and we had a few
bottles of wine,
617
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,166
a very nice Chateau d'Yquem.
618
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:00,961
And, you know, we never
had a physical problem.
619
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,365
The sex was always good.
620
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,169
You know what? That's
what you said about Elka.
621
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:09,006
No, no, no, no. Elka, no.
That was epic.
622
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:10,730
It was epic sex.
623
00:33:13,455 --> 00:33:14,879
Why are you bringing
Elka into this?
624
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:16,928
I'm not.
625
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,163
Look, what happened
was an accident.
626
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,244
It was just a one-time thing.
We got a little carried away.
627
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,527
Your mother threw
herself at me.
628
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:31,211
She's not a strong woman. I mean,
come on, you of all people know that.
629
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,961
Look, not gonna happen again.
Huh?
630
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,206
Buddy, never happen again.
631
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,523
So what do you say? Let's
pretend like it didn't. Okay?
632
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,524
Because we don't want to upset
a whole lot of people, do we?
633
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,562
Huh? Do we?
634
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,369
Do you think you can man up?
635
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:51,487
Are you serious?
636
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,324
- Carter.
- What?
637
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,204
- Huh?
- What?
638
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,408
- Come on.
- Fine. I'm a man.
639
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,051
Terrific. Terrific. Terrific.
640
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:03,930
<i>Now that
you're an adult,</i>
641
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,731
<i>what impact does your parents
behavior have on you?</i>
642
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:07,801
None.
643
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:10,085
- None.
- None.
644
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,369
My life and my parents' life
are completely separate.
645
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,647
They have nothing to
do with each other.
646
00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:17,609
Well, I don't believe you.
647
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:18,966
But we don't have to
talk about your parents.
648
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,849
Why don't we talk about you?
Is that okay?
649
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,410
Sure.
650
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:23,766
How'd you end up in the
restaurant business?
651
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:25,922
Oh, I just kind of fell into it.
652
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,088
I always worked in restaurants
to make extra money.
653
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:30,527
They were always
really poorly run.
654
00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,364
It's like people doing
cocaine in the kitchen
655
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,330
and people doing cocaine
at the front of the house,
656
00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,641
and, man, there was
a lot of cocaine.
657
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,762
People just love cocaine.
658
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,241
So I always thought if I had my
own place, I could do it better.
659
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:43,924
Bring in my own people and...
660
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,570
Your own little family.
661
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,920
Yeah, except I could fire
the ones I didn't like.
662
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,650
That's good.
663
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:53,367
You said you had a girlfriend. Her
name is Lauren? Tell me about her.
664
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:56,091
Lauren and I have a great thing.
665
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,447
We never fight and
there's no chaos,
666
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:03,287
and she's really even and fun.
667
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,601
- But?
- I didn't say "but."
668
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,524
You didn't say the word, okay? Don't
pick nits with me, all right?
669
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,400
This isn't gonna work if you're
picking at everything I say.
670
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:13,527
But?
671
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:19,367
I mean, she's not always realistic
about how families really work.
672
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,091
I mean, her parents have been
married for, like, 35 years
673
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:25,927
and they celebrate every
anniversary with a party.
674
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,929
Have you ever been to
a 34th anniversary?
675
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,047
No.
676
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:30,770
It's a lot like a 33rd.
677
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,525
So, where do you see your
relationship with Lauren going?
678
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,526
My brother jumped
in, and my parents,
679
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,807
I mean, they spent their whole
lives being hasty and irrational.
680
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,121
So you're afraid of making the
same mistakes your parents made.
681
00:35:41,240 --> 00:35:42,241
No. No.
682
00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:43,970
I'm gonna call that
"echoing." Echoing.
683
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:45,530
- Don't write that down.
- I love it.
684
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:46,647
No, it's not echoing.
685
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:48,688
- I'm writing the book.
- I'm sorry?
686
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,524
Okay, so I'll decide if echoing
is in the book or not.
687
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,126
And I just coined a new term,
and I think it's clever.
688
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:54,645
I got what I needed.
Thank you.
689
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:56,927
And I'll see you next week.
This is great.
690
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:14,771
How'd it go?
691
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:19,326
It was... What?
692
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:21,291
Did she make you cry?
693
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:22,447
No.
694
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,125
Oh, are you...
695
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,441
You must be Claire.
696
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,803
Or Marcy.
697
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:33,687
Why not Yvette?
698
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:37,490
Well, I don't know. I always
pictured Yvette black.
699
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,881
Because her father ran off
with her basketball coach?
700
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,769
- A little racist.
- Yep.
701
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,650
You have got to be Rick.
702
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:51,728
I'm not. I'm not Rick.
703
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:52,961
You're totally Rick.
704
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,486
I am totally not Rick.
I'm Kevin.
705
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:56,891
Kevin dropped out
of High School,
706
00:36:56,960 --> 00:37:00,009
became a devout Muslim,
and moved to Pakistan.
707
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,527
Exactly. Yeah, I just got back
from my pilgrimage 2 weeks ago,
708
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:08,322
and just figuring it all out,
trying out this sweater.
709
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:09,930
It feels good.
710
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,168
Got to shave my beard,
so that feels good.
711
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,727
Did the cops really show
up on your 9th birthday?
712
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,404
Yeah, but it wasn't a big deal.
713
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:18,641
Liar.
714
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:25,209
I got to get in there.
715
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,684
I'm gonna start off with a
little incest anecdote.
716
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,570
Just to throw her off her game.
717
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,843
Catch you later, Rick.
718
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,685
Hey, do you think Glen
should wear a tux?
719
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:45,761
Who?
720
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:46,841
Gary's son, Glen.
721
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,365
I asked him to
officiate the wedding.
722
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:50,487
You what?
723
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:52,801
Yeah, I mean, I just figured
it's the least I could do.
724
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,803
Since Gary's been so generous.
725
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:56,723
Glen lives in Alaska, Trey.
726
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,644
I know, but he's a
pastor or a Deacon.
727
00:37:59,720 --> 00:38:01,131
Captain of a fishing boat.
728
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,168
Right, so he can marry people.
729
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:04,605
Yeah, on a boat.
730
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,001
Yeah, maritime law.
He can marry us.
731
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:08,809
You've never even met him.
732
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,362
Well, I know, but he's family. This
will be a good way to get to know him.
733
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,008
The more, the merrier.
734
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:16,366
I'm done.
735
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:20,488
All right. We look like a
couple of riverboat gamblers,
736
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,642
like Burt Reynolds, huh?
737
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:24,051
You're up, buddy.
738
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,130
- Get in there.
- Stop.
739
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,690
This whole marriage
thing is easy for you.
740
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,570
Well, you've seen Kieko.
She's smoking hot.
741
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,803
And when she gets pregnant,
she's gonna stay hot,
742
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,491
because Japanese women carry
it all in their bellies.
743
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,325
There might be a little spillover
to the boobs, but that's it.
744
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:50,686
You shouldn't share that
theory with anyone.
745
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,762
- She knows it.
- Just...
746
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,606
Dad was supposed to be
here a half hour ago.
747
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,444
Hey, it's Trey.
Is my dad around?
748
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,809
Really? Okay.
749
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:10,647
- What's wrong?
- He's been at a tux fitting all morning.
750
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,371
Try Mom.
751
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,363
Call her at the office.
752
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,331
Hey, Lorraine, it's Trey.
Is Mom there?
753
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,202
Oh, wow, Pilates again.
754
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,282
Okay, thanks anyway. Bye.
755
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:26,291
Shit.
756
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,011
I mean, do you have any idea how
long a Pilates class lasts?
757
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,321
It's like an hour. Maybe
an hour and a half.
758
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,528
And my mom has been
gone for 3 hours.
759
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:34,801
Is that not weird to you?
760
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,724
Does that not raise any
red flags whatsoever?
761
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,802
Things are slow.
762
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:41,484
Our industry's dying.
763
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,369
Shit! No!
764
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,602
Down, down, down, down!
765
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:51,966
Where are the stairs?
766
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,324
What are you doing?
767
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:15,329
What are you gonna do?
Run me...
768
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:34,841
Hey.
769
00:40:36,240 --> 00:40:37,605
What's this?
770
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:38,647
Nothing.
771
00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:40,051
Why are you reading it?
772
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,290
I wasn't.
773
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,409
It's probably Trey's. He's
always leaving his crap around.
774
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:49,971
These poor kids.
775
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,523
One of them, he had
this awesome drum set,
776
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,285
but his mom wouldn't let him play it,
because it was a gift from his dad.
777
00:40:55,360 --> 00:41:00,048
So it just sat in the garage unused,
like it was taunting him or something.
778
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,890
Probably was.
779
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:11,209
So, my brother is spearheading the
song this year for my parents' party.
780
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,970
What anniversary is this?
781
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,565
37.
782
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:19,888
You should probably get up.
783
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:22,285
You going somewhere?
784
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,650
Tea with the Kobayashis.
785
00:41:25,720 --> 00:41:27,484
Oh, shit, that's tonight.
786
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,643
I'm not going.
787
00:41:30,720 --> 00:41:33,883
You dragged me into it.
I don't even like tea.
788
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,922
Carter, it's a thrill
to finally meet you.
789
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,321
Helping the kids with the
wedding the way you have,
790
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:45,845
it's really above and beyond.
791
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,161
Oh, well, what option
did I have, really?
792
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,641
I love these two. But
who are we kidding?
793
00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,324
They're just a couple
bad decisions away
794
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,210
from sleeping beneath an
underpass, am I right?
795
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:59,011
Mrs. Kobayashi, that
necklace is incredible.
796
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:00,167
Oh, I made it for her.
797
00:42:00,240 --> 00:42:01,207
Yes.
798
00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:02,441
She also made this for me.
799
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,521
Kieko.
800
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:05,571
I know, right?
801
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:06,801
Room for one more in here?
802
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:08,401
Dad?
803
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,240
Oh, my gosh, you made it!
804
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:11,367
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
805
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,363
Dad, this is Mr. And
Mrs. Kobayashi.
806
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:14,851
Oh, hi, hi.
807
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,046
Nice to meet you, too.
808
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,248
You must be Ellen.
809
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,883
Come, sit. Please.
810
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,849
Hey, sweetheart. Hi,
you look beautiful.
811
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:24,811
- Hi, guys.
- You made it.
812
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:25,961
Hi.
813
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,081
Oh!
814
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,007
Classy joint.
815
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,086
More tea!
816
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,009
- Sorry I'm late.
- Mom?
817
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:40,761
Hugh!
818
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:42,641
What are you doing here?
819
00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:44,722
I should ask you, what
are you doing here?
820
00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:49,122
Trey called me and told me about
this very important meeting.
821
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:51,202
He called me as well.
822
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,044
I never thought you
would both show up.
823
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:54,201
As long
as we're here...
824
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:55,805
Completely by coincidence.
825
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,564
We may as well act maturely.
826
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,564
I don't totally agree with you, but
you know what I'm going to do?
827
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,081
I'm going to try to agree with
you more as time goes on,
828
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:05,527
so that we can be more civil.
829
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:08,124
Move it.
830
00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:13,529
What the hell?
831
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:17,371
Oh, come on.
832
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:20,204
Food looks good
here, doesn't it?
833
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:26,770
<i>Watashiwa</i> Melissa.
834
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,649
Hello, I'm Gene.
Nice to meet you.
835
00:43:28,720 --> 00:43:31,200
Nice English. Your turn.
836
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,089
<i>Watashiwa</i> Melissa.
837
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:34,730
Yes, my name is Ellen.
838
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:36,524
What else can you say?
839
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:46,121
2, 2 and a half?
840
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:47,201
3.
841
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:48,559
3, right. All right, 3.
842
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:49,800
So Trey was crying
like a little girl.
843
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:56,325
Trey was such a sensitive little
boy, terrified of everything.
844
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,961
Oh, my Lord, spiders,
shoelaces, the mailman.
845
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,280
Remember? Oh.
846
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:04,324
I just picked him up, and I just
threw him in the fucking lake.
847
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:05,890
Without the water wings.
848
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:09,089
Because it's sink or swim
time, right, Trey, buddy?
849
00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:14,402
We saved at least $400
in swimming lessons.
850
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:15,481
Ba-dump-bum.
851
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,166
I don't even remember this.
852
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,124
Yeah, because it was me.
853
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:27,090
The water wings, that was me.
I was 5. I almost drowned.
854
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:28,207
It was hilarious.
855
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:29,361
Super funny.
856
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,321
What? By the time Trey
was old enough to swim,
857
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:35,726
you guys weren't even
married anymore.
858
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,723
You were way divorced.
859
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,366
I guess just as divorced
as you are right now.
860
00:44:46,895 --> 00:44:48,399
- Well, let's eat.
- Good idea.
861
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:49,606
Who wants sticky buns?
I do.
862
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,001
You know what, actually,
I need to get some air.
863
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:54,361
Oh, God.
864
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:57,370
I'm sorry.
865
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:58,441
Not cool, man.
866
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,600
That's all
right. It's okay. No, I...
867
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,327
So you had to shit all over
the water wings story.
868
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:06,765
You said it was a
one-time thing.
869
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,330
It was.
870
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:09,686
- Really?
- Yeah.
871
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,570
So you're actually gonna stand
here and look me in the eye and...
872
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,881
- Wow, you're really good at lying.
- What?
873
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,803
Hugh, forget it. He knows.
874
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:20,211
He's been spying on us.
875
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:21,481
At the zoo?
876
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,686
The zoo?
877
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,810
So, wait a second, you guys are
actually having a full-on affair?
878
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,164
I don't know what to call it.
879
00:45:30,240 --> 00:45:32,607
Well, what did you call
it when you busted him
880
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,489
with a 6-foot
Swede named Elka?
881
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:35,561
How is that relevant?
882
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,041
"How is that relevant?" Have you
forgotten the last 20 years?
883
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,281
You hate each other.
884
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,639
Carter, I know you think you know better.
That's a trait you get from your father.
885
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:43,801
I do know better.
886
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,690
But the heart wants
what the heart wants.
887
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:48,161
Come on.
888
00:45:48,240 --> 00:45:50,846
We are very confused, so we're
going to Wildwood this weekend,
889
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:52,081
and we're gonna
figure it all out.
890
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,242
There's a bluegrass festival,
and we're going to...
891
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,448
No, Crystal Lake,
and it's jazz.
892
00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:57,599
What happened to Wildwood?
893
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,409
I couldn't get the rate
on the room, so...
894
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,323
- And when were you gonna tell me?
- I'm telling you now.
895
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:02,686
- No, you weren't gonna tell me.
- Yeah, I was...
896
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,649
You were not. I have
to drag it out of you.
897
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:05,721
Hey!
898
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,450
It's like pulling teeth!
899
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:10,729
You're not going anywhere, either
of you. You are staying here.
900
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,724
Do you hear me? You stop
it, now, both of you.
901
00:46:14,815 --> 00:46:16,599
Invitations just went
out for Trey's wedding,
902
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:20,002
based on the assumption that you
are both married to other people.
903
00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:24,565
How in the world is he supposed
to have any faith whatsoever
904
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:26,961
in the whole stupid
idea of marriage,
905
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,361
if you two just keep
making a joke out of it?
906
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:30,646
Stop it right there.
907
00:46:30,720 --> 00:46:33,039
You've never been married, and
you've never been divorced,
908
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,281
so you do not know
what commitment is.
909
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:36,361
You don't know.
910
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,051
The most in love I've ever seen you is
with that mangy little dog you had.
911
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:40,690
- Don't, don't...
- You keep Blackie out of this.
912
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,330
No, I was right there, Carter.
913
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,004
- All right, all right.
- You weren't there.
914
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:46,731
Are you gonna let him
talk to me this way?
915
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,131
Shh. Quiet. Be quiet.
916
00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:50,925
We're in a Japanese restaurant.
Stop it, please.
917
00:46:53,240 --> 00:46:57,006
Now you get your ass back inside and
you apologize to the Takahashis.
918
00:46:58,560 --> 00:46:59,686
I'm...
919
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,240
Come on. Come on.
920
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:04,444
It's Kobayashis.
921
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,050
You can just never
stop parenting.
922
00:47:09,120 --> 00:47:10,326
I know.
923
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,767
Yeah, can't let it go.
924
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:14,080
You were great.
925
00:47:17,295 --> 00:47:18,999
- Do we have to go back?
- No, no, come on.
926
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:20,331
Okay, good.
927
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:28,166
Carter.
928
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:30,089
What a nice surprise.
929
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:35,325
What's up, "C"?
930
00:47:35,720 --> 00:47:38,564
Gary, where does Mom keep all that
stuff that she never throws out,
931
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:42,406
the pictures and the letters and
all the lawsuits and legal stuff?
932
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,086
In the garage. Hope
you have a few days.
933
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:46,525
Awesome.
934
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:48,841
What the...
935
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:22,685
Hey, I don't know if you heard the
news, but Trey is getting married.
936
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,843
And, well, Elka,
937
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:30,164
I had this really cool, really fun
idea that I thought you would love.
938
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:36,084
I'm gonna call you back.
939
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:38,720
Elka?
940
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,041
- Yes.
- I didn't know you still talked.
941
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:43,851
We don't. I just
had this idea that
942
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:47,481
maybe if my dad were to bump
into Elka even for a second,
943
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:50,404
he would get that look
in his eye, the panther,
944
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,164
and my mom would be
an after thought.
945
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:55,365
Wow, panther.
946
00:48:56,720 --> 00:48:58,927
Um, I really think you
need to take a step back.
947
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:00,041
What do you mean?
948
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,805
They're adults. Let
them handle it.
949
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,281
Oh, no, no, no, see?
I'm the adult. Okay?
950
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,170
And, once again, I need to
remind them that they do not,
951
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:10,322
under any circumstances,
belong together.
952
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:14,564
Them together is
bad for everyone.
953
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:16,045
Especially me.
954
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:20,731
Makes sense. I mean, how could
Rick turn out any other way?
955
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:22,127
What?
956
00:49:22,200 --> 00:49:25,807
It was in the book, the
one that you lied about.
957
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,451
Dr. Judith came by. She had
some questions for me.
958
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,727
She had a lot of questions.
959
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,290
You gotta be kidding me.
960
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:36,524
How come you can't tell me
about this, about any of it?
961
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:42,167
Because I just...
962
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,203
I can't believe she would
go behind my back.
963
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,170
I mean, do you know that
she's not an actual doctor?
964
00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:49,765
- That she just does research?
- Right.
965
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:50,961
Like, as a job?
966
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:55,284
She just digs and
digs and digs and...
967
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,722
I know it's a weird
way to wear a hat,
968
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:04,928
but it just feels comfortable.
969
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:06,919
She told me she wants me
to wear a wedding ring,
970
00:50:06,920 --> 00:50:10,083
but I said the only ring I
wear goes in my eyebrow.
971
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,640
What does this have
to do with anything?
972
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,443
Carter. I don't have
you on my schedule.
973
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:22,649
Yeah, well, I figured, once you started
snooping around behind my back,
974
00:50:22,720 --> 00:50:24,370
all formalities were off.
975
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:26,090
I can see you're very upset.
976
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:27,605
What, are you a therapist now?
977
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,251
Oh, and by the way, don't
let the new couch fool you
978
00:50:30,320 --> 00:50:31,845
or the new chair. What is it?
979
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:33,285
It's a knockoff of
an Eames chair.
980
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:35,522
That's not the point. That's
not why I was saying that.
981
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:38,729
Oh, my God. You're Rick.
982
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,609
Mark a.k.a. Louis.
983
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,602
Louis with the au
pair and the stutter.
984
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:51,162
Stutter's gone. I did
marry the au pair.
985
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:57,490
Can I just say, the birthday
story, such a heartbreaker.
986
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:02,762
I mean, a seminal moment in my
life, and it's not even my life.
987
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:04,080
Okay, Mark.
988
00:51:04,160 --> 00:51:05,491
Oh, all right.
989
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,609
Could you just give
us a moment, okay?
990
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,160
You, outside. Stay.
991
00:51:11,240 --> 00:51:12,241
Copy that.
992
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:17,208
Is this about Lauren?
993
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:21,041
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay. Well, sorry.
994
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:22,770
I was just trying to
get a full picture.
995
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:24,683
- No, it's fine.
- Really?
996
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:26,439
Thing is you're barking
up the wrong tree.
997
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,125
If I were you, I would
go to the source.
998
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,001
I would talk to my parents.
999
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:32,445
- Really?
- Yes.
1000
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,363
Pound them with
questions, really dig.
1001
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:36,321
See this box?
1002
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,050
This will help you.
1003
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:40,487
It's pictures, letters,
legal documents.
1004
00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:42,801
You should show it to them
and ask them all about it.
1005
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:44,962
Okay, thank you, and
I will do that.
1006
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:46,320
Okay?
1007
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,767
Before the weekend.
1008
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:50,126
Got it.
1009
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:53,967
Hey, Lauren's really nice.
1010
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,441
You've been keeping a lot of
secrets from her, though, huh?
1011
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,443
Who does that remind you of?
1012
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,966
You are incredibly
unprofessional.
1013
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:05,685
Get on it.
1014
00:52:21,535 --> 00:52:22,759
- Trivia night.
- Trivia night?
1015
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:23,807
- Trivia night.
- What's that?
1016
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:25,291
Hey.
1017
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:28,171
Hey. Hey.
1018
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,005
Do you work here?
1019
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:31,605
Kind of. It's my place.
1020
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:35,403
I'm sorry. I'm Carter.
1021
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,526
- Charles.
- Charles.
1022
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,080
So how do you two
know each other?
1023
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,962
Well, we're part of a...
1024
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:46,007
- Book club.
- Book club.
1025
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,845
We're in a book club together.
1026
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:54,051
That's right. We're just finishing
<i>The Importance of Being Earnest.</i>
1027
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:55,121
That's a play.
1028
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,244
It's a progressive book club.
1029
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:02,966
All right, well, check's paid.
You want to go?
1030
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:05,964
Um,
1031
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:09,647
actually, you know what? I
think I'm gonna stay here
1032
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:12,644
and chat with Carter because
1033
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:18,283
there's a few things about the
play that I didn't quite get.
1034
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:19,601
Hmm.
1035
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:21,569
That's a farce.
1036
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:24,564
They farced the moral disintegration
of Victorian England.
1037
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,484
I didn't actually read it.
1038
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,364
I'll call you later.
1039
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:30,805
All right.
1040
00:53:31,720 --> 00:53:33,609
- Nice meeting you.
- You, too.
1041
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,444
- Thanks.
- Oh, you're welcome.
1042
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:36,681
Sorry.
1043
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,290
That was my ex-husband.
1044
00:53:42,720 --> 00:53:45,769
That was your ex-husband.
Ol' Man River?
1045
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,162
I actually think
he's quite sexy.
1046
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,164
I do, too. I was just...
1047
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:58,529
So if you own the place,
then the wine's free?
1048
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:00,841
Yeah.
1049
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:05,447
That lake house was
everything when I was a kid.
1050
00:54:05,520 --> 00:54:09,047
The drive up there, the
smell of the lake.
1051
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:14,803
We had this bell, this
rusty, super loud bell.
1052
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:16,291
It was from a ship
or something.
1053
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:19,648
We could only ring it
when we first arrived.
1054
00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:21,241
Um...
1055
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:25,527
It was just kind of awesome.
I don't know.
1056
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:31,489
Never been back. Not
since my 9th birthday.
1057
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:40,403
My parents sort of sucked the
joy right out of it, you know?
1058
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,721
- Fuck them.
- Yeah.
1059
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:48,807
How old were you when
you got married?
1060
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:50,211
19.
1061
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:53,808
It only lasted 3 years.
1062
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:57,486
But I got engaged
twice after that.
1063
00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:01,721
Wait a second. I just figured
out who you are in the book.
1064
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:03,807
You're Claire.
1065
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:07,241
Had her first boyfriend
when she was nine.
1066
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:10,688
You are Claire. Right?
1067
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:15,721
I have 2 dogs that need
to go out, so I'm gonna go.
1068
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,040
Okay. Yeah. Sure.
1069
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:20,690
All right.
1070
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:22,000
Thanks. This was...
1071
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:26,768
Oh, no, thank you. It was
nice talking to you.
1072
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,968
- Yeah. You, too.
- All right.
1073
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:30,081
- Cool.
- Yep.
1074
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:32,806
- Ow!
- Careful, careful.
1075
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:52,721
Hey, Etta.
1076
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,442
I forgot my purse.
1077
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:08,846
Maybe this isn't
such a good idea.
1078
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:16,047
Those look so good.
1079
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:17,565
Oh, no, no, don't.
1080
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:18,880
Don't you dare.
1081
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:20,246
All right. I'll have it.
1082
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:23,008
Oh. Okay. Okay.
1083
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,962
3, 1, 4, and 2.
1084
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:30,169
I totally agree.
I'm so excited!
1085
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,323
Hey, what do you think?
1086
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:38,207
What?
1087
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:40,089
About the cake.
What's your pick?
1088
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:43,369
Oh, God, it's such a
tough choice. Um...
1089
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,688
They all taste the same,
and no one will like them.
1090
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:52,088
I don't get you, man.
1091
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:56,968
Look, if you're against this wedding,
you just need to come out and say that.
1092
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:58,087
I'm not.
1093
00:56:58,160 --> 00:56:59,844
Well, then what is it?
1094
00:57:00,440 --> 00:57:03,569
Things are just kind of out
of control right now, okay?
1095
00:57:05,440 --> 00:57:06,646
I don't know what that means.
1096
00:57:06,720 --> 00:57:08,802
Well, it means that you
don't want to know, okay?
1097
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,291
So don't worry about it.
1098
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,488
You can tell me. I'm
a grown man, Carter.
1099
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:17,126
- Mom and Dad are together.
- What?
1100
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,202
That's right. I may have accidentally
gotten them back together.
1101
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:20,281
So there you go.
1102
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,362
- Together, together?
- Yeah.
1103
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:28,562
- Shit.
- Yeah.
1104
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,239
What do we do about this?
What should we do?
1105
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:32,605
I don't know. I'm
out of ideas.
1106
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,808
So why don't you take
the reins, okay?
1107
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,489
I got my own problems.
1108
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:56,324
They're saying multiple code violations
and not having a proper lease filed.
1109
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:57,925
What the fuck?
1110
00:57:58,880 --> 00:57:59,881
Jesus.
1111
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,164
You're out. 1 week.
1112
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:03,207
What?
1113
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,408
Your mother? That's just sad.
1114
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:08,324
Okay, Sondra,
1115
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:11,404
I know that you're upset, and
I actually don't blame you,
1116
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:13,801
but I don't think we should
do anything rash here.
1117
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:17,123
I mean,
both of you, you're just...
1118
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:18,929
You're so terrific together.
1119
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:20,809
Are you fucking serious, Carter?
1120
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:23,167
You've hated me from day one.
You call me the Cuntessa.
1121
00:58:23,240 --> 00:58:27,165
I don't think I called you that.
That's terrible. I hate that.
1122
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,686
Excuse me, will you be careful
with that? It's very valuable.
1123
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:31,364
Sondra, let me buy
you out, please.
1124
00:58:31,440 --> 00:58:34,489
Okay? I can get money. I can
get a loan of some sort,
1125
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:37,131
and I can't kick all these
people to the street.
1126
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:39,208
- Okay.
- Okay? Really?
1127
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:40,327
Yes.
1128
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,489
- Great.
- $100 million.
1129
00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:46,841
Fine. $50.
1130
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:48,007
Okay, um...
1131
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,048
Do you know how many men
I could have married?
1132
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:52,282
A lot of men.
1133
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:53,439
And I married your father,
1134
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:55,886
who had an adult son
the same age as me.
1135
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:57,121
I'm a year younger than you.
1136
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:58,326
- You think?
- Yeah.
1137
00:58:58,400 --> 00:58:59,401
Congratulations.
1138
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:00,481
It's irrelevant.
1139
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:04,842
You didn't spend 5 minutes
getting to know who I was.
1140
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:07,651
You just treated me like
some unwelcomed guest.
1141
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:09,967
Wow.
1142
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:15,649
Maybe in another time we
would have been friends.
1143
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:18,006
No.
1144
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:20,369
You have a week to
get out of here.
1145
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,044
You know what, Sondra?
1146
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:23,321
You...
1147
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:41,085
I'm dying here, man. You got
to move those accounts now.
1148
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,528
I don't know. The Caymans?
Delaware?
1149
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:47,126
Yeah, Delaware, I saw a thing
on the Internet about it.
1150
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:49,851
I'll call you back.
Numbnuts is here.
1151
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,327
You dumb son of a bitch.
1152
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,006
You dumb, dumb, dumb
son of a bitch.
1153
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:01,209
I mean, there's a reason we used you
as a go-between all these years.
1154
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:03,125
Your brother sucks at it.
1155
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:05,009
- He told her?
- No, he e-mailed me to see
1156
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:09,523
if what you said was true to an
account that I share with Sondra.
1157
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,001
Okay, well, I wouldn't
have done that.
1158
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:16,160
You don't end a marriage
like this, son.
1159
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:20,481
I could have made her miserable.
1160
01:00:20,560 --> 01:00:22,722
I could have gotten
her to leave me.
1161
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:24,729
Do you have any idea how
much cheaper that is?
1162
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:26,884
Guess who's here.
1163
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:33,007
We were hoping to hold all this
off until after Trey's big day.
1164
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:36,482
Darling, you know Daddy and I
did not want it to go this way.
1165
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:39,040
You told me it was okay
to plan my wedding.
1166
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:40,849
I thought it was.
1167
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:42,524
Well, Kieko is pissed.
1168
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,364
She wants to postpone.
1169
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:45,965
The guest list is blown to shit.
1170
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:47,371
Sandra's really pissed.
1171
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:50,125
Yeah, and I already sent Gary's
money to that DJ in Tel Aviv.
1172
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:51,561
You think those
guys give refunds?
1173
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:55,170
Listen, Carter, you knew
about this the whole time.
1174
01:00:55,240 --> 01:00:56,287
Why didn't you just tell me?
1175
01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:58,044
Because I was trying
to protect you.
1176
01:00:58,120 --> 01:00:59,645
Well, since when
is that your job?
1177
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:01,171
- Since when is it my job?
- Yeah.
1178
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:02,890
Since always.
1179
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:04,121
Trey, let me tell you something.
1180
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:07,727
The reason you're so clear-headed
about getting married
1181
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:12,567
is because I shielded you from
these two your whole life,
1182
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:14,449
which, by the way,
almost didn't happen.
1183
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:18,525
That's right. You were a last-ditch
effort to save this marriage.
1184
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:20,731
I mean, you're not
even a person.
1185
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:22,245
You're a Hail Mary.
1186
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:23,765
That's a stupid lie.
1187
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,171
Darling, you were an accident.
1188
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:28,681
Carter, you couldn't have
timed this any worse.
1189
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:30,569
Yeah, I agree. I
think he's jealous.
1190
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:31,641
Jealous?
1191
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:33,525
Kieko thinks you're jealous.
1192
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:35,011
How long have you been
going with Lauren?
1193
01:01:35,080 --> 01:01:36,605
Oh, since the beginning of time.
1194
01:01:36,680 --> 01:01:38,682
- Exactly. We're in the game.
- And he's on the sidelines.
1195
01:01:38,760 --> 01:01:40,250
- Yeah.
- No, wait a second.
1196
01:01:40,320 --> 01:01:42,004
- I'm in the game.
- Carter, you have to stop
1197
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:43,809
pissing on our love parade.
1198
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,650
I can't... I don't even...
1199
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:49,327
You know what?
1200
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:53,610
You people, I want all
of you out of my garage.
1201
01:02:00,560 --> 01:02:02,324
I quit this family.
1202
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:19,324
Ah, fuck you.
1203
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:03,883
They can't.
1204
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:48,607
Needless to
say, I kept that ticket stub.
1205
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:52,923
And so, 37 years
later, here we are,
1206
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:56,766
surrounded by our dearest friends
and best of all, our children.
1207
01:03:57,840 --> 01:04:00,605
Cynthia and her
incredible husband David,
1208
01:04:01,160 --> 01:04:03,640
Tyler and the beautiful Maureen,
1209
01:04:03,720 --> 01:04:06,929
Lauren and Carter.
1210
01:04:08,480 --> 01:04:11,211
And, Kate, because of
you, I fear nothing.
1211
01:04:11,280 --> 01:04:13,009
- Sweetie.
- Thank you.
1212
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:14,680
Awww.
1213
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:15,921
Thank you all.
1214
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:20,090
Hey. Sorry.
1215
01:04:20,160 --> 01:04:22,640
That was a little
louder than I thought.
1216
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:23,767
Hey, everybody.
1217
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,290
Steve, that was
a great speech.
1218
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:27,885
That was really nice.
1219
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:33,000
And I've been to several of these
now, your anniversary parties,
1220
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:37,722
and, um, I never quite
honestly appreciated them.
1221
01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:42,488
I guess I always just sort of
looked forward to the food,
1222
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:46,602
and I have something
to share with you.
1223
01:04:46,680 --> 01:04:50,924
And it's sort of...
1224
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:52,126
Carter, you shouldn't have.
1225
01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,971
Oh, well, I didn't,
Mr. Stringer.
1226
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:58,010
This is actually for Lauren.
1227
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:02,607
Um, maybe later?
1228
01:05:02,680 --> 01:05:07,049
No, I think right
now is a good time.
1229
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:08,561
Okay.
1230
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:10,005
Excuse me.
1231
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:12,881
What is it?
1232
01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:14,291
I'm not gonna tell you.
1233
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:16,169
That's kind of the point, right?
1234
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:21,407
Excuse me.
1235
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:22,646
Sorry.
1236
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:29,961
Oh, wow.
1237
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:40,205
How about we make it official?
1238
01:05:40,320 --> 01:05:41,765
Ohhh.
1239
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:43,080
More champagne!
1240
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:46,328
I think it's about time.
1241
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:53,480
Hey.
1242
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:59,688
I feel like you should
be slightly more elated.
1243
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:04,129
That was the most public display
of personal crisis I've ever seen.
1244
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,043
What?
1245
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:08,168
What are you trying to prove?
1246
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:10,686
I'm not trying to
prove anything.
1247
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:17,201
Just looking for some, I
don't know, some stability.
1248
01:06:17,280 --> 01:06:19,521
Marriage is not stability.
1249
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:21,568
Stability is stability.
1250
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:22,880
What are you talking about?
1251
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:27,565
Look at the people in
that room, Lauren.
1252
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:30,284
What do they have
to do with me?
1253
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:32,044
- I'm not them.
- Well...
1254
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:33,963
I don't even know where
this is coming from.
1255
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,326
I mean, why now?
1256
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:37,129
We're not in a good place.
1257
01:06:37,200 --> 01:06:39,168
We are in a weird place.
1258
01:06:39,240 --> 01:06:41,288
No, that's all done.
1259
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:43,169
I worked through all
that, and I'm...
1260
01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:44,685
Carter,
1261
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,684
you didn't even ask
me to marry you.
1262
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:49,649
You said,
1263
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:51,927
"Let's make it official."
1264
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:55,562
Let's not. Not now.
1265
01:07:00,200 --> 01:07:01,406
Are you...
1266
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:30,041
You skipped your
last two appointments.
1267
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:32,722
You aren't returning my calls.
1268
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:34,643
What's up?
1269
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:37,322
Uh, I'm avoiding you.
1270
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:38,731
But why?
1271
01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:41,562
We're just getting started.
1272
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,529
No, you're just getting started.
1273
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:45,125
I'm done.
1274
01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:47,089
I just got a 6-figure advance.
1275
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:49,049
They don't give those
things out for nothing.
1276
01:07:49,120 --> 01:07:50,326
We have something real here.
1277
01:07:50,400 --> 01:07:52,289
Yeah, it's called my life.
1278
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:55,250
And I want you to stop
messing with it, okay?
1279
01:07:55,320 --> 01:07:56,845
I'm not a fucking lab rat.
1280
01:07:56,920 --> 01:07:59,571
Millions of people have
been helped by my research.
1281
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:02,689
And my next book will
help millions more.
1282
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:04,410
Okay, you were
supposed to help me.
1283
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:06,767
I know. I tried. I tried to
do both, and I couldn't.
1284
01:08:06,840 --> 01:08:09,207
But, Carter, when you walked
into my office that first day,
1285
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:13,080
everything about you just
screamed possibility.
1286
01:08:13,600 --> 01:08:15,409
But you said I
was so together.
1287
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:17,130
Well, I had to say that.
1288
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:20,090
A scientist only gets an opportunity
like this once in a lifetime.
1289
01:08:20,200 --> 01:08:21,361
I'm a scientist. You're data.
1290
01:08:22,320 --> 01:08:24,607
You were so sure.
1291
01:08:24,680 --> 01:08:27,286
You were so confident that
you had escaped the chaos
1292
01:08:27,360 --> 01:08:29,249
of your childhood.
1293
01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:32,847
But you're growing now,
and growth is painful.
1294
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:35,045
You're welcome.
1295
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,045
What kind of a doctor are you?
1296
01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:42,362
I brought this back for you.
Take a look at it.
1297
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:44,530
It explains so much.
1298
01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:45,687
Not about your parents.
1299
01:08:46,760 --> 01:08:48,569
Hey, you want to quit, Carter?
Go ahead.
1300
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,962
But sooner or later,
you're gonna have to deal.
1301
01:11:37,480 --> 01:11:38,606
Carter?
1302
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:40,406
Gary?
1303
01:11:42,600 --> 01:11:44,250
What are you doing here?
1304
01:11:45,720 --> 01:11:47,529
Your mother and I...
1305
01:11:48,440 --> 01:11:50,249
We actually used
to use the place.
1306
01:11:51,240 --> 01:11:52,480
You did?
1307
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:55,211
Yeah. All the time.
1308
01:11:55,280 --> 01:11:57,408
I repainted the canoe.
1309
01:12:00,240 --> 01:12:01,287
Oh.
1310
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:06,249
I just thought I'd
do some fishing.
1311
01:12:06,320 --> 01:12:07,401
Clears my head.
1312
01:12:08,120 --> 01:12:13,411
Look, Gary, I'm really sorry.
1313
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:17,442
Well, listen, my first 2
marriages ended far worse.
1314
01:12:19,480 --> 01:12:21,482
What are you doing here?
1315
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:24,884
Oh, I'm, uh...
1316
01:12:29,040 --> 01:12:31,566
Just having an
existential crisis.
1317
01:12:35,440 --> 01:12:37,249
Want to come fishing?
1318
01:12:38,120 --> 01:12:39,531
No. Thanks.
1319
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:42,000
Have fun.
1320
01:12:59,920 --> 01:13:01,524
I don't see him.
1321
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:03,568
Maybe he's in the water.
1322
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:07,691
Carter, what are you doing here?
1323
01:13:08,640 --> 01:13:09,687
What are you doing here?
1324
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:15,410
Honey, it's
all over the car.
1325
01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:16,561
You don't smell it?
1326
01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:18,927
I do, but I like it.
1327
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:21,930
It's all over the front of
my pants. It fell down.
1328
01:13:23,440 --> 01:13:24,646
Who invited him?
1329
01:13:24,720 --> 01:13:26,131
I don't know. He's just here.
1330
01:13:26,200 --> 01:13:27,725
Trey, get those ribs
in the fridge, please.
1331
01:13:27,840 --> 01:13:28,921
Okay.
1332
01:13:29,000 --> 01:13:31,128
Okay, what is going on?
1333
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:34,249
We're here for the night, just
kind of a family getaway.
1334
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:35,367
Oh.
1335
01:13:35,440 --> 01:13:36,407
No offense.
1336
01:13:36,480 --> 01:13:37,891
None taken.
1337
01:13:37,960 --> 01:13:39,485
You quit us, remember?
1338
01:13:39,600 --> 01:13:40,931
Darling, you need
some help with those?
1339
01:13:41,000 --> 01:13:43,480
No, no, I got 'em. I got 'em.
1340
01:13:43,535 --> 01:13:45,679
Sweetie, put some of these
on a plate with some bread,
1341
01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:46,920
and we'll get some
hors d'oeuvres going.
1342
01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:48,919
Bread and a plate. Let's
get this party started.
1343
01:13:48,920 --> 01:13:51,127
Carter, hope you're hungry.
1344
01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:52,725
Gary?
1345
01:13:53,015 --> 01:13:54,279
What the hell is he doing here?
1346
01:13:54,280 --> 01:13:55,519
They've been coming for years.
1347
01:13:55,520 --> 01:13:58,171
- They what?
- No, no.
1348
01:13:58,240 --> 01:14:00,368
Maybe once or twice.
1349
01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:01,441
A month.
1350
01:14:01,520 --> 01:14:03,966
On the ride up here, you said
you barely remember the place.
1351
01:14:04,040 --> 01:14:06,361
Yeah, I barely remember
the place with you.
1352
01:14:06,440 --> 01:14:07,965
You Google-mapped directions.
1353
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:09,371
I should probably go.
1354
01:14:10,560 --> 01:14:12,005
I knew it.
1355
01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:15,404
The security company called and
said the alarm had been tripped.
1356
01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:17,281
Is she speaking to us?
1357
01:14:17,800 --> 01:14:18,801
No.
1358
01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:20,450
I'm sorry. There's an alarm?
1359
01:14:20,560 --> 01:14:22,289
Yes, we added it a
couple months ago.
1360
01:14:22,360 --> 01:14:23,964
It was her idea.
1361
01:14:24,040 --> 01:14:25,963
What other improvements
has she made to my house?
1362
01:14:26,040 --> 01:14:28,850
Well, Melissa, if you
actually need to know,
1363
01:14:28,920 --> 01:14:33,164
we added a new septic system,
and I crocheted a few blankets.
1364
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:34,327
You crochet?
1365
01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:36,448
Yes, asshole, I crochet.
1366
01:14:37,800 --> 01:14:40,531
I also finished all the
puzzles in the house.
1367
01:14:40,600 --> 01:14:43,604
Wait a second. Am I the only one
that hasn't been coming here?
1368
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:46,411
- We camped.
- But we never came in the house.
1369
01:14:46,480 --> 01:14:47,720
Yeah, he made me pee
under the porch.
1370
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:48,926
You're welcome.
1371
01:14:49,000 --> 01:14:50,764
Believe it or not,
1372
01:14:50,854 --> 01:14:52,439
Hugh and I had some
happy memories here.
1373
01:14:52,440 --> 01:14:53,930
And I had big plans
for this place.
1374
01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:55,081
Mmm-hmm.
1375
01:14:55,200 --> 01:14:58,363
A 3rd bedroom upstairs,
an outdoor shower...
1376
01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:00,605
Oh, boy.
1377
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:03,246
You'll never get this house.
1378
01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:04,765
You haven't met my lawyer.
1379
01:15:04,840 --> 01:15:07,525
Well, Hugh and I are very good at tying
it up in court, aren't we, Hugh?
1380
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:08,726
Oh, well, yeah.
1381
01:15:08,800 --> 01:15:10,962
May I attempt to be
a voice of reason?
1382
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,690
Shut up, Gary.
1383
01:15:12,760 --> 01:15:14,330
Don't tell Gary to
shut up, please.
1384
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:15,731
- Dick.
- Melissa: Gary!
1385
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:19,407
He is a dick. I had Carter out
of his restaurant in 12 hours.
1386
01:15:19,480 --> 01:15:20,916
I'll have all of you
out of here in 6.
1387
01:15:20,917 --> 01:15:21,269
Great.
1388
01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:22,526
What's up, Trey?
1389
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:23,601
Hey.
1390
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:27,763
Ah, this is fun.
1391
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:35,528
<i>Mom, how hard is it to
set up a guest room?</i>
1392
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:39,122
Can you put Daddy on the phone?
1393
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:42,442
Daddy, it's happening again.
1394
01:15:43,960 --> 01:15:46,725
I don't know. Just send
me a plane ticket.
1395
01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:48,609
Make sure it's an aisle seat.
1396
01:15:53,640 --> 01:15:55,563
Look, I'm so sorry we
didn't invite you.
1397
01:15:55,640 --> 01:15:56,801
- Oh, dude...
- I wanted to.
1398
01:15:56,880 --> 01:15:58,848
Mom and Dad would not
let me invite you.
1399
01:15:58,920 --> 01:16:00,968
- That's...
- He took my phone.
1400
01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:04,242
- They're like fucking children.
- Yeah.
1401
01:16:04,320 --> 01:16:06,561
I don't know how you've put
up with them all these years.
1402
01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:12,210
Trey, I am sorry I
messed up your wedding.
1403
01:16:12,280 --> 01:16:14,009
No. You didn't.
1404
01:16:14,080 --> 01:16:15,491
No, no one did.
1405
01:16:15,560 --> 01:16:18,166
It was just bad timing.
1406
01:16:19,080 --> 01:16:20,600
Kieko thought that
you didn't like her,
1407
01:16:20,680 --> 01:16:23,570
but then I showed her
that book that you're in,
1408
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:25,045
and now she does not
care what you think.
1409
01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:30,400
Do you smell something?
1410
01:16:30,800 --> 01:16:33,167
Nature, man. Let's look at it.
1411
01:16:33,240 --> 01:16:34,366
Holy shit.
1412
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:36,690
What the hell?
1413
01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:43,930
- Holy shit!
- Holy shit!
1414
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:45,968
- Holy shit!
- Holy shit, holy shit!
1415
01:16:46,240 --> 01:16:47,924
Water! We need water!
1416
01:16:48,040 --> 01:16:50,281
- Why? What's the matter?
- Kieko, call 611.
1417
01:16:50,360 --> 01:16:51,850
Why? What's wrong?
1418
01:16:51,960 --> 01:16:55,043
Tupperware bowls,
we need water.
1419
01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:56,690
Guys, just shut up.
1420
01:16:56,760 --> 01:16:58,000
There is a fire.
1421
01:16:58,080 --> 01:16:59,206
And it is right outside.
1422
01:16:59,280 --> 01:17:00,486
If you say "fire..."
1423
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:02,164
Why did you say "water"?
1424
01:17:02,240 --> 01:17:03,810
- Are you serious?
- Fill it up.
1425
01:17:04,920 --> 01:17:06,729
Oh, my God, the
house is on fire.
1426
01:17:07,040 --> 01:17:08,724
I think Carter started it.
1427
01:17:11,240 --> 01:17:12,480
Where's my purse?
1428
01:17:30,574 --> 01:17:33,319
All right, folks, there's
really nothing left to salvage.
1429
01:17:33,320 --> 01:17:36,802
You got some canoes and
some fishing gear.
1430
01:17:36,920 --> 01:17:40,049
So whose place is it?
1431
01:17:40,120 --> 01:17:41,406
It's hers.
1432
01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:47,531
Well, it's very big of you, Hugh,
but I got what I came for.
1433
01:17:50,160 --> 01:17:51,605
I'll buy it.
1434
01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:53,401
You'll what?
1435
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:55,644
I'll buy it as is.
1436
01:17:58,080 --> 01:18:00,606
Sold. Knock yourself out.
1437
01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:03,090
Okay. Let's go.
1438
01:18:03,160 --> 01:18:05,970
Bacon and eggs on Gary.
Come on.
1439
01:18:06,040 --> 01:18:07,883
- Thanks, Gary.
- I'm kidding. Come on, Gary.
1440
01:18:07,960 --> 01:18:10,167
I'll take the canoes
if nobody wants 'em.
1441
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:12,049
Go for it, Gary.
80 bucks for the pair.
1442
01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:13,849
Lock up on
your way out, Carter.
1443
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,684
Still got the view.
1444
01:18:21,560 --> 01:18:24,609
<i>Children of divorce
experience certain moments</i>
1445
01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:29,362
<i>unique to them and ones
that they'll never forget.</i>
1446
01:18:29,440 --> 01:18:33,126
<i>This is the very first generation
to grow up with divorce,</i>
1447
01:18:33,200 --> 01:18:36,204
<i>not as the exception,
but as a fact of life</i>
1448
01:18:36,280 --> 01:18:38,726
<i>for nearly every other
house on the block.</i>
1449
01:18:38,800 --> 01:18:42,088
<i>They don't have healthy
relationship models to follow,</i>
1450
01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:44,527
<i>just hard lessons
in whatnot to do.</i>
1451
01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:50,684
<i>I believe these 6 people are the
brave pioneers of a brand-new world.</i>
1452
01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:52,241
<i>Thank you.</i>
1453
01:18:53,680 --> 01:18:56,524
<i>Thank you. Thank you so much.</i>
1454
01:18:57,480 --> 01:19:02,168
Folks, I'll be signing books in the
back, but, please, no personalizations.
1455
01:19:03,480 --> 01:19:05,323
I don't sign them all.
1456
01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:18,126
Hi.
1457
01:19:20,080 --> 01:19:21,969
You're here.
1458
01:19:22,040 --> 01:19:25,601
Well, I read a review of the book, and
I had to get my copy signed, so...
1459
01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:27,364
Well, get in line.
1460
01:19:27,440 --> 01:19:31,365
When I found that woman,
she was in the gutter.
1461
01:19:31,720 --> 01:19:33,131
Thank you.
1462
01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:34,645
It's inspirational.
1463
01:19:34,720 --> 01:19:39,408
Hey, do you want to
take a walk or...
1464
01:19:39,480 --> 01:19:40,686
Yeah, yeah.
1465
01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:41,761
Okay.
1466
01:20:01,240 --> 01:20:04,130
When I was in the army,
I was a courier.
1467
01:20:04,200 --> 01:20:05,531
Oh, yeah.
1468
01:20:06,360 --> 01:20:09,807
And we were on a
stopover in the Azores.
1469
01:20:09,880 --> 01:20:13,202
We were delivering a diplomatic
pouch or something to Prague.
1470
01:20:15,080 --> 01:20:19,130
And the thing about
Portuguese whores
1471
01:20:19,200 --> 01:20:23,569
is some are born in Portugal,
but some are born in Africa.
1472
01:20:23,680 --> 01:20:25,205
It's a real mix.
1473
01:20:28,240 --> 01:20:32,928
Anyway, I end up meeting
this great gal, Lydia.
1474
01:20:33,760 --> 01:20:35,091
Local girl.
1475
01:20:35,960 --> 01:20:38,725
She took me home. Met
her mom and dad.
1476
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:40,723
She had a couple of kids.
1477
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:44,443
We had dinner. This
delicious bacalhau.
1478
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:46,204
Just the greatest.
1479
01:20:47,880 --> 01:20:53,364
And afterwards, we were sitting
on this veranda sipping Sherry,
1480
01:20:53,440 --> 01:20:57,240
and the moonlight kicking off
the harbor, perfect breeze.
1481
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:03,807
And I remember thinking, "Maybe
I could just stay here."
1482
01:21:05,800 --> 01:21:09,009
"Maybe this is exactly
where I'm supposed to be."
1483
01:21:10,680 --> 01:21:11,806
Wow.
1484
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:21,689
And I've had that feeling at
least 10 times in my life.
1485
01:21:26,720 --> 01:21:28,961
Hey, you boys ready?
1486
01:21:29,040 --> 01:21:30,326
Scared me.
1487
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:31,731
This is really happening.
1488
01:21:31,800 --> 01:21:33,802
You better believe it.
1489
01:21:33,960 --> 01:21:35,166
All right.
1490
01:21:36,120 --> 01:21:37,884
Let's do this thing.
1491
01:23:14,600 --> 01:23:19,640
I am an ACOD.
1492
01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:23,167
Yes, I am an adult
child of divorce.
1493
01:23:23,240 --> 01:23:24,924
I am an ACOD.
1494
01:23:25,000 --> 01:23:29,642
I am an ACOD. My parents divorced
when I was 10 years old.
1495
01:23:29,720 --> 01:23:32,803
My parents were divorced when I
was 5, they were not in love.
1496
01:23:32,880 --> 01:23:37,124
Technically, I'm not an
adult child of divorce.
1497
01:23:37,240 --> 01:23:40,961
I was an adult when my
parents got divorced.
1498
01:23:41,120 --> 01:23:44,761
I am an ACOD.
1499
01:23:44,840 --> 01:23:49,846
I am an ACOD. I feel like
everyone probably is, on the set.
1500
01:23:49,960 --> 01:23:52,088
I'm not an ACOD.
1501
01:23:52,160 --> 01:23:55,721
I am not an ACOD. My parents
have been married for 31 years.
1502
01:23:55,840 --> 01:23:59,765
I am not an ACOD. My parents
are still happily married.
1503
01:23:59,840 --> 01:24:01,410
They met when they
were in 8th grade.
1504
01:24:01,480 --> 01:24:06,771
I am not an ACOD. My parents
were married for 31 years,
1505
01:24:06,840 --> 01:24:08,410
happily married
the whole time,
1506
01:24:08,520 --> 01:24:11,171
but my dad was married
4 times before my mom.
1507
01:24:11,240 --> 01:24:14,483
Yeah, I'm an adult
child of divorce, yes.
1508
01:24:14,560 --> 01:24:17,404
Uh, my parents got divorced
when I was 18 years old.
1509
01:24:17,480 --> 01:24:20,609
Uh, my parents separated
when I was 12 months old.
1510
01:24:20,680 --> 01:24:23,570
And, uh, got divorced
when I was 5.
1511
01:24:23,640 --> 01:24:25,563
I don't ever remember my
parents being together.
1512
01:24:25,640 --> 01:24:27,529
They were divorced by
the time I was 5.
1513
01:24:27,600 --> 01:24:29,602
4, 5, 6,
something like that.
1514
01:24:29,680 --> 01:24:34,607
I have a half-brother who's
13 years older than I am.
1515
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:37,524
And I have a step-mom
and a step-dad.
1516
01:24:37,600 --> 01:24:41,525
My mom got remarried,
and divorced again,
1517
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:45,241
and my dad is still a bachelor.
It's really awesome.
1518
01:24:45,320 --> 01:24:49,484
My parents got divorced when
I was, gosh, 5 or 6.
1519
01:24:49,560 --> 01:24:52,564
Uh, I've never known what it's
like for them to be together.
1520
01:24:52,640 --> 01:24:55,405
And, uh, it's pretty much
exactly like this movie,
1521
01:24:55,480 --> 01:24:58,006
they've never been able to talk and
I've always been the middleman.
1522
01:24:58,080 --> 01:25:01,004
Parents divorced
when I was 11.
1523
01:25:01,080 --> 01:25:05,051
Uh, remarried when
I was 17 and 18.
1524
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:06,161
You know?
1525
01:25:06,240 --> 01:25:07,651
They've been divorced
for 15 years,
1526
01:25:07,720 --> 01:25:10,041
and they act like they never
even knew each other.
1527
01:25:10,120 --> 01:25:13,283
They act like they can't be in
the same room with one another.
1528
01:25:13,360 --> 01:25:14,600
I don't get it.
1529
01:25:14,680 --> 01:25:19,891
It was horrible, the divorce, and
I ended up living with my mother,
1530
01:25:19,960 --> 01:25:22,167
and being the one that was
in charge of everyone.
1531
01:25:22,240 --> 01:25:25,847
I wanted to live with my dad, but
I fought and fought and fought,
1532
01:25:25,920 --> 01:25:28,810
and I couldn't do it, so I
just stayed here with my mom,
1533
01:25:28,880 --> 01:25:32,089
and I still haven't seen
my dad in 25 years.
1534
01:25:32,160 --> 01:25:35,767
My mom remarried when I
was about 4 or 5,
1535
01:25:35,840 --> 01:25:38,844
and my dad remarried
about the same time.
1536
01:25:38,920 --> 01:25:41,924
And they hated each
other the whole time.
1537
01:25:42,000 --> 01:25:45,721
That was my mother's second
husband, my father's first wife.
1538
01:25:45,800 --> 01:25:48,804
My mother was then remarried
again for 13 years.
1539
01:25:48,880 --> 01:25:52,805
Uh, l am still the only child
as far as that's concerned.
1540
01:25:52,880 --> 01:25:55,406
My father got remarried 20 years
ago and I have a step-sister,
1541
01:25:55,480 --> 01:25:57,482
who I don't really have
a relationship with.
1542
01:25:57,560 --> 01:25:59,688
My parents never got remarried.
My dad was gay.
1543
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:03,247
Well, my father asked my
mother for a divorce.
1544
01:26:03,360 --> 01:26:06,284
But she died before
she could get one.
1545
01:26:06,360 --> 01:26:09,330
My dad is on, well,
technically, number 5.
1546
01:26:10,400 --> 01:26:13,210
And, uh, mom never remarried.
1547
01:26:13,280 --> 01:26:16,523
And, uh, I'm hoping
to break the curse.
1548
01:26:16,600 --> 01:26:18,559
My parents were divorced
when I was 10 years old,
1549
01:26:18,560 --> 01:26:22,531
but I still believe in marriage, and,
one day, I will find the right one.
1550
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:24,011
I don't ever want
to get married.
1551
01:26:24,080 --> 01:26:26,287
I'm an ACOD, I'm never
getting married, either.
1552
01:26:26,360 --> 01:26:27,964
Now, I don't think I would
want to get married,
1553
01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:30,400
just because in my experience,
the marriage didn't work out.
1554
01:26:30,640 --> 01:26:32,165
I'm not getting married.
1555
01:26:32,240 --> 01:26:33,890
- Ever?
- Never.
1556
01:26:34,000 --> 01:26:36,480
I have been married twice
and divorced twice.
1557
01:26:36,560 --> 01:26:37,686
I have been married.
1558
01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:39,125
- How many times?
- Twice.
1559
01:26:39,200 --> 01:26:42,044
I don't like marriage,
never did, never will.
1560
01:26:42,120 --> 01:26:44,521
I've been going with a guy for
40 years, but I told him,
1561
01:26:44,600 --> 01:26:46,329
"Don't ever mention marriage."
1562
01:26:46,440 --> 01:26:48,408
I think marriage is sacred.
1563
01:26:48,480 --> 01:26:51,404
I think it's something
not to be taken lightly,
1564
01:26:51,480 --> 01:26:54,051
and I think it can be
something amazing.
1565
01:26:54,120 --> 01:26:57,920
I feel good about marriage myself,
because I'm getting married in 2 days.
1566
01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:00,287
I am not married. I have
better sense than that, sir.
1567
01:27:00,400 --> 01:27:03,643
Marriage? I am
married, but, uh...
1568
01:27:04,280 --> 01:27:08,171
I don't know. I'm not
too romantic about it.
1569
01:27:08,240 --> 01:27:09,844
I want to get married,
but I am divorced.
1570
01:27:11,680 --> 01:27:15,127
I don't want to get married
someday. No, not really.
1571
01:27:15,200 --> 01:27:16,406
No? Why?
1572
01:27:16,480 --> 01:27:19,609
Why? Because I've never
seen one that's worked.
1573
01:27:19,680 --> 01:27:21,682
Never seen any
marriages that work.
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